IVF #2 Beta Results

This morning was not the easiest. They told me at the clinic I might hear around 10:30, but if I hadn't heard by 12 to call them. I didn't really feel like initiating a bad conversation so I waited until around 12:30 for the call. They have a website where I can get lab results, so I checked it constantly from 11:15. Around 12:25 I checked and the numbers where there. Hands shaking, I clicked. HCG was 43. My immediate thought was that's not very high. 

About a minute later the phone rang and it was them. She told me that any number over 25 was fine and that this number wasn't too low. She said congratulations. W rang in while I was on the phone with them so I called him right back. He was so thrilled it was ridiculous. He answered with his usual, "hey baby" and I responded with "hey baby daddy". He was like, what?!...  really?!... OMG!! 

I really wish the number was higher, but I'm going to go be positive and believe them that anything over 25 is where it should be. I go back Friday for repeat blood work and am hoping for a nice rise. Of course I went out and bought more tests and came home and peed on a FRER. There's a second line, but not the darkest. It's not squinter, but it's definitely not as dark as the control. 

Thanks so much for all of the amazing support and comments I received today. Of course I had to find something new to worry about : )

Maybe it's my fear talking, but we are excited. We are happy. We are pregnant!

IVF #2 Beta Day

My blood has been drawn and now all I can do is wait. I'm a complete nervous wreck, and I'm not sure how I'm going to get through today. I didn't pee on anything so I feel about 50/50 on things. I know today has the potential to be amazing or awful, and unfortunately, nothing in between. I really hope we get good news.

As I was sitting in the waiting room I received this text from W: "I'm so proud of you for the strength and perserverance you have shown in this process. No matter what happens today I am so lucky and happy to be with you." It took everything I had to not start crying in the waiting room. I let the tears stream down my cheeks as I drove off.

Please send your positive vibes, prayers, and anything else you have my way today.

Oh, and I'm pretty ecstatic to have reached 100 followers, thank you so much everybody!

Now to get through the next few hours...

IVF #2 CD 14 Retrieval (Go Big or Go Home)

Retrieval was this morning at 9:30. We got there around 9:00 and waited for quite a while to be taken back. I got changed into my gown (which was HUGE) and then the nurse brought me a heated blanket to cover my exposed cheeks. I got situated in the room and then the nurse tried to start the IV. She first tried my left arm and it didn't go well. The needle went in but the IV fluids weren't going in very fast. She fumbled with the needle while it was in my vein for what felt like forever and it was bleeding a lot. She eventually just gave up and went to the right arm. That went fine. I'm sure my veins aren't going to be too pretty tomorrow. 

The anesthesiologist came in and talked to me, they hooked me up to a bunch of monitors and then the RE came in. It's not my RE, but I've only ever met mine once so it didn't really matter to me. This guy was super nice and friendly. He then said he knew I had been watching the ultrasounds and had an idea of how many follicles there were. He told me to keep a number in my head of how many eggs I was hoping would get retrieved. He then said he would try to beat it and that he does 90% of the time. The number I picked? 15. 

W was able to stay in the room and watch the procedure. He has recounted it to me and I'm kinda jealous I was the one knocked out. I was out so quickly once those meds hit it wasn't even funny. I vaguely remember them having me move down and then getting my legs strapped in. 

When I woke up I was SUPER crampy and uncomfortable. W came in the room a few minutes later from doing his part. Within about 5 minutes the embryologist came back to give me the number. 28!!! I am so happy with this but am definitely feeling the difference between retrieving 11 and retrieving 28. 

I feel like I was hit by a bus. A short bus, but still. The bloating in my belly seems to have gone down quite a bit which is good. I was given lots of instructions about OHSS but am hoping I don't need them. I started Destonex yesterday which is supposed to help and am feeling fine other than the cramping and general discomfort. I'm not so sure about working tomorrow since bending and reaching are not fun activities. I sit on the floor with little kids and have to be animated and excited. Not sure I'm up to that but I will see how I feel in the morning. 

All in all, I am really happy about the number of eggs retrieved. Everything went really well and I can't lie, W has been amazing. He will get me anything I want/need and he cleaned the entire house in the past few days. I couldn't ask for anything more. I hope we have some great mature eggs in the mix. I get a fertilization report tomorrow. 

