What Memories are Made of

This past weekend was great. We had such a great time as a family and made some wonderful memories. When I thought about having children, these were the weekends I fantasized about. Although date night looks incredibly different these days, I wouldn't change it for the world!

On Saturday morning we did a make-up music class as the girls have been sick a lot. It's rare that daddy gets to join in this fun, and it was so nice to go all together. Clara loved having daddy to dance with for a change. After music we went home for lunch and naps. When the girls woke from their naps we went to the bowling alley for the first time. It was so fun watching them bowl. From rolling the ball to watching the pins fall and cheering for each other, it was all so much fun. I think the girls liked the ball return the most and would clap and cheer when the ball returned. It was just so cute and funny. After bowling we went into Skaneateles for dinner at a favorite family friendly restaurant. As W rounded up the girls I got us milkshakes for the ride home. It was all so much fun. After the girls went down for the night W and I hung out on the couch and watched a movie on Netflix. I actually stayed away for the whole thing which is quite rare!

Sunday morning we had a nice breakfast at home and then headed to Build-a-Bear to cash in some gift certificates the girls got for their birthday. Lucy picked an Ariel bear and Clara picked the dog from Paw Patrol. They picked some accessories for them and we were grateful for the gift certificates as they are pricey! The girls love their animals and napped with them later at my in-laws house. While L & C napped, W and I ran errands to Trader Joe's and Wegmans for our shopping for the week. It was so nice to have it done and over with when we got home later that afternoon. Stella rode in the shopping cart for the first time and loved it. We also got to check out our new Honda Odyssey van my FiL got at the auction for us. I can't wait until it's on the road later this week. 

Everyone brought their carseat and baby

First time in the shopping cart!

Our new van!!

Although nothing super special happened this past weekend, it was one of those weekends I never want to forget. W and I got along and communicated great, the girls behaved so well, and overall W and I felt like a well oiled machine in our outings. There was no asking him to grab certain things or prompting him to start working on something. No being disappointed he forgot to grab important things or feeling like I was doing the brunt of the work. He anticipated so well and helped a lot and remained so patient the whole time. It just felt so great to work together so well all while enjoying some quality family time. 

Mother's Day

Today was my first real Mother's Day. The weather was absolutely beautiful and I had such a great day with my family. W made breakfast and brought me coffee in bed. He gave me a notebook with letters written from both girls with their little footprints. He also made shadow boxes with all of the things from the hospital and NICU. 

Mama and her girls

happy girls hanging out

With my MiL and Grandma Dukes

We hung around for a few hours and then went to my mom's for brunch. My in-laws were there as well as my little brother and step dad. We ate waffles, fruit, and whipped cream and gave our moms their plants in the pots we made for them. 

We came home and relaxed for a bit while the girls napped and then walked with the dogs to the playground to swing on the swings when they woke up. We finished the day by going out to dinner and stopping to buy a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream on the way home. 

All mothers are in my thoughts today. Whether you are a mother to an adult or small child, or you are still fighting for that title, I wish you peace and happiness today. Without moms the world would be a scary place. I never appreciated my mama so much until became one myself. 

Firsts

I'm sure this pregnancy and then becoming a mommy will mean plenty of firsts for me. The past few days mark a big one though. 

We have movement! I think I had been feeling it for a little bit but was expecting something different. I was expecting something to feel like "flutters" as everyone else described it. Honestly, it really wasn't as subtle as I was expecting it to be. To me it feels more like a little cramp or nudge in one spot. Since then I've been feeling lots of movement. There is definitely movement in two distinct spots. 

This may be TMI, but the other night when I was peeing it felt like Baby A decided to kick my bladder at the same time. I've never experienced any pain during urination, but this time there was. I haven't had it again so I'm assuming that's what it was. Thanks little one, that was a hoot!

Baby A is tucked down super low in the middle and Baby B is off to my right side, also pretty low. Most times I feel one moving at a time but I few times I've felt it in both spots at the same time. It's going to get crazy in there!

