Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Pregnant Infertiles

I got together last night with my group of friends that met all at yoga for fertility almost a year ago. It's interesting to think about what different places we were all in a year ago as we sat at the dinner table. We joked about treatments and other things related to being infertile. Things can really change in a year. 

 Last night I was the only one at the table not pregnant. And it stung. 

T (#1) is about two weeks from her due date. She and her husband tried for about five years, did a few IUI's unsuccessfully, and then got pregnant their first IVF. She's hilarious and super fun to be around, but she also has a ginormous belly. 

N and her husband tried for around three years before going to get a semen analysis. The analysis showed zero sperm. Her husband's urologist put him on HCG and Clomid and told them to return in 90 days to re-check to see if he was producing any sperm. On the morning that they were headed in to get the results, N took a pregnancy test that came back positive. She's due in March and has definitely popped since I last saw her. She's much more quiet than T (#1) and a very sweet lady. 

T (#2) and her husband have been trying for about three years. Her husband is deeply religious and was  very resistant to treatments until she got some hormone results that made it apparent they were going to have a hard time conceiving on their own. She also has endometriosis. T just did her first IVF where they retrieved four eggs. She's almost six weeks pregnant with twins. Last night she said her husband was refusing to return to the IVF clinic this week to hear the babies heartbeats. He said he doesn't like the place and doesn't ever want to go back. I can't imagine feeling that way if I had success the first treatment I ever did there. I just don't get some people. 

All the talk of babies, pregnancies, when to tell, weight gain, etc. made dinner a bit hard. The reason we planned on dinner was so that I could get some Menopur back from T (#2) that I gave her for her IVF cycle and she never used. Sure, there were times when we didn't talk about pregnancies and we laughed (a lot), but I still had that thought in the back of my head that I was the only non-pregnant girl at the table. I love them all and am so happy they are all pregnant, I'm just sad I'm not there yet. 

The girl that wasn't there from our little group was was H. H and her husband signed up for a six cycle rebate program at our local clinic probably about a year and a half ago and she's a little past half way through the cycles. She said she would be done if it wasn't for that money back thing at the end. She's totally over doing cycles and doesn't even really want to talk about it anymore. H lost triplet girls at nineteen weeks right around Christmas last year. She's done multiple rounds of IVF, had a few chemical pregnancies, and is still an incredibly strong person at the end of it. I think she was probably smart enough to decline dinner last night, although I really wish she had been there. H has been getting together with the group less often and we all worry she is going to fall out of contact. I used the baby shower as an excuse to get together with her crafty self this past weekend to help me make tags for the favors. It was really nice to spend time with her and talk about things. I'm glad to still have someone else who can relate to where I currently am and to the concept of failed IVF cycles. 

Things will change. T (#1) will be having her baby soon and that will make for one fewer pregnant bellies at the dinner table. Although I love her stories about trying to have sex while super pregnant and accidently leaving skid marks on the exam table and the Gyno, I'm ready to not be the only non-pregnant person. I love babies and they don't bother me in the least. Pregnant bellies, on the other hand, are a harder pill for me to swallow. 

All in all, I know it would have been much harder to get to this point without T (#1), N, T (#2), and H. Whether they are pregnant or not, I know we are all cheering for each other and want to see everyone succeed. I'm so grateful to have them in my life, even if it is hard at times. 


  1. I'm sorry to hear that dinner was so hard. I had lunch with three friends in December: two were pregnant and the other is male. Bah!

    I hope that H is able to reconnect.

  2. I hope your friend is able to reconnect. I can imagine it is hard to be the only one not successful. I have been at my clinic so long without any results that when i see new people i just figure all of the other people i use to recognize are parents by now. I also agree with you about the husband's comments. I can totally understand not wanting to go back if you were not successful, but to be having twins from your first and only ivf..there are people who would be dancing in the waiting room for that. but i guess everyone has their own feelings and opinions. you are one strong person and i pray that you have the best belly in town soon!

  3. That is neat you have that group, but gosh that would be so hard! You are such a sweet girl for going to dinner and enjoying your time a much as possible. It was interesting to hear all their different stories.

    It will be your turn soon. I'm sure of it.

  4. Liz, I'm so sorry that your dinner was difficult. I have had many dinners/lunches/gatherings like that. It is awesome to have a group of friends who really "get the IF journey", but it can be so hard when they move forward and you feel somewhat left behind. I always have struggled in those situations because as truly happy as I am for them, it is hard not to be jealous and frustrated at your own situation. Sending you lots of thoughts and prayers for a very successful upcoming IVF cycle!

  5. I'm still here with you! I'll be here likely forever! I do not even want to talk to anyone pregnant. I used to be the person wondering why people get so upset now I've crossed over. You are a better person than I am. I know exactly how you feel though. I think it's even harder when you are the last one to get pregnant. The cheese stands alone. I'm so excited for your next cycle.

  6. What a great group of friends to have, although I'm sure that dinner was extremely hard. Hang in there Liz!

  7. Ugh. What a tough dinner! While I can't relate to that specific situation, I can relate to being the only non pregnant one amongst my closest friends. And it sucked :( I'm like you, babies never bothered me....it was the pregnancies that made me cry. Hang in there!