Glad It's Over (Christmas 2012)

Our tree sits proudly, taking up a quarter of our living room. Our lights outside are well hung and look awesome. The cookies were baked, frosted, and quickly eaten. The presents have all been opened and we are back home together. 

Christmas is over and I can't lie, I'm pretty glad it is. We made the best of what we could this year, but it was especially tough. 

Pepper Claus

Can you find the kitty in the tree? His new favorite skill

The front of our house

Our tree in the living room

The garage

I don't have the fondest childhood memories from Christmas. My parents got divorced when I was seven so I don't have any Christmas memories with my Dad at home. From as early as I can remember, I dealt with my sister unintentionally trying to ruin Christmas for us. She hated surprises (and honestly still does) so she made it her life's work each December to find our presents and show them to me. 

One year my mom hid them in the trunk of her car. When my mom went running my sister brought me outside and we played with our toys in the driveway. She got a Game Boy that year that got lots of use before Christmas. I remember I got a stroller for my dolls. 

Another year she showed me how to unwrap the presents from the corners to peek and see what was inside. 

Then there was the year that I had heard rumors that there wasn't a Santa (probably from my sis) so I wrote him a note and asked him to sign on the line if he was real. In my excitement I brought it to my sister to show her and she prompted replied with, "That's moms handwriting." 

As we got older my mom gave us money a few weeks before Christmas and took us shopping. We were able to pick out what we wanted and then she wrapped them for us for Christmas. 

I know it's not my sister or mom's fault that I don't love Christmas. It always just felt like such a let down. 

For Christmas Eve this year we went to my in-law's house. This was the first year my mom and step dad were in town for Christmas in about ten years so they were there as well with my brother. In addition, our friends C, J, and their little girl E came over. It was nice to spend time with everyone. The tough part came when I overheard W's aunt talking about how she was going to be a grandmother again. Her son and his wife are pregnant and due in May. 

Yeah, that wedding we attended in June? They're pregnant already. Not to mention the fact that she left him for about a month within a few weeks of them getting married. Yeah, they're pregnant. 

From the point that I heard that news on I struggled. I knew we would be seeing W's cousin and pregnant wife for Christmas dinner and I started to dread it. We managed to arrive as late as possible, both tearing up a bit on the ride over.  I didn't converse with her at all tonight. I didn't tell either of them congratulations. I was a jerk and I don't care. I'm not handling pregnancy announcements particularly well these days. 

I just don't get how it's possible that she is in her upper 30's and got pregnant within a few short months of them getting married. It's really starting to hit us hard that for every wedding we attended since our own, the couples are either pregnant or already have already had a baby. Couples that are way older than us. One of my co-workers who was expecting at the same time as we were supposed to be the first time told me recently that they are expecting their second child this spring. They started trying late this summer. 

To be completely honest, I just don't get it. I don't understand why I'm still in my 20's (for eight more months) and unable to get pregnant. Unable despite trying everything we can. Unable despite all of the money we have thrown at the situation. 

 I'm okay with babies, but pregnancy is really starting to rub me the wrong way. It's probably because I'm coming to terms with the fact that it may never be me. 

Things have been ok lately. Last week brought some serious work drama that had me crying in bed at midnight that night. It's hard to feel the stress of infertility and then pair it with work stress. It just feels like too much sometimes. Everything is fine now, but it didn't feel that way for a bit. 

On Thursday we meet with Dr. Br.averman again. I'm not sure how I feel about things. Going through another IVF cycle does not sound like fun. I'm curious to see what he has to say and to see whether he can re-inflate our hope balloon. 

Then next Thursday we have an appointment with an adoption attorney to talk. I'm not sure what our plans are exactly with that, but it will be nice to talk to someone about things. 

Christmas wasn't easy this year. We both struggled to put on a happy face and to focus on the positives We have so many things to be happy and grateful for but it's hard not to feel like something's missing. 

Sandy and Bambi

Since we live in NY, the threat for hurricane Sandy existed for us. We didn't go crazy preparing, but we did buy a few easily prepared meals, fill our cars up with gas, and put them in the garage to protect them from the giant tree right next to the driveway. Other than that, we weren't too concerned. I guess it was for good reason. 

We got some high winds and rain yesterday and last night, but nothing too exciting. Our lights flickered for a while, but we never lost power. 

Other areas got hit hard, but we got lucky. 

