Transferred

Everything went great today. The two embryos they picked survived the thaw just fine and we still have five embryos in storage.

We arrived on time to a crazy packed waiting room. I guess that's what happens the Monday after a holiday weekend. We waited about a half hour and then W gave up waiting and went to use the bathroom. As soon as he left the room the nurse called my name. He must have heard because he came right back.

The nurse schedued my beta for December 5'th and then left the room to get my Dr. K. I saw there was the picture of our embryos on the counter so W and I checked it out while we waited.

I changed into the sexy hospital gown and relaxed in the bed as the Valium kicked in. The transfer beds at my clinic don't have stirrups and are more like massage tables so it was pretty easy to relax there. We laughed as the ultrasound screen was a freeze frame of someone else's uterus. 

Finally Dr. K came in the room. Everything was quick and easy. Once he was finished he shook both of our hands and left. I stayed laying down for about 15 minutes and then headed over for some free acupuncture.

I haven't seen my acupuncturist in a while since I felt like it was a lot of money to spend and it didn't seem to be making a huge difference. After placing the needles he stayed to chat quite a bit. He asked if I had named our embryos yet and I said I hadn't. He told me I should name at least one of them after him. Then he left and I relaxed and eventually fell asleep. I had slept horribly last night so didn't have much trouble falling asleep. 

When I went to leave I saw it was snowing and beautiful outside. As we drove closer to our house there was no longer snow and I was a bit disappointed. W had to go to work so I watched the movie Elf, ate some lunch, and then fell asleep for a bit on the couch to a comedian on Netflix.

All in all, it was a very relaxing and perfect day. I'm SO hoping at least one of those little embryos decide to stick around. Either way, it's completely out of my hands at this point. I'm glad to have something to do tomorrow as I'm returning to work after five days off. I'm a little concerned it's going to be a huge shock after all of my recent relaxing. 

Tomorrow I have yoga and book club. I'm sad that I won't be able to hang out late due to having to do my PIO and Delestrogen shots around 9, but also my need for sleep. I haven't decided whether I will go back to acupuncture on Wednesday, but we will see. That was what he recommended to assist with implantation. 

 I'm keeping my fingers crossed, my stress levels lows, and trying to stay as happy as possible this next week. It shouldn't be too hard with the way W has been treating me. I'm so lucky to have him!

Oh, and here are the little guys we transferred today. I didn't ask about grades or anything so I'm blissfully ignorant.

IVF #3 FET #1 Transfer

On Wednesday morning we transferred our two frozen embryos from our third IVF cycle. We arrived on time having taken my Valium about 15 minutes prior. By the time they took me back I was feeling fantastic. I passed Dr. K in the hallway on the way to the room and he said he would be in in a few minutes. I gave him an I'm-high-on-valium beaming smile. 

The nurse gave me a picture of my little ones and instructed me to put on the gown. She scheduled me for my beta on August 2nd (the day before my birthday). I didn't ask about quality or grade as it didn't matter.  

Dr. K came in the room and sat down on the bed right next to me. In fact, he was so close at first he actually sat on one of my feet. At my clinic the transfer rooms look more like a massage room. No stirrups and a comfy massage table instead. He told me I had two beautiful embryos and gave me a huge hug. As he headed towards his little stool at the foot of the bed he said, "Let's give life a chance." 

The transfer itself was super smooth and over quickly. Before he left the room he shook my hand with one of his hands and rubbed my belly with the other as he wished us luck. 

I headed over to acupuncture and took a nice nap. On the way home we stopped and went out to lunch at the place where W and I met. After we stopped and bought the cutest infant onesie that is now hanging in my closet. W dropped me off at home and left for work as I read in bed and napped. Later that night we rented the movie Wanderlust and had a great dinner. 

It was a really nice day and I've been repeating positive affirmations since. I am hopeful and positive and not allowing any fear or doubt to creep into my mind. 

Fertilized

I got the call as I was making my breakfast this morning. I had a feeling that would happen as soon as I started cooking. The result? Some burned bacon. I didn't enjoy it, but the dogs sure did. 

