Since we speak pretty much daily the next few days gave me the opportunity to ask and find out more details.
According to her it's been "really bad for a really long time." I knew he didn't help much around the house or with their son. That he was ungrateful for everything she does to keep their household afloat. Every winter while he's at home on seasonal unemployment playing video games and smoking pot, my sister is busting her butt, working two jobs and dropping Benny off at daycare. She put up with a lot of crap for a long time. Apparently they had a big blow out fight about it all and my BiL asked her if she even still wanted to be married. That's when she told him no.
But it all makes me so sad to think about. My parents split up when I was 7 and my sister was 9. I remember those following years like they were a deep black hole for my family. My mom cried a lot, was very depressed, and it affected us all so much. When she started dating and put that before us and her family, it once again affected us. Maybe it's that my dad left and my mom didn't see if coming, but it was so hard for her and our family.
I hate to think of my sister feeling like that and going through something like it. If it were just her it'd be one thing, but my three year old nephew is about to be along for the ride. Breaks ups are really hard, I can't imagine breaking up when married with a child.
All week any time I thought about it I'd get super upset. I would cry thinking about being a spectator during the process. Having to watch their marriage and family unravel. Knowing Benny will be experiencing it all with them and that he will also grow up in a broken home with broken parents.
Today I talked to my sister and through tears I told her my fears. My fears for her and my nephew. How even though I'm not a huge fan of my BiL, how I'm still feeling terrible for him and waiting to hear about his self destruction and decline.
It's all so sad. I wish they had tried harder to work on things sooner. That my sister had stood up to him years ago and put her foot down. That they could work together rather than give up.
My sister said she wants to move out within the next month. That she can't take being around him and constantly being guilted by him. That maybe they could work on things, just not in their current living situation.
I'm really so sad about all of it. I hate to think of my sister going through a divorce, especially knowing how hard it was on my mom and family as a child. Please keep my sister in your thoughts and send her strength during this time. I know she'll need it.