Love and Marriage

I've always heard that having children changes a marriage. I was prepared to take second status when the girls came. 

W and I have always had a great marriage. We've always gotten along great and have supported each other through our darkest times. He was the one holding my hand throughout every failed cycle and cautiously celebrating with me when we did finally get pregnant. We supported each other through graduate school as in our career endeavors.  

Lately though it doesn't feel like he's putting in the effort. It's only been for the past few weeks, but it's been rough. He was on call for work one weekend and ended up working the whole time. I think he's felt burned out since that weekend. 

As far as being a great dad goes, he's still holding up his end there. He's a great partner when it come to taking care of the girls and continues to help around the house. 

It's our marriage that's suffering at the expense of everything else. It feels like he doesn't have any extra energy left for me, for us. Don't get me wrong, I'm exhausted by the time the girls are in bed too, but that's just not a good excuse. Over the past few weeks I've asked W for a few things: to keep me company while I do something, to give me a massage, to get me something, etc. Every time he's told me "no" despite these being things he would have jumped to do for me in the past. 

I appreciate him working so that I can stay home. I love that he's an involved and active parent. I just wish his energy could expand to include me and our marriage. Am I asking too much of him? Is he spread too thin already?

Christening

This past weekend we celebrated the baptism of Lucy and Clara. It was a beautiful day spent with lots of friends and family. The girls are lucky to have so many people that love them. 

Sitting

In the past week and a half the girls went from sitting for short periods or with support to bring able to sit for long periods completely unsupported. 

It's so much fun to have sitting babies. The girls have been getting their baths together in the tub and they love splashing together. They are interacting more with each other. My girls are growing and changing so fast. 

The last picture is them on their "naked time" blanket. I bought waterproof fabric for one side and sewed this blanket for them. If they pee it doesn't go through onto the carpets. They LOVE hanging out naked!!

Mother's Day

Today was my first real Mother's Day. The weather was absolutely beautiful and I had such a great day with my family. W made breakfast and brought me coffee in bed. He gave me a notebook with letters written from both girls with their little footprints. He also made shadow boxes with all of the things from the hospital and NICU. 

Mama and her girls

happy girls hanging out

With my MiL and Grandma Dukes

We hung around for a few hours and then went to my mom's for brunch. My in-laws were there as well as my little brother and step dad. We ate waffles, fruit, and whipped cream and gave our moms their plants in the pots we made for them. 

We came home and relaxed for a bit while the girls napped and then walked with the dogs to the playground to swing on the swings when they woke up. We finished the day by going out to dinner and stopping to buy a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream on the way home. 

All mothers are in my thoughts today. Whether you are a mother to an adult or small child, or you are still fighting for that title, I wish you peace and happiness today. Without moms the world would be a scary place. I never appreciated my mama so much until became one myself. 

8 Months

Not only is time flying and my girls are 8 months old already, but this is also my 400th post! I can't believe I'm still here writing and that people are still reading (I hope). It's amazing the transformation this blog has taken. I never felt like it was necessary to start a new blog when I got pregnant or when the girls got here. It's all part of our story. They wouldn't be here had I not gone through the 2 1/2 years prior. I'm so grateful I documented it all so closely. Looking back just makes it that much sweeter!

This past month was another great one. The girls love playing with toys and are super into each other. They babble and vocalize back and forth to each other throughout the day and especially before falling asleep when they are in their cribs. They roll all over the place and can sit for short amounts of time. This month was a huge one for sleep and both girls are now spending about 11-12 hours in their cribs each night. They've also started going down for naps without needing anything. We put them in their sleep sacks (we stopped swaddling) and give them their pacifiers. Some times they chat for a bit and other times they just fall right to sleep. It makes life much easier but also makes me a bit sad that they don't need me to rock them to sleep anymore. I'm still nursing about 5-6 times a day or every 3 hours during the day. The girls have fruit (apples, pears, mango, blueberry, prunes) in the morning and a veggie (sweet potato, green beans, carrots, peas) at night. We also give them some whole foods at times. We started swim lessons this month at the local YMCA. Both girls love it and they look so cute in their little bathing suits. There's even another set of twins in the class.

