Ultrasound at 7 Weeks

Yesterday morning was our second ultrasound. I woke up feeling nervous and found out that morning sickness nausea paired with fertility clinic anxiety is not a good combination. 

I got stuck with my least favorite NP. She didn't say much, and there was definitely no congratulations. When she started the scan she saw 2 and was annoyed I didn't tell her there were 2. It did make me smirk a little that she was doing the ultrasound since she was the one who warned me that Dr. Br.averman was just going to take my money. She's never been very friendly or nice, so I didn't care much. I just wanted to see our little ones again. 

As soon as she started I saw the 2 little sacs again. She pointed out both heartbeats and W squeezed my hand. She was pretty quick with everything. Both babies measured 6w5d and I was 7w1d. I'm really not concerned they are measuring a few days behind since I know there is a margin for error and that there can be a little difference with no problem. Baby A's heartbeat was 127 and baby B's was 129. She didn't let us listen to the heartbeats for long, just quickly played them in order to measure. It felt more scientific than anything else. I was a little disappointed we didn't get to hear them a little longer, but oh well. They are just so rushed at that clinic, so they don't take much time to do anything. 

I was so relived to see them both and hear their little heartbeats. It's amazing to think that I have 2 little babies growing away inside me. 

I went yesterday to get my blood drawn again to test my Anti Herparin XA. I made it just on time to be 4 hours after my Lovenox shot. The phlebotomist drew my blood and I left. A little while later I had a voicemail on my phone. It was the lab saying something was wrong and that they wanted me to come back and get it done again. I know that what was wrong is that the phlebotomist used the wrong tube. I thought about mentioning it when I was there, but didn't.  I had a done the same blood work a week prior and the phlebotomist was sure to go ask someone before drawing my blood. She was surprised as to which tube was needed.

I was pretty annoyed they screwed it up and that I had to go back today and do it again. I'm no stranger to needles and blood draws, but I'd like to avoid unnecessary ones if possible. 

Annoyance aside, I'm so happy and excited about our little twins. We are just feeling so lucky and blessed. 

Taking it Easy and Feeling Queasy

Things have started to sink in since Monday's ultrasound. The only thing really sinking in is that I'm pregnant, not that I'm pregnant with twins. 

I'm 6 weeks 6 days today and symptoms are really starting to kick in. How am I feeling?

Exhausted: I had a super easy work week this week and did lots of napping every day. I try to take at least an hour nap most days and have no trouble falling asleep at night. The other night I didn't nap and was passed out on the couch before 9. I love the weekends because I can nap and relax as much as I like. Sleep has always been one of my favorite things, so I love that I'm getting lots of extra sleep. 

Sore Boobs: I was surprised how long this took to happen. I've had cycles where progesterone made them feel so big and sore before I ever found out if the cycle worked or not. I would say this really just started this past week, but man, they are suddenly so painful and huge. They also look more veiny lately. The right one appears to be bigger than the left so that's fun. I think it's always subtly the case, but it's just exaggerated now. 

Nauseous: This comes and goes and I haven't thrown up. I just feel like I have motion sickness a lot. Eating definitely helps so I try to keep my stomach full. I was having a lot of middle-of-the-night nausea at first but that's been better lately. I think it may have been related to my prenatal. I don't mind this because it's a reminder that I'm pregnant and it makes me feel more confident about things. W says, "It's it bad that it makes me smile when you tell me you feel nauseous?" 

Hunger: I'm SO hungry all the time. It's truly impressive how often I want to eat. Snacking often really helps to keep the nausea away. 

Aversions or Cravings: I want nothing to do with meat. We have been making lots of vegetarian meals and eating lots of beans for protein. Yesterday morning W served me a plate of bacon and eggs and I couldn't handle it. I ate a few bites of eggs but was so grossed out that I couldn't eat it. I'm not really craving anything specific, but occasionally I will hear a food mentioned and then I really want it. Going to the supermarket is always interesting because of what I suddenly decide I want to buy. 