Of the 19 eggs retrieved 14 were injected with W's little guys. Of those, 8 had fertilized. They said there were still 5 that could fertilize, but we will see. As of right now we have 8 little combinations of me and W growing away. I was a little bummed initially by this number, but then realized that it's completely out of my hands at this point. If it's meant to be this time around it will. No worrying or feeling disappointed is going to change anything. I have to stay positive!

The nurse asked how I was feeling and I told her that I had gained 3 pounds overnight. She quickly talked to the NP and they said they wanted to see me today. I made an appointment at 11:15 to go in. The told me my transfer was scheduled for Tuesday at 11:15 and then asked if I planned to do acupuncture. When I said yes they transferred the call. 

I spoke to the receptionist at the Healing Arts Center and she said I was all set for an appointment after my transfer. I then asked if it would be my favorite acupuncturist, D and they said he wasn't working on Tuesday. There was only the guy I didn't like. I promptly cancelled the appointment and was a bit disappointed. 

On my drive into my appointment D called himself to ask how I was doing. I told him I had gained some weight overnight and that the office wanted to see me. He asked if I was interested in coming in to see him relaxing for a little bit. He told me to tell the receptionists that I was there for a consultation so I wouldn't have to pay. I told him I would be over after my appointment. He also said he would be willing to come in Tuesday for me so that I didn't have to see the guy I didn't like. 

I got to my RE's office and the receptionist was super concerned. She asked if I was OK and whether I wanted to lie down somewhere. I told her I was OK but just that they wanted to see me. She said she would get me right up. The waiting room was packed but I didn't end up waiting very long. 

They drew my blood and took my vitals and then instructed me to undress from the waist down. A NP I didn't recognize came in and did my ultrasound. My ovaries were pretty much the entire ultrasound screen when she measured them. It was crazy! There was a small amount of fluid in my abdomen, but everything looked pretty much OK. She told me that I need to take it easy and just relax for the next few days. If my conditioned worsened I was supposed to let them know and if I was in a lot of pain I was instructed to go to the ER. She sent me on my way with some pain medication and reiterated that I needed to take it easy. 

I asked about adding progesterone in oil to the Crinone this time and she said I could do whatever I felt comfortable with. She gave me some progesterone and syringes along with some instructions. 

I headed over to acupuncture and saw D for about 40 minutes. I took a little nap and felt some much less bloated after. He only did points on my stomach but I think it really helped. He told me if I was feeling uncomfortable again on Monday to call him and he would do the same. I felt so much better after some relaxation time. 

On my drive home I got a call from my clinic. I was nervous that something was wrong, but they were just calling to see if I would be willing to change my transfer time to 1:30 since Dr. K has a surgery that will likely run longer than they initially thought. This works much better for me because one of the children I work with is getting evaluated for Autism on Tuesday. I was so disappointed I wasn't going to be able to be there but now it looks like I will.

So, we have 8 little embryos growing and my transfer is Tuesday. I do have OHSS but it seems like with rest and relaxation I should be fine. I started my progesterone and Lovenox tonight and will add in Estrace later tonight. I hope our little ones continue to grow and that we have at least one good embryo to transfer on Tuesday. They won't call with any more updates so for now I just need to leave it up to the pros. 

5DP5DT and Hanging in There

I haven't updated since the morning of my transfer. The transfer itself went fine. Dr. K (aka Dr. Gere) did it this time rather than Dr. Greene. Dr. K is my actual doctor, but this was only the second time I've seen him in this process. He didn't really want to tell me the grades of the embryos when I asked and gave me a speech (about 2 feet away from my face) about how it doesn't really matter. He is a very touchy-feely, oozing with positivity kind of guy. He said how he has seen both good and bad embryos turn out to be perfectly healthy babies. All of the embryos we chose to thaw survived so we transfered them. 

Dr. K just went about his business and didn't really explain the process as he was doing it. He didn't tell me when he was going to put the embryos in and I noticed more cramping this time. It could have been the lack of knowing what was going on, or the technique, but it was pretty minor cramping. He wished us luck and left the room. 

I went to acupuncture after and took a nice nap. I followed up two days later with another session to "help with implantation." 

The first few days I made the joke that I didn't have a uterus, that way I wouldn't be able to tell what was going on. I didn't over think it much and continued on. After my post about symptoms being B.S I kept repeating that to myself. At this point I'm pretty close to insane. 

