I got together last night with my group of friends that met all at yoga for fertility almost a year ago. It's interesting to think about what different places we were all in a year ago as we sat at the dinner table. We joked about treatments and other things related to being infertile. Things can really change in a year.
Last night I was the only one at the table not pregnant. And it stung.
T (#1) is about two weeks from her due date. She and her husband tried for about five years, did a few IUI's unsuccessfully, and then got pregnant their first IVF. She's hilarious and super fun to be around, but she also has a ginormous belly.
N and her husband tried for around three years before going to get a semen analysis. The analysis showed zero sperm. Her husband's urologist put him on HCG and Clomid and told them to return in 90 days to re-check to see if he was producing any sperm. On the morning that they were headed in to get the results, N took a pregnancy test that came back positive. She's due in March and has definitely popped since I last saw her. She's much more quiet than T (#1) and a very sweet lady.
T (#2) and her husband have been trying for about three years. Her husband is deeply religious and was very resistant to treatments until she got some hormone results that made it apparent they were going to have a hard time conceiving on their own. She also has endometriosis. T just did her first IVF where they retrieved four eggs. She's almost six weeks pregnant with twins. Last night she said her husband was refusing to return to the IVF clinic this week to hear the babies heartbeats. He said he doesn't like the place and doesn't ever want to go back. I can't imagine feeling that way if I had success the first treatment I ever did there. I just don't get some people.
All the talk of babies, pregnancies, when to tell, weight gain, etc. made dinner a bit hard. The reason we planned on dinner was so that I could get some Menopur back from T (#2) that I gave her for her IVF cycle and she never used. Sure, there were times when we didn't talk about pregnancies and we laughed (a lot), but I still had that thought in the back of my head that I was the only non-pregnant girl at the table. I love them all and am so happy they are all pregnant, I'm just sad I'm not there yet.
The girl that wasn't there from our little group was was H. H and her husband signed up for a six cycle rebate program at our local clinic probably about a year and a half ago and she's a little past half way through the cycles. She said she would be done if it wasn't for that money back thing at the end. She's totally over doing cycles and doesn't even really want to talk about it anymore. H lost triplet girls at nineteen weeks right around Christmas last year. She's done multiple rounds of IVF, had a few chemical pregnancies, and is still an incredibly strong person at the end of it. I think she was probably smart enough to decline dinner last night, although I really wish she had been there. H has been getting together with the group less often and we all worry she is going to fall out of contact. I used the baby shower as an excuse to get together with her crafty self this past weekend to help me make tags for the favors. It was really nice to spend time with her and talk about things. I'm glad to still have someone else who can relate to where I currently am and to the concept of failed IVF cycles.
Things will change. T (#1) will be having her baby soon and that will make for one fewer pregnant bellies at the dinner table. Although I love her stories about trying to have sex while super pregnant and accidently leaving skid marks on the exam table and the Gyno, I'm ready to not be the only non-pregnant person. I love babies and they don't bother me in the least. Pregnant bellies, on the other hand, are a harder pill for me to swallow.
All in all, I know it would have been much harder to get to this point without T (#1), N, T (#2), and H. Whether they are pregnant or not, I know we are all cheering for each other and want to see everyone succeed. I'm so grateful to have them in my life, even if it is hard at times.