If it's not one thing....

I had my appointment on Friday afternoon. W wasn't able to make it since he was working, so I was nervous and anxious the hours leading up to my appointment. I was still bleeding and didn't have high hopes for a green light to start the FET.

 When I got there the ultrasound tech took me down to the room and told me Dr. S wanted to watch. I was shaking at that point. I told her I need Valium for all of my future appointments. Dr. S stood in the room with his arms crossed, looking at the screen. I think he was making us both nervous.

Well, my uterus looked great. It was clear of any fluid. This was such a huge relief.

Then the tech went on to scan my ovaries, and boom, huge cysts on each. I think the right ovary had 2 or 3 cysts and the left had 1. They weren't exactly small either (about 2-3 cm). Since I have had so many ultrasounds I knew the cysts as soon as I saw them. The tech told me to get dressed and meet my RE in his office.

At that point I was grateful the fluid was gone, but nervous as to what the cysts would mean. My RE then wanted to do a literature search about cysts and starting a FET cycle. Since he works in an academic setting and does research himself, he is always consulting the literature prior to making decisions. He even had 3 articles printed relating to PCOS and FET protocols that he had found prior to my appointment. Good thing I took classes about research and statistics so I can better understand when he pulls them and the technical terms out.

When he came back he told me that the cysts weren't going to pose a problem to the FET cycle. In fact, they may help if they are estrogen producing. That seemed odd to me, but I guess I don't need my ovaries to produce eggs this month, so the fact that they have cysts is fine. They typically prescribe estrogen during a FET cycle in hopes that it will build up your lining, so the cysts may help to do the same thing. My lining was at 4.7 on day 5 and he thought it was a little thicker due to the cysts. He prescribed me Vivelle patches and sent me to get my estradiol levels checked.

I have a protocol I will follow where every other day I change the patch. As time goes on, I increase the number of patches I put on until I am up to 4 every other day. I was able to get 8 patches covered by my insurance, but the rest will be OOP since that is a typical month supply. Without insurance the pharmacy quoted me $72 for 8 patches. This is going to get expensive quickly....

 I'm not sure I will get to the 4 patches every other day since we started on day 5 instead of day 1, and I likely have extra estrogen due to the cysts. He wants to wait until my lining is at least 8 before we do the transfer. The tentative date now is August 15 for transfer, but we will see. I have a feeling it will be sooner.

I kept my appointment for the 8th and they will check my lining then. It feels weird to be doing a cycle but not popping any pills or shooting up with any needles (is it possible to me a drug addict to fertility meds?) Estrogen patches are seriously anticlimactic. It doesn't even feel like I am doing anything. At some point I will start progesterone IM shots and will likely also do Medrol. This is a steroid that is given when assisted hatching is done.

My hubby and I have been talking about how amazing it would be if this cycle worked. The financial burden of fertility treatments is huge, and a big weight would be lifted if we didn't have to pay for another round of IVF. We can do it if needed, but I'd love to be able to spend money on things outside of making babies. The chances are better than it won't work, but I am holding some hope out for my little totsicles.

Seesaw

Up and down, up and down. Each day I feel like I am on one side or the other. Lately more down than up (yeah, I'm the fat kid), but this evening I headed back up. 

I called my RE this morning and left him a message. I knew he would call back this evening. What the nurse told me yesterday didn't sit well and I wanted it explained by my RE. I wanted to know the reason why what he told me immediately following the cancelled transfer had changed. 

He called as we were out walking the dogs. I missed the call at first and was able to call back and catch him. I explained how I was feeling and asked what happened. 

The biggest issue is that the ultrasound technician is out of town next week and he wants the ultrasound done again by the same person on the same machine. He ideally wanted to do the ultrasound a few days after I had stopped bleeding. He also said that he understands I "wanted to do the transfer yesterday." 