It's absolutely amazing to feel them wiggling around. They move a lot when I'm still (like lying in bed or on the couch). I just love them so much! Feeling them move makes it so much more real. 

I also saw a chiropractor last Thursday for my round ligament pain. I found her at the baby expo and won an initial visit. She specializes in pregnancy. She took a complete history and we chatted for a bit. To be honest, I didn't love the way she presented some information. She's also a nutritionist. She didn't think the prenatal vitamin I took was any good, she though I was on a lot of medications, she didn't like Tums for heartburn, etc. She made a comment at one point about how easily and quickly she and her husband got pregnant. I just don't think she understood infertility and the things we will do to have a baby when it's not easy. Despite the not so great presentation of some information, I felt amazing after. I have felt really minimal round ligament pain since the adjustment. It's so much better than the constant pain I was getting. I'm going back again tomorrow and hoping there will be less talking and more adjusting this time. It's all worth it to get rid of that constant pain I was having. It helped a lot. 

Otherwise, things are great. W did a lot of yard work this weekend while I kept him company (aka watched). Things are looking really great outside the house.

I've also been crafting mobiles for the cribs out of felt. I will definitely post a picture when they are done. We picked our theme/bedding for the nursery and they go with that. I found one like it on Etsy for $130 and got the idea that way. It's a lot of work but I enjoy doing it. 

We went to Ithaca Sunday for a little bit and found the newborn diapers we have been buying used. I haven't seen them used anywhere yet so it was pretty exciting. I'm fine with buying used ones, especially when they look brand new. All our babies are going to do is poop in them anyway. We got 5 diapers for $75. It sure beats the $18.95 we have been paying for each one. We also brought the dogs to the dog park and went for a walk. It was a wonderful day. 

I love how happy we are. It really feels amazing to be in this place after all the sadness we experienced leading up to this point. W looks at me all the time and just smiles. We are just so grateful to finally be here. 

6DP5DT and Keeping the Positivity

It has been six days since my embryo transfer. Earlier in the week I handed over all of my HPT's to W and asked him to hide them. This has kept me from testing too early and has allowed me to keep the positivity. I want to know, but I guess I can continue to hold out. We've agreed that we will test together before my beta so I don't get the news when I am by myself at work. Not testing early also makes the IM shots more bearable. I'm doing 2 cc's of progesterone every night and then on Tuesday and Friday we also do an estradial valerate shot that is IM. Nothing like two IM shots in one night, let me tell you! 

I'm still taking Lovenox and Neupogen. The bruising has gotten much better so that's good. In addition, each night I have a "crotch rocket" AKA estradiol/progesterone suppository that I use. I had never heard of such a concoction, but I guess you learn something new every time. It's all so much fun!

In the past I've written that I don't believe in symptoms since the hormones mimic so many of them. It's hard not to be on symptom watch, but I've been trying not to read into them too much. OK, that's me lying because I've been spending WAY too much time on Google in the morning. I still don't know what to think but I like feeling positive. I guess in a way I like not knowing yet.  

This weekend was busy. We had our friends C, J and their little girl E over on Saturday. We hung out, ate some crepes, ate some soup, and played some Scattergories while their little one took a nap in our king sized bed. Once she woke up we headed out to cut down our Christmas trees. We went to the same place two years ago and had a great time. We brought the dogs and rode in the back of a pickup truck with them. E thought it was hilarious. On the way back our dog Pepper made a friend with some lady and was all snuggled up on her lap. Good thing she was a dog person. 

We picked a concolor fir tree which I honestly know nothing about. The needles are much longer than usual and W said it was super easy to cut down. The people at the tree farm said it was the most fragrant kind and they were right. Our house smells amazing! We haven't decorated it yet but we have tons of time. 

Today W hung lights outside on the house and garage while I did some work. After, we went out to lunch for gyros and then we went shopping for a new couch. We didn't find anything we loved and our current couch is fine. 

This evening I finally finished the binding on my first quilt. I have a deadline as my friend's baby shower is next Saturday. I'm dropping it off tomorrow to get machine quilted. I will be sure to take a picture when it's totally done, but I love it. I'm really impressed that I was able to teach myself how to quilt so well. I'm no pro or anything, but it really does look great. I know my friend is going to love it. 