Tomorrow morning bright and early we leave for vacation. I am so excited to get out of town and relax for 6 days. I'm also excited for a week off from work. I will be bringing some HPT's with me since the waiting last time almost killed me. The anticipation and anxiety just weren't worth it. And, this time I will have my beta 2 days later since I am out of town. I won't be posting over vacation so I guess I will just leave you in suspense for the next week. 

If it works, that will be awesome and amazing. I'm not holding my breath since the embryos really didn't look as good as last time. They were much more bloby and I'm sure they weren't as high of a grade. I know the grade doesn't mean everything, but they were also frozen. I'm trying to convince myself that if they made it to day 5 and then survived freezing and thawing, they must be somewhat strong. 

If this is a bust we have 2 more fresh IVF cycles already paid for. I'm hoping we don't have to do that, but at this point it's not as overwhelming and intimidating. I have almost all of the meds necessary and know mostly what to expect. 

Wish me luck. If not, I will drink some delicious frozen beverages, I promise. 

IVF #2 CD 20 Transfer Info and 1dp5dt

I didn't update at all yesterday about the transfer. But, it went fantastic! We really couldn't have asked for any better. 

When we arrived at the clinic I took my Valium as instructed. We were called back shortly after which made me nervous since I wasn't feeling it at all. They brought us into the newly expanded part of the clinic. It was absolutely beautiful. We walked past the embryology lab which was fish-bowl style. There were lots of people working away.

When they brought us into the room it felt more like a spa room than a transfer room. Super comfortable bed, no stirrups, low lighting, music, and calming colors. The nurse came in and explained everything that was going to happen. She asked if I had a preference for the doctor and I said I didn't care. She had a print out of our embryos and she started counting. Where did she stop? 17!! Of course not all of them were at the same stage, but all were still going, which completely shocked and amazed both W and me. 

Then the doctor came in. It was the same one who did my retrieval and I really liked him. W actually remarked when he first came into the room to explain the retrieval procedure my heart rate dropped dramatically by the time he left. 

Dr. Greene told me we had 4 blastocysts and that he recommended transferring 1 or 2. He said he would need a lot of coaxing for 3 since the quality was so good. We talked about the odds. Transferring 2 meant greater odds for twins, but it also upped the success rate from transferring 1. Transferring 3 made the triplet rate a little scary for both of us and didn't change the overall success rate.  

He showed me the best blastocysts and I then asked about the grading. He opened a door which led directly to the embryology lab and called the embryologist in. She told me of the 4 we had, 2 were 4AA and 2 were 4BB. There were a bunch more that were close and they were going to monitor them to see whether they turned to blast. Her recommendation was to transfer the 2 4AA's and freeze the 4BB's. Done deal.

Dr. Greene first did a trial transfer and then the actual transfer. When he was doing the trial transfer he turned the screen towards me and moved the catheter so I could see what I was looking at. He then said, "That's me, waving hello." We all laughed awkwardly at that one. 

W was there holding my hand the entire time and it was over quickly. No cramping, no discomfort, totally smooth. Dr. G counted down, "3, 2, 1" when he put them in, but I couldn't see anything different on the screen. I wasn't sure exactly where to look. 

I scooted up the bed and relaxed for the next 20 minutes or so. We got a picture of the ones we transferred and I've been transfixed by them since. Maybe I'm biased, but I can't believe how perfect and beautiful they are. 

After the 20 minutes the nurse returned and said I could get dressed. We walked about 30 seconds down the hall and were at acupuncture. I definitely fell asleep there and felt super relaxed. We went home and spent the rest of the day lounging around and watching comedies. 

Today I went back to work since I've missed so much. It was a light day and I tried not to pick up any of the kids or be too physical with them. When I woke up this morning I felt really anxious, but was able to listen to Circle + Bloom, and that really helped. 

Unfortunately, W texted me around 11 saying the stomach bug had hit him. This evening was spent laying low and relaxing again. I feel terrible that he got it too since it's no fun. I hope he feels better soon. 