Things were a bit crazier around here early, early Monday morning. I'm a pretty hard sleeper. I don't hear much and it takes a lot to wake me up. Well, apparently one of our dogs started whining around 4 AM. W got up to let the dogs out (I had no clue), but I do remember him coming back to bed. A few minutes later he said, "That's our dogs barking" and disappeared for over 5 minutes. When he came back he told me, "They had a deer." I was super confused and it definitely woke me up.

W said the dogs were barking in a really unusual way, so he went outside in his boxers to check it out. Down in the front corner of the yard the dogs had a deer cornered. He got them to come inside and they were SO excited. They were panting and checking all the windows. 

I advised W to make sure the deer was gone before letting the dogs out in the morning. He said he did and left for work. 

When I got out of the shower I heard strange barking outside. I went downstairs in my bathrobe and looked out the back door. Nothing. The barking continued so I looked out a front window. There were the dogs and this poor little deer. I'm not sure what happened to it, but its back leg was missing all the skin from hip to ankle, and it just had exposed muscle. I'm pretty sure it happened before it made its way into our yard. The dogs were barking, but not getting close enough to do any damage. 

In a complete panic I called W and told him he needed to come home immediately (he only works about 5 minutes away). I then ran outside in my bathrobe and yelled and yelled until the dogs would finally come in. Once the dogs were inside the little deer then starting checking the perimeter for an escape. 

W came home and checked the entire yard and couldn't find it. The gate was opened wide so hopefully it got out. Seeing that little freaked out and injured deer was not a good start to my Monday morning. I was upset about it for a while. The dogs, on the other hand, may have had the best day of their lives. 

I Will Wait

This is the title of one of the newest Mumford and Sons songs. I have been listening to it a lot and find it fitting these days. They played it when we saw them in August and I loved it then. Check it out, buy it on iTunes and then listen to it constantly like me. At least that's my recommendation.

The week after we got back from vacation (last week) I completed the final portion of the blood work. Re.prosource told me the doctor's office would have the results in about a week.

So this week I called Dr. Br.averman's office to schedule my follow-up appointment. At first they offered me the end of October, but I told them that wouldn't work. The best they were able to offer was September 17th (a week from this coming Monday). At the time it seemed really far away and I was pretty bummed out. They did add me to the cancellation list so I'm somewhat hopeful it will work out. Otherwise, its really not that far away. 

I've been taking the pill for about 30 days now. It makes me moody and eats up my patience. I feel like I'm in the starting blocks of a race just waiting for the gun to be shot off. 

I'm a little worried something will show up that takes time to remediate or that there will be some other kind of problem. In total, it was 32 tubes of blood for the tests. I'll be upset if there's something wrong but probably also upset if there isn't. I don't think there's such a thing as winning at this point. 

It's hard not to feel like something else is going on. We've transferred 14 embryos at 5 different times and only gotten 2 chemical pregnancies. Most of these embryos were considered good quality. 

So, for now I Will Wait for my appointment and the results. Can the next week please disappear??

Thank God For Dogs

When I got home this afternoon I heated up my lunch. It was gumbo and I left it in the glass pyrex dish and popped it in the microwave. As I was carrying it from the kitchen to the living room it slipped out of my hands. I guess I wasn't holding it well because it was so hot. It. splattered. everywhere! It really was unbelievable the mess it made. It even splattered on to the 10 foot ceiling. 

So I did what any pet owner would do. I called the two dogs in and encouraged them to clean up the mess. They did a great job and left little for me to clean up. I wiped down the couch and W had to later get a ladder to clean off the ceiling. The dogs and I were both grateful for each other. 

I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Braver.man for July 31st. W and I will both take the day off from work and make the drive into NYC. I also have an appointment tomorrow with my clinic to see what's keeping AF away. I'm not rushing things and I'm trying to go with the flow and worry less. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little worried I have a cyst or something, but there's nothing I can do about it. 

Lesson of the day? Dogs clean up better than humans!

Tick Tock

The clock is not moving fast enough. This whole "month off" thing feels like it is taking forever! I guess I didn't realize how bad I still was feeling about things until this morning. I haven't wanted to work any day this week. Time seems to be dragging, especially without anything too great to look forward to.

BigBadWolf etsy shop

 I have my list of questions ready for my appointment tomorrow, so we shall see what transpires from it all. I also will have an ultrasound so can get an idea as to whether this cycle will be ovulatory or not. If not, I think I will ask for a prescription for progesterone so I can start that within a reasonable time frame and not have to wait forever for AF to show up again.

