Thursday, May 1, 2014

Playing Favorites

I'm sure this isn't uncommon. My MiL is playing favorites. I had noticed it a bunch in the past. We tried to indirectly address it by saying things like "Clara wants to play too" or "Clara feels left out", but she continues to favor Lucy and pay her more attention. 

After our Easter dinner my step dad pointed it out and and said it was very obvious she favors Lucy. It upsets me that other people are noticing and commenting about it. 

The good news is that Clara is a very social and friendly baby. I know she will get plenty of attention. It just bothers me and hurts my feelings to see her so obviously playing favorites. I also don't like leaving the girls with her because I have to worry about whether they are being treated fairly or not. 

Maybe part of my feeling upset about it is I had a grandma who played favorites. Big surprise I wasn't the favorite. My sister was mean to me growing up as most jealous big sisters are. When we would stay at my grandma's house Kate would inevitably do something to me. If I told my grandma she would say, "Katie would never do that." I actually had what we caled my crying closet at my grandma's house. When things like that would happen I'd go cry in the closet in the first guest bedroom upstairs. I'm sure I was a bit of a brat and didn't always go to my crying closet for unfairness, but the memory remains. It was upsetting to feel like someone never took your side even when sometimes they should have. 

So, I ask you all, do we address it with her? Or, do we say life isn't fair and try to ignore it? I don't know whether this is something that should be addressed or not,  but I do know it brings back all kinds of bad memories for me and makes me upset. 

7 comments:

  1. Yes, I definitely think it Should be addressed. She needs to be more aware of how he is treating them. They have enough to deal with in school and friends and teachers and boys. It should not start with someone who should unconditionally love them. Let her know about your past and it strikes a nerve with you.

    My grandma favored my cousins, an now my grandma and I have more in common (well, actually I just birthed her great grand baby, so she wants to see her) , but the memory still hurts that they were so spoiled.

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  2. I don't have any advice but did want to comment. I hate it for you that she is playing favorites (and the story about your grandmother has me choked up). I'm so sorry and hope you are able to help her see the light.

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  3. I definitely think it needs to be addressed, but have no suggestions on how to approach the subject. Right now they are young enough that obviously they don't see it going on, but as they grow it will become more apparent and there will definitely be hurt feelings.

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  4. Let your husband speak since she's his mum. He should be open and tell her that you don't want Clara to have a negative attitude nor memories of her grandma. I don't know how she can love her less...to me, Clara is adorable.

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  5. Definitely address it. My parents have favorites and surprisingly I was NOT it for either of them (shocker right since I'm so freakin AWESOME!!) and it still bothers me... And I still rub it in when I get a chance, so definitely nip it in the bud now.. Good luck and BOTH of your girls are incredibly adorable!!! <3 <3

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  6. Ahhh, this just movies me sad. For Clara and for you. I definitely think it needs to be addressed, most especially if she is keepin the girls at times. I don't know how your relationship is with her, but it might be best if your husband talked to her since she's his mom. I'm sorry you had to deal with that as a kid. Your story beaks my heart for little Liz.

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  7. I agree with the ladies above - it definitely needs to be addressed, but probably best coming from your husband. Just make sure he knows your main talking points and gets them communicated to your MIL.

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