IVF #2 CD 12 Trigger and Roller Coaster Emotions

The good news is my coasting and using Cetrotide seemed to work. My estradiol levels was much lower today and I was given the green light to trigger. I am so glad we are in the final stretch. 

We spent the weekend relaxing and I started to calm down about OHSS. When I didn't move on the couch, I felt great. When I got moving around I was really full and uncomfortable. By Sunday night some of the fullness had resided and I was confident things were looking up. 

This morning's appointment went fine. The NP really scared the crap out of me about OHSS and said if I were a "risk taker" she would suggest I continue with the trigger. If I were "more conservative" it might be best to withhold the trigger and cancel. She said most people do take the risk and continue with the trigger. The morning went by slowly as I waited to hear. 

My follicles had continued great growth. I had 2x13 mm, 3x14 mm,  2x15 mm, 1x16 mm, 2x17 mm, 4x18 mm, 3x19 mm, 1x20 mm, and 1x24 mm. Estradiol was 1215. 

So then I spent the afternoon worrying that it dropped too low. When the nurse called and told me the levels and that I should trigger I asked whether it was a problem they dropped so much. She said "that's what we wanted." When I asked whether I should do any more Gonal-F she said no. 

I also got a prescription for Dostonex to help prevent OHSS. I start that tonight with the trigger. They will also put me on Lovenox which doesn't start until after the retrieval. 

How can one go from fear of too high of numbers to too low of numbers in 2 days? I think the most important thing is that the follicles had continued growth and still look good.  I consulted Dr. Google and found this: 

"If you started cetrotide just before the estradiol drop it may simply be due to this; cetrotide and ganirelix will artificially lower your estradiol level and doesnt actually have any clinical relevance. (In other words the estradiol level becomes unreliable as a gauge of follicle size or growth when one uses cetrotide or ganirlelix). In such antagonist cycles you must go by the follicle sizes and their development in order to know when the stim is adequate, and most importantly, when to trigger with hCG."

So trigger is tonight at 9:30 and I go in for retrieval at 9:00 on Wednesday. I am so ready for retrieval it's not even funny. Man, IVF is such a ridiculous roller coaster!

IVF #2 CD 9 Freaked Out

I had another ultrasound and more blood taken today. The appointment was at 6:45 and W joined me. It was so nice to have him there and to drive. To be honest, I felt horrible when I woke up. I started Dexamethasone yesterday and think this was part of it. 

I had gotten up last night around 3:30 or 4 to pee and had a really hard time falling back asleep. When I did I had horrible dreams. I was super late for my appointment in my dream and started off by getting a ride from my Mom in a crappy car. Then I was driving a rental van with a bunch of people and got stuck in really bad traffic. Then I was running and happened to be running more or less in circles. I woke up feeling incredibly nauseous and anxious. I really thought I was going to throw up but ended up being ok. W drove this morning so I was able to listen to music and recline in the seat. 

I had a much better dream the other night that I was riding my dog all around town. I had to hold on to her collar, but she was definitely larger than life in the dream. I also dreamt that I was pushing an empty baby stroller. 

I've been feeling really full and uncomfortable. Lots of action down there for sure. Today I really started feeling nauseous and my appetite wasn't very good. I've also started getting a bit of a sore throat and feel like I might be getting sick. A lot of the kids I work with are sick right now, but I'm hoping for the best. 

My blood pressure was a little better today because I had a nurse I like a bit more. When the RN did the ultrasound she commented on how many follicles there were but how it was a "great IVF cycle" since I had so many follicles so close in size. Her first reaction was "Oh, wow!" When I told her what my estradiol was on Wednesday, she said to expect a call with a change in instructions this afternoon. I left feeling really optimistic and positive about everything. 

On the left side they measured 8 follicles. 2x9 mm, 3x10 mm, and 3x12 mm. On the right they measured 9 follicles. 2x9 mm, 2x10 mm, 2x11 mm, 1x12 mm, and 2x13 mm. 

Then I got the call around 12:30. Yeah, my estradiol is 5006. Holy $#!*. I was told to take a much smaller dose on Gonal-F tonight (37.5 instead of 150) and to skip the Menopur. They want to see me again tomorrow and were talking about giving me something else (Cetrotide?) to help reduce to estrogen levels. 