I'm glad to be going back to work tomorrow since I won't have the urge to test as much. I'm not going to lie, I did hunt for the tests for a while today and W did a damn good job hiding them. I know I can buy more but I'm not there...yet. I really hope this is the one!

Transfer Eve

Tomorrow is the day I've been looking forward to for months. I met with Dr. Br.averman for the first time at the end of July and started stims September 24th. To say its been a long time coming feels like an understatement.

We did make the final decision to thaw and transfer two embryos. That was based on my gut instinct as well as input from Dr. B. I really hope the first two that they pick survive the thaw.

This past week flew by. I worked Mon-Wed and we left for Albany on Wednesday night. We stayed at my sister's house both Wed and Thurs night. Wednesday night was nice to just hang out with my sis and BiL. They moved the guest room since they are turning the old guest room into the nursery so we slept in the loft. It's a really nice room but is open so has zero privacy. It made doing my shots interesting. We managed to hide out in the corner of the room.

Thanksgiving itself was really nice. There were ten people total and I got to spend some time with my BIL's parents. My mom and my sister's MIL wouldn't leave her alone with trying to take pictures of her baby bump. She's definitely at the cute basketball stage, but hated the idea of any pictures. Us IF women take weekly photos once pregnant but my sister said she doesn't want a single photo. To each his own.

Thursday night we went out to Target around 11. I always enjoy watching the crowds and it really wasn't that crazy. We had picked up a few blue ray movies but quickly put them back once we saw the line. I've never seen anything like it. Literally it would have taken hours to buy some movies. So, we left empty handed and headed home to bed.

W and I got up super early Friday morning and he drove while I slept. Unfortunately he had to work that day. I spent most of the day relaxing and catching up on sleep.

Friday night was my ten year high school reunion in town. I waiting until about two hours before to buy tickets but was glad in the end that I did. I definitely had way to much to drink, but it did help to ease the awkwardness. One of my best friends from high school was in town from Seattle so it was really nice to spend time with her. Another bonus? No pregnant girls at the reunion.

Saturday was spent recovering from my crazy night on Friday and then today we went to the christening for our friend's baby. He was screaming his little head off for most of the church service, poor little guy.

I'm really glad to have had the holiday week before my transfer. It helped to pass the time and took all of the focus off so things. I'm feeling relaxed and hopeful for our little embryos that will be headed where they belong tomorrow.

What's Going On

The weekend always goes by too fast. How did we get to Sunday night already?

Last week went by fairly quickly. I worked a lot more than I have been working for the past few weeks and was exhausted by Friday night. I felt like such a bum Friday night when I napped while W did two loads of laundry, bathed the dogs, did all the dishes, and started dinner. Whoops!

Last Tuesday night I got together with my friend after yoga and we went out for Thai food. Of course we talked a bunch and had fun so I ended up getting home pretty late. 

Staying out late on Tuesday night made my Wednesday 6:45 appointment feel extra early. My lining measured at 7.78 and my estradiol levels were 746. We scheduled my transfer for the 26th at 10:15. We haven't made a final decision about how many embryos to transfer, but I think it will be two. I emailed Dr. Br.averman to get his opinion and it seemed to be two. He said he rarely recommends three unless the embryos quality is poor, the woman is over forty, or there have been repeated failures. We only fit into one of those categories and I'm not ready to fly through our best embryos. He also told me about the blood work he plans to repeat at my beta. Unfortunately, they were mostly tests that were only done at the out of network lab and are they were super pricey the first time around. I am going to email him to find out more about this. I don't understand the purpose of repeating these tests if my levels were within normal limits the first time. I guess to see how I responded to the new meds?

On Thursday W and I went to a vinyasa yoga class with my mom and then we went out for Indian food after. The class went much better than the previous Sunday. I felt strong and got a great workout. That one instructor is amazing. 

