Saturday, April 16, 2011

Mind over matter

My hubby and I have been talking a lot the past few days about my mood and attitude towards this cycle. This week I was feeling SO down and couldn't figure out why. It was worse than after the miscarriage; I was feeling so depressed. I know it sucks to have follicles on the wrong side, but really Liz? I was tired all the time, struggling to make it through each work day, feeling somewhat anxious and unable to focus on anything, and crying a lot. Each day as the week went on all I wanted to do was come home and curl up on the couch or in bed and cry. It was bad. Well, last night we were talking and it all started to come together. I started feeling my mood change as soon as I started the Clomid. My hubby agreed that I haven't been myself since starting it (the past 2 or so weeks). It started as moodiness and feeling short tempered and evolved into depression. It is hard to think that something so small could affect you so much, but I'm pretty sure that is the culprit. I'm not prone to getting depressed and have dealt pretty well with all of this infertility crap. I try to keep a positive mind frame and not dwell on the things I cannot control. This was definitely the worst I have felt during the past 9 months in dealing with everything. I was starting to wonder whether it had all built up to this point, but now I'm starting to doubt that. I blame it on the Clomid. 

Having said that I am able to feel much better. I consulted Google last night and found SO MANY entries on forums and boards where people said that Clomid made them depressed. My mind and body were telling me not to repeat the IUI and give up because I was subconsciously aware that it was the Clomid and I didn't want to repeat the process. I found faults with every avenue of my treatment this cycle and was ready to switch RE's. I have had great experiences with my clinic up until this month where my judgment was clouded, and therefore, so were my feelings about everything. 
Having said all of that I plan to make a call to my RE and raise some questions and concerns about this cycle and future ones. I'm not sure what his opinion will be about repeating Clomid, especially given the fact that it made me super depressed. In all fairness, my ovaries responded well, just not my brain. I would love to try something that will give me more than one dominant follicle, even if that means risking more than one baby. 

I am feeling SO MUCH better after realizing that my mood has been affected by Clomid. I was starting to wonder what was wrong with me and why I was feeling so terrible about everything. Starting last night I adopted the attitude of mind over matter and I know that I can control my mood and be more positive. 
My hubby smiled at me this morning and said it was good to have me back. 


  1. i'm so sorry the clomid has brought you down. i'm really glad that you and DH talked about it, though. it sounds like you two are a great team and that's so important!

  2. I feel like Im in the same boat with my inectibles. I was sooooo sad last night, cried for hours and I blame all the hormones im injecting myself with. Im so glad you are feeling better though! :)

  3. The Clomid Crazies have affected us all for sure. I'm glad you're leveling out!

  4. Don't feel bad. I didn't get depressed but my mood was sure 'off' on Clomid.

    My advice...ask to switch to Femara (Letrozole). It gave me a headache, but had less side effects and it gave me more follies. In fact, if Clomid is that hard on you, please BEG to try Letrozole.

    Good luck!

  5. I just ran across your blog and am so glad I did . . .I was a completely different person on clomid and just like you the depression hit pretty deeply, pretty fast. It was so hard to "see the forest through the trees" and I was so happy to be off of it. Needless to say months of clomid did nothing for me but drive me nuts and make me bloated, but I am crossing my fingers that it will be more helpful for you!

  6. OMG Liz....when I was on the clomid I WAS A MESS!!! I usually handle this infertility stuff really well (if I must say so myself,) but on the clomid I was a royal mess!!! In fact, I don't think I've cried or had any real out and out break-downs over the past 3 years except for when I was on the clomid. I freaked out, screaming and yelling and crying that this is never going to work...more then once while taking the clomid. As soon as the 5 days of clomid was over...I'd be back to normal. I HATED clomid, but just knowing that is what was causing my depression, mood swings and meltdowns..made me feel better. I hope this is IT for you so that you don't have to take them again!!!

    Thanks so much for all of your awesome helpful advice on my post last night! It REALLY helped and I feel like I have a better handle on things! So, thank you!!!!

  7. Of course it's clomid! I was a complete wreck when I was on it, and only clued in once I was done. I can't even explain how mad, sad, depressed, lethargic I was. You're not alone!