Feeling Run Down

This past weekend we went to NJ for an engagement party. We drove down Saturday morning and back home on Sunday evening. We stayed with family in a large house with a lot of people. On Saturday night we stayed up pretty late hanging out. I slept in some on Sunday morning but it wasn't the most restful sleep.

My bladder is interfering with my REM cycles. I don't feel as rested as I'm up at least 3 times a night to pee. It's hard to get a good night's sleep when that happens. 

Sunday was the party. I had a hard time being overly social because everyone was standing around. I'm definitely not on my feet much all day and it was hard to stand for too long. I kept having to go sit down and relax. I'm not overly social in big groups to begin with, so it wasn't super unusual. 

On Sunday when we got into the car I pulled out my pillow and slept for 2+ hours. W said the sun was blaring in my face and I didn't even seem to notice. 

Monday I didn't end up working even though W did. I drove down to Ithaca and met up with my friend Toni, her husband, and baby O. We had lunch, walked around some, and got some delicious milkshakes. 

Yesterday I worked all day and went straight from work to the chiropractor. From there I went to Target and got a dress for a wedding I'm going to in June. W met me there, we left his car and drove to the hospital to bring T dinner. We ate quickly and headed out because we had our multiples class (right next to the hospital). We didn't get home until close to 11. 

This morning I woke up and was dragging. I didn't feel great all day and cancelled my afternoon sessions to stay home and nap. I was so easily irritated during the day it was probably humorous. 

I felt slightly better after my 2 hour nap, but I'm pretty ready to crawl back into bed at 8:30. 

I'm feeling exhausted. And run down. It almost feels like I'm sick without the sickness. Where did my energy go?

Sorry if it sounds like I'm complaining, but I guess I am. Oh well. I just hope I wake up feeling refreshed and full of energy tomorrow. Have I told you that growing 2 babies is hard work?

Baby Birds

It's spring here in Upstate NY. The trees are flowing, the grass is growing at an insane rate, the gardens are perking up, and there are tons of nests with eggs or baby birds everywhere. 

Last week I was doing a speech session at a house at their dining room table and looked out the window to the back deck. That was where I discovered a bird's nest with 4 little babies stretching their necks up as high as possible chirping away. 

These birds were so distracting to me and so many thoughts raced through my head as I watched them. The mommy bird came a few times with things to feed them and quickly flew away again. 

The following thoughts entered my mind:

Will my babies be that demanding when they are hungry? 

Is chirping loudly more pleasant than screaming for food?

Was the mama happy she was able to leave or did she just feel like she was out working to feed her babies?

 Will I wish I could leave in a few months just for a little break or will I be glad I don't have to go hunting for food?

Were those babies ever satisfied?

Did they ever just sleep?

Is this what parenting babies is like?

Will feeding babies be as easy as regurgitating some worms?
Man, I'm glad I'm not having quads!

Why was I getting paid to think about baby birds?

Of course so many of these questions are ridiculous, but I couldn't help but picture myself as a mom to multiples while I watched this mama bird. She had it tough and her babies didn't give her a break. 

As it gets closer to meeting our girls I get so excited but I also get overwhelmed as I think about parenting two little infants. I know it will be amazing, but I also know it isn't going to be easy to start. 

19 Weeks

I'm in my last week of the teen's for this pregnancy. I'm ideally at the half-way mark, but we'll see when these little ones decide to make their arrival.  Time really feels like it is flying these days. I didn't update last week at 18 weeks so I'll try to include things from the past 2 weeks.

Babies: The babies are about 6 inches. Their arms and legs are proportional to their bodies, and their sensory systems are developing (sight, smell, sound, touch, taste). Also, hair on their heads is sprouting.

Weight Gain- I'm up about 10 pounds total. I'm feeling pretty good about this amount. I've tried to stop worrying about gaining.

Belly- It's always getting bigger and bigger. People I don't know well are staring to ask when the baby is due. Our new neighbor asked the other day. I'm starting to feel less like I have a cute little bump and more like I have a bigger belly. I know I haven't seen anything yet, but it feels a lot bigger. My balance has definitely shifted.

Cravings- I've been wanting something sweet after meals lately. I bought some seriously delicious Cocoa Puffs last week. Those were a tasty little snack, I'm not going to lie. I also love potatoes in most forms. Still loving my string cheese and this is probably the only thing I consistently eat every day.

Symptoms- Heartburn has been pretty bad recently. I'm still taking Tums and they still seems to be doing the trick. Yogurt always gives me heartburn, no fail. I was having a little more round ligament pain last week and saw my chiropractor twice. It really made a difference. I've been massaging my round ligaments and that works well to keep the pain at bay. I saw her today and she helped SO MUCH with some neck pain I woke up with.

