I'm really struggling with knowing how to feel about everything. I want to be excited, but I can't help but be guarded in my feelings. My body has only failed me when it comes to pregnancy so it's hard to think everything is going to be fine. I have moments where I feel really confident that this is going to work out, but then I also have moments of terror where I worry that things will go poorly again.
I'm feeling exhausted, my boobs are sore, I'm peeing more, I'm having crazy ass dreams every night, and I've been feeling nauseous and yucky. Those are all things to feel positive about. The cramps and headaches scare me though. To be honest, I really don't know what a normal pregnancy feels like because I've never had one. I so badly want this to work out, but I'm terrified it won't. Did other people experience cramps early in their pregnancies?
I haven't had any spotting or skull crushing headaches. These things have indicted a poor outcome in the past.
I keep wondering why I wanted this. Now that I'm pregnant again it's hard to feel positive about it. I'm anxious, scared, worried, and overwhelmed. It's hard to just sit back and think everything is going to be great.
I know our numbers were really fantastic and things have never started so great for us. But I'm also not naive enough to think that just because things started great they will all end great. I really wish I could sit back and enjoy the ride, but I'm just too terrified. I'm really trying, but I feel like I'm still riding a roller coaster of emotions.