Tomorrow I have acupuncture scheduled for 3:30. We bought tickets to the SU Georgetown game, but I'm not so sure we will be going. It's harder to be distracted and positive when your hubby is so sick. I'm trying my best though. 

I'm thinking positive and grateful thoughts and really hoping this is it. Oh yeah, and here are my amazingly beautiful future babies:

Our 2 4AA blastocysts

Our joke is that the one on the left looks more like me since it's rounder and I have a rounder face and features. Very creatively, it is nicknamed "round". The one of the right looks more like W since he has a more narrow face and more pointy feature. That one is called "pointy". So hopefully "round" and "pointy" are getting comfy cozy as I type. 

IVF #2 CD 19 Transfer Time

My transfer is scheduled for this morning at 9:15. I have an acupuncture appointment immediately following which I am really looking forward to. 

What I'm looking forward to the most? Valium. I love that stuff!

I went with the attitude that, "no news is good news" on Saturday when I knew the clinic would be checking my embryos. I didn't call them and they didn't call me. And I'm OK with that. I didn't want to spend the weekend worrying about things. And it worked well.  

I am looking forward to finding out what we have to transfer today. I am super excited and nervous all at the same time. 

IVF #2 CD 7 Another Day, Another Co-Pay

I had an appointment this morning. My blood pressure and pulse continue to be a concern for me at the office as they are both rising each time. Just to be sure I mentioned it to the NP and later took my BP two different times during the day at a local pharmacy. Normal both times. My fight or flight reaction is in high gear when I go for my appointments, but I can't seem to control it. At least I know it's only there. 

The NP was able to measure seven follicles on each ovary.  On the left I had 1x11 mm, 3x10 mm, and 3x8 mm. On the right I had 3x11 mm and 4x9 mm.

The NP doing the scan mentioned that they hadn't changed much since Monday. This got me worried and I checked online every half hour or so until my estradiol was posted. I was worried it wasn't going to go up enough, but it was 1710. After 6 days on stims. I stay on the same dosage of everything and go back Friday. 

The headaches are mostly gone but this afternoon my stomach was upset. I went and had acupuncture yesterday for the first time and was able to take a nice nap. I haven't found the Circle + Bloom to be as helpful this time around as I can't seem to stay focused on it. My mind wanders a lot despite my best efforts.  

I guess I would rather be reading my Kindle. I am SO CLOSE to finishing The Help and it is great! 

Today was the first time we have paid for Gonal-F. I got an initial allotment from the Compassionate Care program and was able to coast on those for a while. Last cycle I had some donated. Today? I shelled out $911.00 for 1 Gonal-F 900 pen and the trigger shot. Ouch!! I guess I'm getting off pretty lucky though. My bank account doesn't agree.

Letting go of control

So I didn't hear from my RE or the nurse yesterday. We went for a long walk with the dogs and I kept waiting for the phone to ring. Actually, my phone doesn't ring anymore. The ringer died a few months ago and now it only vibrates. I am waiting to upgrade to the new iPhone when it finally comes out. The anxiety of having my phone so close and waiting for a call isn't fun. I'm still yet to miss a call though, so I guess my phone is doing the job.

Since I didn't hear last night I changed my estrogen patches (Vivelle) and upped the dose to 4. My belly is now covered in patches. Today I had a dull headache most of the day, but this tends to accompany an increase in dosage.

Again today I waited for the call. I can't say I had my phone on me all day, but I checked it multiple times. Around 3:00 I left a message for the nurse. She called me back around 4:00. I just asked her what was going on. She said we are still on for the transfer on Monday. I am supposed to start progesterone PIO's on Thursday and the Dexamathasone on Friday. I asked about the fluid and she said my RE acknowledged it but wasn't concerned. It was a much smaller pocket of fluid so he is still planning the transfer. She said he would be able to avoid the fluid when placing the embryos, but I'm not sure how I feel about that. I asked if the fluid could increase and she said most likely it will decrease or go away. She also said the fluid may just be something I have mid-cycle and something we may not be able to avoid.

I felt a need to call my RE and discuss this with him. As much as I want to do the transfer, I want the best chances.

