If you can't make 'em, eat 'em

Welcome if you are visiting from ICLW. Thanks for stopping by! To catch you up to speed, I am Liz. I am 28 and live in NY. I have been seeing my RE for 16 months and have PCOS and one tube. During this time I have had 2 laparoscopic surgeries, 2 D&C's (one for a miscarriage and one for polyps), 2 failed IUI's and 1 failed IVF. If you want a more detailed history, feel free to read more. 

This may seem like a strange title for a post, but it stems from a joke I made during dinner tonight. W and I went out for a nice dinner and he ordered the osso bucco. Forever he had a thing against eating veal (which I completely understand but don't abide by). As he took his first bite he said, "I just remembered what osso bucco is... veal." So my reply was, "If you can't make 'em, eat 'em." We both had a good laugh and continued to joke about delicious baby legs.  

I got the phone call today to confirm what I already knew. To be honest, I stopped all my meds after I got another BFN on a pregnancy test on Monday morning. It was a FRER test which I know picks up HCG levels below 10. I knew if the number was going to be that low it wasn't going to be a viable pregnancy anyway. Well, big surprise my beta HCG number was zero. And the nurse I don't like called to give me the news. She didn't say anything other than that it was negative. 

To get it off my chest, the things the nurse did the day of the transfer the upset me were: 

1) She called me by the wrong name and had paperwork for me to sign with the wrong name on it. No, my name is not Tracy. Good thing I caught that one and corrected her. 

2) Saying to us about 20 minutes prior to the transfer "Everything is going wrong this morning" W looked right at her and said, "Don't say that." 

3) Referring to my embryos as "eggs." I had her double check we were transferring the right ones after the name mix-up. Even the embryologist called her out on that one. 

4) Completely losing her shit in the transfer room when the embryologist tried to hand the catheter with my embryos to her through the "window". The nurse starting yelling at the embryologist and said she was no longer sterile. Dr. S practically yelled at her and told her he had it. I just tried to close my eyes and relax. 

5) Rushing everything. Rushing me to go into the transfer room when they weren't even ready, and then trying to rush me to get up and go to the bathroom after. No, I didn't want to get up for 30 minutes, but after about 10 she was trying. 

I tried not to think of all these things that she did that day. I don't think it changed the outcome or anything, but it changed my opinion of her and the clinic for hiring her. I don't think she conducts herself in a professional manner and I'm definitely looking in a new direction for my next cycle. 

The nurse is honestly reason #2 to switch clinics. Reason #1 is financial. The clinic I currently go to charges about $6000/IVF cycle. To be honest, I haven't gotten the final bill and am not sure how much the assisted hatching cost. So probably, it will end up costing more than that. The other clinic with Dr. Gere (aka Dr. K) has package deals. I am looking now at one that includes 3 cycles for $7500. If it works the first time, great. If not, I know I will have 2 more tries and not feel so stressed about the money. 

I'm doing ok with the negative. I know Christmas isn't going to be easy, but I'm managing to put a smile on my face and continue on. Having a new plan in place is going to give me a positive direction to look in. I plan to call Dr. Gere's office tomorrow and ask my list of questions. I'm hoping to be able to start BCP's for another IVF cycle as soon as AF shows. Open the flood gates already, I'm ready to get this show on the road.

I really think a big part of IVF is a numbers game. If I'm going to gamble, I'd rather gamble in an efficient casino. 

11dp3dt... One Lonely Line

I held out until this morning to test. Had you asked me before the test I would have told you I was 85% sure I was pregnant. Now? Well, I'm not holding onto much hope. I had the thought that maybe it was just a bad dream as I was standing there in the dark looking at that single line. I felt the worst breaking the news to W.

The hardest part is that I had lots of symptoms. I've been pregnant before and know how it feels, so was convinced I was again. 