I'm totally freaked out and worried about OHSS. I know there are more follicles they haven't measured and my estrogen is scary high. It jumped from 1710 to 5006 in two days. I'm scared. I'm really hoping it goes down a bit and that were are able to do a fresh transfer. 

Hoping for better news tomorrow. 

IVF #2 CD 7 Another Day, Another Co-Pay

I had an appointment this morning. My blood pressure and pulse continue to be a concern for me at the office as they are both rising each time. Just to be sure I mentioned it to the NP and later took my BP two different times during the day at a local pharmacy. Normal both times. My fight or flight reaction is in high gear when I go for my appointments, but I can't seem to control it. At least I know it's only there. 

The NP was able to measure seven follicles on each ovary.  On the left I had 1x11 mm, 3x10 mm, and 3x8 mm. On the right I had 3x11 mm and 4x9 mm.

The NP doing the scan mentioned that they hadn't changed much since Monday. This got me worried and I checked online every half hour or so until my estradiol was posted. I was worried it wasn't going to go up enough, but it was 1710. After 6 days on stims. I stay on the same dosage of everything and go back Friday. 

The headaches are mostly gone but this afternoon my stomach was upset. I went and had acupuncture yesterday for the first time and was able to take a nice nap. I haven't found the Circle + Bloom to be as helpful this time around as I can't seem to stay focused on it. My mind wanders a lot despite my best efforts.  

I guess I would rather be reading my Kindle. I am SO CLOSE to finishing The Help and it is great! 

Today was the first time we have paid for Gonal-F. I got an initial allotment from the Compassionate Care program and was able to coast on those for a while. Last cycle I had some donated. Today? I shelled out $911.00 for 1 Gonal-F 900 pen and the trigger shot. Ouch!! I guess I'm getting off pretty lucky though. My bank account doesn't agree.

IVF #2 CD 5 Another Day, Another Headache

I had an appointment this morning and guess who actually came? W, that's who! It was nice to have his company in the car, as we waited (for a freakin' hour), and on the drive home. It wasn't as nice to compete for the bathroom this morning. Usually the wait is much shorter at the office, but it seems like when he comes for appointments it takes longer. I really think it was just that it was Monday morning and they were busy. I told him it was sensitivity training to see how much of a real inconvenience it all is. I'm letting him off the hook for Wednesday but not Friday. 

The ultrasound went fine and the RN measured 6 follciles around 8-10. When I asked her how many there were she said "a lot." She also said it was a good thing we were doing IVF and not an IUI based on the number of follicles. 

I hate when they take blood and put the gauze and pressure on my arm when the needle is still in. I have a needle in my vein, please don't push hard on it. 

My estradiol came back today at 639. During my last cycle I didn't have my first monitoring appointment until the next day (CD 6), and my estradiol was 249. 

I've been having headaches (as my blog title implies) almost every day. Yesterday it was pretty bad and the Tylenol didn't do anything to touch it. I know it's just part of it, but headaches that last for days aren't fun. I'm also starting to feel my ovaries a lot more. They are definitely getting busy down there.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, a video I took this evening of my dog Togie. She is such a big baby (as you can see when she dodges the bottle I threw to her) but talks a big game. I haven't given her a bottle in a long time and it has been an amusing evening.

IVF #2 CD 3 First Tears

On friday night we went out for a nice dinner. Since my shots fell around the time we were at dinner I had to excuse myself and go to the bathroom to do them. I bent the Lupron needle slightly and realized I probably should bring extras for times like this. Everything went fine and we continued our dinner. 

My shots ready to go on the back of the toilet, so sanitary!

I was so tired on Friday that I napped after work, napped after dinner, and then fell asleep just fine around 11. 

Last night W was watching the Syracuse basketball game. I gave him a 5 minute warning for my shots and he didn't seem very interested or concerned. He then got excited because he remembered the TV upstairs and ran upstairs to turn the game on up there. Usually he grabs my meds from the fridge to help, but no go. There were about 5 minutes left in the game and SU was losing for the first time this season.

 I became upset to say the least and told him not to worry about it (hoping he would get the hint that he really should worry about it.) He said fine and went downstairs to watch the rest of the game. 

At that point I was really upset. I don't need him to do the shots, but it's nice to have him in the room for emotional support. Of course I had to finish one pen of Gonal-F and open another so that meant an extra shot. I also couldn't seem to get a pocket of air out of the syringe for the Menopur and became frustrated with it. 

