The Other Night I Saw a Medium

Last week a group of my friends all got together and had a medium come do a reading. This group of friends was actually my fertility buddies and we found out we all had this similar interest a few months prior when we saw the Long Island Medium Theresa Caputo. We had fun at this show, but none of us actually got a reading done. It was a huge theater and she came close to us but didn't really seem to connect anything. Regardless, we all had a great time.

When we talked about that showed after we all said it would be fun to do a smaller reading. One of my friends started doing research and we all decided on a date. I didn't think about it much going into it or really have any expectations. My grandmother passed away a few summers ago but she was 94 and I was able to say good-bye. The best thing to say was I wasn't exactly expecting to connect with anyone.

The reading was so fun and interesting. There were 9 of us there plus the medium. She was actually quite a bit younger than I expected, although I'm not really sure why. I'm not going to go into specific details about what she told other people because I can't really remember those details well enough to reproduce them. She did however come to me at some point as I connected to a date she stated. Without getting too specific, she kept mentioning butterflies and I couldn't really connect much to that. She was talking about my twins and butterflies and someone who wanted to say hi first to my sister and then me (my sister wasn't there). This person was also concerned about my sister financially. At the time I couldn't make any real connection to the butterflies or anything too specific. When I told my sister about it the next day she was also confused at first. Then she mentioned my mom's close friend Susie. Susie was our neighbor growing up and was present at my birth. My sister was in her wedding and then later rented her house. Susie pasted away two years ago from ovarian cancer. She was one is the nicest people I ever met. Just so incredibly kind. She was also super crafty. When my sister mentioned Susie, for some reason my mind immediately went to my baby shower and the card she made me. In that moment I knew I had to find that card. I went up to Lucy and Clara's room and quickly found the stack of cards in their dresser. I flipped through them and was amazed to find the card Susie made me. On the front were two butterflies and the word "Twins". 

The medium gave everyone she did a reading with a piece of paper with notes she took on it. She wrote the word butterflies twice on my paper, both on the front and back. She also drew a picture and next to it wrote, "gift that is given" and "art piece with the twins". 

When I messaged her daughter (who is a few years younger than me) she said her mom always loved butterflies and that she has butterflies all over her house to remember her. She said she still feels her mom's presence and often dreams about her. My sister had a very vivid dream about her a few months ago and said she woke up crying. In it Susie was sitting in her old house in a chair and had all of her hair (she lost it with chemo treatments) and was just beaming with a huge smile. She gave my sister a huge hug and that's when she woke up crying. My sister also moved out of her house without paying all of her rent. She's always struggling financially. 

I'm not trying to convince any one of anything, but what I can say is it was a really amazing experience. I also realized after while she was talking to me she said the name Robert about 3 times. I didn't make any connection at the time and someone said it was their cousin's middle name, but that wasn't the connection either. When I thought about it the next day I remembered my step-father's dad was Bob, or Robert. I didn't think about him because we always just called him Bob. I wonder now if maybe that was him. 

I just wanted to share this awesome experience and document it so I can look back on it someday. If anyone was ever considering seeing a medium, I can say from my two experiences that they definitely reported things that a stranger couldn't possibly know. They made some amazing connections and I truly enjoyed it. 

Lucy at Three Years Old

Lucy,

If I could count the number of words you said each day I'm sure we'd all be amazed. You have so much to say and talk so much. There are days or afternoons when you wake up and just talk, talk talk. Your love for your baby sister Stella amazes me every day. You're so good at getting on her level and playing with her and you teach her so much. You are rarely jealous of her and are such a great big sister. You have so much energy and love doing things that are active. Swinging, laps around the house, sliding, running, hiking, and jumping are all your favorite things. One of your absolute favorite is "naked laps" where you run the circle of our house naked. Stella has started to join you for laps and your giggles are the greatest. When we go for hikes you want to walk the whole time or at least most of it. There was one hike where you literally jogged ahead of us. The other people on the trail were pretty impressed by you. You also love your sister Clara so much and are such good friends with her. You're always checking in with her, asking for her input on things or just asking her questions in general. You're concerned about her when you're not with her and will often ask where she is. You have a tendency to boss her around and tell her what to do, but luckily for you she usually goes along with it. You do about 85% of the talking between the two of you. You two are best buddies so I guess whatever dynamic you have is working out well for both of you. You're still a mama's girl and have times where you just want to snuggle and get my undivided attention. You're so sweet and loving and are such a great snuggler. You love playing with your baby dolls, doing art projects, painting, reading books, and playing "really fun games". You still complain in the car that your car seat is "too tight" from time to time and it drives me crazy! I wish you understood that it needs to be tight to keep you safe. Otherwise, I haven't seen a ton of three year old attitude from you yet. You'll get pouty when you don't get your way, but it rarely lasts too long. You're still a pro at sticking out that bottom lip. Your hair is finally getting longer and you have gorgeous curls at the ends. It's so long in the back and when it gets wet it goes pretty far down your back. Your hair is quite blonde and I'll be curious to see if it stays that way. You're still so tiny and only weight about 23 pounds. You love wearing dresses and will pout if you have to wear pants instead. It's pretty ridiculous! You've always loved the color pink but recently decided you also love teal. I think it started with the Little Mermaid, but Elsa from Frozen also loves Teal so you're sold. You love all things Princess and are such a girly girl. You love to get your hair done, dress up, get your nails painted, etc. You're a great dancer and love to twirl and spin. You've had such a great transition to preschool and hardly look back at me when I drop you off. You love to tell me about your day and always say dancing was your favorite part. You are so smart and I'm amazed at what you remember. Recently you've been asking a lot about whether we are going to go on vacation again. I guess you remember that vacation is pretty great. I don't blame you! I'm amazed at the little person you have become in the past year. You're so responsible and mature. You listen so well and behave most of the time. You love the movie Frozen and ask to watch it every day. We recently started a good job jar and you love contributing and helping pick up at night before we go upstairs in order to earn your "jewel". There have even been times when you just picked up the living room all on your own. You love singing and will sing along to familiar songs. You can sing "You are My Sunshine" and "Itsy Bitsy Spider" all by yourself and it's the sweetest thing ever. We laugh that you are a rule follower. You are quick to tattle on your sister or grandparents for not doing things the way we normally do. We joke we don't have to worry about you getting away with too much while with grandparents because you always report back to us. I can't believe how fast you're growing up and changing every day. Please stay little forever!

