Friday, July 1, 2016

My Sister

My sister and I have been really close for quite some time. A few weeks/months (not sure) I wrote about her and how she wanted to leave her husband. When she made that decision, I was one of the first people she told. We talked about it all often, and I felt in the loop. She even would send me things about how sisters stick together as we talked about getting tattoos together. 

Flash forward to now. Almost 2 weeks ago my sister came for an overnight with her son. I had no idea how bad she was until I saw her. She's lost a ton of weight and was a shell of her old self. She barely paid any attention to her son or me. I didn't see her smile or laugh once, even at her son. This was the first time she had come to visit in at least 6 months. She spent a majority of the time sitting in her car smoking cigarettes alone. When I asked if she wanted to do anything, she had a headache. To say it was a tough visit is an understatement. I felt horrible for her and the way she was doing, but also horrible for her son she basically ignored the entire time she was here, throwing crap food in his direction if he asked. I barely felt like she spent time together because she was on her phone or smoking in her car so much. It was not the visit I had looked forward to, it was an escape for her. 

I'm really not trying to make this all about me because I know she's going through a lot personally. She's obviously super depressed and likely needs medication. I know she mentioned it initially, but as far as I know hasn't done anything about it. She's confused as she has absolutely no idea what's she doing or what she wants. Even though she moved out she's still spending a lot of time with Dave. She's going to his house every night and morning to put Benny down and be there when he gets up.

Initially she told me there wasn't anyone else despite what everyone was saying. She was adamant there was no one, just a friend from high school she was talking to as he was going through a breakup too. 

The thing is, I don't trust her anymore. As more time goes by, it's obvious she's talking to that guy. When she came out she was showing me his picture and when I commented that he was a little overweight she was like,"That's fine."  She talked about how she found some building she wanted to turn into a hair salon and he wanted to help her and back her financially. How are you not talking with/dating that person when you say things like that?

We haven't talked basically since she came to visit (almost 2 weeks ago) and that's highly uncommon. We seriously used to talk almost every day. She always called me on her drives home from work. I've called and texted and basically gotten zero reply. 

It's hard not to feel let down by my whole family. When my parents used to disappoint (which unfortunately is a pretty regular occurrence for one reason or another), my sister and I always had each other to lean on. Our last trip to Albany resulted in some serious conflict with my dad and step mom. You know, that time we drove our 3 kids 3 hours out to my step-sisters baby shower and got a hotel only to find out my kids weren't invited. My mom is spotty at best, coming and going depending on her mood. She's been "bad" since she returned from Florida in May so I haven't seen her much. I guess it feels like my family was held together by my friendship and relationship with my sister and now that's falling apart too.  

 Lately it feels like I've lost my best friend. 


  1. What a tough situation. Maybe you can somehow meet up with your sister and talk her into seeing a counselor where she could potentially get on some medication? I don't have a lot of experience with depression but there are probably some websites out there that could give you some advice on how to handle it?

  2. Liz,i apologize in advance for not addressing your feelings related to the current situation,but what is in front of my eyes is a picture of Ben and his life now.i feel do heart-broken for him. He is obviously not getting care he needs and now a new person is present in his mum's life....whats going to happen to that little boy?! I wish you lived closer to keep an eye on him.

  3. Also,how come that the family members (esp if there is no conflict) need an invitation for the baby shower? They told you about it and knew you were coming.

  4. Oh Liz. What a hard situation. I'm so sorry! It sounds like your sister needs some serious help. It's concerning to me that she's smoking so much in her car. A car that Benny will have to ride home in! That poor kid! If I remember correctly, he's pretty close in age to your twins, isn't he? And what the heck about your girls not being invited to the baby shower!!?!?? Talk about rude, especially when they know you are coming! Did they expect you to leave the girls at the hotel by themselves?? Sheesh.

  5. Awh man, that sucks Liz. I hope she gets help soon and you two can reconnect.