Frequent Urination: The cat doesn't want to sleep with me anymore because I get up a few times each night to pee. Our dog also dodges me each time I get up because she thinks I'm going to step on her. It happened once a long time ago but I guess it was memorable to her.  

Smells: I really dislike this symptom. I go into so many homes and am exposed to so many different smells every day. I feel like a blood hound. 

I read online what is supposed to be happening and how big our babies are supposed to be this week. I haven't signed up to receive any updates or anything. I did that in the past and then got updates about things my baby definitely wasn't doing. I even received formula and coupons in the mail a few times. So, I'm staying cautious, but still reading.

According to those websites our babies are developing a nose, mouth, and ears this week. They have oversized heads with dark spots that will turn into eyes and little nostrils that are starting to form. They also have little buds that will turn into arms and legs soon. The kidneys, liver, and lungs are developing. The babies are about a quarter of an inch long. I've looked at pictures of embryos at 7 weeks and they aren't exactly cute. I tell W they look like him or a baby dinosaur, but definitely not like me : )

I'm trying to stay positive and believe that everything is going well. I have another ultrasound scheduled for Tuesday and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm not willing to go to any ultrasounds without W for a while. This week we should get measurements on the babies as well as the heart rates. We didn't find those things out last week so I'm nervous to find out whether everything is where it should be. 

Dr. Br.averman ordered some additional blood work to see how the Lovenox was working. I went on Thursday to get my blood drawn exactly 4 hours after my shot. That morning I must have hit a blood vessel because the shot really bled and then bruised SO badly. I can't believe how big and dark the bruise is. It's probably the size of the palm of my hand and a deep dark purple. I heard from the nurse Sandra the next day that my levels were a bit low. Dr. B wants me to repeat this test and we may have to increase my Lovenox dose. I can't help but wonder if my shot mishap that morning had something to do with the results. I guess repeating will be the only way to find out.

Feeling symptoms really helps to ease my fears. I know we have a long way to go, but I'm feeling pretty good about things. Please let these be my take-home babies.

Aunt Liz

My sister had her baby yesterday. His name is Benjamin Gabriel and he's absolutely adorable. We are all joking that he needs a haircut already. He was 7.5 pounds and 20 1/2 inches. 

She was induced Tuesday morning starting at 7 AM. By 3 in the afternoon she was at 4 cm and they gave her an epidural. She then told me she stalled out at 4-5 cm for about 6 hours. I checked my phone each time I got up to use the bathroom and there was still no word all night. I texted around 7 AM and my BiL said she was pushing. She pushed for 2 1/2 hours without anything happening. She ended up having a c section around 9:45 AM. I can't imagine going through 26 hours of labor and then ending up with a c section. She seemed happy with it all in the end. Last night she told me she was more sore from all the pushing than she was from her incision. 

W and I are not planning to go out to see them until next weekend. I'm sad I'm not there to see him, but I'm trying to wait until the dust settles and I am giving them a chance to be home for a little bit before we go. I really can't wait to meet him. I'm amazed by how much he looks like both of them. I hope he'll be a good big cousin. 

Ultrasound

Our ultrasound was Monday morning at 9:45. We headed down to NYC on Saturday evening and planned to spend all of Sunday in the city. Our friend's still have their empty (minus a bed) apartment in Queens that they gave us the keys to again. It's so nice having a free and empty place to stay right in the city. 

Empire State Plaza lit up for President's Day Saturday night

We slept in Sunday morning and took our time before we headed into Manhattan. We took the subway in (after an extra little ride and some confusion) and first went to Central Park. We saw all of the horse drawn carriages and looked out at the park for a bit. We were pretty hungry at that point so headed to look for some lunch. 

We stopped at an Italian restaurant and got some amazing soup and pizza. When we were totally full we went to FAO Schwarz. We spent quite a bit of time browsing around and had a great time. We picked out and bought a really neat NYC children's book. 

Giant Twizzlers at FAO Schwarz

Our next destination was then Grand Central Station but along the way I wasn't feeling great so we stopped at St. Bart's to take a little rest. We sat and relaxed in the quiet for a bit and then both lit a candle. 