I bought a bunch of OPK's but I'm not holding my breath. I started using them this morning and the second line was pretty darn faint. I have a whole bunch and can pee on things with reckless abandon so that should help pass the time.

I've been looking at the profiles of women who donate their eggs for my clinic and have been feeling more comfortable about going that route if need be. It's not ideal, but heck, I can pick someone smarter than me! There is so much information in the profile including what they got on the SAT's, educational background, family history, previous cycle history, pictures, etc. I have to laugh that there is more information available about their families than we know about my own. Both of my parents were adopted and neither of them know their birth parents. My dad is in contact with two sisters, but thats all. It seemed like all of the good looking ones were already matched and it felt a little like online dating, but it's interesting to look at the profiles if nothing else. My clinic just introduced a new egg donor program and the prices are pretty good, much better than what I thought they would be. I'm more comfortable with donated eggs than adoption at this point, especially because as far as anyone else would be concerned it would be our child. I'd like to experience pregnancy so this is the next best option.

I guess I'm expecting my RE to tell me my eggs are crap tomorrow. I'm prepared at least. We have our frozen embryos and another fresh IVF already paid for, so I guess the most productive thing at this point is to look towards those with a positive mind frame.

I do know my face is breaking out, I feel super fat and crappy about my body (big surprise after another failed cycle), and I've been extra moody. I feel like I'm going through rehab and am detoxing. The headaches have been pretty darn consistent as well.

Oh yeah, my HCG level was negative at under 5 this week. Yay, right?!?

Things Are Looking Up

I'm feeling so much better and so glad for it. The headaches continue to linger here and there, but nothing like earlier this week. AF decided to halt her game and peace out, but I'm OK with that. I still feel like my sense of smell is really heightened and I've been feeling nauseous here and there. 

We had a super productive weekend. My dad came out and helped W build a raised annual bed for my dahlias. It is 8x4 so should be pretty amazing once I get things planted in there. We also pretty much completed planting the veggie garden. This year we put in green beans, lettuce, spinach, sugar snap peas, zucchini, yellow squash, a ton of tomatoes, corn, a bunch of peppers, cucumbers, herbs (cilantro, parsley, lavender, oregano, basil, rosemary, thyme, sage), and okra. There is half a bed left that we are planning to put broccoli in. We tried to buy it today but they were sold out. 

The bathroom is also making great progress. The vanity finally came in and we got the top tiled and tomorrow W will grout it. Most of the trim is back up but some of it still needs to be stained. The storage cabinet that my step-dad built got painted, and the lighting fixtures are in. We are so close!! This week we will get the sink and fixtures for the vanity in, the storage cabinet up in the bathroom, and the shelf in the back of the tub tiled. It really looks like a completely different room and I am so happy for that. 

I have to go back tomorrow to see what my HCG levels are. I think it will be negative, but only time will tell. I have my consult Friday with my RE and I'm really looking forward to what he has to say. I hope he has a good plan for the future because I know we need some changes. We can't continue to do the same thing and expect different results. Isn't that the definition of stupidity? 

I've been talking with the mom of one of the kids I work with who went through numerous rounds of IVF. She is so good about talking me down from any ledge I find myself on. I'm so glad to have someone who understands it all. I'll be sad when I no longer see her son for therapy even though he's a little nut. 

I am feeling so much better. Having my physical health back really helps. Things are really looking up!

IVF #3 Beta Results

I mentioned earlier my fear of another chemical pregnancy. I'm pretty sure my fear is becoming a reality. My beta HCG levels came back at 19.5 today. Yeah, that's less than half of what it was last chemical pregnancy at this point (43). I'm not alluding myself at all. I'll return on Tuesday (closed Monday for the holiday) and have my blood drawn again, but I may stop my meds before then. I bought some FRER tests and I'm going to watch the progression in the next few days. I used a FRER and a cheapy test this afternoon. On the cheapy test today the second line really wasn't any darker than it was 2 days ago. 

I did find out we have 2 frozen embryos and I booked a follow-up appointment with Dr. Greene for June 8th, so we have a backup plan for now. Honestly though, I don't think FET's work for me. It's just part of the contract we are in that we have to use them before moving on to another fresh cycle. 

Speaking of fresh cycles, we only have one more paid for. I feel like we need to change something. What we are doing does not seem to be working.

I'm going to ask about PGD. I know it's expensive, but so are repeated rounds of IVF. I feel like it was stupid to expect a different result with the same (more or less) protocol for IVF #2 and #3. 