Lucy- You have been so relaxed since we got back from vacation. You've been eating well and really getting into solid foods. I think you'd rather feed yourself, but you aren't totally able to yet. You are so excited, but it led to you choking once and us slowing down on giving you whole foods. You are still very weary of strangers and have perfected giving dirty looks. You've also been working on a cheesy smile lately. It's like you know you should smile so give a fake smile instead. You love to do bridges, or as we call it, butt bumping. We have a song we sing and everything. You are rolling like crazy and have put a few rolls together a time or two. This prompted us to install a baby gate at the top of the stairs (right outside your bedroom) and to set up "baby jail" aka the play yard downstairs. Your cheeks have gotten so chubby and you are giggling more and more. You still mainly vocalize vowel sounds with occasional consonants thrown in. I think you recognize the sign for milk as your eyes light up and you smile when I do it. You love our animals and are so gentle with them. We've recently discovered you have a cry that means "Clara is touching me and I don't like it!" You are snuggly when you are tired and have been teething recently so you are a drool machine. You love the swings at the playground and the pool. You are very physical and active and I can't wait to do so many fun things with you outside. You still get up once a night to eat, but I honestly don't mind. I know soon enough you'll be sleeping all the way through the night. You love toys that dangle and hang, and especially love the strings.This past month has been another great one with you as my daughter.

Clara- You are our little social butterfly. You are so smiley and wiggly for strangers. You have the biggest, brightest eyes that are always looking around. You give away smiles and giggles so easily to almost anyone. You've also gotten quite physical this month and have started rolling both ways. You don't love to be on your stomach so as soon as you figured out how to roll, tummy time got a whole lot shorter. You'll even try to roll if I'm holding you against me and laying down. You are such a little nut! You've also gotten a bit grabby this month. If you see something you go for it without any sense of distance or danger. If I'm lowering you into your high chair and there's a toy on the tray, look out! You love eating and especially like fruits. I call you a little piranha when you go to nurse. You've even grabbed my boob with your hands a few times and pulled it into your mouth. You love your sister and light up every time you see her. You love to snuggle but also like to sneak some hair grabbing in there so we have to be careful. You've started babbling like crazy the past few weeks and we hear lots of "mamama, bababa, dadada, and nanana's". Once you figure something out there's generally no stopping you. You are getting stronger with your sitting but have to be in the right mood. You are so perfect and I feel so lucky to be your mama. 

It's so hard to believe my girls are 8 months old. They are just so much fun to be around and I'm so grateful I get to stay home with them every day. I've been trying to get together more with friends and have been very successful with the warmer weather. I have my friend Katie who has a son Jack who is 8 weeks younger than the girls. I also have a friend Natasha that I met through the local moms of multiples group. Her twin girls are 2 weeks older and our due dates were only 3 days apart. I have some other friends I've been trying to get together with but haven't been successful with so far. 

The other day W and I were talking about how amazing and great life is. I probably sound like a broken record, but I'll never fail to acknowledge how lucky we are. 

Playing Favorites

I'm sure this isn't uncommon. My MiL is playing favorites. I had noticed it a bunch in the past. We tried to indirectly address it by saying things like "Clara wants to play too" or "Clara feels left out", but she continues to favor Lucy and pay her more attention. 

After our Easter dinner my step dad pointed it out and and said it was very obvious she favors Lucy. It upsets me that other people are noticing and commenting about it. 

The good news is that Clara is a very social and friendly baby. I know she will get plenty of attention. It just bothers me and hurts my feelings to see her so obviously playing favorites. I also don't like leaving the girls with her because I have to worry about whether they are being treated fairly or not. 

Maybe part of my feeling upset about it is I had a grandma who played favorites. Big surprise I wasn't the favorite. My sister was mean to me growing up as most jealous big sisters are. When we would stay at my grandma's house Kate would inevitably do something to me. If I told my grandma she would say, "Katie would never do that." I actually had what we caled my crying closet at my grandma's house. When things like that would happen I'd go cry in the closet in the first guest bedroom upstairs. I'm sure I was a bit of a brat and didn't always go to my crying closet for unfairness, but the memory remains. It was upsetting to feel like someone never took your side even when sometimes they should have. 

So, I ask you all, do we address it with her? Or, do we say life isn't fair and try to ignore it? I don't know whether this is something that should be addressed or not,  but I do know it brings back all kinds of bad memories for me and makes me upset.