Thursday, June 30, 2011

IVF #1 CD 1 (it's about time!)

So AF made her grand appearance this morning and I was so relieved and happy. Maybe it was all the support and positivity that was sent my way by awesome commenters. Thanks everyone!

 Now back to my cool, calm and collected state of mind. 

I have my baseline sono and blood work tomorrow morning at 9:30. Hoping everything looks great and that I get the green light to continue. 

I wanted to share these pics of my new discovery. We have hanging basket plants on our front porch and I saw a bird flying around them recently. I took the basket down the other night to discover this:

Isn't mother nature amazing? 

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Trying to be positive

I have been trying to stay calm and collected about everything, but this morning I started to get concerned that I hadn't gotten AF yet. I started lupron on day 21 of my cycle (13 days ago).  Last time around the nurse told me I would get my period within 7-10 days of starting. Still no signs of AF.

It just happened the nurse from my clinic called me this afternoon to change my appointment time for Friday. I used it as an opportunity to ask her about getting my period and whether that was necessary to start stims. She asked if I regularly get my period and I told her I do. She then proceeded to tell me I should have gotten it by now and that there might be something wrong. She asked if I could be pregnant (I took a test and am not) or said I may have a cyst. I am so worried about having a cyst (especially with my lovely cyst history), and am having a hard time staying positive. 

At this point I am just trying to make it until Friday at 9:30 for my appointment. The good news is that my RE will be doing the scan rather than the regular sonographer. I will be able to get answers at the time of the scan which will be good. The bad news is he is not as gentle with "wandy". 

I am really hoping AF shows by Friday or sometime close to that time and that I can still do IVF this month. I am really hoping I don't get my cycle cancelled before I ever really start. I am so frustrated that I don't seem to be able to get past the lupron stage of IVF. Please send some positive thoughts my way. I am trying to stay positive, but it is getting difficult. 

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Veggie garden

So I am finally posting garden pictures. We have a veggie garden that is 20 feet x 20 feet, and a flower garden which is 50 feet long. Let's focus on the veggie garden for this post. Here it was when we first tilled and fenced it on May 1st:
Here it was when we first put the plants/seeds in. We planted the herbs, peppers, tomatoes, and eggplant from plants and all the rest was seeds. This was June 1st:

Here is the garden most recently:
carrots and marigolds
broccoli and cauliflower
onion and cucumber

more cucumber and chives
red, orange and green peppers
baby peppers growing
oregano, rosemary, and basil

cilantro and parsley
Zucchini and squash

more zucchini and squash
Eggplant and sunflowers

Whole garden
I am pretty proud of my garden since this is the first one we have done. I guess the flowers have to wait for another day!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

100 posts

I can't believe I am at 100 posts already. So instead of a regular entry, I decided to share some photos so you can better get to know me and learn about my life. Here goes:

I have an older sister named Kate who is getting married in one month

I have an amazing hubby (W) who just graduated with his doctorate in physical therapy. He is incredibly patient and motivated which I love.

I have a little brother who was adopted from China and his name is Sean. He is 9 and almost taller than me.

My hubby and I lived in Jackson Hole, WY for almost 2 years and skied as much as possible. We did a lot of backcountry skiing and skied to work.

We got a puppy and named her Togwotee

Then we adopted my parent's dog Pepper and started the chant "two dogs are better than one!"

We have a cat named Hoback who is very talkative 

In my next post I promise to add pictures of our gardens. I just didn't want to over-do it with the pictures (I probably already did). I hope you enjoyed some of the pictures. 

Friday, June 24, 2011

Pharmacy f*@$ up

I went to pick up my ovidrel yesterday and the girl at the pharmacy counter pulled it out of a drawer. I immediately starting asking questions about it being refrigerated. Long story short, the pharmacist read the insert and told me my options were to take it and it would be good for 30 days or to cancel the order. WTF!! I took it and immediately put it in the fridge when I got home. I was so pissed and ready to cry all at the same time. Can't she figure out what the drug is for and know better than to mess with a woman jacked up on hormones??!!! I talked to the nurse at my clinic today and she said it would be fine. Frustrating to say the least. What was especially frustrating was that the pharmacy did not admit any fault despite the fact that THEY stuck the refrigeration sticker on the box. ARGGHH!!

Apart from that, one week from today I go for my blood work and ultrasound. I have been feeling like time is passing slowly and that I am ready to get this show on the road. I am still relaxed, but impatient. I have starting doing more yoga and meditation and I am eternally grateful to S at Misconceptions about Conception for her generosity and helpful hand this week. I am also so excited for her that her first beta results today were so high.

I went for acupuncture again this week and I still love it. It is so relaxing and I notice I sleep much better the following nights not to mention the little nap I take during.

Sometimes you have to let go and cheat on your no dairy, no fried foods rule. This evening we went out to dinner and I had fried calamari (we shared), lobster ravioli, and a cannoli. I can't begin to describe how delicious it all was. Other than this evening, I have been really good about not eating these foods. Caffeine and wine on the other hand...........
My cat got out of the house and spent the past 24 hours outside. We just got him inside. I did find a dead mouse in the yard this afternoon, but there was also another kitty buddy hanging around that I saw today. Not sure if it was our cat or that one that got the mouse, but I am hoping they shared the head (since it was the only part missing).

I have a calla lilly growing in my flower garden and it is absolutely beautiful. Our hydrangeas are taller than me, which isn't saying a whole lot, and our veggies are starting to grow. I think pictures are in order soon.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Happy June ICLW and the sweet smell of sunscreen on little boys

Welcome new readers and frequent fliers. I am looking forward to finding some new blogs and connecting with some other amazing women this month. I am currently on Lupron for my first IVF in June/July. I have my next appointment on July 1st, and as long as everything looks good I will start stims then.