I wasn't blogging about my symptoms because I didn't want to jinx anything. I guess it wouldn't have mattered. I had cramping on days 3-5 past the transfer. Around 5 days past my boobs got bigger and started to get more sore. On Monday and Tuesday (7-8 days past) my sense of smell picked up drastically and level nausea appeared. To be honest, I've been pretty tired all along since starting the progesterone. Wednesday and Thursday I had some crazy ass dreams. 

I know there's a slim chance it could have still worked, but I'm not really into alluding myself much longer. I felt sad for about 10 minutes but then decided it doesn't do much to dwell on it. 

It felt good to have hope again. That hope remains despite a negative result. I am hopeful that IVF will work for us. I just don't think this was the right time. There was nothing I could have done to change the outcome. I was so positive and peaceful that first week. If the embryos stopped developing it wasn't my fault. Arrggh and Matey just weren't meant to be. 

There's nothing I can do now but look to the future. I am now faced with the decision to stick with Dr. S or switch it up and try Dr. K (aka Dr. Gere). I love Dr. S and feel I get individualized treatment, but I REALLY don't like the nurse that replaced Becky. If you don't know or remember, Becky was the nurse I connected with for over a year and who I found out recently passed away from cancer. I don't think she is easily replaced, but this new person sucks! After the transfer I didn't want to dwell on it, but it my opinion the new nurse fucked up big time. She was really unprofessional and not pleasant, but I will add another post about that. It still makes me upset to think about it. 

I'm going to be OK. Sure, I'm disappointed and I'm not thrilled about the outcome but I still have hope. And to be honest, that feels good. 

It won't be official until Tuesday when I have my beta, but I'm pretty sure we know the outcome. Better luck next time.  

IVF #1 CD 16 (cancelled transfer)

Today absolutely sucked. I don't understand why my body won't cooperate and things always go wrong. I am so incredibly bummed and spent much of the afternoon crying/napping in bed. I had to keep myself together for hours since I was with my MIL, so literally the second I walked in the door I started bawling. 

We arrived on time for the transfer and although my RE was a little late, he got there and we were able to look at the embryos and make a decision as to how many/which ones we were going to transfer. We picked the best 3 (one was 6 cells, and 2 were 4 celled and all were rated 4/5.) I had taken my Valium and was plenty relaxed. 

We got into the transfer room and they got me all gowned up and covered in sterile sheets. They then called the ultrasound technician to come in. She got the abdominal probe ready and puts it over my abdomen. Immediately she says, "What that?" She and my RE decided they need a better look with the vaginal probe and my RE puts it in. Like I said before, he is NOT gentle with it. He zooms in and they all agree it looks like an early gestational sac. They then called the other RE from the practice, the embryologist, and another nurse into the room. They were all amazed by what they saw and decided I need to take a pregnancy urine test and go upstairs to the higher resolution ultrasound machine to get a better picture/idea as to what was going on. 

The urine test is negative. 

The ultrasound reveals 3 areas of fluid in my uterus and they draw my blood for another pregnancy test. The ultrasound technician is able to get a measurement on the one round spot in my uterus and it measures ~4w4d. 

I talk to my RE again and he says he will get the results of the blood pregnancy test and that I should come back in 2 hours so we can talk about it. My MIL and I went and got lunch and returned a little after 3. They made the decision to freeze all embryos since there wasn't a great chance for success with something in my uterus of unknown origin. 

The HCG results were 43. This is likely residual from the trigger, especially since it would be impossible to see an early gestational sac with such a low HCG level. My RE said he will treat it for the weekend as if it were a pregnancy, but it is highly unlikely. I am supposed to continue the progesterone and return Monday for another HCG. Regardless, this number is far too low for what it should be if I were pregnant. 

All in all, we froze the embryos and he wants to keep me on progesterone (probably pill form after Monday's results) in order to be sure I have a good bleed after and get rid of everything in my uterus. We will plan to do a FET next cycle. 

