Grandma

Last Friday my grandmother passed away. She was 94 years old. 

Grandma Kathryn was my mom's mother. She was the sweetest, kindest woman I've ever met. Even when she was in pain she was so wonderful and positive. We could all take a page from her book. 

I have so many great memories from my childhood with her. We lived close and saw her often. 

About 2 weeks ago we went and visited her in the hospital and I'm so glad we did. I'll never forget how she put her hand on my belly, smiled, and said how happy she was for us. Grandma had a really hard time getting pregnant too and I'm pretty sure my mom told her some about our struggles. She adopted her first 2 children (including my mom) and then went on to have 4 boys.  

Today was her funeral. It was so sad and I think everyone was crying by the end. 

She will be missed. Rest in peace Grandma. 

28 Weeks

I'm officially in the 3rd trimester and it's so amazing!! Things are getting harder and I'm feeling quite large, but I'm just so happy and grateful to be cooking these little girls.

I had an ultrasound and appointment yesterday. Both babies are growing so well and are both still around the 50th percentile. Baby a was 2 lbs 11 oz and baby b was 2 lbs 13 oz. They were super active and everything looked great.

My appointment after went well. I don't have a choice and have to do the 3 hour glucose test, but the doctor gave me a 90% chance of passing. I'm just not looking forward to it. He mentioned birthing these babies and said as of right now baby a isn't cooperating in her breech position. I know there's still plenty of time for her to move so I'm trying not to worry about it. My cervix had gone done from 5.4 to 3.2 but he didn't seem concerned. It makes me want to be a little more cautious, but there's not much else I can do. 

Last Thursday I was having a really rough day physically. My chiropractor was out of town all last week and I could tell the difference. By Thursday I felt like I hit a wall. I forced myself to go to yoga and struggled through the class. That night I saw Tam.ara for the first time since having her baby 2 days prior. I brought her dinner and we visited for a while. After dinner she asked me if I wanted to go see the baby. Seeing him and all the other little babies up there was a huge reality check for me. Later that night I told the girls they could stay in as long as they want.

I've seen the baby a few times since. He's so amazingly adorable, but the NICU is definitely a scary place. He's so long! He was born at 17 inches. It's been nice to see Tam.ara outside the hospital and be able to go and do normal things. She's still experiencing a lot of pain from the c-section but she's recovering nicely.

I have another friend who I met at yoga a few years ago and have kept in contact with since. She did 5 IVF cycles at the same clinic as me locally but finally decided to see Dr. Br.averman. She found out this week she is pregnant and had a great second beta. I'm so incredibly happy for her. 

Babies- Like I said, 2 lbs 11 oz and 2 lbs 13 oz. They are getting so big and I can tell. I feel completely full of baby! They should be about 15 inches long each. They can blink their eyes that now have lashes (hopefully some long ones like mommy and daddy). They are developing neurons in their brains and putting on fat. 

Weight gain- Up 25 pounds total. It's a little scary seeing the scale climb and climb, but it's for a good reason. 

Belly- It's growing! I've been getting a lot of round ligament pain again so know things are happening. I have my first stretch marks but so far they aren't very dark. I'm starting to embrace them more and joke to W and call them my "stretchies". For some reason, this makes me feel better about them. I measured 36 1/2 weeks yesterday and can't believe I still may have 10 weeks to go. Baby B is still up really high and pushes almost her whole body out near my rib cage along the top of my belly. It's a bit uncomfortable, but also somewhat amazing. Last night she was pushing on my diaphragm and it did not feel good. I definitely feel her more than her sister who appears to be more mellow. She had a serious case of the hiccups last night. 

Cravings- This week it's watermelon. I also had a half & half to drink (half lemonade, half iced tea) yesterday and it was so good! I need to stay away from all that sugar though. I'm kinda feeling my meat aversion come back. No meat sounds good to me and I'd rather just eat vegetarian. 

Symptoms- Exhaustion, heartburn, round ligament pain, pelvic pain, peeing constantly at night, and some swelling in my feet. 

Sleep- It's officially taken a turn for the worse. I'm sleeping horribly because I'm up about every 45 minutes to pee at night. I wake up in the morning feeling so exhausted despite how many hours I was sleeping for. The babies are also really active at night and often decide to have dance-offs regularly. 

Mood- I was feeling really weepy and overwhelmed after my shower and was crying a lot. I'm feeling better now and fewer tears have been flowing. The not sleeping well makes me feel a little more bitchy, but I don't think I'm too bad. 

