When work breaks your heart

Many of the families I work with I get to know well. I mean, I go into their house twice a week, play with their kids, and give them advice and ideas to enhance speech and language. Topics other than their children often come up.

Family #1: Mom just turned 21 and has two boys (4 and 2). I work with the 2 year-old (Ronnie) who isn't really talking. He uses a few words with lots of prompting, but doesn't talk much spontaneously. The boy who is 4 is profoundly deaf and goes to a special education school. He has no functional speech and has lots of behavioral issues. I started talking with Mom the other day about the father of the 4 year old. We had talked previously about how he was much older and charges were pressed against him. Well, I asked about how court went and she went into further detail about the guy. Apparently, he is her step-father and raped her from ages 6-12. He controlled much of her life and she found out she was pregnant 3 days before her 16th birthday. The guy recently got 2 years of probation and the decision fell partly on her as to whether she wanted him to have to register as a sex offender. I left the house in shock and feeling so badly for her. She tries her best, but her abilities are limited at 21 with 2 children. She owns her trailer and recently got back together with the father of her youngest and is always receptive to strategies and ideas I give her. I think she has done incredibly well considering her background.

Family #2: One of the worst houses I have gone into. I no longer see the little girl (Jasmine) as she went to a preschool where they provide services there. Mom is VERY overweight and often doesn't wear pants (that's a story for another day). I try my best to help families I know have limited resources by passing on clothes or toys from different families. If a family I work with has clothes they are going to donate to Goodwill, I tend to take them instead and pass them on to a family I know needs them and will use them. Well, although I don't work with Jasmine anymore a family gave me some clothes to give to her. I dropped them off on Friday. Jasmine was pretty severely delayed. From the way she walked, I called her a "drunken toddler" by the way she walked (she also received physical therapy and a special education teacher). The physical therapist had referred her to a neurologist and I hadn't gotten the update since I no longer see her. Well, Mom found out she has Trisomy 16 and is probably having seizures. The doctor's aren't sure she will ever be "normal".

I hate to say it, but seeing in person a child with a chromosomal disorder and knowing her abilities makes me know that my miscarriage happened for a reason. I can't imagine raising a child with needs like her. 

My job isn't always easy, but knowing I can help others to the best of my abilities makes me feel better. Sometime though, you can only do so much.

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Tonight I will take my third dose of Clomid. I haven't experienced many side effects, but I said the same about the Provera and then it hit me that day. 

I spoke with the nurse at my clinic on Friday and was SO happy she was back from having surgery. I told her how difficult it was to get questions answered and how bad the office was, and she said she had heard the same from many others. She was able to answer any and all questions I had and told me I will go in on April 11th for an ultrasound. If my follicles are mature that day, I will trigger that night and come in the next two days for inseminations. If not, I will return the next day or two days later for another ultrasound. Unfortunately the ultrasound is the same day that I have to give an inservice for work, but I'm sure it will all work out. 

I am amazed by how quickly this is all happening. The scenario I had in my head was that AF would come about 5 days after stopping Provera (Tuesday), but instead it started before I even finished the Provera. I don't think I really needed it and I don't think I gave my body the credit it deserved. I've never had to take anything to get my period before, I was just eager to get the show on the road. 

I just hope this week goes by quickly.