I had a nice friend-filled weekend. I saw my friend T on Saturday and we got lunch, walked around the mall, shopped a little bit, and got pedicures. I'm pretty excited about my new pajama pants and the festive dog collars I bough. T is due with her little boy in eight weeks! I can't wait to meet him. Her baby shower is coming up on December 8th so I really need to finish the binding on the quilt I made and then get it machine quilted by someone. The binding is intimidating me a bit which is why I haven't done it yet. I watched a little video on You Tube this weekend but still am not sure about it. I better get sure about it soon. 

Today we went to yoga and then hung out with our friends C, J, and their little girl E after. The yoga class had a sub instructor and I didn't love it. It wasn't very dynamic or fast moving. Little E wasn't feeling well and was being super sweet and snuggly. It made me want a little one that much more. We made plans with them to go cut down Christmas trees the first weekend in December like we did two years ago. 

I've feeling really hopeful and positive about our transfer. I am excited for it to be here and know the next week should fly by with Thanksgiving. I'm still bruising quite a bit. On Friday I ended up with a dark purple bruise that is bigger than a quarter. It's super attractive, trust me. I also bled for a long time when they took my blood. The Lovenox is definitely working. 

I'm really looking forward to the short work week and seeing all my family on Thursday. Then we have our transfer in eight days! It feels like it's taken a long time to get this close. Let's hope this is it!

Throwing in the Kitchen Sink

Today has been extra long. Maybe it's because we woke up early and accomplished a lot by noon, and maybe it's the extra hour. I'm not thrilled about how early in got dark out, but hey, that comes with this time of year. 

Multiple times this weekend I looked outside to see snow flurries/sleet. Nothing stuck to the ground but a few rooftops and cars were covered with a dusting of snow this morning. It's starting to feel less like fall and more like winter. There are a few trees that still have pretty leaves on them, but most trees are now barren. 

Yesterday we hung out mostly.  I did some quilting, and W worked on some random stuff around the house with my FIL.  We then went to the movies to see Flight and it was really good. From there we hit up the in-law's for some free and delicious dinner. 

This morning we woke up early to go to yoga. I finally convinced W to join me for a class. The class was challenging but also amazing and I felt so great after. The place we went also has a hot tub, sauna, and steam shower that we both used after. It was a pretty fabulous way to spend a Sunday morning. 

I hate to admit it, but it was the kind of weekend that made me glad we don't have any kids yet. We did exactly what we wanted and that's something I don't take for granted. 

Tomorrow I have an appointment to do an endometrial biopsy. I've had one done before so know what to expect, but I also don't expect it to be enjoyable. I'm willing to throw the kitchen sink in on this cycle, so whatever helps I'm willing to try. 

I started Lupron on Thursday and have been having slight headaches. It's nothing terrible, but just pesky and present. My first shot last week I started bleeding a bunch and have a bruise to show for it. I guess I was a little rusty. I take my last birth control pill tomorrow and have another appointment this Thursday. After that we will start Lovenox, Neupogen, and Estrogen. I found out the Estrogen will be an IM shot but it's only every few days. I also called to get a price on the Neupogen and it wasn't nearly as bad as I had expected.  

I'm really looking forward to Thankgiving with my family. We are going to my sister's house and I will get to see her pregnant belly for the first time in months. I can't wait to rub it (making her uncomfortable doing so) for good luck!

Sandy and Bambi

Since we live in NY, the threat for hurricane Sandy existed for us. We didn't go crazy preparing, but we did buy a few easily prepared meals, fill our cars up with gas, and put them in the garage to protect them from the giant tree right next to the driveway. Other than that, we weren't too concerned. I guess it was for good reason. 

We got some high winds and rain yesterday and last night, but nothing too exciting. Our lights flickered for a while, but we never lost power. 

Other areas got hit hard, but we got lucky. 

Things were a bit crazier around here early, early Monday morning. I'm a pretty hard sleeper. I don't hear much and it takes a lot to wake me up. Well, apparently one of our dogs started whining around 4 AM. W got up to let the dogs out (I had no clue), but I do remember him coming back to bed. A few minutes later he said, "That's our dogs barking" and disappeared for over 5 minutes. When he came back he told me, "They had a deer." I was super confused and it definitely woke me up.

