Time is dragging

Maybe it is the fact that were are leaving for vacation in a few days, or that fact that our next cycle trying seems so far off, but it just feels like time is going by slowly lately.

We have our next appointment with the RE tomorrow and I am SO nervous. It must be because every time I go there, I seem to get more bad news. I think about my last appointment there, when I found out I had miscarried and had to make decisions about what I wanted to do. It always makes me nervous to go, and I am worried about my blood work results. I never have high blood pressure except when I am at my RE's office.

I went for more blood work on Wednesday morning to check my HCG and fasting insulin and glucose levels. I am so nervous about the results of the insulin and glucose. I did take a pregnancy test this afternoon (2 weeks post D & C) and it was negative! I will be curious to find out what the actual level is tomorrow. When I took a pregnancy test a week ago and it was still positive, it was like a @*$% you, but this week I was a little sad to just see one line. There is no telling when I will see two lines again.

I am planning to go to my appointment armed with questions and a plan. I don't want to do the 3 month (just Clomid), 3 month (Clomid and IUI's), 3 month plan (injectables and IUI's) my RE had suggested. I want to be more aggressive and optimize our chances of getting pregnant. My worst case scenario is that we are looking at IVF 9 months from now (exactly 1 year after our first planned IVF). I don't want to wait forever to end up in the same spot we were this past January. When I read about other people's IUI cycles, they never seem all that successful. Only having one good tube makes me even more nervous about failure since our chances will be reduced.

In other news, we are leaving for the Dominican Republic on Sunday. It is daylight savings and our flight is supposed to leave at 6 AM. This will make is feel more like 5 AM. It is going to be so nice to get away and enjoy some sunshine and warm weather. It will also be great to focus on our relationship and each other without the usual distractions of life.

We had a couple over for dinner on Saturday night. The girl is my co-worker and just entered her third trimester. We have been walking for a few months together at the gym and I really like her. We asked them to bring a salad and as we sat down to eat I looked at her and said, "What kind of soft cheese is in the salad?" She proceeded to tell me it was feta and that she doesn't "always follow all the rules." It's hard to hear this from someone who is so far along is her pregnancy without a hitch. I am forever kicking myself for not following all the rules completely. This whole infertility thing takes the fun out of everything. I have to admit though, I have been loving eating soft cheeses, drinking coffee, eating sushi, and drinking wine. Better live it up while I can. I plan to eat seafood every day on my vacation, perhaps more than once a day!