I'm really struggling with knowing how to feel about everything. I want to be excited, but I can't help but be guarded in my feelings. My body has only failed me when it comes to pregnancy so it's hard to think everything is going to be fine. I have moments where I feel really confident that this is going to work out, but then I also have moments of terror where I worry that things will go poorly again.
I'm feeling exhausted, my boobs are sore, I'm peeing more, I'm having crazy ass dreams every night, and I've been feeling nauseous and yucky. Those are all things to feel positive about. The cramps and headaches scare me though. To be honest, I really don't know what a normal pregnancy feels like because I've never had one. I so badly want this to work out, but I'm terrified it won't. Did other people experience cramps early in their pregnancies?
I haven't had any spotting or skull crushing headaches. These things have indicted a poor outcome in the past.
I keep wondering why I wanted this. Now that I'm pregnant again it's hard to feel positive about it. I'm anxious, scared, worried, and overwhelmed. It's hard to just sit back and think everything is going to be great.
I know our numbers were really fantastic and things have never started so great for us. But I'm also not naive enough to think that just because things started great they will all end great. I really wish I could sit back and enjoy the ride, but I'm just too terrified. I'm really trying, but I feel like I'm still riding a roller coaster of emotions.
((HUGS)) lady. This is a scary time for sure, but just keep trying to have faith in your body and in the process.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this!! Trust me I'm scared and I haven't even I had my US for the IUI. It'll be ok and if it isn't we'll be here!
ReplyDeleteYou have every right to feel the way you do. But as you said, you've never had things start off this great before so I would take that as a great sign for a better ending this time! I'm just going to keep thinking positive thoughts for you and cheering you on!
ReplyDeleteYep I had cramps at the start, and was terrified all the way thru the pregnancy , but we made it! Hang in there, one day at a time! Xx
ReplyDeleteYour fine. I had cramps almost my whole first trimester,and so did many friends of mine. The cramps as completely normal. Your body is changing and adjusting to everything happening. I know how hard it is to embrace it all, I still struggle with it everyday. Some days are I'm fine and others I can't handle it. It's totally Normal to feel the way you are feeling. It's okay to be guarded, you have every right to be that way. Don't be so hard on yourself...your doing a great job....
ReplyDeleteThis is all completely understandable and nerve wracking. I was nervous over my pregnancy until probably 28 weeks! Just find peace and calm where you can. Perhaps you can buy and download Circle + Bloom's pregnancy meditation CD's. That helped relax me when I need the reassurance and focus. I am not a meditative kind of person, but it was very calming.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I had cramps early in pregnancy. It usually means the little bean is snuggling in. If you have blood, see your RE. It could mean a lot of things, but better safe than sorry.
Keep your head up, but feel what you need to feel.
MissC
I had cramps throughout pregnancy. And headaches, too. It is nearly impossible to feel positive and happy after you've experienced a loss. The second two week wait for the ultrasound is about 100X worse than the first one. Drink plenty of fluids and lay down when you are getting the cramps and headaches, it helps. Thinking of you...
ReplyDeleteIt is very hard to be positive and trust your body. I know. The one thing I kept telling myself was that every single person on this earth got here by pregnancy. So it has to work much of the time or we all wouldn't be here. We just happen to be part of a community where it doesn't work a lot so it's difficult to see that. My counselor also said to keep telling myself "I can't choose how this ends, but I can choose the way I feel right now." Sorry, I'm rambling. I really hope this is your sticky baby and you have 9 months of worry ahead of you ;)
ReplyDeleteWe are on the same boat right now and I totally understand how you are feeling. I have had cramping on and off from 8DPO. Of course my clinic told me over and over that it is completely normal of early pregnancy. Try to hang in there.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I know how you feel. Being a pregnant infertile in the early stages of things myself (6 weeks today) it is such a huge mindf**k! I had a missed m/c a year ago (my only other pregnancy) at 8 weeks. I thought I could relax after a hearbeat and boy any joy in this pregnancy has been sucked out of me thanks to the past. It's funny because I don't worry when I have cramps, in fact, for me mentally it's the only way I know the pregnancy is still with me. I also am a spotter and interestingly enough that doesn't phase me as much as having cramps one day and then they disappear. You're never going to feel better about things in the beginning. I don't know when it gets easier but I'm told, at some point you will start to relax. That point is different for everyone, some it is 13 weeks, others it is 20 and others it is viability date. The one thing that has helped me keep some sense of sanity is an idea I stole from a friend. My DH and I made a paper chain, like the kind kids make and string on a Christmas tree. We used a different colored paper for each week and each night as we survived the day we tear off a link on the paper chain. We've now torn through all the green (5 weeks) and now we're into the orange (6 weeks). It feels great to see the chain get smaller and it feels like I'm making progress while on this scary as* journey as a pregnant infertile. We know when we enter the next color on the chain we get to see the RE! Our chain goes through the first trimester. I wish you well and no real words of advice on keeping things sane and the eyes from shedding tears for no real reason.
ReplyDeleteTrying to trust your body to do something right after all this time is truly a mind-eff, huh? I'm keeping the faith for you that this is all going to work out incredibly well for you.
ReplyDeleteAs for the cramping? Yes yes yes! Lots of low uterine cramping in the early weeks is a very good sign- it's actually your ute starting to get the message that something is growing, and it's beginning to stretch and grow to accommodate the embryo(s). Good sign. I know it's hard, but hold onto that!
Just one more over here, abiding with you. Hope you are able to find some peace in this pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteI remember the same exact feeling of being terrified. I did have headaches and cramping, but no other symptoms. I was sure that my first ultrasound was going to be terrible, but it all turned out ok. Just keep believing and try to distract yourself whenever you go down the road of insecurity. Keep breathing.
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