We talked for 35 minutes and reached an agreement. I will go in Friday and get scanned by the technician if she is able to squeeze me into her schedule. If not, he will do the scan (please no!) Either way, I will get scanned on Friday and hopefully will have some answers as to whether or not the fluid is gone. Dr. S is concerned if I am still bleeding that the blood could show up on the scan and confuse things. My period started Monday and is usually about 5 days. I am hoping for an afternoon appointment to better my chances of my period being gone. 

I am hoping that things look good. If so, I will be able to start the estrogen and do the FET this month.

Up and down, up and down. 

Hello again disappointment

The nurse called today and said we will not be able to do the FET this cycle. My RE wants me to come in for another ultrasound when I stop bleeding. He wants to be sure the fluid is gone. I guess if I were to start the estrogen and start building up my lining it could mask the fluid. If the fluid is still there he wants to do a biopsy.

The ultrasound tech is on vacation next week and I don't have an appointment until August 8th.

 I am frustrated to say the least.

Now the debate is whether to wait another 7+ weeks to do the FET (my cycles unmedicated are about 35 days), or whether to start another fresh IVF. I was willing to do the FET this cycle because it would give me closure on our cycle. I didn't have a ton of hope in the fact that the embryos that were frozen were as follows: 1 6-celled embryo graded 4+, 3 4-celled embryos graded 4, and one fertilized egg that hadn't started to divide. It was always very clear they were slow to develop.

So I'm working on a pro's and con's list of IVF and FET.

FET

Pros:

The only cost is the meds (estrogen)

It may work and we could get pregnant for the cost of one IVF cycle

It gives me closure on our cycle and allows me to say we completed an IVF cycle

Cons:

The chances of success aren't great

Our embryos are not as many cells as they should be for day 3 embryos

We have to wait 7+ weeks

The best embryo may not survive the thaw and we would be left with only 4-celled embryos to transfer

IVF

Pros: Doing one cycle prior lets us know that we need to ICSI all eggs and may result in more embryos

We could be transferring fresh embryos in about 7 weeks

The chances of success are higher

We have all the meds we need

We can start this cycle (I think)

Cons:

$$$$

Our embryos could be slow to develop again

Fluid could return since we didn't know what caused it

I really can't make any decisions until the ultrasound to know whether the fluid is gone. Today W and I had a conversation about where to go from here, how much disappointment this has all been, how far we are willing to go with fertility treatments, and how this will all (hopefully) be worth it. Needless to say, the disappointment continues.

CD1

So AF decided to make her grand appearance today. I was super surprised since I stopped the progesterone yesterday. In my head I had given myself until Thursday and then I was going to get anxious.

I called the nurse (Becky) at the clinic and told her. I then asked about the estrogen and how things normally go for the FET (timing, meds, transfer, etc.) She said usually you start the estrogen on any of the first 3 days of your cycle. She will talk to Dr. S tomorrow about getting me started. It should be fine to start tomorrow. 

Becky said that at one point you get to 4 estrogen patches a day, yikes! I was like, where the heck do you stick all of those things? Apparently they are quite small and I won't look like a crazy nicotine addicted person trying to quit. I will also stay on the estrogen for a while, especially if I do get pregnant. 

Getting my period today was a fantastic surprise. It explained why I have been feeling so emotional lately and why I have been so teary. AF always symbolizes a fresh start and excitement about a new cycle. 

IVF #1 CD 25, Putting myself back together

I haven't posted on my blog in over a week. I needed to step away and pull myself together before I could write again. The disappointment of the way things turned out was overwhelming and it's taken me some time to get myself back into an OK place. I haven't been great about commenting on blogs, and I haven't had much to say on my own blog. It was so hard to feel like I did everything in my power for success and just ended up with some really bad luck. 

My thoughts have been all over the place since last Friday. I got up early last Monday in order to get my HCG and progesterone levels checked again. My HCG was 11 so it was definitely going down and the fluid is still unexplained. On the plus side my progesterone was over 100 which means the PIO worked well for me. My RE thinks the fluid was likely a reaction from my endometrium to the meds, but isn't sure why it happened. He said the drugs don't only stimulate your ovaries but they also stimulate your fallopian tubes and uterus. My lining was at 14 a few days before the transfer which is the thickest I have known it to be outside of when I was pregnant.  I can't tell you how scared I am for my next period.