I can't believe I didn't even get to the transfer. I am SO disappointed in my body and am starting to wonder whether this is ever going to happen for us. My RE said I have not followed any of the textbooks and he will take my case to a panel of doctors next week to discuss it.

Today seriously sucked and I am so bummed. I know that freezing and not transferring was the best decision and none of the other doctors consulted said they had ever seen this happen. There wasn't any fluid there Sunday. I just wish my body wouldn't repeatedly fail me. 

IVF #1 CD 15 (updates)

So I waited around all day with my phone glued to me. Finally, at 7:10 my RE called with the update. He apologized for being so late in calling but said there was an emergency in the OR he was dealing with. 

Of our 5 fertilized eggs, 4 are still going. 1 of them is still at 2 cells, so isn't doing great. 3 of them are at least 4 cells, one of which is at 5 cells. The only ones that are dividing are the ones we did ICSI on. My RE said the 4 cells is about what he would expect at this stage, maybe a little slow, but nothing to worry about. 

He is hoping they are at 6-8 cells tomorrow. I am scheduled for a my transfer tomorrow at 10:30. My MIL is my chauffeur and will drive me to acupuncture before and after the transfer as well as be there for support during the transfer. I told her everything tonight and she was super excited and optimistic. 

W and I talked and we will probably put all 3 back tomorrow. I don't think they will all implant and it seems like my RE would be on board for transferring 3. I wish we had more to choose from, but you get what you get. Hopefully they will be at 6-8 cells tomorrow. Thinking good thoughts for my embryos this evening. 

Wish me luck and send some positive vibes towards my embryos!

IVF #1 CD 14 (fertilization report)

So I finally got the call at 5:45 from my RE with the update. Of our 11 eggs, they performed ICSI on 6. Of those 6, 4 fertilized. 5 of the eggs they did not perform ICSI on, and 1 fertilized. There is one other egg that may be mature enough to perform rescue ICSI on, but we will see.

So, all together we have 5 fertilized eggs. There are 4 others they are keeping cultured to see if they mature. Of our 5 fertilized eggs, 1 is 2-celled and starting to divide.

Looks like we will be doing a Friday transfer and all I can do at this point is keep my fingers and toes crossed. I am a bit disappointed by the fertilization report, but there isn't much use in feeling down about what didn't happen. I have to feel positive about what we do have. Here's hoping those 5 do well and continue to divide.

My RE said of the eggs they performed ICSI on, the outer shell of the eggs was very thick. We may be looking at assisted hatching based on how they do.

It is hard to be overwhelmingly excited and optimistic with only 5 fertilized eggs, but I am trying. I will hear more tomorrow and get a time for the transfer.

IVF #1 CD 13 (Successful Retrieval)

So I have been home lounging in bed with the AC on all afternoon. I haven't had much pain or discomfort and am feeling pretty well. 

We arrived early, got the IV going, and I was feeling SUPER nervous. The only experience I have with surgery/IV's are my laparoscopies, and those weren't exactly a walk in the park. They had me put on a gown and go to the bathroom prior. They then took me into the retrieval room and got me situated with the full-leg comfy stirrups. They gave me the anesthesia but it didn't kick in for a few minutes. They definitely started the procedure before I was asleep, but it didn't hurt much. In the room there were 2 nurses, my RE, the anesthesiologist, and a resident doctor. The embryologist was in an attached room with a little window between. 

The next thing, I was waking up in the recovery room. I quickly learned that there were 11 eggs which is great! My RE was super positive but did say we will probably end up doing a 3 day transfer since we want to be sure we are able to get to transfer. The embryologist said W's sample looked great, but my RE and the embryologist agreed to ICSI half of the eggs. 

I had some minor cramping and went home and slept for a few hours. I am feeling fine now and will probably work tomorrow. 

I am happy about the 11 eggs and glad to be moving forward to the next step... transfer! I have been corresponding with another girl I met at yoga who has her retrieval tomorrow. It is nice to have someone so close to me in her cycle and location who is able to relate to the IVF craziness. 