Memorable Moments- My baby shower. It was so wonderful and amazing and we got so many nice things. 

Meeting baby Car.mine and being able to visit him a few times since. 

Having an ultrasound and seeing the girls this week. I can't believe how big they are. 

Going through baby shower gifts and getting things more ready for these girls. 

Taking an infant CPR class.

Upcoming- We are going to a concert this Friday with some friends.

I have another ob appointment in 2 weeks but am thinking of doing an elective 3D ultrasound. W isn't sold, but I'd love to get some great shots of their little faces. We've had so many ultrasounds but I never feel like I get sick of them.

3 hour glucose tolerance test next Wednesday.

Breast feeding class next Tuesday and then a tour of the hospital the following Tuesday.

Hopefully receiving the final things for the nursery so it can be officially finished.

My 30th birthday on August 3rd, yikes! I'll hit 30 weeks the same week I turn 30. I'm sad to say goodbye to my 20's but can't wait to see what my 30's will bring with these girls. 

The difference 10 weeks makes. Hoping for 10 more weeks!

Showered with Love and Gifts

Sunday was my baby shower. I was 2 days shy of 28 weeks and so glad I didn't wait any longer to have it. The weather was absolutely perfect and our girls got super spoiled. My MiL and SiL hosted at my in-law's lake house and did such a nice job. We are so lucky to have such wonderful people in our lives.

There were about 30 people there including friends, co-workers, family members, and family friends. W and a bunch of the guys went out on boats and drank beer, a great alternative to watching women oooh and ahhh over cute baby things.

We received both car seats, a double stroller, and so much other great stuff. We also got lots of adorable clothes for them.

There were 6 babies there making me so excited for all of the playmates our girls are going to have. One of the biggest surprises? My friend Tam.ara made it, 5 days after delivering her little guy Car.mine. It was so nice to see her, especially not in the hospital.

Here are some photos from the day:

Tamara's sister, my friend Nicole and her baby Connor, and Tamara 

Work friends

Family

More family including the newest little girl in the family. The older woman had twin girls herself.

Me and my sister. 

MiL and family friend

We are going to have some clean babies!

Syracuse onesies

My mom holding my nephew

Me and W at the end of the party. 

We we got home that night W and I went through the stuff since he hadn't really seen it. We sorted through a vast majority before I started to feel super overwhelmed. 

The reality is starting to set in that we are really going to have 2 babies to take care of. Watching my sister with my nephew made me realize how much work it really is. I sat on the couch and cried as W hugged me and reassured me that everything was going to be great.

Since then, whenever I think about these little girls I get so excited but also so scared. I know we will do it like every other set of twin parents in the past, but I know it's not going to be easy. Now if I could only reign in the tears when I think about it, I'd be great. Holy hormones third trimester!

Feeling Bummed Out

Feel free to skip this post if you don't want to hear me complain. 

Yesterday I woke up with stretch marks on my belly. They weren't there when I went to bed, but were definitely there when I woke up. I guess I should have figured they were inevitable, but I was just so proud and happy to have my big belly without them. I've been using a belly balm and thought I was going to be one of the lucky ones. I may be delusional to think I'd make it through a twin pregnancy without them, but I'm just disappointed. They aren't huge and dark red, but they are there. I'm sure it's just the tip of the iceberg. It's so unfair that men's bodies don't change at all with pregnancy.

 I took my 1 hour glucose test today. 

Don't I look thrilled? Maybe that's because I was only one sip in. 

The first sip wasn't too bad, but it was pretty disgusting by the end. When it hit my stomach I felt horrible. Mama Dukes came with me to keep me company, but it was still pretty boring. I failed. The worse part is I only failed by 5 points. They told me the cutoff was 140 and mine was 145. The nurse at my ob's office who gave me the results said I would pass the 3 hour. I don't understand why I have to take it if I'm most likely going to pass. I really felt pretty awful after and I know it will only be worse with the 3 hour. I'm super bummed. I don't know whether to just suck it up and take the next one or wait to talk with my ob next Wednesday. I'm probably once again being delusional in thinking I can talk him out of making me take the 3 hour.

When I got out of the shower this afternoon I broke the chain on my necklace. It's a necklace W got me for Christmas and its a little pea pod. Inside there are 3 little peas made of pearls to represent the 3 little ones we lost. I put the necklace on the day of our transfer and have only removed it shortly for my chiropractor appointments. I was too superstitious and terrified to take it off before 24 weeks. I'm so sad it broke. 