By that afternoon I called my RE. We spoke on the phone for an hour and I discussed with him my future options and concerns. W and I had been thinking about just skipping the FET and doing another fresh IVF cycle, as were concerned mainly about the financial aspects. After talking to my RE I found out the FET will only be the cost of the meds which are pretty cheap. I paid for an IVF cycle and the cost includes a transfer, so there will be no additional cost for the FET. Even if we had to pay, our clinic only charges $500 for a FET. 

In a sense doing the FET will allow me to feel like we completed the cycle and didn't waste the money. It will give me closure and make me feel like we gave our embryos the best chance for success. I imagine a future where I tell my child that he/she was frozen in suspended animation in liquid nitrogen.  

My hopes aren't incredibly high for this FET working, even though I would love it to. I know the success rates for frozen transfers are lower and my embryos were slow to develop all along. In addition, they were frozen on day 3. Going into the IVF cycle I had been optimistic and the real thought of getting pregnant existed. Once again I feel really far away from being pregnant. 

When I talked with my RE I asked him some questions. He did say that the fact that only one egg fertilized naturally and divided was definitely significant. I've come to accept the fact that infertility for me isn't going to be a day trip, it is a journey around the world. I thought and hoped that Clomid would work for me or that IUI's would be successful. I thought I would get pregnant quickly after the miscarriage, or that I would get pregnant with twins on my first round of IVF. In reality I thought it would all be much easier than it has been. I know I will come out on the other side of all of this a stronger and more grateful person, but the journey has been much bumpier than I ever imagined. 

Dave and all the ladies

My sister's wedding was this weekend, and to be honest, I was glad to not be PUPO. I had to give a speech and was super nervous about that. I was able to stress without more stress (if that makes any sense) and was able to drink, hang out late and really enjoy myself. We were up until 3 last night and I had such a fantastic time. My speech went well and I got some good laughs. My sister looked beautiful and they were so happy together. Listening to the ceremony and the vows definitely made me tear up and think about our wedding day and the promises we made to each other. 

beautiful bride

As we drove home W and I talked about how I thought I was going to be super pregnant at Kate's wedding. The fact that the EDD for my miscarriage is coming up and I don't feel any closer to being pregnant is upsetting. 

My speech (I don't look as nervous as I felt)

Kate and I after the wedding. We look SO much alike in this photo

My RE kept me on progesterone support in hopes that I will shed everything with my next period (including whatever was in my uterus prior to transfer). He switched me from PIO to Prometrium and I took the last pill this morning. I am now waiting for my next period and will have another ultrasound once I stop bleeding. The FET is potentially only a few weeks away so I am excited about that. Hope everyone is doing well and I apologize for not being a better blogger. 

IVF #1 CD 16 (cancelled transfer)

Today absolutely sucked. I don't understand why my body won't cooperate and things always go wrong. I am so incredibly bummed and spent much of the afternoon crying/napping in bed. I had to keep myself together for hours since I was with my MIL, so literally the second I walked in the door I started bawling. 

We arrived on time for the transfer and although my RE was a little late, he got there and we were able to look at the embryos and make a decision as to how many/which ones we were going to transfer. We picked the best 3 (one was 6 cells, and 2 were 4 celled and all were rated 4/5.) I had taken my Valium and was plenty relaxed. 

We got into the transfer room and they got me all gowned up and covered in sterile sheets. They then called the ultrasound technician to come in. She got the abdominal probe ready and puts it over my abdomen. Immediately she says, "What that?" She and my RE decided they need a better look with the vaginal probe and my RE puts it in. Like I said before, he is NOT gentle with it. He zooms in and they all agree it looks like an early gestational sac. They then called the other RE from the practice, the embryologist, and another nurse into the room. They were all amazed by what they saw and decided I need to take a pregnancy urine test and go upstairs to the higher resolution ultrasound machine to get a better picture/idea as to what was going on. 

