Discouraged

Well, I finally talked to the nurse at my clinic after playing phone tag for the past two days. Let me tell you, waiting 2 days to get ultrasound results sucks. I haven't been able to focus at work and have been feeling down. I had an idea about what the news would be, but it was confirmed today. 

The news sucks. On the left I had a dominant follicle that measured 18x17. On the right I had two bigger ones measuring 14x10, 12x8 and a tiny one at 10x8. The nurse reiterated we were planning to trigger on Wednesday until I asked her/reminded her about not having a tube on the left side. Well, she forgot, as did my RE. Come on guy, you removed the tube a little over a month ago!!! She then paused and said she would have to talk with him tomorrow and call me back then. 

I asked whether it was possible to ovulate on my own before the trigger and she said it could happen. I then asked if I should use OPK's and she said no. I asked if there was any chance the ones on the right would catch up, and she said they were counting on the one on the left being the best, if not the only one. It is unlikely they will catch up. 

Needless to say, it sucks to be out for this cycle before it ever really started. I am so disappointed that the dominant follicle is on the left and that I have no tube there. The reality of only having one tube is starting to hit hard. So is the reality of dealing with side effects for essentially nothing.  I'm also disappoited with my clinic. I can't belive they didn't remember that I am missing my left tube. It seems like everyone forgets this but me. This is the first time I have been disappointed by my clinic, but it seems like something you would remember. I have been feeling like they don't really care about doing IUI's and that I haven't really been on the radar. 

My hubby and I went for a walk after receiving the news and talked about our next cycle. It's not that we won't try this cycle, and it hasn't been confirmed the IUI will be cancelled, but I don't want to waste it if it isn't likely to work. There's always that theory of transmigration, but I'm sure as hell not betting on it. 

W previously said that doing an IUI was like rolling a dice, and that eventually your number comes up. What happens if you don't even get the roll the dice? I don't like the odds of IUI to begin with (20-25% success), but not even getting to the IUI puts those odds even lower. 

 My RE said that on average you ovulate 50/50 from each ovary over the course of a year. That doesn't mean that each month you alternate, it just means that over time they both average half of the year. Next month the exact same thing could happen again. 

I want to try something that will give me more than one dominant follicle. I'm not sure what my RE's response will be, but I feel like they will say call on us CD1 and we will prescribe more Clomid.  

I am so disappointed that this cycle was over before it even started : (

Can I get some Provera? ....... JK