In Grand Central there was a couple taking wedding photos so we watched them for a bit and then got a smoothie and sat a little longer. We admired the beautiful building, looked for a unique gift shop that was recommended and closed, and did some great people watching.

 From Grand Central we then headed to Broadway/Times Square to look for discounted show tickets. The line was really short and we bought tickets for an Off-Broadway show for that evening. We went into a couple of gift shops and bought an I Love NY onesie we've wanted to buy for a while. We also got a little outfit that had New York taxi cabs all over it. 

Since I knew I would need my Lovenox shot during the time the show would be going on, and we had some time before the show, we went back to the apartment to grab it. It was absolutely freezing out so we warmed up at the apartment for a short time. We grabbed some amazingly delicious and fast dinner at a Tibetan/Nepalese restaurant. We rushed to get to the show and really enjoyed it. It was a super small theatre and there were two actors in the whole show. I decided next time I want to see something bigger and on Broadway, but we still had a great time. 

Without a nap at all yesterday and with our busy day I fell asleep shortly after returning to the apartment. 

I woke up this morning feeling terrified and so nervous for everything. I made the mistake of looking last week at my blog to read about my symptoms and the way I felt when I had a missed miscarriage two years ago. I found out the day we found there was no heartbeat was the same date of my appointment today (Feb 18th). Finding this out made me even more terrified. 

I could hardly eat anything but forced myself to take some bites of cereal. We gave ourselves plenty of time and arrived super early. We sat in the car a bit and then decided to head in about 15 minutes before my scheduled appointment. The office was super packed and I knew we would be waiting a while. We waited nervously for about an hour before being called in. 

Once called in the nurse asked me how I was feeling and I told her I was really nervous. I asked if they would be doing blood work and she said as long as everything went well they wouldn't. She told me Dr. Br.averman would be doing the ultrasound. 

We waited another 10 minutes or so before he came in. When he asked me how I was I told him I was terrified. I said he didn't doubt it and got right down to business. He told us he may not say anything initially and that we shouldn't be alarmed if it happened.

 "Wandy" went in and within a few second W and I both saw two little sacs. Pretty quickly he confirmed what we thought and said that there were two sacs. He then zoomed in on them and said there were yolk sacs. A few seconds more and he detected one, and then two little heartbeats. He pointed them out and then tried to turn on the sound to hear them. He said because I was breathing so heavy (being so nervous) that we might not hear them or get a measure. We did not hear them and he said it was likely they had just started beating. From there he looked at my ovaries and then looked at the doppler blood flow to my uterus. He took a while doing this and I had definitely calmed down a bit at that point. Once he was done with that he went back and looked at the heartbeats again. He congratulated us and said something about this being their first appearance together. 

You can't see much, but there's definitely two! One only looks smaller because of the angle. 

He pointed out something about the wave of the blood flow and said he wanted to keep an eye on it. I think it had something to do with the way the blood flow reverberated or something. He wanted us to come back in two weeks, but said everything looks great and that we shouldn't be concerned about the blood flow thing. He said usually it resolves itself and thats why he wants to look again in two weeks.

W and I are so excited and scared. It really doesn't seem real at all and we are waiting for it all to sink in. Two little heartbeats!! It's so hard to believe that this may be happening. 

Surreal

Every year I have to get a TB test for work. It's really no big deal and the county I live in offers a clinic every Tuesday for 10 dollars. I've been slacking on getting this done and finally made an appointment to do it today.

The appointment was at 4:00 and I showed up a little early hoping I could get home sooner. I was the first one there and they immediately gave me paperwork to fill out.

The first page included a bunch of simple questions. I answered no to most questions and was then able to answer the golden question the way I've been dying to for years. The question read "Are you pregnant?" It was pretty amazing to be able to make an x in the "yes" column. 

When the nurse "Jackie" called me over to talk prior to the test she scanned down the questionnaire page. Then she came to the bottom question. She immediately congratulated me and told me the test was safe during pregnancy (I had previously asked Dr. B so knew this to be the case). I told her I was really early and that we had been trying for a long time. She asked me when I would be due and I told her October.