The urine test is negative. 

The ultrasound reveals 3 areas of fluid in my uterus and they draw my blood for another pregnancy test. The ultrasound technician is able to get a measurement on the one round spot in my uterus and it measures ~4w4d. 

I talk to my RE again and he says he will get the results of the blood pregnancy test and that I should come back in 2 hours so we can talk about it. My MIL and I went and got lunch and returned a little after 3. They made the decision to freeze all embryos since there wasn't a great chance for success with something in my uterus of unknown origin. 

The HCG results were 43. This is likely residual from the trigger, especially since it would be impossible to see an early gestational sac with such a low HCG level. My RE said he will treat it for the weekend as if it were a pregnancy, but it is highly unlikely. I am supposed to continue the progesterone and return Monday for another HCG. Regardless, this number is far too low for what it should be if I were pregnant. 

All in all, we froze the embryos and he wants to keep me on progesterone (probably pill form after Monday's results) in order to be sure I have a good bleed after and get rid of everything in my uterus. We will plan to do a FET next cycle. 

I can't believe I didn't even get to the transfer. I am SO disappointed in my body and am starting to wonder whether this is ever going to happen for us. My RE said I have not followed any of the textbooks and he will take my case to a panel of doctors next week to discuss it.

Today seriously sucked and I am so bummed. I know that freezing and not transferring was the best decision and none of the other doctors consulted said they had ever seen this happen. There wasn't any fluid there Sunday. I just wish my body wouldn't repeatedly fail me. 

IVF #1 CD 15 (updates)

So I waited around all day with my phone glued to me. Finally, at 7:10 my RE called with the update. He apologized for being so late in calling but said there was an emergency in the OR he was dealing with. 

Of our 5 fertilized eggs, 4 are still going. 1 of them is still at 2 cells, so isn't doing great. 3 of them are at least 4 cells, one of which is at 5 cells. The only ones that are dividing are the ones we did ICSI on. My RE said the 4 cells is about what he would expect at this stage, maybe a little slow, but nothing to worry about. 

He is hoping they are at 6-8 cells tomorrow. I am scheduled for a my transfer tomorrow at 10:30. My MIL is my chauffeur and will drive me to acupuncture before and after the transfer as well as be there for support during the transfer. I told her everything tonight and she was super excited and optimistic. 

W and I talked and we will probably put all 3 back tomorrow. I don't think they will all implant and it seems like my RE would be on board for transferring 3. I wish we had more to choose from, but you get what you get. Hopefully they will be at 6-8 cells tomorrow. Thinking good thoughts for my embryos this evening. 

Wish me luck and send some positive vibes towards my embryos!

IVF #1 CD 14 (fertilization report)

So I finally got the call at 5:45 from my RE with the update. Of our 11 eggs, they performed ICSI on 6. Of those 6, 4 fertilized. 5 of the eggs they did not perform ICSI on, and 1 fertilized. There is one other egg that may be mature enough to perform rescue ICSI on, but we will see.

So, all together we have 5 fertilized eggs. There are 4 others they are keeping cultured to see if they mature. Of our 5 fertilized eggs, 1 is 2-celled and starting to divide.

Looks like we will be doing a Friday transfer and all I can do at this point is keep my fingers and toes crossed. I am a bit disappointed by the fertilization report, but there isn't much use in feeling down about what didn't happen. I have to feel positive about what we do have. Here's hoping those 5 do well and continue to divide.

My RE said of the eggs they performed ICSI on, the outer shell of the eggs was very thick. We may be looking at assisted hatching based on how they do.

It is hard to be overwhelmingly excited and optimistic with only 5 fertilized eggs, but I am trying. I will hear more tomorrow and get a time for the transfer.

IVF #1 CD 13 (Successful Retrieval)

So I have been home lounging in bed with the AC on all afternoon. I haven't had much pain or discomfort and am feeling pretty well. 