W came upstairs half-way through this ordeal and I locked him out since I was upset. Then the tears started flowing. I told him I felt like he wasn't invested in this process and wished he could just be there to support me. I told him it would be nice to have him at some monitoring appointments since he's never even offered. The tears continued for a while and we talked, eventually reaching an agreement. He told me that this IVF cycle is more important than anything else right now and promised to show that to me. Hopefully it will be true. 

It's On

Lesson of the day? I need to chill the f#$% out! On Monday when I went in for my appointment the NP told me I would get a period. As the next few days progressed and nothing showed I started to stress out. I was actually thinking and wishing that someone I spent time with would have their period so maybe it would rub off on me. I found out that my good friend C had hers yesterday as we drove together to a meeting for work. Yeah, that didn't seem to help. 

My hubby was happy he was getting lots of action in my hopes that it would help entice AF. When I woke up this morning and it still hadn't arrived I was really getting stressed about my appointment. The RN today told me my lining was so thin I would likely not get a period. Humph! Not to mention my blood pressure was 145 over something. Yeah, it's never been that high. I still don't get how my lining shrunk without any change, but oh well.

I was given the Ok to start stims tonight. 150 IU's of Gonal-F, 75 IU of Menopur, and 5 units of Lupron. 3 shots of fun. Then this afternoon I started spotting so who the heck knows. 

I've realized why I will probably gain weight while doing IVF. I have been getting myself breakfast on my monitoring mornings. I've also decided that coffee is delicious again and have been drinking some here and there. I had completely cut it out for months and just now have been drinking it again. Oh well, it isn't going to kill me. 

Menopur isn't fun. It burns like I've heard everyone say. I think I will be a chemist by the time this is all over. 

We booked a vacation to Mexico tonight for the last week of March. I'm super excited but wish it was a little sooner. The week we wanted to go was no longer available, so oh well. It's going to be amazing. It's an adults only resort so it will be nice to not be subjected to tons of little kids. As if I don't do that to myself every day at work. At least they're cute!

I go back Monday morning to see how things are progressing. Until then I jab myself with needles and ride out the side effects. 

I'm a Middle of the Day Kind of Person

Some people are morning people and some are night owl's. I'm a middle of the day kind of person. 

6:45 for an appointment is just too early for me. When the alarm went off at 5:00 I wanted to sleep for 5 more hours. I got to my appointment on time and everything went well. My lining was at 6.5 so they want me to get a period before starting stims.

We discussed whether I would use Menopur this cycle or not and came to the conclusion that I will. They even had a box they gave me so that was convenient. The NP said it helps improve egg quality and since my last IVF cycle was unsuccessful it would be good to mix it up. 

I go back Thursday for repeat blood work and another ultrasound. I will start stims that night. The monitoring appointments are unfortunately not part of the package price. I have a co-pay for each one (which is way better than the $320 actual cost), but $25.00 each time is going to add up. 

More crazy dreams around here. I dreamt one night that at the end of stims I had welts at every injection site. I also had a tease of a dream about a positive pregnancy test (after getting up to pee multiple times that night). Last night involved a plan crash but we have been watching LOST lately so I'm sure that's where it came from. 

Went to a staff party for W's work Saturday. I had no idea it was going to be so formal and we both felt way underdressed. About 90% of the women were wearing dresses. Oh well, the cream puffs were delicious. I guess I need to reconsider my definition of dressing up.

Hung out with friends Friday and Sunday nights. Both friends have kids but enjoyed snuggling with Max (7 months) and singing songs and playing with E (17 months).

Had a pregnancy announcement from a family I work with. It didn't hurt at all. I'm not jealous of their situation.

Took a nice long nap while W cooked dinner last night after my early morning appointment. I'm really starting to get excited about everything. Come on Thursday!

They Hit

Side effects. Always after 3 days on any medication I start to feel side effects. I have had a dull headache since Wednesday night right before bed. I woke up yesterday and it lingered all day. I was able to take a nap while hubby was cooking dinner so that was nice but when I woke up the headache was still there. 

Crazy dreams! This morning I was dreaming about a giant horse kicking and biting me in the face when W woke me up. It was scary! I also dreamt I was in my freshman college dorm. Little things pop up during the day that remind me of parts of a crazy dream. 