The necklace is one of these on a chain

With T having her baby early last night I started to get nervous again about preterm labor and birth. I had been feeling really positive and optimistic about things until last night when I was lying in bed. Once again the fear crept in.

All in all, I'm just bumming out today. Things are bound to be better tomorrow. Thanks for listening. 

T's Baby

My friend T had her baby this morning. She was 1 day shy of 34 weeks. I don't have much information yet, but hopefully will soon. She had a little boy and he was 4 lb 6 oz. He doesn't have a name yet, but he and Mom are doing great. I can't wait to meet the little guy!

Isn't he precious?

Comparisons

I've been thinking about this for a while and it's something I've been struggling with somewhat. 

Every woman's body is so different, so makes sense that during pregnancy they would all look different. There are times when I go to prenatal yoga and just look around the room at the 20+ people and all of the different shapes that women take on once pregnant. It's actually quite amazing. 

Prior to getting pregnant I was a little heavier than I wanted to be. Not by a lot, but I certainly wasn't super confident with my body. Dealing with infertility for 2 1/2 years also made me lose some confidence in my body.  

I tried to hide the fact that I was pregnant for about 16 weeks. I wore bigger clothes despite the fact that I had purchased a few cute maternity items earlier on. For quite a while I just looked like I ate too many donuts. 

Being pregnant with twins made things happen very quickly. I got noticeably pregnant fast. For the first 24 weeks I measured 6 weeks ahead of where I would be for a single pregnancy. At 24 weeks I made the jump to measuring 7 weeks ahead. It was like I had the shortest second trimester ever. Monday at my ob appointment I was told I was measuring 8 weeks ahead at 34 weeks.

Wherever I go I see pregnant women. Women who have cute little bumps and wear them well. My cute little bump was very short lived. 

Women constantly compare themselves to others, sometimes without even realizing it. A few weeks ago I was at a preschool for the end of the school year. It was a day that all the parents were present (mostly moms) and I sat at a table to work with a little boy for speech. At this table were two other pregnant women, both due in October. Compared to them I was huge. One woman didn't even look pregnant yet talked about how huge she was already and how she was scared she was going to get really big. Hearing that didn't do great things for my confidence. I was thinking, if think you are huge, what do you think about me?

I love my body now that I'm pregnant. I wear tight shirts to show off my bump. It's just hard when it comes to comparing to other women. I know I'm pregnant with twins, but I don't really get to meet other twin mommies to compare to. It doesn't help that the ob constantly compares me to women pregnant with a singleton as well (measuring 8 weeks ahead). I know this is normal and I should be bigger, but sometimes it's hard to feel like the huge pregnant girl all the time. 

Every week yoga starts by everyone going around the room, introducing themselves, telling how far along they are, and then telling if they've have any complains or requests for the class to focus on. I've been going pretty consistently every week. Out of the 20+ people each class, there have only ever been one other woman pregnant with twins and they never return. 

Some people tell me I'm small for twins and other people tell me I'm big. Whenever people ask when I'm due I tell them October and that it's twins. I told a few people October without telling them twins and they looked at me like I had 2 heads. One suggestion I read was to say your due date is earlier and more like what you are measuring. We talked about it but decided we didn't want to tell people it was August and have these babies arrive early. I don't need to put that out there.

I'm so happy to be carrying twins and feel so blessed to be doing it. I think I just need to meet other mommies pregnant with twins.

I've joined the local Mom's of Multiples group but the first dinner they had was on the 3rd this month. I wasn't able to go because we had planned to go to the fireworks like we do every year. They matched me with a "big sister" who lives here in the same town and has 18 month old twins. We have exchanged a few emails and are planning to meet up soon.

I guess I just need to embrace my body fully and stop comparing to other pregnant women. I am growing 2 babies. 

26 Weeks

Things aren't changing as much these days, but it's nice to keep track of things. Time is really flying by these days. I can't believe I'm already 26 weeks. The girls will be here is 12 weeks max. So crazy!

Babies-The babies are about 14 inches each and weigh 1 2/3 pounds. They have a better developed sense of hearing and are able to open their eyes and sense light/dark. They are practicing breathing amniotic fluid. 

Weight Gain-I'm up 22 pounds now. My ob is happy with my weight, as am I. I'm still pretty much all belly. 

Belly-Sometimes I don't realize how big I am. I've bumped my belly on a few things recently and almost fell down some stairs when I lost my balance when I hit my belly with the door closing it. At my ob appointment yesterday they told me I was measuring 34 weeks, so 8 weeks ahead. I'm growing at a faster rate these days.