Sleep- Still sleeping great and loving my pregnancy pillow. We brought one for my friend T who is in the hospital and her mother nicknamed it "the anaconda". Hers is a lot bigger than mine, but it makes me smile every time I think of it that way. I'm still getting up a few times a night to pee, but I fall right back asleep and it doesn't really seem to affect me much. Last night I had my first dream about labor.

Mood- Feeling so happy and positive. I'm so proud of my body for doing so well to this point. My cervix was long and closed at my appointment and both babies were still up really high. I've completed a lot of reports for work that were due and attended a bunch of meetings so that stress is lessening.

Meds- My new prenatal is really helping my hair. I was getting so frustrated with how unhealthy it seemed but it seems to have bounced back some. My ob refilled my Foltanx last week so everything is pretty much the same. I had a good week or so of not really bruising from my Lovenox, but the bruises are back this week. I still can't figure it out.

Memorable Moments- Learning that these 2 little babies are GIRLS!! Also seeing that everything was going well and both babies are looking healthy and perfect.

Celebrating my first mother's day with W. He got me a small gift, some hanging baskets for the porch, some potted flowers, and wrote me a nice card. I'm already planning what to get him for Father's Day.

I started a quilt for one of the babies. I picked the theme and colors before knowing it was girls, but I love that it's more neutral and it looks amazing.

Working on a bunch of reusable wipes. I picked a crocodile fabric and W has coined them "crotch-a-diles".

Hearing W refer to me and his "girls". So sweet!

Upcoming- Next ob appointment June 7th.

Perinatal appointment June 26th.

Installing a closet system for the nursery and painting our second crib to match the first.

Also, I added a page for belly pictures. Check it out but don't mind the fact that the first pictures are in my underwear. I guess I thought pants were overrated. 

Anatomy Ultrasound

On Thursday we had our long awaited anatomy scan. I hadn't seen the babies or doctor in a few weeks so was a little nervous about it all. Luckily, my doppler and growing belly both assured me the babies were growing away. 

For a while W said he didn't want to find out what we were having. Ever since I tried to take a peek around 15 weeks I've wanted to know. It's hard to picture your family in the future without a clue as to who is going to be in it. Having twins makes it even more overwhelming when you don't know what is coming. 

Our appointment was at 2:00 and the tech was prompt in getting us in. She first asked if we wanted to find out and we said we weren't sure. She said that we had plenty of time to think about it and started the scan. 

She first looked at baby A. She measured bones, looked and the heart, measured the CRL (crown-rump length), measured the head, and a bunch of other stuff. The baby was moving around quite a bit but she was able to get the measurements. The heartbeat was in the upper 150's. As she measured and looked at things she checked off little boxes on another screen. She checked normal for everything and told us the baby looked great. 

She then moved on to baby B. Once again our mover and shaker, this baby made it a little more difficult to get good measurements. It measured slightly bigger and had moved back "upstairs" rather than "next door" to its sibling. It was feisty and was pushing and kicking the other baby. They looked so close together. Once again, the heartbeat was in the 150's and every box was checked as normal. 

I asked about 4D and the tech switched over. Baby A would only show the back of its head but baby B actually cooperated. There are some pretty neat pictures from that. We got a ton of pictures!

So at the end the tech asked again if we wanted to know. I looked at W and I could tell he he was holding strong, but he said it wasn't up to him. Earlier in the week I had pulled the "it's my body" card and he had no argument with that one. The curiosity had started to get to me. 

I asked the tech if she got a good view and had an idea. She said she did. I then asked if they were the same or different sexes and she told they were the same. She looked at me and said, "Are we going to play 20 questions or just find out?" As soon as I knew they were the same sexes I had to know. She then told us we were going to have 2 little GIRLS!!! I was so shocked. I had been convinced it was 2 boys so couldn't believe it. She went and took another look and confirmed that there were no little penises and that there were in fact 2 little girls. I looked at W with a beaming smile and his face was complete disbelief. 

The tech send me to the bathroom me for a urine sample while she organized and cut up the photos for us. As I sat on the toilet smiling I almost forgot about peeing in the cup. 

After giving us the photos we were sent into the waiting room to wait to see the doctor. W and I smiled and were just so surprised about our girls. 

