Comparisons

I've been thinking about this for a while and it's something I've been struggling with somewhat. 

Every woman's body is so different, so makes sense that during pregnancy they would all look different. There are times when I go to prenatal yoga and just look around the room at the 20+ people and all of the different shapes that women take on once pregnant. It's actually quite amazing. 

Prior to getting pregnant I was a little heavier than I wanted to be. Not by a lot, but I certainly wasn't super confident with my body. Dealing with infertility for 2 1/2 years also made me lose some confidence in my body.  

I tried to hide the fact that I was pregnant for about 16 weeks. I wore bigger clothes despite the fact that I had purchased a few cute maternity items earlier on. For quite a while I just looked like I ate too many donuts. 

Being pregnant with twins made things happen very quickly. I got noticeably pregnant fast. For the first 24 weeks I measured 6 weeks ahead of where I would be for a single pregnancy. At 24 weeks I made the jump to measuring 7 weeks ahead. It was like I had the shortest second trimester ever. Monday at my ob appointment I was told I was measuring 8 weeks ahead at 34 weeks.

Wherever I go I see pregnant women. Women who have cute little bumps and wear them well. My cute little bump was very short lived. 

Women constantly compare themselves to others, sometimes without even realizing it. A few weeks ago I was at a preschool for the end of the school year. It was a day that all the parents were present (mostly moms) and I sat at a table to work with a little boy for speech. At this table were two other pregnant women, both due in October. Compared to them I was huge. One woman didn't even look pregnant yet talked about how huge she was already and how she was scared she was going to get really big. Hearing that didn't do great things for my confidence. I was thinking, if think you are huge, what do you think about me?

I love my body now that I'm pregnant. I wear tight shirts to show off my bump. It's just hard when it comes to comparing to other women. I know I'm pregnant with twins, but I don't really get to meet other twin mommies to compare to. It doesn't help that the ob constantly compares me to women pregnant with a singleton as well (measuring 8 weeks ahead). I know this is normal and I should be bigger, but sometimes it's hard to feel like the huge pregnant girl all the time. 

Every week yoga starts by everyone going around the room, introducing themselves, telling how far along they are, and then telling if they've have any complains or requests for the class to focus on. I've been going pretty consistently every week. Out of the 20+ people each class, there have only ever been one other woman pregnant with twins and they never return. 

Some people tell me I'm small for twins and other people tell me I'm big. Whenever people ask when I'm due I tell them October and that it's twins. I told a few people October without telling them twins and they looked at me like I had 2 heads. One suggestion I read was to say your due date is earlier and more like what you are measuring. We talked about it but decided we didn't want to tell people it was August and have these babies arrive early. I don't need to put that out there.

I'm so happy to be carrying twins and feel so blessed to be doing it. I think I just need to meet other mommies pregnant with twins.

I've joined the local Mom's of Multiples group but the first dinner they had was on the 3rd this month. I wasn't able to go because we had planned to go to the fireworks like we do every year. They matched me with a "big sister" who lives here in the same town and has 18 month old twins. We have exchanged a few emails and are planning to meet up soon.

I guess I just need to embrace my body fully and stop comparing to other pregnant women. I am growing 2 babies.