One baby has been pushing either her butt or head hard against the upper part of my stomach near my ribs. The whole area gets super hard and protrudes out. It's kinda weird and quite uncomfortable. She has also started retreating from her sister into my rib cage and is pretending to play the xylophone with my ribs.

Cravings-I've been having a hard time drinking enough water, but purple Poweraid is amazing. Thai iced tea is also a favorite lately. 

Symtpoms- Heartburn sucks. So does getting up to pee 5-6 times a night. 

Sleep-Overall, it's pretty amazing. I fall asleep really fast and sleep well between bathroom breaks. Apparently though, I've started to hum/moan as I fall asleep lately. Poor W for having to deal with it. One day I tried to take a nap and kept waking myself up with my moaning. Good times

Mood-I was a bit bummed out today because a family requested a new therapist. It's so frustrating when a family blames me for a child's lack of progress. I'm doing the everything I can to help them but it doesn't always come down to just me. 

Also, my grandma isn't doing well so we went out to see her in the hospital last weekend. She fell and broke her pelvis and the doctor's are estimating she will pass away soon. She's been suffering and in pain for so long, but she's definitely a fighter. It's been an emotional week, yet no tears have been shed... yet.

Meds-I stopped taking baby aspirin due to bleeding later in the day from my Lovenox injection site. I consulted with my ob, the perinatal center, and Dr. Br.averman. They were all in agreement that it was okay. My glucose tolerance test is coming up and I'm super nervous. I feel like my risk factors are really high. My dad has type 2 diabetes, my sister got GD, and I have PCOS and twins cooking away. Wish me luck!

Memorable Moments- Going to the fireworks on the 3rd. Baby B slept through the entire thing and Baby A was more active than I've ever felt her before. It felt like a giant bag of popcorn popping in the microwave in my belly. I sat there with a huge smile on my face, enjoying every kid and jab. I'm in awe of this whole experience. 

One baby and I had a back and forth jab-fest one night. It was after getting up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night when I started to feel big movements on my lower left side. She pushed me and I pushed back. We each took about 5 turns doing this is a row. It was the first time they responded like that. I'm still not sure which baby it was, but I think it may have been A. 

Spending time with my family this past week at my grandma's bedside. It's not the best circumstances for it, but always nice to see them. My grandma got to meet my nephew baby Ben, and I loved seeing her smile at him. Also, as I was leaving the first night she reached up and touched my belly. As soon as she touched it she looked up at me and said, "I love it." It was such a nice moment. 

Upcoming- My baby shower is on the 21st. I'm really looking forward to it and am glad we are doing it so early. 

My next ob appointment is the 24th. This will include another growth scan. I can't wait to see the girls again. 

Wedding

Last weekend we attended the wedding of W's cousin. It was in NJ, about 5 hours away by car. I had no idea how much my feet would swell from just sitting in the car and it made me really glad I don't have a desk job. 

We didn't go for the "welcome dinner" on Friday night because I just knew it would be too much. I also wanted some time to spend with W over the weekend not doing anything special. 

We headed down early Saturday morning and arrived at the hotel with a few hours to spare. Since we don't have cable (just Netflix) we watched some mindless T.V and relaxed. The wedding was at 5:00.

The venue was beautiful and the ceremony was absolutely perfect. We both admitted that we liked the ceremony better than our own. I teared up as the bride walked down the isle and as they said their vows. Whenever I hear a couple say their vows it makes me think of everything we committed to on our wedding day and how we've kept those commitments despite everything. No one ever thinks their marriage will face so much stress and pressure those first few years. It makes me so glad I have such a great guy who has stood by my side throughout it all and that we came out of it a stronger couple. 

There was dinner under a tent and dancing in a barn up the hill a little ways. The cake was made by the groom's sister and was the most amazing carrot cake ever. I may have had 2 slices. It was a lot of standing on my feet in not very smart shoes, but I still enjoyed myself. 

I wanted to share a few photos from the wedding since I really liked them. I was 24+4 in these pictures and our BiL took them. 

At the wedding I took a few bites of things I haven't been eating. It's so hard when you are at a wedding and faced with so many delicious things. I passed on a lot, but tried a few things. That night I had a horrible dream that a doctor told us the babies were going to die and we just had to wait for their hearts to stop beating. It really made me think it's better to just pass than to feel guilty about eating things. It's such a small sacrifice for something so amazing. I think next time I'll just say no.