Oh, and my pedicure didn't get much attention since I had to wear these sterile booty things. The nurse did compliment them when she was helping me into the wheelchair to leave, so I'm glad they did get noticed. 

IVF #1 CD 10 (trigger tonight)

After going to bed at midnight last night, getting up a little before 6 was not the most fun this morning. W was able to come to my appointment since it was the weekend so that was nice. We got to hospital #1 and they were directed towards the laboratory. Once we got there they weren't exactly sure why we were there, but then eventually figured it out and took my blood. We then headed to hospital #2. 

As soon as we arrived in the lobby the ultrasound tech was waiting for us. She brought us over to the office and let us in with her key. My ovaries were frickin' HUGE under ultrasound, no wonder I am so uncomfortable. She did all of her measurements and then called my RE while we waited. She reported that I have 17 follicles, all good in size and that my lining was great and tri-layered. She then put me on the phone with my RE. He told me most likely I would trigger tonight, but he needed my estradiol levels to be sure it wasn't too high. I once again got the OHSS talk, but I think it is just because he is super cautious. He also said depending on how many eggs we get, we could be looking at a 5 day transfer like we talked about last week. He seemed really optimistic and said I had a great response. 

We went and got breakfast and then killed a little time before my acupuncture appointment. While I was in for my appointment, my RE called with the results. My estradiol level is up to 2,773 and I will trigger tonight! I will take 150 units of Gonal-F and the HCG trigger this evening at 9:30. No more Lupron! I can't believe how fast it actually went by once the stims started. 

I have been really uncomfortable, and full feeling as well as pretty anxious. I feel like I can't do anything too fast. I am hoping that subsides once the retrieval is over, since that is the part I am most nervous about. I'm not sure if it is the meds, being so bloated, or being so anxious, but I have been feeling a bit nauseous and my appetite is off. I can't believe we trigger tonight!! 

Egg retrieval here we come. I just have to get through work tomorrow. I am also planning on treating myself to a pedicure tomorrow so at least my toes will look nice in those stirrups. 

IVF #1 CD 6 (PIO vs endometrin, and 3 vs 5 day transfer)

So this morning I got up bright and early and headed out to my appointment. I realize I need to shoot to leave at 6:45 rather than 7, because I got there a little late. The office was quite busy and it took longer than I had expected. 

The ultrasound went fine and the tech actually said to me "We've seen a lot of each other over the past year." Yeah, that's an understatement! I've completely lost count of how many dates with "wandy" I have had at this point. I watched as she measured away. She didn't seem to measure many follicles on the left side, but there were a bunch on the right. I left sure that my dosage of Gonal-F would be upped. 

Since the regular nurse was out today I got a personal phone call from my RE this afternoon with the updates. Our conversation lasted 35 minutes and allowed me to ask a bunch of questions. He said I had "at least 8 good follicles." They were all around the same size and he said I am responding well. My estradiol level was 249, up from around 20 on Friday. He wants to keep me on the same dosage (150 units of Gonal-F) and to come back Friday for a repeat sono and blood work. 

I got the opportunity to ask about 3 vs 5 day transfers. I wasn't sure if the clinic even did 5 day transfers and my RE said it all depends on the number of embryos. The pro is that the embryos are heartier for 5 day transfers. It also gives a better opportunity to minimize the number of embryos. The con is that if we wait too long the embryos could arrest and we could be left with nothing to transfer on day 5. Dr. S said the literature states that the take home baby rates of both 3 and 5 day transfers are about the same. So, unless we have a large number of embryos we would be better off with a 3 day transfer. 

We also spoke about the number of embryos to transfer. He said the biggest factors were the age of the recipient and the quality of the embryos. Before the transfer we will have a better opportunity to discuss our odds given our specific embryos. 

