Friday, December 14, 2012

The Dark Clouds are Parting

Things are looking up. The dark clouds that were hanging around us last week seem to be moving aside and allowing for some bright light. We are feeling happier, smiling more, and moving on from the sadness. It took a lot longer this time, but it also changed some of our perspectives on things.

The orientation at the adoption agency Tuesday night really helped. We drove about two hours west and arrived early. It was a good thing we did because finding the office was incredibly confusing. I guess they had just moved so it wasn't marked as their office and we spent almost 25 minutes looking for the place, driving up and down the road. The orientation itself was informative and helped to explain the whole process really well. They had a bunch of sample profiles to look at and it was nice to see what people share about themselves. The agency also had a family come in with their four month old son to share their experience. They had waited thirteen months to be matched, but their little guy was adorable. The process sounds difficult and expensive, but totally worth it. I'm sure it's incredibly hard to wait for "the call." It seems to different from doing treatments.

After the orientation we went for dinner. The food was horrible but we laughed and had a good time. We had some great conversations in the car during our two hour ride home. It was fun to talk about and we both felt so positive.

We aren't jumping up and down to start registering with them. I thought it would be a good idea to speak to an adoption attorney first to get some reviews of this agency and possible other options before moving forward. If we do choose this agency they believe in open adoptions. When I first asked W about it we were on the fence. The more we thought about it the more it seemed fine. W said, "It's just another person we get to brag to about our kid." I thought that was funny.

When I looked up local adoption attorneys yesterday I found a good family friend of my MiL and FiL listed. W called him today and he said although he does deal with some adoptions, he had a good friend who primarily does them. He gave us his number and W left a message yesterday afternoon.

In other news Aunt Flo finally decided to show her face a full eight days after stopping my meds. It was the longest I have ever waited and I was honestly started to get concerned. I emailed the nurse at Dr. B's office on Wednesday and by Thursday morning things had started. I also got a call from Dr. B's office saying they had an appointment available for the 27th. I called back and we are scheduled for 2:30. We are planning to take Thursday and Friday off from work and spend some time in NYC. He isn't doing office visits in the city anymore (Hurricaine Sandy maybe?), but it's so close and a great excuse to spend some time in the city. I'm pretty sure the tree will still be up in Rockefeller center so I'm pretty excited to see that. W has two cousins that live in the city, I have one, and his aunt and uncle live in northern NJ. I'm sure we can find someone to stay with.

I have to call my local clinic to schedule a baseline appointment before starting birth control pills. I'm a little nervous about it because they always ask what kind of cycle I will be doing. I know they won't like the idea of me going somewhere else, but I think it's time to move on from them. 

It's somewhat alarming how much cheaper my current clinic's prices are. It has to be for some reason, right? I can't believe it's just because the RE who owns it has a good heart. We were able to buy three cycles for a little over $7,000. That included ICSI, assisted hatching, anesthesia, and all frozen cycles involved. It didn't include meds and monitoring. Doesn't that seems bit too cheap? My first IVF cycle was at a publicly funded state university clinic. They still charged us about $6,000 for the cycle we did there. 

 I'm sure my current clinic is a great clinic if you are a straightforward case and the one-size-fits-all approach works. Unfortunately, I'm not that person. I would have loved nothing more than for our first cycle to work with them. Three fresh cycles (one with a freeze all) and three frozen cycles later it still didn't worked. I shouldn't feel bad going somewhere else, we need to do what is best for us. At this point though I'm still not completely convinced what is best is doing a cycle with Dr. B. It may just be pursuing adoption, but I think I'd like some closure on treatments. The thing about that is as long as we have five frozen embyros, we won't have closure. I'd really like to make a decision by the end of the year so that if we pay for another cycle we can deduct it on our taxes. With all of our medical expenses this year it would help us to get some of it back. The prices at Dr. B's office certainly aren't as cheap as where I am now. 

None of this is easy, but now we have some plans in place. We are hoping to speak with a lawyer soon and at least register with an agency. We will meet with Dr. B and make a plan moving forward with him most likely. It's been a bumpy ride, but hopefully there will be fewer potholes in the future. Either that, or I should buckle up and hang on tight.


  1. I think it's great that you're really researching your adoption options before committing to anything. -- here's a great list of adoption bloggers that you might want to read through. I've read wonderful things about OA - kids want to know where they came from, and I don't think that's something to be afraid of if you're open about things.

    Best of luck deciding what to do!

    I hope this cycle with Dr. B works for you!!

  2. I'm glad you are feeling in a better place. I'm sure having some options must help. Enjoy NYC after Christmas! It's always such an awesome place to be to get in the spirit!

  3. We were on the fence about open adoption first too, which is one of the reasons why I was drawn to international adoption. However, after reading a lot of blogs written by people who have open adoptions I felt much more comfortable with the idea, and I do think it helps the children as well. I wish we could adopt, because it was our first choice, but we just can't afford it. I really hope this all works out for you :)

  4. I'm so glad to hear the dark clouds are moving away. I think it's great how much you guys are researching your other options. I have to say though, only $7000 for 3 cycles plus fet's??? That's insane. I'd probably try somewhere else too. Just in case. Good luck!!!

  5. Those prices do seem low to me. And honestly, I have wondered if your embryo quality is a direct result of the labs your clinics use.

    Also, I've been to Dr. B's ER/ET lab in Manhattan and Georgette just cycled with him twice:

    From what I have heard and researched, his embryologist is very talented.