A totally normal conversation that a pregnant person might have. It really felt like a dream. 

I then got called to the back of the room to get the shot. At this point no shots really phase me so it was no big deal. She told me I was done and that I had to return on Friday to get the test read. She then said I would get a copy of the form that day to send to my employer. 

Que my minor freak out. I told her there was something on there I didn't want to share with my employer and pointed to the same question that made me so happy to answer yes to a few minutes prior. She called over the first woman I talked to and she came up with a plan. She said when I go on Friday to get it read that I should ask for her. She said she could white-out the original so we can send it to my employer without that information on it. 

It's amazing how something can go from so exciting to so troublesome so quickly. I'm glad we made a plan and that my boss won't find out so soon. I'm also super thrilled I got to put an x in the "yes" column. I was so excited I almost took a picture. 

Terrified

I'm really struggling with knowing how to feel about everything. I want to be excited, but I can't help but be guarded in my feelings. My body has only failed me when it comes to pregnancy so it's hard to think everything is going to be fine. I have moments where I feel really confident that this is going to work out, but then I also have moments of terror where I worry that things will go poorly again.

I'm feeling exhausted, my boobs are sore, I'm peeing more, I'm having crazy ass dreams every night, and I've been feeling nauseous and yucky. Those are all things to feel positive about. The cramps and headaches scare me though. To be honest, I really don't know what a normal pregnancy feels like because I've never had one. I so badly want this to work out, but I'm terrified it won't. Did other people experience cramps early in their pregnancies?

I haven't had any spotting or skull crushing headaches. These things have indicted a poor outcome in the past.

I keep wondering why I wanted this. Now that I'm pregnant again it's hard to feel positive about it. I'm anxious, scared, worried, and overwhelmed. It's hard to just sit back and think everything is going to be great.

I know our numbers were really fantastic and things have never started so great for us. But I'm also not naive enough to think that just because things started great they will all end great. I really wish I could sit back and enjoy the ride, but I'm just too terrified. I'm really trying, but I feel like I'm still riding a roller coaster of emotions.

Beta #2

This morning I went in early for my second beta and to repeat my immune panel. I had taken a test last night despite saying I was not going to test for a bit. The dark line that appeared quite quickly gave me  a lot more confidence than I had been feeling. Monday and Tuesday were spent being terrified about whether the number would double or not. 

I had to wait until almost 2:00 before today's number was posted on the portal. 

The news is amazing! My number jumped from 185.5 to 433.4. That equals a doubling time of 38.8 hours. I've never had a second beta number double, so this was really great news.

I'm debating trying to get an ultrasound locally next week rather than waiting until 6 weeks to do one at Br.averman's office. I'm not even sure if my old clinic would do one for me if I requested. 

Today we are able to breathe a huge sigh of relief. I'm so grateful and excited. We plan to use a gift certificate for a local fine dining restaurant this weekend to celebrate the great news. We've only been holding on to it for a year and a half, waiting for this moment to be able to use it. 

dazeychic Etsy Shop

Testing and Beta #1

I didn't update much this week due to being cautious. I kept track of how things were going, but decided not to hit publish until I was ready and feeling more confident. 

4dp5dt Wednesday morning. After getting up I decided to pull out a Wondfo test. I had a negative two days prior so knew the booster HCG shot was gone. I dipped it in my pee cup and hopped in the shower. W was already at work and he didn't know I was going to test. I told myself it was far to early to get a positive and prepared myself for a negative result. I was fine with a negative result because it was so early. I got out of the shower and glanced at the test. It looked negative. I started to get ready and then went back to the test. I thought I saw the faintest line ever. From that point on I would walk away from the test just to walk back and look at it. I held it up in different lighting and was starting to consistently see the faintest second line. I then wished that I hadn't dumped the pee so that I could dip another test just to be sure it wasn't a fluke. I looked at the test a few more times and then left for the morning. I had to pee later in the morning and decided to go home so I could take another look at the test. I still saw the faintest second line. I changed my day around a bit so I could have lunch with W when he came home. When he was home I told him we needed to talk. I told him I knew it was early but that I had tested early. I then asked him to come look at the test. He also saw the faint line. Could I really have a second line 4 days after my transfer? It was so early in the morning when I took the test and my transfer was done at 2PM. Technically I wasn't even a full 4 days past my transfer.  