I asked about progesterone. Last cycle my legs broke out in hives from the endometrin. I'm not sure why this happened since when I was pregnant I was on endometrin and didn't have any problems. As soon as I stopped it last cycle the hives disappeared. He said it is possible I developed an allergy to something in the tablet and that in rare cases people develop allergies to progesterone. He didn't seem to think this was the case, but said I may be better off with the PIO instead. I have also read that a lot of RE's prefer PIO for IVF cycles. Dr. S said it all depends on personal preference. For those of you who have done both, what is your preference???

IVF #1 CD 5 (headaches)

The weather was great over the weekend and we spent two nights at my in-law's lake house. We had a bonfire, went waterskiing, and spent a lot of time relaxing in the sun and reading. Saturday night we had a friend spend the night and the boys went golfing on Sunday when I went to acupuncture. We went to some awesome fireworks last night that we were able to walk to from our house. I am SO sore from waterskiing, but was able to go for a little while on one ski and take some nice turns. I did a pretty awesome face-plant when I first got going.

I tried to stop drinking coffee this weekend. Saturday was fine, sunday resulted in a headache and a trip to Dunkin Donuts to get a half-caff small iced coffee. Today was the worst. I spent the majority of the day with a HORRIBLE headache and ended up spending a few hours in bed (even after buying a half-caff coffee). I'm not sure giving up coffee is going to happen, but one cup of half-caff a day isn't that bad, right? Any tips or advice about how to give up coffee without horrible headaches?

Everything is going well with the stims and Lupon. My belly is a little bruised, but not too bad. I have definitely been feeling some action in my ovaries.

Ultrasound and blood work tomorrow morning.

IVF #1 CD 2 (suppression check)

So everything went well. I was cleared to start stims yesterday and the ultrasound was uneventful. I am currently on 150 IU's on Gonal-F and my Lupron was reduced to 10 units/day.

Speaking of Lupron, we had some issues yesterday. I had the nurse call in a script on Monday to my pharmacy and went Wednesday to see the status. They told me they were waiting for pre-authorization from my insurance company form the doctor's office. I asked yesterday and the nurse said she never heard from them. Well, the kit I had was almost gone so the nurse had to do some scrambling to find some. Due to the shortage, the closest she could find it was a pharmacy in NYC. I had to pay the full price since I didn't have time to get the pre-auth from insurance, and pay to have it delivered next day. The price wasn't too bad and my insurance company will reimburse me if it is something they cover. I just received the package and have a new Lupron kit in my possession.

The worst part about my appointment yesterday was the nurse. She is the main nurse at this clinic because it is small. She is the one I talk to with my questions, she did my IUI's, and is basically my go-to person. Well, I walked in yesterday to see she was bald. I finally asked her if everything was OK and she shook her head and didn't really say much. She then talked about how her voice has been bothering her and she thinks it is from the new round of chemo she started. I knew she had surgery a few months back but thought it was just back surgery. I felt really sad for her the rest of the day.

We had dinner on the boat with my in-laws yesterday. The weather was amazing and the wine was delicious. Going to the lake reminds me of when W and I first met and would hang out. We were both working at a restaurant and I would often go to his parent's lake house to hang out after work with him. We have so many great memories there, and just being there reminds me of how lucky I am to have him and everything great in my life. I am so thankful we are even able to have the opportunity to do IVF. Maybe I will be brave enough to go swimming today, we will see.

Something horrible happened a little while ago. I checked on the robin eggs to see whether they had hatched or not and then went back inside. About 5 minutes later I heard a loud boom and looked out to see the hanging basket fell and the eggs were broken on my front porch. I felt horrible (and still do). I'm sorry momma robin : (

IVF #1 CD 1 (it's about time!)

So AF made her grand appearance this morning and I was so relieved and happy. Maybe it was all the support and positivity that was sent my way by awesome commenters. Thanks everyone!

 Now back to my cool, calm and collected state of mind. 

