Testing and Beta #1

I didn't update much this week due to being cautious. I kept track of how things were going, but decided not to hit publish until I was ready and feeling more confident. 

4dp5dt Wednesday morning. After getting up I decided to pull out a Wondfo test. I had a negative two days prior so knew the booster HCG shot was gone. I dipped it in my pee cup and hopped in the shower. W was already at work and he didn't know I was going to test. I told myself it was far to early to get a positive and prepared myself for a negative result. I was fine with a negative result because it was so early. I got out of the shower and glanced at the test. It looked negative. I started to get ready and then went back to the test. I thought I saw the faintest line ever. From that point on I would walk away from the test just to walk back and look at it. I held it up in different lighting and was starting to consistently see the faintest second line. I then wished that I hadn't dumped the pee so that I could dip another test just to be sure it wasn't a fluke. I looked at the test a few more times and then left for the morning. I had to pee later in the morning and decided to go home so I could take another look at the test. I still saw the faintest second line. I changed my day around a bit so I could have lunch with W when he came home. When he was home I told him we needed to talk. I told him I knew it was early but that I had tested early. I then asked him to come look at the test. He also saw the faint line. Could I really have a second line 4 days after my transfer? It was so early in the morning when I took the test and my transfer was done at 2PM. Technically I wasn't even a full 4 days past my transfer.  

5dp5dt Thursday morning. I dipped another stick and was super nervous to find out if the first one was just a fluke. The second line appeared a little more quickly and was slightly more obvious. It was still super light and could be considered a "squinter". When a blogger friend texted me to wish me good luck I couldn't resists and shared the news with her. 

6dp5dt Friday morning. I didn't use a test that morning.  I had gotten up at 5:30 to pee and knew my FMU was going to be crap. My blogger friend texted my again that morning and I told her I skipped so I wouldn't go crazy analyzing lines. That afternoon I couldn't resist any longer and peed again. The line was starting to get a bit darker and more noticeable.  

7dp5dt Saturday morning. I didn't use a test again and thought I would not test at all. We went over to our friend's house T&B and saw their little guy O who turned two weeks that day. We had lots of snuggling time with the baby, a delicious and spicy lunch, and we watched a college basketball game. At one point I went upstairs with T to be her "pumpany" and couldn't resist telling her when she asked how I was feeling. She teared up (post pregnancy hormones?), and then exclaimed that she had a test in the bathroom. She gave me a digital EPT test and I got nervous knowing that a digital needed a higher level of HCG to register positive. I looked it up online and found that the sensitivity was 50 and decided not to take it there, but to take the test with me when I left. When I got to my in-law's house about an hour later I couldn't resist any longer and peed on it. The digital readout of pregnant showed quite quickly. I immediately called W and showed him. We were both super excited. That night I used another Wondfo test and got an awesome line that was so much darker from the previous day. I was really seeing progression in the tests and getting super excited that this could actually be happening. 

8dp5dt Sunday. I used a Wondfo test and started to get concerned when the line was lighter. I figured it didn't matter that much from day to day and decided not to stress it. It was still positive and I convinced myself I was still pregnant. 

9dp5dt Monday morning (this morning) was Beta day. I used my FMU with a Wondfo test after not getting up all night to pee (we went to bed around midnight since we were up late for the Superbowl.) The line took a while to show up and definitely wasn't any darker. As it dried it looked on par with Saturday's test. W and I started to talk about another chemical and feel super bummed out. I couldn't help but worry that the number would be positive but not high enough. I had my blood test at 7:15 and just needed to wait to hear. My old clinic did the blood work and they have an online portal to check the numbers. I checked non-stop all morning and no results. I finally checked again around 1:45 to see the amazing results. My HCG level was 185.5 and my progesterone was >40!! 

I couldn't believe how great the HCG number was given the test I had taken that morning. I had worried and felt so nervous all day waiting to hear the results. I called W and told him the great news and then texted my yoga buddies to tell them the results. I'm so amazed at this number and feeling so positive. 

Dr. B.raverman called me around 2:15 and I took the call during a speech session. He told me I was "very pregnant" and that he was feeling really confident with my numbers. He told me he wanted me to have a repeat beta on Wednesday and also repeat the immune panel. He said all of our running around appeared to have been worth it and congratulated me. It was a really great conversation.  When I asked about a first ultrasound he said he would want to do one 4 weeks from retrieval. That is 2 weeks from today. He then said he wanted to do it himself and asked whether we were planning to come to LI for it. I admitted I hadn't gotten that far yet in my thinking. He told me to think about it. Once again he said congratulations and we hung up. 

I'm still feeling cautious and scared for the outcome of everything. I know a positive test or beta doesn't equal a take-home baby in 9 months. We've been here before. I so badly want this to be our little one, but know I need to take things one step at a time. The number is so much better than anything we have ever gotten at this point s it's hard to not get too excited at the same time. I guess I'll just walk the tightrope for now.