Worry

It's hard not to worry these days. Every little twinge or feeling makes me worry. This morning I felt awful and had to lie down in bed a few times before motivating to get dressed and out the door for work. I debated just canceling and staying home, especially since it seemed like my body was trying to tell me to take it easy. I am taking progesterone suppositories 3x's/day and am constantly leaking (sorry if TMI), but this always makes me have to check to be sure I'm not bleeding. When I didn't have to pee much during the day the other day it made me worry. I am really looking forward to my appointment next Friday to check for the heartbeat. I am hoping it is all snuggled up in there.

We have a nickname that we have been using (E.G.S) for early gestational sac. I've read it's only about the size of a poppy seed, but I feel so exhausted. I work with children and bring toys and games to play with them. I have been way too tired at the end of any day to switch the stuff I have from my car. I am getting pretty bored of Mr. Potato Head, but still too tired to do anything about it. As we were walking our dogs the other night my hubby joked that our E.G.S is "determined." I laughed and said, "you mean stubborn?" I guess it might have already gotten that trait from me.

The symptoms I have had so far:

VERY strong sense of smell. Last night the roasted red peppers smelled delicious. When I came home and smelled them today they smelled terrible.

Mood swings and being emotional especially when I am hungry. This morning I struggled with our garage door and then left without putting the dogs inside. As I drove off I saw them looking at me like WTF? I took a loop around the block and convinced them to come in with the empty promise of treats. By the time I left I was ready to break down into tears since I was running so late. Some afternoons I just feel like crying over nothing, probably because this is the time I am most hungry.

My boobs are SO sore and appear HUGE (at least to me.) I can't believe how much they seem to have grown already.

Exhaustion. Some days I have to come home and nap and we have been going to bed really early. It is hard to motivate to do anything after about 1:30. I had to laugh the other day when a kid was using an avoidance strategy of "I'm to tired" and I just said "I'm to tired too and pretended to lay down." He told me I should stay and take a nap on the couch.

Slight nausea and some food aversions. Things that I was eating a lot of before don't remotely appeal to me. Other things I never eat (like mustard) suddenly seem like a great condiment.



I am really happy with our situation and feel like I will be able to breathe a big sigh of relief after next Friday when we are both able to see it on ultrasound. I got to tell someone today (the Mom of the kid I work with who has known all about the IVF.) She was super excited and gave me two big hugs. It was nice to tell someone, especially since we won't be telling anyone else any time soon.

I am feeling really sad about moving on from my RE. It's not that I've never liked a doctor before, but I've never loved one like I do him. Between Friday and Monday he personally called me three times. He has always been extremely thorough and compassionate. I will be bummed to move on, but glad to graduate and no longer need him (hopefully.) It's hard not to get ahead of myself these days, but then there are other moments where I worry and fear for the longevity of this pregnancy.