We arrived early, got the IV going, and I was feeling SUPER nervous. The only experience I have with surgery/IV's are my laparoscopies, and those weren't exactly a walk in the park. They had me put on a gown and go to the bathroom prior. They then took me into the retrieval room and got me situated with the full-leg comfy stirrups. They gave me the anesthesia but it didn't kick in for a few minutes. They definitely started the procedure before I was asleep, but it didn't hurt much. In the room there were 2 nurses, my RE, the anesthesiologist, and a resident doctor. The embryologist was in an attached room with a little window between. 

The next thing, I was waking up in the recovery room. I quickly learned that there were 11 eggs which is great! My RE was super positive but did say we will probably end up doing a 3 day transfer since we want to be sure we are able to get to transfer. The embryologist said W's sample looked great, but my RE and the embryologist agreed to ICSI half of the eggs. 

I had some minor cramping and went home and slept for a few hours. I am feeling fine now and will probably work tomorrow. 

I am happy about the 11 eggs and glad to be moving forward to the next step... transfer! I have been corresponding with another girl I met at yoga who has her retrieval tomorrow. It is nice to have someone so close to me in her cycle and location who is able to relate to the IVF craziness. 

Oh, and my pedicure didn't get much attention since I had to wear these sterile booty things. The nurse did compliment them when she was helping me into the wheelchair to leave, so I'm glad they did get noticed. 

IVF #1 CD 10 (trigger tonight)

After going to bed at midnight last night, getting up a little before 6 was not the most fun this morning. W was able to come to my appointment since it was the weekend so that was nice. We got to hospital #1 and they were directed towards the laboratory. Once we got there they weren't exactly sure why we were there, but then eventually figured it out and took my blood. We then headed to hospital #2. 

As soon as we arrived in the lobby the ultrasound tech was waiting for us. She brought us over to the office and let us in with her key. My ovaries were frickin' HUGE under ultrasound, no wonder I am so uncomfortable. She did all of her measurements and then called my RE while we waited. She reported that I have 17 follicles, all good in size and that my lining was great and tri-layered. She then put me on the phone with my RE. He told me most likely I would trigger tonight, but he needed my estradiol levels to be sure it wasn't too high. I once again got the OHSS talk, but I think it is just because he is super cautious. He also said depending on how many eggs we get, we could be looking at a 5 day transfer like we talked about last week. He seemed really optimistic and said I had a great response. 

We went and got breakfast and then killed a little time before my acupuncture appointment. While I was in for my appointment, my RE called with the results. My estradiol level is up to 2,773 and I will trigger tonight! I will take 150 units of Gonal-F and the HCG trigger this evening at 9:30. No more Lupron! I can't believe how fast it actually went by once the stims started. 

I have been really uncomfortable, and full feeling as well as pretty anxious. I feel like I can't do anything too fast. I am hoping that subsides once the retrieval is over, since that is the part I am most nervous about. I'm not sure if it is the meds, being so bloated, or being so anxious, but I have been feeling a bit nauseous and my appetite is off. I can't believe we trigger tonight!! 

Egg retrieval here we come. I just have to get through work tomorrow. I am also planning on treating myself to a pedicure tomorrow so at least my toes will look nice in those stirrups. 

IVF #1 CD 8 (What a day!)

I am a day late on this post, so it is about Friday. I woke up early and made it on time for my blood work and sono. During the sono she was clicking and measuring away, so I immediately felt reassured that everything was progressing well. The left side had definitely picked up the slack a little bit so that was good. I left in a good mood and headed off to work.

I first saw a little boy at our play group and it went well. I then went to another house and they weren't home (what else is new?), so I called the next family and asked if I could come a little earlier. This little guy I have only seen one other time and he is an adorable little peanut. He just turned 2 in April and stays with his grandparents during the day while his parents work. His grandfather has had a few strokes and is not very with it, so grandma is the one I deal with primarily.

 When I got there the grandmother told me she wasn't sure how he was going to be since he had gotten into some of his grandpa's pills (WHAT?!!). She said she was trying to get ahold of the doctor and his parents. Well, he sat down with me for about 5 minutes before I started to notice he was acting really strange. He wasn't interested in what I took out so kept getting up to try to get to my bag to get something else. When he stood up he was really unstable adn he was staggering, and then when he sat back down his legs started shaking really badly. This moved on to his whole body so I told the grandma and she called 911.

