Fighting the Good Fight

The Hysterosonogram is done. It wasn't fun and it was worse than I remembered. But it's done and I'm happy for that. First I was taken to the room where they do the dye test. At my old clinic this was something they did while I was knocked out for a lap surgery so I have zero recollection. It also was done at the hospital. My new clinic has the machine right there. I guess they also do the hysterosonogram test in that room. They took my blood and had me undress from the waist down and lie on the table. The nurse then told me she was going to put in the speculum and catheter. I'm not sure if she is missing a vagina or what, but she didn't seem to have the angle right. It took her a few painful tries but she finally got it in. The painful speculum experience was new. Uncomfortable? Sure. But headed in the wrong direction and painful? New. She then inserted the catheter which was accompanied with a little cramping but nothing bad. And then she left the room to get the doc.

Laying on a bed with a catheter in you all alone and waiting for someone is fun. It was Dr. Greene again (the RE who did my retrieval and transfer) and he apologized for how things worked out previously. What was different this time around is they also inserted a balloon with the catheter. He coached me on deep yoga breathing prior to starting and then told me to start breathing deep. As soon as he inflated the thing the cramping was pretty bad. He had the nurse snap some still photos and then it was done. 

He told me everything looked great. No polyps, no fibroids, and no possible explanation for the chemical. He had me lie there for another 5 minutes and then the nurse came back and I got dressed. I remembered at that time I wanted to ask him about progesterone (IM vs suppositories). He was happy to talk to me and gave me a detailed explanation that I accept. I don't remember all of the small points and I'm not sure you don't really care that much. Short and simple, for women under 35 studies show that the suppositories are more successful and effective. They lead to much higher progesterone levels in the uterus when endometrial biopsies are performed, regardless of what the blood levels indicate. Also, using the suppositories can help to determine when the placenta has taken over and when the suppositories can be stopped since the levels start to climb by quite a bit. I was satisfied. He then patted/rubbed my back, apologized for our chemical pregnancy, and told me to "Keep fighting the good fight." I've never really thought of it as a good fight, but I'll sure keep fighting.

I thought my period was done but today's fun adventure in infertility land brought it back out. It's mostly just spotting at this point, but annoying that it's back.

I found out today that one of the families I work with is pregnant. They didn't tell me, but told the special education teacher. They already have 2 boys and are both 24 years old. I guess she is concerned it is twins since her levels are high. The worst part? She is 6 weeks pregnant (one week earlier than what I could have been). Now I get to watch her announce her pregnancy early, complain about it, and proceeding to have a baby before me. Sure, pregnancy is common in my job. I work with young children so their parents are popping out more like it's going out of style. I can think of two other families where the mom is pregnant right now. It doesn't normally bother me, but the timing of this stings a bit. 

Also on Facebook I have a friend who posted a positive digital test the same week I got mine. To have the confidence to post a positive test on Facebook when you first get it is insane to me. She posted today complaining about morning sickness and then again later saying her first ultrasound is next week. I just can't fathom this confidence and nonchalance towards pregnancy. I'm insanely jealous of these two people who are going to have successful pregnancies and bring home babies in October. 

The past two days haven't been the greatest. The reality of still trudging through infertility waters has hit a little harder. I'm so ready to be through it all and to move on. To get pregnant and stay pregnant. To have a baby and not worry about taking an insane amount of meds, monitoring appointments, blood work, uncomfortable procedures, and jealousy. Until I get there though, I will continue to "fight the good fight."