Eventually we were called back in. The nurse sent W to the exam room while she took my blood pressure and weight. I was up 3 pounds from the last time I was there and my blood pressure was great. She asked if we knew we were having twins before today and I said we did. Then she asked about the genders and I'm sure could sense my excitement. Once done I headed down to the room to wait with W. The nurse poked her head in the room and said to W, "Congratulations on your daughters!" His face was priceless. 

The doctor came in and measured my uterus. I once again measured 6 weeks ahead and was 24 weeks. He pulled out the doppler and listened to their heartbeats and answered a few of my questions. Everything was easy and done with quickly. He said he wanted to see me back in 3 weeks so we scheduled an appointment at the front desk and headed on our way. 

From there we headed over to my friend T's hospital room to meet up Toni and Skype with our other fertility buddy. When I told them the room erupted with excitement and it was such a great moment. Hugs all around and huge smiles from everyone!

  I insisted after leaving the hospital that we go to the mall. We did a lot of browsing at various stores but didn't buy anything since all of the clothes are so summery. W said he had a feeling the price of having these babies just exponentially increased and I agreed. I was so excited to be able to go to the girls side of the store and look at all of the adorable items. Everything was just so cute!

Since Thursday we have been absorbing the news. I'm really glad we found out because it really changes my thinking. I was sure I was going to have at least 1 boy and had been thinking that way. Things change when you know who is growing inside of you. I think W is still a little disappointed that we found out, but he said he is excited about having 2 girls. When he said something last night about taking care of his 3 girls it made my heart melt. 

We also did Facetime with my Dad and step-mom last night. Since there are all boys everywhere in that part of the family they were super excited. My step-mom pumped her fist and screamed out in excitement and my Dads excitement could be heard in the background. My sister is so excited to be able to buy cute little girly stuff since she has a little boy. Tonight we are telling my MiL at her birthday dinner and she is going to lose it. W joked that she should bring an extra pair of underwear. In addition to the present we already got her we are wrapping up two little pairs of socks and marking the boxes baby A and baby B and letting her pick which one she wants to open first. She is going to be so excited. Once again, there are all boys on that part of the family. We will also Skype tonight with my Mom and step-dad who are in Costa Rica. I can't wait to see my mom's reaction. I know she was hoping for at least 1 girl. In that part of the family there are also mostly boys. 

We are still planning to do the nursery pretty neutral. I don't want everything to be super girly. Maybe that will change in time but for now I don't want to be surrounded in pink. 

All in all, I couldn't be happier that we have 2 healthy baby girls on the way. I can't wait to meet them this fall. 

Updates on T

Last Thursday night I went and visited my friend T. I've been meaning to update, but I've just been so busy. 

She's still at the hospital where we will deliver. She's on the 8th floor, labor and delivery. When I got to the correct floor of the hospital with Indian food for dinner in tow I asked as the nurses station for her. They told me to go down the hallway, through the double doors, and to room number was 4. 

As I approached the double doors my heart sank and I suddenly felt anxious. In huge letters above the door it read "High Risk Obstetrics". I tried not to picture myself behind these doors but couldn't push that image away. 

T looked pretty good. She was pale (from losing blood and being anemic) but in great spirits. Her in-laws were there when we arrived as was our other fertility buddy, Toni. Toni has a three and a half-month old little guy who was conceived with IVF. 

Her in-laws stayed for a bit and we all chatted. I guess they didn't know about T doing IVF and when they were asking me about whether I was pregnant with fraternal or identical twins I said we had transferred two embryos, so it was pretty likely they were fraternal. Her MiL made an interesting face and shut right up. After she left I asked T if she knew they had done IVF and she said no. She joked they were probably starting to connect the dots though. Whoops! Toni had also made some comments on how it was difficult for her to get pregnant, etc. 

After a short while her in-laws left and it was the three of us. We hung out and chatted. Toni had to leave at 9:15 to pick up her brother at the train station as he was coming into town. 

From there it was just me and T in her super fancy hospital room. I stayed until 10:15. The nurses were great and came in to do some vitals at some point. They hooked her up to a fetal doppler and I got to hear her baby's strong little heart beating away. 

T said she hadn't had any more bleeding but described what she had woken up to early Thursday morning. She said she got up to pee and felt a gush. When she looked down there was blood all down both of her legs and on her feet. She said it looked like a murder scene. It sounded so scary!

She said she had had contractions Thursday morning and they gave her something to stop them. They weren't sure if the bleeding was causing the contractions or if the contractions were causing the bleeding. She said they were going to keep her in the hospital for about a week and observe and monitor her. Another week in the hospital gets her to 24 weeks. If the bleeding continues or her condition worsens, they talked about having to deliver the baby. 