I have my baseline sono and blood work tomorrow morning at 9:30. Hoping everything looks great and that I get the green light to continue. 

I wanted to share these pics of my new discovery. We have hanging basket plants on our front porch and I saw a bird flying around them recently. I took the basket down the other night to discover this:

Isn't mother nature amazing? 

Trying to be positive

I have been trying to stay calm and collected about everything, but this morning I started to get concerned that I hadn't gotten AF yet. I started lupron on day 21 of my cycle (13 days ago).  Last time around the nurse told me I would get my period within 7-10 days of starting. Still no signs of AF.

It just happened the nurse from my clinic called me this afternoon to change my appointment time for Friday. I used it as an opportunity to ask her about getting my period and whether that was necessary to start stims. She asked if I regularly get my period and I told her I do. She then proceeded to tell me I should have gotten it by now and that there might be something wrong. She asked if I could be pregnant (I took a test and am not) or said I may have a cyst. I am so worried about having a cyst (especially with my lovely cyst history), and am having a hard time staying positive. 

At this point I am just trying to make it until Friday at 9:30 for my appointment. The good news is that my RE will be doing the scan rather than the regular sonographer. I will be able to get answers at the time of the scan which will be good. The bad news is he is not as gentle with "wandy". 

I am really hoping AF shows by Friday or sometime close to that time and that I can still do IVF this month. I am really hoping I don't get my cycle cancelled before I ever really start. I am so frustrated that I don't seem to be able to get past the lupron stage of IVF. Please send some positive thoughts my way. I am trying to stay positive, but it is getting difficult. 

Pharmacy f*@$ up

I went to pick up my ovidrel yesterday and the girl at the pharmacy counter pulled it out of a drawer. I immediately starting asking questions about it being refrigerated. Long story short, the pharmacist read the insert and told me my options were to take it and it would be good for 30 days or to cancel the order. WTF!! I took it and immediately put it in the fridge when I got home. I was so pissed and ready to cry all at the same time. Can't she figure out what the drug is for and know better than to mess with a woman jacked up on hormones??!!! I talked to the nurse at my clinic today and she said it would be fine. Frustrating to say the least. What was especially frustrating was that the pharmacy did not admit any fault despite the fact that THEY stuck the refrigeration sticker on the box. ARGGHH!!

Apart from that, one week from today I go for my blood work and ultrasound. I have been feeling like time is passing slowly and that I am ready to get this show on the road. I am still relaxed, but impatient. I have starting doing more yoga and meditation and I am eternally grateful to S at Misconceptions about Conception for her generosity and helpful hand this week. I am also so excited for her that her first beta results today were so high.

I went for acupuncture again this week and I still love it. It is so relaxing and I notice I sleep much better the following nights not to mention the little nap I take during.

Sometimes you have to let go and cheat on your no dairy, no fried foods rule. This evening we went out to dinner and I had fried calamari (we shared), lobster ravioli, and a cannoli. I can't begin to describe how delicious it all was. Other than this evening, I have been really good about not eating these foods. Caffeine and wine on the other hand...........

My cat got out of the house and spent the past 24 hours outside. We just got him inside. I did find a dead mouse in the yard this afternoon, but there was also another kitty buddy hanging around that I saw today. Not sure if it was our cat or that one that got the mouse, but I am hoping they shared the head (since it was the only part missing).

I have a calla lilly growing in my flower garden and it is absolutely beautiful. Our hydrangeas are taller than me, which isn't saying a whole lot, and our veggies are starting to grow. I think pictures are in order soon.

Happy June ICLW and the sweet smell of sunscreen on little boys

Welcome new readers and frequent fliers. I am looking forward to finding some new blogs and connecting with some other amazing women this month. I am currently on Lupron for my first IVF in June/July. I have my next appointment on July 1st, and as long as everything looks good I will start stims then.

