Thursday, June 7, 2012

Tick Tock

The clock is not moving fast enough. This whole "month off" thing feels like it is taking forever! I guess I didn't realize how bad I still was feeling about things until this morning. I haven't wanted to work any day this week. Time seems to be dragging, especially without anything too great to look forward to.
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 I have my list of questions ready for my appointment tomorrow, so we shall see what transpires from it all. I also will have an ultrasound so can get an idea as to whether this cycle will be ovulatory or not. If not, I think I will ask for a prescription for progesterone so I can start that within a reasonable time frame and not have to wait forever for AF to show up again.

I bought a bunch of OPK's but I'm not holding my breath. I started using them this morning and the second line was pretty darn faint. I have a whole bunch and can pee on things with reckless abandon so that should help pass the time.

I've been looking at the profiles of women who donate their eggs for my clinic and have been feeling more comfortable about going that route if need be. It's not ideal, but heck, I can pick someone smarter than me! There is so much information in the profile including what they got on the SAT's, educational background, family history, previous cycle history, pictures, etc. I have to laugh that there is more information available about their families than we know about my own. Both of my parents were adopted and neither of them know their birth parents. My dad is in contact with two sisters, but thats all. It seemed like all of the good looking ones were already matched and it felt a little like online dating, but it's interesting to look at the profiles if nothing else. My clinic just introduced a new egg donor program and the prices are pretty good, much better than what I thought they would be. I'm more comfortable with donated eggs than adoption at this point, especially because as far as anyone else would be concerned it would be our child. I'd like to experience pregnancy so this is the next best option.

I guess I'm expecting my RE to tell me my eggs are crap tomorrow. I'm prepared at least. We have our frozen embryos and another fresh IVF already paid for, so I guess the most productive thing at this point is to look towards those with a positive mind frame.

I do know my face is breaking out, I feel super fat and crappy about my body (big surprise after another failed cycle), and I've been extra moody. I feel like I'm going through rehab and am detoxing. The headaches have been pretty darn consistent as well.

Oh yeah, my HCG level was negative at under 5 this week. Yay, right?!?

I had to switch out my bag for therapy/work since the zipper stopped working on my old one. I use a large canvas L.L. tote bag. The old one was blue and the one I started using this week is tan. Most of the kids have noticed my new bag and commented. The funniest comment came from Lucas (age 4 1/2). He took one look at my bag and exclaimed, "You got the golden bag!!!" It was really funny and he made my new bag sound so magical.

My nephew (also 4 1/2) helped me plant my dahlias this week. I would tell him where to dig and he would say, "Aye, Aye captain!"Best gardening assistant ever.
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  1. Thinking of you for your appt tomorrow... hope you get answers and plans that you feel comfortable with. Looks like I'll probably have to take this next months off... so with you on the waiting game :( Love to you always xoxo

  2. Yeah, the waiting game is no fun. So much for a 'break', right? I hope your appointment goes well today. I think we're in similar boats - with some frozen embryos and one more fresh cycle. It feels a little bit like staring down the barrel of a gun. I've been thinking ahead like you have, to what used to be unthinkable. It's a crappy place to be in. Hugs.