Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Letting go of control

So I didn't hear from my RE or the nurse yesterday. We went for a long walk with the dogs and I kept waiting for the phone to ring. Actually, my phone doesn't ring anymore. The ringer died a few months ago and now it only vibrates. I am waiting to upgrade to the new iPhone when it finally comes out. The anxiety of having my phone so close and waiting for a call isn't fun. I'm still yet to miss a call though, so I guess my phone is doing the job.

Since I didn't hear last night I changed my estrogen patches (Vivelle) and upped the dose to 4. My belly is now covered in patches. Today I had a dull headache most of the day, but this tends to accompany an increase in dosage.

Again today I waited for the call. I can't say I had my phone on me all day, but I checked it multiple times. Around 3:00 I left a message for the nurse. She called me back around 4:00. I just asked her what was going on. She said we are still on for the transfer on Monday. I am supposed to start progesterone PIO's on Thursday and the Dexamathasone on Friday. I asked about the fluid and she said my RE acknowledged it but wasn't concerned. It was a much smaller pocket of fluid so he is still planning the transfer. She said he would be able to avoid the fluid when placing the embryos, but I'm not sure how I feel about that. I asked if the fluid could increase and she said most likely it will decrease or go away. She also said the fluid may just be something I have mid-cycle and something we may not be able to avoid.

I felt a need to call my RE and discuss this with him. As much as I want to do the transfer, I want the best chances.

I went to my fertility yoga class tonight. There were 3 new people there and myself. The instructor didn't show up so they ended up canceling the class. I sat in the waiting room area and chatted with the other women for a little bit. The receptionist gave me 2 free passes for future classes and then offered up acupuncture for free to all of us. Ummm... yes please! It was the same guy as the one who did my session prior to the transfer last month. He asked for the update and talked to me for a bit. He did a relaxation session and within 3 minutes of getting the needles in, I felt amazing. I love acupuncture, especially when it is free. He made me more relaxed about the fluid and said they would cancel it if needed so that if they are planning to do the transfer, I should have confidence in the decisions made. He told me to stay relaxed and warm until the transfer and I scheduled appointments for before and after my transfer on Monday. He reset all of my feelings and brought me back down to where I was last month. I really needed a reminder of how I can only control so much and have to leave the important decisions up to others.

The transfer is scheduled for Monday at 2:30. I need to find a way to stay relaxed and calm about everything. I'm not sure if I will call my RE to talk about the fluid or not.

Now I just need to make it through this week. I will be PUPO next week! I am really starting to get excited. I need to remind myself that I can only control so much. I will do my best to make good and healthy decisions and control my body and state of mind to the best of my ability. The rest is out of my hands.


  1. Woo-hoo for free acupuntcure and that its a go for Monday!! We will be PUPO together :) I know it's so hard to let go of control and just let things happen, trust me, Im a tad of a control freak :) Wishing you luck and that the fluid packs a suitcase and gets the hell out of town..for good!

  2. I will probably need to re-read this post as my retrieval/transfer gets closer. You have a great attitude about this...because you're right, there's only so much you can do. Your acupuncture session sounds amazing. I love it too. I'm going to miss it while I'm gone!

    Speaking of which, I won't be online but I'll be thinking of you on Monday!! Hoping for amazing news when I get back...good luck!!