I wish I had better news to share today and I hate the disappointment of another (likely) failed IVF cycle. This process is starting to become really disheartening. 

Changes

Leave it to my body to make up its own mind about things. I can't expect everything to go according to plan, can I?

I woke up to the tiniest bit of spotting. By 9:15 I was bleeding. By 10:00 I was ready to confirm it was my period. By 10:30 I was on the phone with my RE asking him if he still wanted me to come to my appointment tomorrow. Yeah, I made a lot of trips to the bathroom today. 

He said that the bleeding wasn't likely anything to be too concerned about, but that it may change our plans. Yeah, it definitely will. 

I'm bummed that things are going to change. There is a slim to zero chance we will be doing our FET on December 5th. 

On the other hand, I'm glad AF finally showed. I've NEVER skipped my period before, although I've had some cycles in the 40 day range. Today is 48 days since my D&C and hysteroscopy. It is 15 days since my last progesterone pill, so it is hard to say what is going on. 

When I was planning on a December 5th transfer I didn't think it was going to work. I didn't understand why I would skip my period for the first time ever and then transfer embryos something like 60 days later and expect them to hang around. I just wanted to complete this cycle regardless of the outcome. To move on and move forward from the IVF cycle from hell. 

I started Lupron for my original round of IVF last January. I never made it to stims. In July I started stims but never made it to transfer. I am SO READY to complete this IVF cycle already.

The fact that I actually started my period gives me hope and makes me much more optimistic for the success of this FET.  

I still have my appointment at 9:00 tomorrow. I'm hoping we can come up with a new plan that doesn't put us back by much. We had been considering 11/11 CD 1, so today is only 11 days after that. I would really like to complete 1 IVF cycle in 2011. Is that asking too much?

Thought Vomit... Monday??!!

Upon completion of this post I realized it was more of  Thought Vomit Thursday (TVT) kind of post, but hey, it's only Monday so I'll leave off the bullets.

Wednesday's ultrasound appointment is looming. I'm trying to stay relaxed and calm about everything and some days I completely forget that we are currently in a "cycle." It doesn't seem real when all you do is pop a little pill at night (estradiol) and then forget about it. 

Speaking of those little pills... holy side effects. Who would think something so small could pack so much feisty?? My mornings are rough and I try not to lose it each day. Little things frustrate me to no end and I have ZERO patience. It goes well with working with 2 year olds, ha yeah right! The mornings are the worse and by the end of the day I feel much less feisty. 

My appointment with Dr. Gere is in less than a week and I really need to get my file sent over. I am hoping to tackle that tomorrow. I was super impressed that when they called to confirm my appointment that they had also called my insurance to see what was covered. Although the information was nothing new, it really was nice that they had taken the time. 

Last weekend I went to the spa with my friend Caitlin. She had a gift certificate for a massage and I had a guest pass so spent the time she was getting a massage running. Totally equivalent experiences. The steam room, sauna and hot tub were thoroughly enjoyed by both of us. 

Caitlin has a 15 month old little girl who W and I adore. We have been spending a lot of time with Caitlin, her husband J, and their little girl E. Most weekends we get together with them. There are times when it is hard to watch them love and kiss their little girl, but E lets W and I love and kiss her too, so it's not all that bad. 

I got a really nice complement at work today which made my day. It's nice to hear positive things about your work performance. Speaking of work, I'm going to try to branch out again and work with another child who had feeding issues. I will have more support this time and I feeling positive about trying again. 

We are hosting Thanksgiving on Thursday. We won't have too many people (9), but my sister is coming out and I am really looking forward to that. We have been in our house 13 months and she has visited 1 time. She is the type who likes to be in her own comfort zone. Even though it is only 3 hours away you would think it was 30. I'm anxiously awaiting her pregnancy announcement, but hopefully it won't be during Thanksgiving. She started trying in August and it's only a matter of time. As long as I'm not far behind her that's fine. 

I had some spotting this evening but it has gone away. I'm hoping it's nothing since it's brownish, so hopefully my lining is getting nice and cozy for our little totsicles. 

Getting there

Only one week until my next appointment with Dr.S. This is to do sonohysterogram #2. I have very mixed feelings about everything at this point. I have been on birth control pills for almost 5 weeks now, just waiting to get to my next appointment.