What's your name? Lucy Rose

How old are you? Free (three)

When is your birthday? September fird (third)

How old is mommy? ummm...four

What's your favorite color? Pink and teal

What's your favorite thing to eat? umm, sandwiches 

Who is your best friend? Mama and Daddy and Stella and Clara

What's your favorite song? Itsy Bitsy Spider

What's your favorite animal? Owl and monkeys

What's are you afraid of? Uh, monster at a party

What's your favorite thing to do? Games

Where is your favorite place to go? Playground

What do you want to be when you grow up? Ariel

Connected

One of the biggest things I have struggled with since having children, is feeling connected to my spouse in my marriage. Having kids definitely shifted the focus and changed things for us. 

Prior to having children, we got along great. We never really "worked" on our marriage because it didn't feel like work. Sure, life got busy at times with school, work, or our house, but nothing like having three kids in two years busy. We were still pretty able to focus on each other a lot of the time. When we went through infertility, it just brought us closer together. We worked together towards a common goal and supported each other. When things got tough, we got through it together. We were a great team. 

That's not to say we aren't now, It's just saying it's much more challenging. Between the kids and the house, there are days when I don't have a ton of patience by the time W gets home. I don't necessarily want to hear about his day at work. I don't want to give him a hug because I've had children climbing on me all day, even while I went to the bathroom. While we parent together, things still get frustrating. We argue much more easily. We don't put each other first because life is busy. Some days it just feels like we're constantly in survival mode. Between getting up multiple times at night for multiple children, a tough morning of someone being cranky, tantrums throughout the day, the house to pick up and stay on top of, the children to discipline and keep busy and from fighting, the stress of getting to activities on time and without anyone losing it, and just plain life it's tough to feel as connected as we once were. 

Most nights we try to have the house picked up before we head upstairs for our bedtime routine (baths, stories, songs, etc). That means when we get back downstairs and it's just us we don't have a ton to do. The main exception to this is folding laundry. Some nights we have that waiting for us as it's tough to find the time to fold clothes for five people. This is the time we should really be focusing on each other, but usually we're just too exhausted. We turn the t.v on and zone out to that or our phones. It's not like we ignore each other or go to different places. We are still sitting together on the couch, it's just tough to feel connected in those moments. 

To help change this we have started trying to have a regular date night. We have gone out a few nights to dinner or a movie and either had a grandparent come over or a sitter. We are still working on finding a consistent and good babysitter we can trust. I'm just sure exactly how to do that to be honest. We have tried a few different people and haven't found anyone I feel can handle my three. 

Apart from date nights we haven't done much. I'd love to unplug some of the couch at night, but I feel like we're both just so exhausted. We really don't get much time with just us. We haven't ever gone on an overnight other than to the hospital to have Stella. 

I love that W supports me in my new ideas and as a parent. He is an amazing father and provider for our family. If I want to try something new he's generally on board. If I want to eat super healthy, he's right there along with me rather than buying and eating junk like other husbands I know. He supports me emotionally, but we just don't have a ton of time for each other. There isn't a lot of time where we focus solely on the other person and their happiness. 

I guess I'm wondering how other couples stay and feel connected? Are there other things we could try or do or should I just accept that this is life with three kids two years apart? In general we communicate well, I just feel like life is too busy and difficult for the time and attention we once paid each other. At to be honest, I really miss that. 

