Thursday, March 8, 2012

Fighting the Good Fight

The Hysterosonogram is done. It wasn't fun and it was worse than I remembered. But it's done and I'm happy for that. First I was taken to the room where they do the dye test. At my old clinic this was something they did while I was knocked out for a lap surgery so I have zero recollection. It also was done at the hospital. My new clinic has the machine right there. I guess they also do the hysterosonogram test in that room. They took my blood and had me undress from the waist down and lie on the table. The nurse then told me she was going to put in the speculum and catheter. I'm not sure if she is missing a vagina or what, but she didn't seem to have the angle right. It took her a few painful tries but she finally got it in. The painful speculum experience was new. Uncomfortable? Sure. But headed in the wrong direction and painful? New. She then inserted the catheter which was accompanied with a little cramping but nothing bad. And then she left the room to get the doc.

Laying on a bed with a catheter in you all alone and waiting for someone is fun. It was Dr. Greene again (the RE who did my retrieval and transfer) and he apologized for how things worked out previously. What was different this time around is they also inserted a balloon with the catheter. He coached me on deep yoga breathing prior to starting and then told me to start breathing deep. As soon as he inflated the thing the cramping was pretty bad. He had the nurse snap some still photos and then it was done. 

He told me everything looked great. No polyps, no fibroids, and no possible explanation for the chemical. He had me lie there for another 5 minutes and then the nurse came back and I got dressed. I remembered at that time I wanted to ask him about progesterone (IM vs suppositories). He was happy to talk to me and gave me a detailed explanation that I accept. I don't remember all of the small points and I'm not sure you don't really care that much. Short and simple, for women under 35 studies show that the suppositories are more successful and effective. They lead to much higher progesterone levels in the uterus when endometrial biopsies are performed, regardless of what the blood levels indicate. Also, using the suppositories can help to determine when the placenta has taken over and when the suppositories can be stopped since the levels start to climb by quite a bit. I was satisfied. He then patted/rubbed my back, apologized for our chemical pregnancy, and told me to "Keep fighting the good fight." I've never really thought of it as a good fight, but I'll sure keep fighting.

I thought my period was done but today's fun adventure in infertility land brought it back out. It's mostly just spotting at this point, but annoying that it's back.

I found out today that one of the families I work with is pregnant. They didn't tell me, but told the special education teacher. They already have 2 boys and are both 24 years old. I guess she is concerned it is twins since her levels are high. The worst part? She is 6 weeks pregnant (one week earlier than what I could have been). Now I get to watch her announce her pregnancy early, complain about it, and proceeding to have a baby before me. Sure, pregnancy is common in my job. I work with young children so their parents are popping out more like it's going out of style. I can think of two other families where the mom is pregnant right now. It doesn't normally bother me, but the timing of this stings a bit. 

Also on Facebook I have a friend who posted a positive digital test the same week I got mine. To have the confidence to post a positive test on Facebook when you first get it is insane to me. She posted today complaining about morning sickness and then again later saying her first ultrasound is next week. I just can't fathom this confidence and nonchalance towards pregnancy. I'm insanely jealous of these two people who are going to have successful pregnancies and bring home babies in October. 

The past two days haven't been the greatest. The reality of still trudging through infertility waters has hit a little harder. I'm so ready to be through it all and to move on. To get pregnant and stay pregnant. To have a baby and not worry about taking an insane amount of meds, monitoring appointments, blood work, uncomfortable procedures, and jealousy. Until I get there though, I will continue to "fight the good fight." 


  1. Love the quote "fight the good fight"... a positive spin on what this struggle. I'm so sorry for everything you've been through and are going through now.... is so hard to watch others be so sure about something that brings so much uncertainty for us. Love to you & fighting with you xoxo

  2. Aww. Your doc is a sweetie! Im glad you made it through all of that pain. :( you must block that person on fb she is gonna drive you nuts for 9 months! Im irritated for you! Hang in there hun. Hugs.

  3. I remember my HSG like it was yesterday. My doctor used a balloon catheter as well and holy hell it hurt. I had cramps so bad I couldn't walk and the spotting lasted a couple days. I am so sorry you had to go through that. This fight sure does suck, but it is all worth it and I agree with your doc it is the "good fight." And as for the annoying pregnant lady, I agree with Lanie block her!

  4. My friend said the other day with complete confidence, 'we are going to have another baby when B is three, because that is the age gap we want between them'. And they will. Just like that.

  5. My HSG was probably 7 years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. Then again, that may be because I was telling someone literally yesterday how awful it was.

    I used to do a home visitation prgm for pregnant and newly parenting moms. I so understand being surrounded by the pregnant bellies all day long. It sucks.

    Sending hugs!

  6. Ouch! I just had one done, but it wasn't that painful. My nurse told me to take like a bazillion milligrams of ibuprofen before I came in, though, and I think that helped. I hate it when nurses/doctors are bad with a speculum. C'mon, it's what you do all day!

    I wish I could live in the world where a positive pregnancy test meant an actual, live baby in 9 months. *sigh* Don't we all?

  7. I'm always amazed at how others are super confident when they have a baby and they blurt out the news early and nothing happens and they just go on being happy. I'm so wrath with worry and concern. Having lost a baby in my 7th month I don't know that I'll ever just have the courage to announce it on FB or super early on. Maybe on my blog cause it is a world I feel comfortable in cause so many others can relate, and are fighting the good fight. But I'd still be scared.

  8. ((hugs)) Liz. It sucks that some people get to be so naive about pregnancy.