Taking a forced break didn't do great things for my mindset. I lost momentum, positivity. I put my vehicle into neutral and didn't move for weeks while the traffic continued around me. 

I wore shorts to work today. When I looked down and saw how hairy my legs were, I knew it had been too long since I had had an ultrasound or appointment. During my IVF cycle in July my legs were shaved so consistently. Nowadays I do it maybe 1x/week. Don't worry, I have shaved since my last appointment : )

I hadn't thought much about my miscarriage lately but there is one reminder. On Facebook my neighbor as a little girl (who is 3 years younger than me) is pregnant and due around the same time I was. Today her status read: "9 months pregnant and baby could come anytime in the next 1-6 weeks! I have started getting some mild cramping on and off everyday... my body is getting ready. I wonder when she will come :)" I really should block her, but I guess I want to torture myself watching her belly grow bigger and bigger.

I had to go to the dentist today. Last Thursday I was snacking on something and then noticed part of my molar had chipped off. I went today and got it all fixed but I think I may dread sitting in the dentists' chair more than reclining in a chair with stirrups. That's a tough one....what about you, what is your preference? Dentist or RE?

Labor Day Weekend

I haven't updated in a while, but I don't really have any exciting news to report. I am still chugging away taking my BCP's, feeling like time is passing rather slowly. I finally called the clinic today (spoke with them last week) and got my appointment scheduled for the sonohysterogram (SHG). Guess what day they had me for? The same day I have a consult scheduled with the other RE, September 19th.

I had to make a decision, and I chose to keep the SHG appointment and reschedule the appointment with the other RE Dr. K. I feel good about this decision because I was feeling a little stressed and pressured about the upcoming appointment. I'm not quite ready to switch RE's, I was really just seeking a second opinion. I rescheduled it for the next available time (November 28). Doing this allows me to go forward the next few months with Dr. S 100%. I feel comfortable and confident with my decision.

So on to Labor Day weekend. We went to Cape Cod with my family for my cousin's wedding. We rode in the car with my Mom, stepdad, and 9 year old brother. It was nice to spend some time with them although it was a LOT of driving over 3 days. We left early Friday and arrived around 3. We stayed at a house with my parents, brother, uncle, aunt, cousin, her husband, and their 2 little boys. My aunt and uncle live in Cali so we rarely see them, and my cousin (H) and her hubby live in Jackson, WY and I hadn't yet met her boys. I really only met her hubby at their wedding. 

H's boys are 3 years and 5 months. The 3 year old (T) took to me immediately and we became best buds over the weekend. He wanted me to play with him constantly and would refuse to play with anyone else. He got jealous when I held his baby brother and kept asking me how many more minutes I was going to hold him for. I had a great time and really enjoying spending time with the little guy. Not to mention, he is pretty darn cute! His Dad was sad when he only wanted to hold my hand and his little looks melted my heart. I can't imagine how much I will love them when I have my own kids.

On Friday we went on a boat for the rehearsal dinner. Best. rehearsal dinner. ever!

Passed hor d'oerves, full open bar, raw bar with oysters and clams, lobster rolls, clam chowder, etc. Can you tell how amazing the food was? I ate SO MANY oysters since they were absolutely amazing. I've never really been a fan, but when you are eating them above the water they came from, they taste pretty fresh and delicious. I had quite a few drinks and found the boat was easier to walk on the more drinks one consumed. My hubby said it was because of the water being calmer, but I am going with the beverage theory. 

The wedding was Saturday and was quite the event. The ceremony was in a small church next to the water and the reception was at a historic house.  There were over 200 people and the hor d'oerves were again AMAZING. Bacon wrapped scallops, beef tenderloin with gorgonzola, coconut shrimp, fried oysters, scallops with gazpacho, lobster salad, spanakopita, ahi tuna, crab cakes, shrimp with andouille sausage, etc, etc, etc. When we sat down for dinner we were SO FULL. The dancing was a lot of fun, the party was great, and spending time with family was great. The bride looked beautiful and her hubby and his family made your neck hurt looking up at them. 

Maybe it's because I didn't notice previously, or maybe because the bride and groom are already in their mid 30's, but boy were there a lot of references to having babies in their ceremony and during the speeches. 

All in all, it was a GREAT weekend. Highlights? My little buddy T and the food! I think I can get away with not eating for a few weeks and be OK. 

Here are some pictures from the weekend:

With my Cousin H and her hubby

Doesn't he look patriotic?