My crazy journey to date has included 2 failed IUI's, 2 laparoscopic surgeries, a lost left tube due to a cyst/benign tumor, and an early miscarriage (8 weeks). It's been a crazy year, but I am starting to realize that I wouldn't be the person I am today had I not gone through everything up to this point. I am learning to be a much more compassionate and patient person.
Most recently, I have started yoga for fertility and acupuncture and absolutely love them. I am feeling much more at peace with this process and my journey. I am doing everything I can that is in my power, and leaving the rest up to chance/luck/modern medicine. I can only control so much, so I am trying to let the rest go.

In addition, I am cutting dairy out of my diet. So far it has been a challenge. I am definitely missing cheese.

I have to note that the highlight of my day involved a little boy I work with snuggling up on my lap and smelling like sunscreen. He smelled so great and extended his love to me. What a great feeling!

So to keep the conversation from being one-sided I am going to ask you some questions. Get ready...
1. What is your favorite outdoor activity in the summer? BTW, HAPPY SUMMER!!
2. What is your favorite song you recently heard?
3. What do you do for work? Do you love it? Do you feel like you are making a difference/impact? If not, what else would you love to be doing?
4. What is the craziest thing you have ever done?
5. Do you smile more or frown more?
6. What are you currently reading?

My answers:
1. swimming, boating, waterskiing (what, I can't list more than one?) They all involve the lake.
2. I recently heard a song by Civil Wars called I've Got this Friend. I love Sirius radio!
3. I am a speech-language pathologist and work with children aged birth-five. My job challenges me regularly, but I love that I can help others and empower children to communicate rather than become frustrated.
4. I went repelling down waterfalls in Costa Rica. One was 180 feet and it was a total rush. I would love to go sky diving.
5. I try to smile more and have been working on this. It is challenging since my patience is tested regularly, but I love the effect of smiling at kids and the reaction I receive.
6. I just started reading Fully Fertile. I was reading a novel on my kindle, but decided I needed to fully commit to this cycle on IVF.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

My sharps bin is getting heavy

I wish there were awards, trophies, or medals for "accomplishments" in IF. Examples of awards would be: HSG completed, semen analysis (for the hubby), sharps bin full, first injection, etc. My walls and shelves would be lookin' good!
My sharps bin is getting full and is starting to get heavy. I started Lupron on Thursday and haven't really had any issues. I did get one hot flash but I had just gotten out of the shower and was hot already. By the end though I was dripping in sweat. Not a ton of fun.

I am giving the injections myself this cycle which is different. The biggest difference is that I focus more on the motor task of giving the shot than the sensory aspect of how it feels. So far so good.
I've started to cut back on my dairy intake and find that breakfast is the hardest meal. I was a pole-vaulter in high school and had back issues for a little bit. My mom took me to a chiropractor and he said it was my kidneys and that I should cut dairy out of my diet. At the time that seemed crazy. When I saw the acupuncturist she noted that my kidneys were off (I can't remember exactly what she said so this is what I took away from it). I then remembered the advice from the chiropractor. I haven't been perfect, but I am making an effort to cut back.

Has anyone tried the Circle + Bloom meditation for IVF series? Any feedback would be appreciated. I am thinking of purchasing it, but would also love to find someone who has it and could copy it for me for a small fee. Any takers?

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Mind and Body

This week has been crazy but great. I have been busy writing reports, attending meetings, and doing therapy with work. In addition, I discovered a great place and realized things about myself personally and started to take control and action. 

On Monday I attended a support group for infertility with W. They mentioned the CNY Healing Arts and Wellness Center which is located next door to the fertility clinic where the support group was. They mentioned fertility yoga, so I decided I would go the following night (Tuesday). After the class I knew I needed to make some changes personally so I could feel good about doing everything in my power for success. 
Well, it was amazing. I can't recommend it highly enough. At first I was a little nervous since I haven't ever actually gone to a yoga class (only done DVD's at home). While it was a little "out there", I loved the instructor and she gave me lots of feedback and made me feel welcome and supported in the class. The class was from 5:50-7:00 and cost $7.00. After the class some of the ladies met for a little support group. That was one of the best experiences I have had so far with my journey through infertility. As much as blogging is a great release and I have "met" some amazing people, talking with people in real-life was just so different. It wasn't led or directed by anyone like the group the previous night, it was just women talking about similar situations and sharing stories and advice. I know I will continue the yoga each week and attend the support group after. The monday night once a month thing, we will see. 

Since I was feeling so great and empowered from the yoga I decided I was going to start acupuncture. I have been in the past for other reasons, but never to this place. It was great. I had been feeling stressed and nervous, but since have been feeling relaxed and in control. I know I will continue through this cycle, just not sure how often since it is expensive. 
This week I have made some realizations about my fate. Just because I pay all the money, do the shots, show up for appointments, and have the procedures does not guarantee success. Physically and mentally I wasn't in a great place recently and this week I have completely turned it around. I started feeling in control of those things I know I can control and have a positive effect over (my mind and body) and have decided to let go and try not to control or understand (too much) the process of IVF.

 I made some dietary changes and have felt great about doing so. I feel positive and much less stressed and am preparing my body the best I can for what it is about to undertake. I hope getting my mind focused in the right direction will help. In effect, I am feeling more positive and optimistic. 

What I do know for certain is that I feel great, I feel in control, and I feel like I am ready emotionally, physically, and mentally to take on IVF in my best possible state. I better be though because we started Lupron tonight!