5dp5dt Thursday morning. I dipped another stick and was super nervous to find out if the first one was just a fluke. The second line appeared a little more quickly and was slightly more obvious. It was still super light and could be considered a "squinter". When a blogger friend texted me to wish me good luck I couldn't resists and shared the news with her. 

6dp5dt Friday morning. I didn't use a test that morning.  I had gotten up at 5:30 to pee and knew my FMU was going to be crap. My blogger friend texted my again that morning and I told her I skipped so I wouldn't go crazy analyzing lines. That afternoon I couldn't resist any longer and peed again. The line was starting to get a bit darker and more noticeable.  

7dp5dt Saturday morning. I didn't use a test again and thought I would not test at all. We went over to our friend's house T&B and saw their little guy O who turned two weeks that day. We had lots of snuggling time with the baby, a delicious and spicy lunch, and we watched a college basketball game. At one point I went upstairs with T to be her "pumpany" and couldn't resist telling her when she asked how I was feeling. She teared up (post pregnancy hormones?), and then exclaimed that she had a test in the bathroom. She gave me a digital EPT test and I got nervous knowing that a digital needed a higher level of HCG to register positive. I looked it up online and found that the sensitivity was 50 and decided not to take it there, but to take the test with me when I left. When I got to my in-law's house about an hour later I couldn't resist any longer and peed on it. The digital readout of pregnant showed quite quickly. I immediately called W and showed him. We were both super excited. That night I used another Wondfo test and got an awesome line that was so much darker from the previous day. I was really seeing progression in the tests and getting super excited that this could actually be happening. 

8dp5dt Sunday. I used a Wondfo test and started to get concerned when the line was lighter. I figured it didn't matter that much from day to day and decided not to stress it. It was still positive and I convinced myself I was still pregnant. 

9dp5dt Monday morning (this morning) was Beta day. I used my FMU with a Wondfo test after not getting up all night to pee (we went to bed around midnight since we were up late for the Superbowl.) The line took a while to show up and definitely wasn't any darker. As it dried it looked on par with Saturday's test. W and I started to talk about another chemical and feel super bummed out. I couldn't help but worry that the number would be positive but not high enough. I had my blood test at 7:15 and just needed to wait to hear. My old clinic did the blood work and they have an online portal to check the numbers. I checked non-stop all morning and no results. I finally checked again around 1:45 to see the amazing results. My HCG level was 185.5 and my progesterone was >40!! 

I couldn't believe how great the HCG number was given the test I had taken that morning. I had worried and felt so nervous all day waiting to hear the results. I called W and told him the great news and then texted my yoga buddies to tell them the results. I'm so amazed at this number and feeling so positive. 

Dr. B.raverman called me around 2:15 and I took the call during a speech session. He told me I was "very pregnant" and that he was feeling really confident with my numbers. He told me he wanted me to have a repeat beta on Wednesday and also repeat the immune panel. He said all of our running around appeared to have been worth it and congratulated me. It was a really great conversation.  When I asked about a first ultrasound he said he would want to do one 4 weeks from retrieval. That is 2 weeks from today. He then said he wanted to do it himself and asked whether we were planning to come to LI for it. I admitted I hadn't gotten that far yet in my thinking. He told me to think about it. Once again he said congratulations and we hung up. 

I'm still feeling cautious and scared for the outcome of everything. I know a positive test or beta doesn't equal a take-home baby in 9 months. We've been here before. I so badly want this to be our little one, but know I need to take things one step at a time. The number is so much better than anything we have ever gotten at this point s it's hard to not get too excited at the same time. I guess I'll just walk the tightrope for now.