Enjoying the last of the sun on the boat

Mmmmm....raw bar!

gorgeous Cape Cod scenery

Beautiful bride with her Mom

My little buddy T. Isn't he adorable?

The bridal party took a trolly to the reception

W with our bro

first dance

The 2WW is good for something

Well, the 2ww officially ends on Friday, but I'm pretty sure my period will be paying me a visit any day now. People say that PMS symptoms are very similar to pregnancy symptoms, but I think I can tell the subtle differences. Sure, my boobs are sore, but more in a I'm getting my period kind of way that huge and pregnant kind of way. I feel moody, but don't even remember feeling that way when I was pregnant. My sense of smell is within the normal range and I haven't been stopping to use the bathroom much at all. When I look back at the time before I knew I was pregnant last time, the things that stand out the most were SUPER sore boobs and getting up in the middle of the night to pee. I always sleep through the night and have been doing so all week. 

That being said, I have an appointment with my RE for Friday to discuss our future options. This was an appointment I voluntary scheduled today since I feel like we need to sit down and talk. I haven't actually talked to him since before we even started the Clomid. I was starting to feel like I was being treated by a nurse and wasn't comfortable with this. Maybe this is just the part of me who was about to do a cycle of IVF and am now doing IUI's. I know they aren't as involved, but it is hard to go from one treatment to the other with the same expectations. My hubby and I were talking about it the other day and we said it's like I went from point A to point C and am now back at point B. It has been an interesting and confusing journey and we're not even to our destination yet. 

 I tried to call my RE on Monday to ask a few questions and called a different number he had given me. Since I go to a University clinic, he also has an "academic" number. I know this number leads directly to voicemail and that I could leave a message that he would receive. Well, he called back at 6:25 on Monday night (I left my phone in the car as we were at calling hours). I was disappointed to see he had called back and I didn't expect it, but his message made me think this wasn't a number to call with general questions. He basically said I could get ahold of him the following day through the clinic if it were an emergency, or call the nurse at the clinic with questions. I don't feel like she can answer some of my questions and she isn't the most thorough. She tends to be brief and almost always seems annoyed with me. I will let you know how the appointment goes and the answers to some of the questions that have been bothering me. 

Since I have given you the update on IF, I decided to update you on what I kept myself busy with over the past two weeks. Some of the projects were started a little before, but here is what we did:

Painted our office:

Before (a dark green). These pictures were taken before we moved in an had furniture in the room. 

It's not that we didn't like the color, it was more that it was dark for the space and I wanted to do STRIPES. Here were go!

First we pained it all a lighter color:

Then we measured and taped (my hubby was ready to kill me during this process):

Then we painted the darker color and pulled off the tape. The touch ups were done courtesy of my hubby and I think it looks pretty fantastic. 

 That's probably enough looking at my house pictures, so I will spare you other projects until I update again (Ok I lied, here are some pretty spring pictures I took today). Hope everyone is having a great week and that spring is visiting them too! ICLW has been great and I've been enjoying reading some new blogs and having new visitors. Thanks for stopping by!

Digging out

I am feeling much better today. Maybe it was going back to work (I only saw 3 kids, but it felt good to be out of the house and doing something), maybe it's the fact that March started today and it was SUNNY, maybe it was socializing with people other than my hubby (as much as I love him, I need some outside stimulation), maybe it was all the support and love from other bloggers, and maybe it was our trip to Lowe's in order to improve our downstairs half-bathroom. Whatever it is, I'm feeling much better!!

I talked with the Mom of the little boy I see for therapy who knew about our struggles and the miscarriage. She was very positive and had some great advice.

My next appointment with my RE is next Friday, about 10 days away. Is it sad that I am more excited about that than our upcoming vacation? I guess the vacation doesn't seem real at this point, but it will when we are sitting on the beach drinking pina coladas!! I can't wait.

We will be painting our downstairs bathroom, decluttering, adding a new light fixture, and a new toilet paper holder and towel rack. I think this will make a huge difference and I will be sure to post pictures of the before (after taking down some of the stuff) and after. I need to charge my camera battery first. 

I am feeling optimistic about our chances of getting pregnant in my upcoming cycles. It is getting closer to when we will be starting our next round of treatment and time is passing more quickly. I just have to wait until I get another period and then we will start a cycle. I am hoping to talk to my RE about being a little more aggressive than just using Clomid, but we will see. I also have to do a fasting glucose test and am thinking of calling the office and asking for a script ASAP so we can get that show on the road.