I went to my fertility yoga class tonight. There were 3 new people there and myself. The instructor didn't show up so they ended up canceling the class. I sat in the waiting room area and chatted with the other women for a little bit. The receptionist gave me 2 free passes for future classes and then offered up acupuncture for free to all of us. Ummm... yes please! It was the same guy as the one who did my session prior to the transfer last month. He asked for the update and talked to me for a bit. He did a relaxation session and within 3 minutes of getting the needles in, I felt amazing. I love acupuncture, especially when it is free. He made me more relaxed about the fluid and said they would cancel it if needed so that if they are planning to do the transfer, I should have confidence in the decisions made. He told me to stay relaxed and warm until the transfer and I scheduled appointments for before and after my transfer on Monday. He reset all of my feelings and brought me back down to where I was last month. I really needed a reminder of how I can only control so much and have to leave the important decisions up to others.

The transfer is scheduled for Monday at 2:30. I need to find a way to stay relaxed and calm about everything. I'm not sure if I will call my RE to talk about the fluid or not.

Now I just need to make it through this week. I will be PUPO next week! I am really starting to get excited. I need to remind myself that I can only control so much. I will do my best to make good and healthy decisions and control my body and state of mind to the best of my ability. The rest is out of my hands.

IVF #1 CD 10 (trigger tonight)

After going to bed at midnight last night, getting up a little before 6 was not the most fun this morning. W was able to come to my appointment since it was the weekend so that was nice. We got to hospital #1 and they were directed towards the laboratory. Once we got there they weren't exactly sure why we were there, but then eventually figured it out and took my blood. We then headed to hospital #2. 

As soon as we arrived in the lobby the ultrasound tech was waiting for us. She brought us over to the office and let us in with her key. My ovaries were frickin' HUGE under ultrasound, no wonder I am so uncomfortable. She did all of her measurements and then called my RE while we waited. She reported that I have 17 follicles, all good in size and that my lining was great and tri-layered. She then put me on the phone with my RE. He told me most likely I would trigger tonight, but he needed my estradiol levels to be sure it wasn't too high. I once again got the OHSS talk, but I think it is just because he is super cautious. He also said depending on how many eggs we get, we could be looking at a 5 day transfer like we talked about last week. He seemed really optimistic and said I had a great response. 

We went and got breakfast and then killed a little time before my acupuncture appointment. While I was in for my appointment, my RE called with the results. My estradiol level is up to 2,773 and I will trigger tonight! I will take 150 units of Gonal-F and the HCG trigger this evening at 9:30. No more Lupron! I can't believe how fast it actually went by once the stims started. 

I have been really uncomfortable, and full feeling as well as pretty anxious. I feel like I can't do anything too fast. I am hoping that subsides once the retrieval is over, since that is the part I am most nervous about. I'm not sure if it is the meds, being so bloated, or being so anxious, but I have been feeling a bit nauseous and my appetite is off. I can't believe we trigger tonight!! 

Egg retrieval here we come. I just have to get through work tomorrow. I am also planning on treating myself to a pedicure tomorrow so at least my toes will look nice in those stirrups. 

Pharmacy f*@$ up

I went to pick up my ovidrel yesterday and the girl at the pharmacy counter pulled it out of a drawer. I immediately starting asking questions about it being refrigerated. Long story short, the pharmacist read the insert and told me my options were to take it and it would be good for 30 days or to cancel the order. WTF!! I took it and immediately put it in the fridge when I got home. I was so pissed and ready to cry all at the same time. Can't she figure out what the drug is for and know better than to mess with a woman jacked up on hormones??!!! I talked to the nurse at my clinic today and she said it would be fine. Frustrating to say the least. What was especially frustrating was that the pharmacy did not admit any fault despite the fact that THEY stuck the refrigeration sticker on the box. ARGGHH!!

Apart from that, one week from today I go for my blood work and ultrasound. I have been feeling like time is passing slowly and that I am ready to get this show on the road. I am still relaxed, but impatient. I have starting doing more yoga and meditation and I am eternally grateful to S at Misconceptions about Conception for her generosity and helpful hand this week. I am also so excited for her that her first beta results today were so high.

I went for acupuncture again this week and I still love it. It is so relaxing and I notice I sleep much better the following nights not to mention the little nap I take during.