Last night she texted me to tell me she was receiving a betamethasone steroid shot to help mature the baby's lungs. When I researched it a little it freaked me out. It said it was most effective if given within a week of delivery. Upon a little more reading I did find that it was often just used as a precautionary step. They will give another shot 24 hours after the first. They told her this is something they cannot repeat during her pregnancy. 

This afternoon I texted her to see how she was doing. She said she had some bad cramping this morning and they put her on IV fluids and medications to stop her contractions before any bleeding started. 

I'm so worried about T and her little baby. They are talking about releasing her but want her to stay close. They mentioned the Ronald McDonald house locally and also asked about her having friends or family. I would offer my house but it's not that close. I just hope they keep her in the hospital where she is safest and most closely monitored. 

It's so incredibly scary. It's not at all about me, but it has me feeling so scared and anxious for my pregnancy and babies. I'll be 18 weeks tomorrow and it just feels so far away from that viability point at 24 weeks. I've shed more than a few tears when talking about how scared it makes me to W. I want to be there for her and be a good friend because I know she would do the same for me. At the same time the whole thing touches so close to home and scares the crap out of me. 

I've been using my doppler more. This may be the longest stretch I have gone without an appointment and I'm anxious. I'm so grateful our anatomy scan is this Thursday and that we'll get to see our little babies. The thought of either of us losing our babies or having complications is terrifying. I feel so guilty making this about me at all, but I can't help but put myself in her shoes. So scary!!

I'll update if anything changes, but please keep T and her little ones in your thoughts and prayers. 

Positive Thoughts for a Friend

My good friend T is 6 weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy. She conceived on her first IVF cycle initially with twins, but one didn't continue to develop past 7 weeks. 

At her anatomy scan (I think around 18 weeks) she was diagnosed with complete placenta previa. She hadn't had any symptoms or issues until last Thursday after yoga. 

She texted our group of "fertility buddies" as we call ourselves late Thursday night to say she was going to the hospital because she had a lot of bleeding on her drive home. T lives about an hour and a half north. 

They released her shortly after and she had a follow-up appointment scheduled for Monday. They told her if she had any more bleeding incidents she would be admitted for hospital bedrest. On Monday her ob told her then that her placenta had moved slightly but was still considered full placenta previa. 

Yesterday, T texted us in the morning to tell us she was being admitted to her local hospital. She is 23 weeks pregnant. By the afternoon they had transferred her to the hospital where we plan to deliver at that has the highest level NICU. 

Last we heard she was waiting for approval to eat or drink late last night since she hadn't been allowed anything. She had been given a shot to stop her contractions.

I plan to visit her this afternoon/evening. She has mind on my mind and hopefully some other people can send some positive thoughts or prayers her way. 

Lucky 17

In second grade I decided I needed a lucky number. When we all got a number based on our alphabetical order in the class, I was given 17. From that day on I decided that 17 was going to be my lucky number.  I'm not sure what this means for my 17th week of pregnancy (or is it actually my 18th week?), but I'm happy to report I hit 17 weeks yesterday. 

The weather has been so unbelievably nice. It feels like we skipped spring and jumped right into summer. Unfortunately, the nice weather is going to be leaving soon, but that's not to say I didn't get my first sunburn of the season this past weekend. 

Babies- The babies are about 5 inches each this week. They have mastered simple reflexes such as swallowing, sucking, and blinking. W and I were debating this week and whether they actually open their eyes or not, but I guess the fact that they are blinking means they do. They are also starting to form a little fat. Their skeletons are changing from soft cartilage to bone and their umbilical cords are getting stronger and thicker. 

Weight Gain- When I went to the perinatologist last Wednesday I had lost 2.5 of the 4 pounds I had gained. I also think their scale may have been friendlier as it was digital instead of a regular scale. I feel like I've probably gained more since my belly is getting bigger but I won't know until my next appointment. I'm trying not to stress it too much. 

Belly/Maternity Clothes- I don't think this is changing much these days. I'm in all maternity clothes and my belly is getting bigger and bigger. Big surprise, huh? I think I'm looking more pregnant than chubby now, but strangers certainly haven't asked yet. 

Cravings- Since I'm no longer having nausea and aversions I'll leave that out. I still crave seafood more than I am eating it. I've been eating much healthier the past few weeks and feel like I don't crave junk as much when I don't have it. That's not to say that the slurpee I had from 7-11 last week wasn't absolutely delicious. I also found some pasteurized feta cheese and we've had 2 meals with feta since Saturday. 