Clara at Three Years Old

Clara,

You really have the biggest heart. You're so thoughtful and always asking about others. You try to cheer Stella up when she's crying, "It's okay baby." You are also incredibly sensitive. I think since you love so big you hurt big too. You're really my sensitive little girl. You get upset easily and have a hard time calming down right away. Just recently we went to a Halloween party and you got scared by a boy dressed up. You were so upset and it really took a while for you to calm down. You're not loving this transition to colder weather and having to wear more clothes. You insist on taking of your jacket or sweatshirt in the car, even when it's really cold. I feel the same way about changing seasons and clothing so understand, I just wish I could reason with you a little more or help you understand it's just a part of life. You still love monkeys and reading books. I'm pretty sure you own at least 20 different stuffed monkeys by now. You'll sit for just about any story. When your grandma Becky came home with a chapter book from the library you were so excited. I'm pretty sure you would have sat through the whole thing if we were willing to read it to you. You've recently decided you like watching the movie Frozen although you went through a period where you really liked Paw Patrol. You even got a Paw Patrol Build a Bear when we went. I think being able to hear better increased your interest in the tv. Prior, you had very little interest. You are such a smart girl, and even if you sister does most of the talking for both of you I know you have all of those words and phrases too. Lucy probably talks 85% of the time when you're together. I know you're happy to let her do it so that's just your dynamic that works for you two. This fall you got tubes in your ears. Your daddy and I were so amazed by the results. Almost immediately your speech cleared up and you started talking in much longer phrases. You're so laid back most of the time and let Lucy boss you around. Occasionally you stand up to her and then she better look out! You go with her ideas most of the time but then have moments where you push back, and hard. Getting tubes definitely brought out a more feisty side of you I didn't even know existed. You got newfound confidence on the playground and with your speech. It's so fun to see you come out of your shell a little. You and Lucy have such a close friendship. You love doing laps around the house, pushing your doll strollers together, playing pretend, and fighting over things. You are the best of friends and worst of enemies sometimes. You and Lucy often spend a half hour or more talking before bed at night. I love eavesdropping on your little conversations. They often make me laugh and smile. You are such a Daddy's girl and have really got him wrapped around your little finger. You aren't always the best behaved for him, but I think that's because you know you get away with more around him. You love coloring, drawing, painting and play doh. Anything creative has your name all over it. You drew your first portrait of Daddy (of course) recently. I still consider you pretty emotionally unstable at times. You just get so upset so easily. I'm not sure if it's frustration, sensory stuff, or that you're just so emotional. Most times I can explain things to you. Addressing your feelings really does make a difference (I hear you that you're sad you didn't get a turn, etc) but there are times we aren't able to do that and you really fall apart. I always feel terrible when you get that upset, but sometimes nothing can calm you down. You just need a little time and space in order to calm down. You're not super picky about what you wear and are so nice to go along with what Lucy wants most days. You rarely put up a fight about what you are wearing. You've recently decided you love the color lime green along with purple. You got lime green moccs for your birthday and were so excited. You also love your lime green dress. Keeping it stain free is seriously a labor of love. You hair is so dark and curly. You really look so much like your daddy did at this age. When I see you two together you look like his little clone. You're not great about letting me do your hair and won't leave anything in it. I finally got you to let me use curl cream so at least it's not a crazy mess all the time. Crazy hair don't care is a phrase we say to you often. You have this one curl that grows right in the middle of your forehead. Your grandparents call it your "loose screw" and say this is what turns you into a wackadoo. You are taller and weigh more than Lucy by about an inch and 2 pounds. You're still a pretty picky eater than loves her carbs. You are getting better about trying things and decided over the summer you loved chicken. Eating meat was a big deal for you. I'm proud of you for trying more and being willing to try a "no thank you bite" most times. You love preschool and going. You are always in such a great mood when I pick you up and tell me what you did that day. You are such a great helper and really think keeping things picked up is important. You don't like messes unless they're on you while eating and then you don't seem to notice. I'm so proud of the little girl you're becoming.

What's your name? Clara

How old are you? Free (three)

When is your birthday? September fird (third)

How old is Mama? Six Mama

What's your favorite color? Lime green and purple mommy

What's your favorite food? ummm chicken mama

Who is your best friend? Lucy and Stella

What's your favorite song? Sunshine

What's your favorite animal? Monkey and owl 

What makes you scared? ...(started crying)

What makes you happy? Games and Stella

Where is your favorite place to go? School

What do you want to be when you grow up? Daddy 

Frozen Halloween 2016

Happy Halloween from my frozen obsessed family! The girls had so much fun trick or treating and we ended the night with a nice hot bubble bath to warm up. I had so much fun with the costumes this year. I made capes for Lucy and Clara, Stella's Olaf costume, and my and W's costumes. Lucy and Clara dressed up for their preschool parade and party, for dance class saturday morning, for story time on Halloween, and for Daddy's work party. We were frozen in more ways than just our costumes. The morning of their preschool parade we woke up to snow on the ground. It was in the 30's and raining during their parade/trick or treating. Last night it 35 degree as we left the house to go trick or treating, hence the bubble bath after. It was so much fun to all get dressed up. W and I even got into it this year too. It was so fun to have a family costume. I hope everyone had a great Halloween!

Snack time at the library. Stella was so excited to be at the table like a big girl!

The capes I made them 

Costumes at dance class

Trick or treating with preschool

The pumpkins we carved with friends. So much fun!