She gets on the phone and is practically hysterical so I ask her if she wants me to talk to them. I get on the phone and try to help figure out which pills he took. He took 2 anti-seizure meds, one Metformin, and one other pill I can't remember what it was. The ambulance arrived quickly and put him onto gurney and brought him out to the truck. I spoke to the police office who also arrived and then went out to check on the little guy. At this point he was super out of it and trying to doze off. I hung out in the back of the ambulance shaking him and trying to keep him awake. They were directing most of the questions to me because the grandma was too upset and the grandpa didn't really know what was going on. They got ahold of the parents and they were going to meet them at the hospital.

At first they asked me to ride in the ambulance with him, but I would then be stuck without a car or ride about 40 minutes away. They took the grandpa with them in the ambulance an I followed behind. When I arrived at the hospital his parents were there and they were trying to get an IV in him. He was SREAMING and wasn't so sleepy anymore. I answered a few questions for the doctor's and told the parents I hoped he felt better.

The grandma called me later in the day and said that he was doing fine and that they had a given him a catheter and EKG and were just going to monitor him for a at least 8 hours to make sure there wasn't any permanent damage. She also thanked me for being there and helping.

So, by 12:30 I had been to Syracuse twice (about 45 minutes each way), and was headed back to work. It was crazy and so scary. I can't even imagine if it were my own child, but seeing how little he was in that ambulance and at the hospital was awful. He only weighs 23 pounds!

That afternoon I got the call from the nurse at the office. My estradiol was up to 1287 and I have 9 follicles one the right and 7 on the left. Some were too small to be able to catch up, but the idea is to get the ones that are 13 and 14 cm to catch up. I will stay on the same dose of Gonal-F and go back Sunday. Since my clinic isn't open on Sunday I will be going to the hospital for the blood work and sono. Two hospitals actually. Luckily, they are right next to each other. My RE called later that day but I didn't get the call and he ended up leaving a message. He said the only risk of continuing me on the Gonal-F is OHSS. He doesn't think this will happen, but he said each person is different. I am hoping to avoid OHSS, especially since my sister's wedding is in exactly 2 weeks!!

They are planning to have me take the same dose Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and then trigger late Sunday night and come in early Tuesday for retrieval. I am getting so nervous for retrieval and have to say I am super uncomfortable. We joked this morning that I have the 4 B's of IVF: bloated, bitchy, broke, and bruised. Doesn't that sound like fun?

IVF #1 CD 6 (PIO vs endometrin, and 3 vs 5 day transfer)

So this morning I got up bright and early and headed out to my appointment. I realize I need to shoot to leave at 6:45 rather than 7, because I got there a little late. The office was quite busy and it took longer than I had expected. 

The ultrasound went fine and the tech actually said to me "We've seen a lot of each other over the past year." Yeah, that's an understatement! I've completely lost count of how many dates with "wandy" I have had at this point. I watched as she measured away. She didn't seem to measure many follicles on the left side, but there were a bunch on the right. I left sure that my dosage of Gonal-F would be upped. 

Since the regular nurse was out today I got a personal phone call from my RE this afternoon with the updates. Our conversation lasted 35 minutes and allowed me to ask a bunch of questions. He said I had "at least 8 good follicles." They were all around the same size and he said I am responding well. My estradiol level was 249, up from around 20 on Friday. He wants to keep me on the same dosage (150 units of Gonal-F) and to come back Friday for a repeat sono and blood work. 

I got the opportunity to ask about 3 vs 5 day transfers. I wasn't sure if the clinic even did 5 day transfers and my RE said it all depends on the number of embryos. The pro is that the embryos are heartier for 5 day transfers. It also gives a better opportunity to minimize the number of embryos. The con is that if we wait too long the embryos could arrest and we could be left with nothing to transfer on day 5. Dr. S said the literature states that the take home baby rates of both 3 and 5 day transfers are about the same. So, unless we have a large number of embryos we would be better off with a 3 day transfer. 