W said the dogs were barking in a really unusual way, so he went outside in his boxers to check it out. Down in the front corner of the yard the dogs had a deer cornered. He got them to come inside and they were SO excited. They were panting and checking all the windows. 

I advised W to make sure the deer was gone before letting the dogs out in the morning. He said he did and left for work. 

When I got out of the shower I heard strange barking outside. I went downstairs in my bathrobe and looked out the back door. Nothing. The barking continued so I looked out a front window. There were the dogs and this poor little deer. I'm not sure what happened to it, but its back leg was missing all the skin from hip to ankle, and it just had exposed muscle. I'm pretty sure it happened before it made its way into our yard. The dogs were barking, but not getting close enough to do any damage. 

In a complete panic I called W and told him he needed to come home immediately (he only works about 5 minutes away). I then ran outside in my bathrobe and yelled and yelled until the dogs would finally come in. Once the dogs were inside the little deer then starting checking the perimeter for an escape. 

W came home and checked the entire yard and couldn't find it. The gate was opened wide so hopefully it got out. Seeing that little freaked out and injured deer was not a good start to my Monday morning. I was upset about it for a while. The dogs, on the other hand, may have had the best day of their lives. 

IVF #4 CD 9- Follicle Growth

Things are progressing well. My appointment on Friday was the quickest one ever. I was in and out of my clinic in under a half hour. It was amazing to not have to sit forever in the waiting room. 

All of my follicles are growing and my meds were kept the same. I emailed the nurse at Dr. Br.averman's and asked about the trigger. She said she was hoping for significant growth over the weekend with a possible trigger on Monday or Tuesday. A Monday trigger would mean my retrieval would be on our anniversary, so I'm hoping for Tuesday. Also, I don't think I will be ready on Monday based on how things looked yesterday. 

It seems my left ovary is lagging behind a little bit. On the left side I had 7 measurable follicles. They were: 1x9 mm, 5x10 mm, and 1x13 mm. On the right I also had 7 measurable follicles. They were: 2x11 mm, 3x12 mm, and 2x14 mm. My estradiol had a nice jump and a little more than tripled from Wednesday. 

I'm so bloated and getting much more uncomfortable. I still have been feeling nauseous (I think from the dexa) and have been getting headaches. On Friday I felt so crappy I ended up having to cancel all of my afternoon therapy sessions in order to lay at home in bed. I pretty much feel okay when I don't do anything. 

I stated another quilt for my friend who is due with a baby boy in January. She is a friend I met through yoga and conceived through IVF. I got a ton done of the quilt done, and I love the fabric and design. I'm pretty impressed that I was able to teach myself how to quilt. I never took a class and just got some books and taught myself. 

Otherwise, not much is going on. My FIL is here today helping my hubby do some house projects and I'm just laying low and relaxing. Pretty exciting, I know!

IVF #4 CD 3- Yuck

A dahlia from my flower bed

Things are well underway with IVF #4. Tonight marks injection #3. The shots are going well. The dexamethasone isn't. It's making me feel like crap. My stomach is upset and I feel nauseous. If I don't do anything and just sit around I feel fine. I've also had some not so great side effects in the bathroom. Good times! I'm hoping my body will adjust soon and I'll feel better. 

Speaking on the dexamethasone, my clinic refused to call in the script. They said since it wasn't the normal dosage they prescribe (.75 mg instead of .25) that they didn't want to do it. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but the NP is really being a pain. She was willing to call in Ganirelix which I have never used with them, but not a stronger dose of a med I have used with them. Oh well, I'm trying not to let them bother me. I was super agitated about it yesterday though. 

I'm feeling crazy moody and bitchy. It's been a while since I've been on meds and I'm hoping I will get used to it soon. Poor W has to put up with me! He's a trooper about it though. 