I'm feeling a little spacey and forgetful. I will start a sentence and not be able to finish. Makes me look smart. 

Hot flashes. I'm usually pretty cold but yesterday when I asked someone "Is it hot in here" and they replied, "no, I'm actually cold" I knew something was up. I drove with my windows down for part of the day. 

My boobs are getting a little sore and uncomfortable. 

I'm craving crap food. Not sure if this is just me though. I can't seem to consistently make good choices. I was at a pre-kindergarten class yesterday and it was someone's birthday. Those cupcakes looked too good to pass up. Funfetti with whipped cream frosting. Boy did I regret that one. I don't ever eat that much sugar so it shocked me a bit with a super intense headache and stomachache. It was pretty delicious in the moment though. 

We have a bunch of snow on the ground this morning and are supposed to get a few more inches today. I wish I could just stay home and drink hot chocolate. 

3 more BCP's and 4 days until my suppression check. Is this really happening? Hope everyone has a safe Friday the 13th. I have a friend who has her beta for IVF #3 today. I hope she gets good news. 

Awesome Sauce

What makes the sauce so awesome? The fact that my thyroid is fine, that's what. 

On Friday I had my ultrasound. No big surprise the tech didn't want to give me any info. 

On Thursday, Friday, and Monday I called my physician's office and asked for the full thyroid blood panel. When I called Monday and they told me my doc would return my call that morning I was super annoyed when I didn't hear back. I went ahead and started the Lupron because I wasn't going to let the unknown issues with my thyroid delay me. 

The great news is he called this afternoon and told me no further testing was needed since the ultrasound revealed my thyroid was fine. I am so relieved and happy that I can continue on with the cycle full steam ahead with complete confidence. 

Dr. Google had freaked me out a little bit after my extensive searches. 

Today was day 2 of Lupron. I stop BCP's on Sunday night and have my suppression check on Monday morning bright and early. I don't usually start my Monday mornings until 9:00 about 10 minutes from my house. My appointment is at 6:45 about 45 minutes from my house. Help me please. 

Christmas Festivities and a Fresh Start

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. We are lucky (and unlucky I guess) in that we get to celebrate three times, so next weekend the festivities will continue with my dad and sister (yay divorce). 

You can barely see Pepper (our other dog) in the right corner, he wasn't cooperating. This is the best shot we got using the timer on my camera. Merry Christmas from our furry family!

Last week we had my mom, step-dad and brother over for dinner to celebrate early. They go to Florida every Christmas to celebrate with my step-dad's mother, so they aren't ever around. It was really nice and relaxing. A few weeks ago I picked up my violin from my mom. I hadn't played in over 6 years but felt I needed a distraction during my 2ww. I have been practicing some and was able to play for my mom while she was over. That made her very happy. I played from second grade through my senior year in high school and was impressed by how easily I was able to pick it back up. We had a great dinner and exchanged gifts. My brother (almost 10) was literally kissing the Game Stop gift certificate we got him so you could say he liked it. 

Last Thursday we got the news that W's grandmother had a heart attack and passed away (3 days from Christmas). She lived to be 91 and was with it cognitively and lived independently up until the end. It happened really quickly so everyone is relived she didn't suffer. She was insanely generous in that she paid for her 7 grandchildren to go to college (Boston University, Yale, Columbia, Syracuse, Bates, Brown, and some art school in D.C.) She also gave us the center stone on my engagement ring which once belonged to her mother. Funeral services will be held on Friday and Saturday so we will be traveling to New Jersey for that. I think we will stop in Albany on the way for a night to stay with my sister and drop off our dogs and then stop on the way back through on Saturday and do Christmas Sunday with my dad and my sister. I hope she's ready to have 3 cats and 3 dogs at her house for a few days. Thanks K!

Due to the death in the family, Christmas Eve dinner was cancelled at the in-law's. We were invited instead to W's aunt and uncle's house and had a nice dinner. On Christmas day my in-law's came over for lunch and then we headed back to the aunt and uncle's for dinner again. I had a great time with W's cousin's boys (ages 5 and 8). D (the 5 year old) was too funny when he said "My most ticklish spot is my weiner." We all had a good laugh over that one. 

This is the painting W and I got each other for Christmas. We have two others by the same artist (who is local) and we really loved this one. It looks great on the wall.