We also spoke about the number of embryos to transfer. He said the biggest factors were the age of the recipient and the quality of the embryos. Before the transfer we will have a better opportunity to discuss our odds given our specific embryos. 

I asked about progesterone. Last cycle my legs broke out in hives from the endometrin. I'm not sure why this happened since when I was pregnant I was on endometrin and didn't have any problems. As soon as I stopped it last cycle the hives disappeared. He said it is possible I developed an allergy to something in the tablet and that in rare cases people develop allergies to progesterone. He didn't seem to think this was the case, but said I may be better off with the PIO instead. I have also read that a lot of RE's prefer PIO for IVF cycles. Dr. S said it all depends on personal preference. For those of you who have done both, what is your preference???

IVF #1 CD 5 (headaches)

The weather was great over the weekend and we spent two nights at my in-law's lake house. We had a bonfire, went waterskiing, and spent a lot of time relaxing in the sun and reading. Saturday night we had a friend spend the night and the boys went golfing on Sunday when I went to acupuncture. We went to some awesome fireworks last night that we were able to walk to from our house. I am SO sore from waterskiing, but was able to go for a little while on one ski and take some nice turns. I did a pretty awesome face-plant when I first got going.

I tried to stop drinking coffee this weekend. Saturday was fine, sunday resulted in a headache and a trip to Dunkin Donuts to get a half-caff small iced coffee. Today was the worst. I spent the majority of the day with a HORRIBLE headache and ended up spending a few hours in bed (even after buying a half-caff coffee). I'm not sure giving up coffee is going to happen, but one cup of half-caff a day isn't that bad, right? Any tips or advice about how to give up coffee without horrible headaches?

Everything is going well with the stims and Lupon. My belly is a little bruised, but not too bad. I have definitely been feeling some action in my ovaries.

Ultrasound and blood work tomorrow morning.

IVF #1 CD 2 (suppression check)

So everything went well. I was cleared to start stims yesterday and the ultrasound was uneventful. I am currently on 150 IU's on Gonal-F and my Lupron was reduced to 10 units/day.

Speaking of Lupron, we had some issues yesterday. I had the nurse call in a script on Monday to my pharmacy and went Wednesday to see the status. They told me they were waiting for pre-authorization from my insurance company form the doctor's office. I asked yesterday and the nurse said she never heard from them. Well, the kit I had was almost gone so the nurse had to do some scrambling to find some. Due to the shortage, the closest she could find it was a pharmacy in NYC. I had to pay the full price since I didn't have time to get the pre-auth from insurance, and pay to have it delivered next day. The price wasn't too bad and my insurance company will reimburse me if it is something they cover. I just received the package and have a new Lupron kit in my possession.

The worst part about my appointment yesterday was the nurse. She is the main nurse at this clinic because it is small. She is the one I talk to with my questions, she did my IUI's, and is basically my go-to person. Well, I walked in yesterday to see she was bald. I finally asked her if everything was OK and she shook her head and didn't really say much. She then talked about how her voice has been bothering her and she thinks it is from the new round of chemo she started. I knew she had surgery a few months back but thought it was just back surgery. I felt really sad for her the rest of the day.

We had dinner on the boat with my in-laws yesterday. The weather was amazing and the wine was delicious. Going to the lake reminds me of when W and I first met and would hang out. We were both working at a restaurant and I would often go to his parent's lake house to hang out after work with him. We have so many great memories there, and just being there reminds me of how lucky I am to have him and everything great in my life. I am so thankful we are even able to have the opportunity to do IVF. Maybe I will be brave enough to go swimming today, we will see.

Something horrible happened a little while ago. I checked on the robin eggs to see whether they had hatched or not and then went back inside. About 5 minutes later I heard a loud boom and looked out to see the hanging basket fell and the eggs were broken on my front porch. I felt horrible (and still do). I'm sorry momma robin : (