It was a long weekend with at least 3 hours of travel for 4 days straight. We started by heading to my sister's place for Thursday night. We exchanged Christmas gifts and hung out. She watched our dogs as we headed to NJ the following day.
On Friday there was a service at the community where W's grandma lived. It was short but it was nice to be able to see everyone. A reception followed and then we headed back to her place to look through books and other items. The whole family went to dinner that night.
Saturday was the funeral. It was a long service and it's been a while since I've been to church. W and I had talked while driving about how his grandmother now knew about our miscarriage. It was a nice to think she was with her husband again (who passed about 10 years ago) and our baby that didn't make it. W also said "hopefully she'll put in a good word for us." I hope so.
As I sat there thinking of her life and the love she shared, I felt the grief around me. It has been the first time I have been surrounded by grief and where it felt OK to feel sad.
Once I allowed myself to feel sad, it was overwhelming. I thought of my conversation with W and of our little one who was now hanging out with his/her great-grandmother. I thought of all my blogger friends who lost their babies far too soon. I know that death is a part of life, but I guess it's never easy.
In a sense it was nice to be able to feel free to be sad. I don't think I allow myself this enough. On the other hand I was amazed by how overwhelming a feeling it was.
W's grandmother will be greatly missed.