My crazy journey to date has included 2 failed IUI's, 2 laparoscopic surgeries, a lost left tube due to a cyst/benign tumor, and an early miscarriage (8 weeks). It's been a crazy year, but I am starting to realize that I wouldn't be the person I am today had I not gone through everything up to this point. I am learning to be a much more compassionate and patient person.

Most recently, I have started yoga for fertility and acupuncture and absolutely love them. I am feeling much more at peace with this process and my journey. I am doing everything I can that is in my power, and leaving the rest up to chance/luck/modern medicine. I can only control so much, so I am trying to let the rest go.

In addition, I am cutting dairy out of my diet. So far it has been a challenge. I am definitely missing cheese.

I have to note that the highlight of my day involved a little boy I work with snuggling up on my lap and smelling like sunscreen. He smelled so great and extended his love to me. What a great feeling!

So to keep the conversation from being one-sided I am going to ask you some questions. Get ready...

1. What is your favorite outdoor activity in the summer? BTW, HAPPY SUMMER!!
2. What is your favorite song you recently heard?
3. What do you do for work? Do you love it? Do you feel like you are making a difference/impact? If not, what else would you love to be doing?
4. What is the craziest thing you have ever done?
5. Do you smile more or frown more?
6. What are you currently reading?

My answers:
1. swimming, boating, waterskiing (what, I can't list more than one?) They all involve the lake.
2. I recently heard a song by Civil Wars called I've Got this Friend. I love Sirius radio!
3. I am a speech-language pathologist and work with children aged birth-five. My job challenges me regularly, but I love that I can help others and empower children to communicate rather than become frustrated.
4. I went repelling down waterfalls in Costa Rica. One was 180 feet and it was a total rush. I would love to go sky diving.
5. I try to smile more and have been working on this. It is challenging since my patience is tested regularly, but I love the effect of smiling at kids and the reaction I receive.
6. I just started reading Fully Fertile. I was reading a novel on my kindle, but decided I needed to fully commit to this cycle on IVF.

Party time and support groups

So we had our housewarming/grad party this past Saturday. It was a TON of prep and work leading up to it, but we had a great time as did everyone who attended. We had about 50 people and the weather held out. We served pulled pork, BBQ beans, cornbread, pasta salad, potato salad, BBQ chicken and had a ton of desserts. It really was a great time and we ended up staying up until about 3:30 with a few people. It's been a while since I stayed up that late. 

We also got a bunch of money and some gifts (bonus!) I joked to W that if we get pregnant this cycle we will have enough wine until our child is about 2. The party really was great. 

This evening I attended my first support group for infertility. It was called Circle of Friends and was really good. The only thing is that it is put on by a fertility clinic I don't go to. I didn't say anything about that, but felt a little bad when they were specifically referencing that clinic. The thing is, my clinic doesn't offer anything like that and it didn't seem to be a big deal. On the website it wasn't specific to their clients. 

I am thinking of attending fertility yoga tomorrow as they have a small support group that follows as well. It was nice to see real faces dealing with the same issues. It made me realize we are at the shorter end of trying and treatments. There was one woman who did 7 IVF's (who also looked incredibly familiar), and another couple who just had their third IVF cycle that didn't work. It makes it clear that not everyone succeeds with IVF and this is the thing I am currently most nervous about. There isn't much use stressing about it and there was some great practical advice given tonight. I particularly liked the idea of having something scripted for social events and talking in advance about what will or won't be shared together. W and I are having a hard time with this lately since the excuse was always that he was in school. We are due for some new questions and not having a good response, this is something we need to work on. 

I tried to call the nurse Thursday and she wasn't in. I totally forgot (due to the party) to call on Friday and called today and didn't get a return call. I am a little nervous about Lupron, but we do have at least a 13 day supply already.  I think the biggest thing I need to internalize at this point is stress doesn't help or change anything. I am trying to be calm and positive about everything and highly considering acupuncture now that I found a fertility specific place. I just didn't want to go anywhere and pay all that money for someone who wasn't a specialist.