Thursday, March 1, 2012

Not Good

Today was my first ultrasound. From the title of this post, I'm sure you can tell it didn't go well. I was shaking like crazy and my pulse was super high. They first drew blood and then we started the ultrasound. W was there, holding my hand watching along with me. 

 I knew what we were looking for. After a few seconds, the technician turned the screen more towards herself. She looked and looked, and didn't find anything. There was a small spot that she said could be a gestational sac, but it was really small. We talked about dates, and then she agreed there should at least be a larger gestational sac as well as a fetal pole. None of those things were present. 

She said she couldn't say for sure what was going on and that we had to wait for my HCG results. If my levels continued to rise I would have to return for another scan. There was still a chance for an ectopic pregnancy as well. 

 We talked about whether I had frozen embryos and agreed that things weren't looking good based on the fact that I was supposed to be 6w1d. 

W's face dropped and as he walked out he looked so sad. I felt awful. We sat in the car and said nothing for a while. It definitely wasn't the way we wanted things to go today. 

We went out for breakfast and talked about everything. I had a call from the clinic while we were there and I listened to the voicemail. On the message she said my HCG levels had dropped and for me to call her back. I was honestly glad we weren't going to be stuck in more beta hell and have to repeat the ultrasound. 

I called back and talked to the NP. She said my HCG levels had dropped to 16.8 and to stop all of my meds. She said I should get a period within 1-2 weeks, but perhaps sooner. I have to go back monday to get my HCG levels checked again. I asked about a RPL (Recurrent Pregnancy Loss) panel, but since this pregnancy is considered chemical, she didn't think insurance would cover the cost. She welcomed me to call the financial advisor to find out. She then said we could treat the next cycle as if I do have RPL issues. We will use Lovenox and probably add IV intralipids. Apparently these help to suppress the immune system. 

We then talked about a FET. I guess I can go ahead the next cycle, but with our vacation (last week of March), I'm not sure how the timing will work out. She said once I get my period and my HCG is negative, I could start estrogen. 

 I can't say I'm extremely surprised. When my initial levels were low and didn't double Dr. Google did not give me promising news. Apparently only about 15% of pregnancies that don't double in a timely fashion turn out OK. Big surprise I fall into the 85%. 

Bring on the hot baths, wine, and sushi. 

25 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry :( This just sucks. I have plans to over-indulge in wine and sushi this weekend as well. ((hugs))

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  2. I'm very sorry to hear this news.

    Have lots of hot baths, lots of wine and lots of sushi and ball your face off for as long as you need to.

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  3. Ohhh no :( I'm so sorry!!! This is sad news to hear. Just not fair at all :( Hang tight to each other and enjoy the wine, baths and sushi. xo

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  4. I am so sorry ((HUGS))
    Please know that I am thinking of you. Hang tight to one another.

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  5. I'm so sorry to hear this- none of this is fair. Thinking of you.

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  6. I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. It sounds like you know how to take care of yourself right now, though. Hot baths, wine and sushi are all good medicine for the soul and broken heart. Hugs.

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  7. Oh Liz, I'm so sorry. Big hugs.

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  8. Oh SHIT Liz, I am so so sorry to read this. :( Big hugs from Colorado...

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  9. Oh no :( My heart fell for you when I read the title.

    Almost the exact same thing happened with my first pregnancy and it was hell. I will say that, for my pregnancy with Alexandra, they did give me Lovenox and some booster HcG shots (when I was very newly pregnant). I don't know if those things helped, but Alex is two, so who knows.

    I'm so sorry :( It's just not fair. It's complete shit and I'm sorry that it's happening to you.

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  10. I'm so sorry for your loss, Liz. Be kind to yourself in the coming days and weeks. Let hubs spoil you. You are in my thoughts

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  11. I'm so sorry to hear about this. You are in my thoughts.

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  12. I'm sorry to hear this. I hope the vacation brings much needed rest and clarity. You're gonna be in my thoughts and prayers no matter what direction you go in from here.

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  13. Thinking of you. This is so not fair!

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  14. So sorry. Sending you my love.

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  15. Oh, Liz... I am so, so, so sorry. I absolutely wish things had turned out differently for you this cycle. I know words don't accurately convey the pain I'm feeling for you guys, but I hope you know I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of love.

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  16. liz, i am so sorry. my heart goes out to you. hope your able to enjoy your vacation. you definitely deserve one. you're in my thoughts and prayers.

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  17. I'm really sorry. I wish you could have been in the 15%. Do somethng nice for yourself hon. I'm thinking of you.

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  18. Oh I am so sorry. I can not imagine what you are feeling right now. There is nothing I can say that will make you feel better, but just know that my thoughts are with you and I am saying prayers for you and W. :-(

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  19. Oh, Liz! I'm so sorry. Hot baths, wine and sushi sound awesome. I'm glad they'll be taking all the necessary precautions next time for RPL, and that you have frozen embies left. I hear many stories about how the fresh didn't take but the frozen did. I know you are getting so close!!!

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  20. I'm so sorry that you weren't in the 15%. :( This same exact thing happened to me, and the doctor's thought (with 20-20 hindsight) that my progesterone levels had been too low. With my next pregnancy, I was getting the injections TWICE a day, and using suppositories, to keep my levels in an ok range, and that pregnancy stuck.

    I got a pregnancy that stuck with a FET right after a miscarriage like yours. The only good news, is that embryos that come from a cycle where you got pregnant, even if only briefly, have a much better chance of implanting and getting you pregnant. I hope that is the case with you.

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  21. So so sorry you have to go through this. Sending lots of hugs.

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  22. I'm so sorry that you're going through this again. I would definitely look into insurance coverage for RPL testing. I was able to get everything covered after my second loss without too much hassle. I hope that you get some answers and that you have a successful FET.

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