Sometimes you have to let go and cheat on your no dairy, no fried foods rule. This evening we went out to dinner and I had fried calamari (we shared), lobster ravioli, and a cannoli. I can't begin to describe how delicious it all was. Other than this evening, I have been really good about not eating these foods. Caffeine and wine on the other hand...........

My cat got out of the house and spent the past 24 hours outside. We just got him inside. I did find a dead mouse in the yard this afternoon, but there was also another kitty buddy hanging around that I saw today. Not sure if it was our cat or that one that got the mouse, but I am hoping they shared the head (since it was the only part missing).

I have a calla lilly growing in my flower garden and it is absolutely beautiful. Our hydrangeas are taller than me, which isn't saying a whole lot, and our veggies are starting to grow. I think pictures are in order soon.

My sharps bin is getting heavy

I wish there were awards, trophies, or medals for "accomplishments" in IF. Examples of awards would be: HSG completed, semen analysis (for the hubby), sharps bin full, first injection, etc. My walls and shelves would be lookin' good!

My sharps bin is getting full and is starting to get heavy. I started Lupron on Thursday and haven't really had any issues. I did get one hot flash but I had just gotten out of the shower and was hot already. By the end though I was dripping in sweat. Not a ton of fun.

I am giving the injections myself this cycle which is different. The biggest difference is that I focus more on the motor task of giving the shot than the sensory aspect of how it feels. So far so good.

I've started to cut back on my dairy intake and find that breakfast is the hardest meal. I was a pole-vaulter in high school and had back issues for a little bit. My mom took me to a chiropractor and he said it was my kidneys and that I should cut dairy out of my diet. At the time that seemed crazy. When I saw the acupuncturist she noted that my kidneys were off (I can't remember exactly what she said so this is what I took away from it). I then remembered the advice from the chiropractor. I haven't been perfect, but I am making an effort to cut back.

Has anyone tried the Circle + Bloom meditation for IVF series? Any feedback would be appreciated. I am thinking of purchasing it, but would also love to find someone who has it and could copy it for me for a small fee. Any takers?

Mind and Body

This week has been crazy but great. I have been busy writing reports, attending meetings, and doing therapy with work. In addition, I discovered a great place and realized things about myself personally and started to take control and action. 

On Monday I attended a support group for infertility with W. They mentioned the CNY Healing Arts and Wellness Center which is located next door to the fertility clinic where the support group was. They mentioned fertility yoga, so I decided I would go the following night (Tuesday). After the class I knew I needed to make some changes personally so I could feel good about doing everything in my power for success. 

Well, it was amazing. I can't recommend it highly enough. At first I was a little nervous since I haven't ever actually gone to a yoga class (only done DVD's at home). While it was a little "out there", I loved the instructor and she gave me lots of feedback and made me feel welcome and supported in the class. The class was from 5:50-7:00 and cost $7.00. After the class some of the ladies met for a little support group. That was one of the best experiences I have had so far with my journey through infertility. As much as blogging is a great release and I have "met" some amazing people, talking with people in real-life was just so different. It wasn't led or directed by anyone like the group the previous night, it was just women talking about similar situations and sharing stories and advice. I know I will continue the yoga each week and attend the support group after. The monday night once a month thing, we will see. 

Since I was feeling so great and empowered from the yoga I decided I was going to start acupuncture. I have been in the past for other reasons, but never to this place. It was great. I had been feeling stressed and nervous, but since have been feeling relaxed and in control. I know I will continue through this cycle, just not sure how often since it is expensive. 

This week I have made some realizations about my fate. Just because I pay all the money, do the shots, show up for appointments, and have the procedures does not guarantee success. Physically and mentally I wasn't in a great place recently and this week I have completely turned it around. I started feeling in control of those things I know I can control and have a positive effect over (my mind and body) and have decided to let go and try not to control or understand (too much) the process of IVF.

 I made some dietary changes and have felt great about doing so. I feel positive and much less stressed and am preparing my body the best I can for what it is about to undertake. I hope getting my mind focused in the right direction will help. In effect, I am feeling more positive and optimistic. 

What I do know for certain is that I feel great, I feel in control, and I feel like I am ready emotionally, physically, and mentally to take on IVF in my best possible state. I better be though because we started Lupron tonight!