There's not a whole lot to say. I was surprised we didn't get a positive this time. I really, really thought this was going to be the one. I feel lost. I don't know what to do moving forward.
W and I tested the morning of my beta. I was so surprised a second line didn't pop up. We are so disappointed. Yet again.
We have five frozen embryos left. I'm not sure whether we will use Br.averman for this next cycle. He definitely used a different protocol but I'm not sure it made much of a difference. The biggest differences were Lupron, antibiotics, and Neupogen. He wants me to get a few tests repeated as the nurse said it may help explain why we got a negative. I don't think anyone ever knows why it doesn't work. I just doesn't.
I'm so tired of this. I just want a baby.
As I've realized already, life goes on. Even when you feel like you are standing still you look around and realize nothing else is.
I will be okay and so will W, but it doesn't make it suck any less.
I will be okay and so will W, but it doesn't make it suck any less.
I'm so sorry that this didn't work. :( Take some time to grieve before you pick up that sword and shield and go back to the trenches. Every failed cycle tells the Dr something and gets you closer...even though it doesn't seem like it. I hope that the next cycle is the one that works for you.
ReplyDeleteI am so so so very sorry -- this is just not fair! Take good care of yourself and W!
ReplyDeleteI am really sorry this cycle didn't work. I can completely understand your frustration and anger. Be sure to take some time for yourself and then regroup.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry :(.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. This "journey" is the worst! I have been siting here for about 20 minutes trying to find the right words, and there arent any. This just sucks, and I am sorry.
ReplyDeleteI am so so sorry. This just sucks. I don't even have words to say because I know they will not make you feel any better. Sending you lots of hugs and I hope when you are ready to cycle again it is THE ONE.
ReplyDeleteAh SHIT Liz. I am so, so sorry. :(
ReplyDeleteSigh. I am incredibly sorry. I know there is nothing I can say to make this any better but I just want you to know that I am thinking about you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteOh Liz...I'm just so sorry this cycle didn't work out :( Take time to take care of yourselves and then focus on those five beautiful embryos. As I learned this time around, you **never** know which one will turn into a baby. Doctors cannot predict which ones have all the makings necessary for life. I'm praying that one (or two!) of your five is the baby you have been waiting for <3
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that this cycle wasn't the one. :( My heart aches for you and W. You two are on my mind as you decide where to go from here.
ReplyDeleteI'm so, so sorry. My heart breaks for you. This process is SO hard. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Liz.
ReplyDeleteI am so so sorry... It is almost even worse when you are expecting to see that second line and then it doesn't appear and you are just standing there with the stick in your hand dumbfounded. Holding the stick up to the light hoping to illuminate that second line. I've been there, and I am so sorry that you are there now :(
ReplyDeleteWell fuckity fuck. I wish there were anything I could say that would make this even a little bit better, but honestly? It's just effing unfair. I am so tremendously sorry, Liz.
ReplyDeleteI've been waiting for the update, and I am SOOoooo sorry that it is not the positive you were hoping for. I don't even know what to say except that thank goodness you still have 5 embabies waiting for you. That might not be much comfort right now, but just know I'm thinking about you.
ReplyDeleteOh Liz, I literally signed onto blogger just now with you in my head! Wondering if Beta day had come and hoping to see a happy post. I am so sorry :( Really, truly sorry and sad it didn't happen this time. You've been through so much. Your baby will come someday, I just know it. He or she is just taking their sweet time getting here! Hugs to you and your husband.
ReplyDeletei am so sorry for your negative, i have been keeping positive thoughts for you as i too have consulted with braverman. i say this with respect and caution; some have success with him and others do not. his practice is only one that makes sense to him. we consulted with him 7 months ago and just received another bill for a 200 fee which is his fee for reviewing labs. we had one meeting with him only. my gut told me to not follow his advice and or take neupogen. i hope you get answers but unless your insurance co covers all bloodwork (mine did) and you are open to paying for every phone call and time he looks at your labs it makes this journey more traumatic. i wish someone had told me about that part before we consulted with him.
ReplyDeleteI'm just so sorry...
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. Hoping you have a wknd of peace and self-care.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. Thinking of you!! Take good care of yourself and W.
ReplyDeleteOh man. I'm so bummed to hear this news. I was rooting for you! I know the disappointment all too well, and it stings EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteThis is total BS. I'm sorry this cycle was not the one. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI tried to leave a comment the other day and it didn't post. :( I have been thinking of you daily Liz, and am so sorry. This is just not fair! You have been through more if your share of the negatives and I will be so happy when this happens for you. You are always so strong and take the news better than anyone I know! I am just devastated for you, I thought this was the one.
ReplyDeleteI'm just so sorry. I wish I could be there to give you hugs. Hang in there friend.
ReplyDeleteSo very sorry, Liz. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
ReplyDelete