Symptoms- The heartburn still comes and goes but is mostly pretty good. The round ligament pain is so much better since seeing the chiropractor. I starting getting pain in my upper abdominal muscles the past few days near the muscle attachment sites to my ribs. I think I need to stop getting up from lying flat on my back. It's time to roll onto my side before trying to get up out of bed. The chiropractor told me to lightly massage the attachment sites to help with the pain. I'm finally feeling better from my first cold. I ended up not working Friday morning since I felt so crappy. Unfortunately, I shared my sickness with W. 

Sleep- I'm still sleeping great at night. My energy really isn't that great overall though. I've been napping most afternoons after work. I had some terrible dreams last night, but overall there have been fewer of those. 

Mood- Still emotional but not as bad. I haven't cried much this week but I'm sure I'm perfectly capable given the right opportunity. I'm feeling a little stressed with work lately since I have a billion reports to write in a short time frame. All I can handle is one per night (since they are about 5 pages each). I can't wait to be done with them!

Meds- The only thing that has changed is I got a new prenatal vitamin today. The perinatologist gave the ok for me to continue with all of my same meds. He said I was wearing my "belt and suspenders" when he referred to taking baby aspirin and Lovenox. I think this is part of why my ob referred me to him. She wanted to be sure I was on the right medications. 

Memorable moments- Feeling movement!!

Spending the afternoon at the dog park and seeing my clingy dog be Mr. Independent while our other dog "protected" me from all the other dogs. She would get between me and them every time. 

Going to the perinatologist and meeting with the genetic counselor. In all honesty, it was super boring and repetitive, but nice to get validation that we are doing everything right. Sadly, there was no ultrasound. We were both so disappointed. 

My first and second visits to the chiropractor. I feel a huge difference already. 

Upcoming- Anatomy scan on the 16th.

Possibly visiting my sister and nephew this weekend.

Celebrating mother's day for the first time. 

Firsts

I'm sure this pregnancy and then becoming a mommy will mean plenty of firsts for me. The past few days mark a big one though. 

We have movement! I think I had been feeling it for a little bit but was expecting something different. I was expecting something to feel like "flutters" as everyone else described it. Honestly, it really wasn't as subtle as I was expecting it to be. To me it feels more like a little cramp or nudge in one spot. Since then I've been feeling lots of movement. There is definitely movement in two distinct spots. 

This may be TMI, but the other night when I was peeing it felt like Baby A decided to kick my bladder at the same time. I've never experienced any pain during urination, but this time there was. I haven't had it again so I'm assuming that's what it was. Thanks little one, that was a hoot!

Baby A is tucked down super low in the middle and Baby B is off to my right side, also pretty low. Most times I feel one moving at a time but I few times I've felt it in both spots at the same time. It's going to get crazy in there!

It's absolutely amazing to feel them wiggling around. They move a lot when I'm still (like lying in bed or on the couch). I just love them so much! Feeling them move makes it so much more real. 

I also saw a chiropractor last Thursday for my round ligament pain. I found her at the baby expo and won an initial visit. She specializes in pregnancy. She took a complete history and we chatted for a bit. To be honest, I didn't love the way she presented some information. She's also a nutritionist. She didn't think the prenatal vitamin I took was any good, she though I was on a lot of medications, she didn't like Tums for heartburn, etc. She made a comment at one point about how easily and quickly she and her husband got pregnant. I just don't think she understood infertility and the things we will do to have a baby when it's not easy. Despite the not so great presentation of some information, I felt amazing after. I have felt really minimal round ligament pain since the adjustment. It's so much better than the constant pain I was getting. I'm going back again tomorrow and hoping there will be less talking and more adjusting this time. It's all worth it to get rid of that constant pain I was having. It helped a lot. 

Otherwise, things are great. W did a lot of yard work this weekend while I kept him company (aka watched). Things are looking really great outside the house.

I've also been crafting mobiles for the cribs out of felt. I will definitely post a picture when they are done. We picked our theme/bedding for the nursery and they go with that. I found one like it on Etsy for $130 and got the idea that way. It's a lot of work but I enjoy doing it. 

We went to Ithaca Sunday for a little bit and found the newborn diapers we have been buying used. I haven't seen them used anywhere yet so it was pretty exciting. I'm fine with buying used ones, especially when they look brand new. All our babies are going to do is poop in them anyway. We got 5 diapers for $75. It sure beats the $18.95 we have been paying for each one. We also brought the dogs to the dog park and went for a walk. It was a wonderful day. 

I love how happy we are. It really feels amazing to be in this place after all the sadness we experienced leading up to this point. W looks at me all the time and just smiles. We are just so grateful to finally be here.