As far as what I'm feeling physically, at this point I'm just feeling cramps from my period. Not much action in the ovaries yet, but thats not surprising at all since it's so early. I won't get much of an idea as to what is going on until my first monitoring appointment Monday. 

This morning we stopped at an estate sale down the road. I got these really neat silver bowls with pretty colors on the inside and we got a pretty sweet bright yellow salad spinner. There were some side tables we debated for our bedroom but decided one was just too beat up. It was a beautiful house and made me kinda miss house hunting. I love looking at homes, especially ones located right on the lake. 

This afternoon we ran some errands and I felt horrible in the store. We made it home and rather than me helping W plant our new fall plantings I sat on the stairs and kept him company. I was good at instructing though.

Also, here is the progress with my quilt. I added a bit more after I took this pic, but it's a good sample. I think it looks pretty good so far. Don't mind the mess of a bookshelf in the background.

IVF #2 CD 3 First Tears

On friday night we went out for a nice dinner. Since my shots fell around the time we were at dinner I had to excuse myself and go to the bathroom to do them. I bent the Lupron needle slightly and realized I probably should bring extras for times like this. Everything went fine and we continued our dinner. 

My shots ready to go on the back of the toilet, so sanitary!

I was so tired on Friday that I napped after work, napped after dinner, and then fell asleep just fine around 11. 

Last night W was watching the Syracuse basketball game. I gave him a 5 minute warning for my shots and he didn't seem very interested or concerned. He then got excited because he remembered the TV upstairs and ran upstairs to turn the game on up there. Usually he grabs my meds from the fridge to help, but no go. There were about 5 minutes left in the game and SU was losing for the first time this season.

 I became upset to say the least and told him not to worry about it (hoping he would get the hint that he really should worry about it.) He said fine and went downstairs to watch the rest of the game. 

At that point I was really upset. I don't need him to do the shots, but it's nice to have him in the room for emotional support. Of course I had to finish one pen of Gonal-F and open another so that meant an extra shot. I also couldn't seem to get a pocket of air out of the syringe for the Menopur and became frustrated with it. 

W came upstairs half-way through this ordeal and I locked him out since I was upset. Then the tears started flowing. I told him I felt like he wasn't invested in this process and wished he could just be there to support me. I told him it would be nice to have him at some monitoring appointments since he's never even offered. The tears continued for a while and we talked, eventually reaching an agreement. He told me that this IVF cycle is more important than anything else right now and promised to show that to me. Hopefully it will be true. 

I'm a Middle of the Day Kind of Person

Some people are morning people and some are night owl's. I'm a middle of the day kind of person. 

6:45 for an appointment is just too early for me. When the alarm went off at 5:00 I wanted to sleep for 5 more hours. I got to my appointment on time and everything went well. My lining was at 6.5 so they want me to get a period before starting stims.

We discussed whether I would use Menopur this cycle or not and came to the conclusion that I will. They even had a box they gave me so that was convenient. The NP said it helps improve egg quality and since my last IVF cycle was unsuccessful it would be good to mix it up. 

I go back Thursday for repeat blood work and another ultrasound. I will start stims that night. The monitoring appointments are unfortunately not part of the package price. I have a co-pay for each one (which is way better than the $320 actual cost), but $25.00 each time is going to add up. 

More crazy dreams around here. I dreamt one night that at the end of stims I had welts at every injection site. I also had a tease of a dream about a positive pregnancy test (after getting up to pee multiple times that night). Last night involved a plan crash but we have been watching LOST lately so I'm sure that's where it came from. 

Went to a staff party for W's work Saturday. I had no idea it was going to be so formal and we both felt way underdressed. About 90% of the women were wearing dresses. Oh well, the cream puffs were delicious. I guess I need to reconsider my definition of dressing up.

Hung out with friends Friday and Sunday nights. Both friends have kids but enjoyed snuggling with Max (7 months) and singing songs and playing with E (17 months).

Had a pregnancy announcement from a family I work with. It didn't hurt at all. I'm not jealous of their situation.

Took a nice long nap while W cooked dinner last night after my early morning appointment. I'm really starting to get excited about everything. Come on Thursday!