Firsts

I'm sure this pregnancy and then becoming a mommy will mean plenty of firsts for me. The past few days mark a big one though. 

We have movement! I think I had been feeling it for a little bit but was expecting something different. I was expecting something to feel like "flutters" as everyone else described it. Honestly, it really wasn't as subtle as I was expecting it to be. To me it feels more like a little cramp or nudge in one spot. Since then I've been feeling lots of movement. There is definitely movement in two distinct spots. 

This may be TMI, but the other night when I was peeing it felt like Baby A decided to kick my bladder at the same time. I've never experienced any pain during urination, but this time there was. I haven't had it again so I'm assuming that's what it was. Thanks little one, that was a hoot!

Baby A is tucked down super low in the middle and Baby B is off to my right side, also pretty low. Most times I feel one moving at a time but I few times I've felt it in both spots at the same time. It's going to get crazy in there!

It's absolutely amazing to feel them wiggling around. They move a lot when I'm still (like lying in bed or on the couch). I just love them so much! Feeling them move makes it so much more real. 

I also saw a chiropractor last Thursday for my round ligament pain. I found her at the baby expo and won an initial visit. She specializes in pregnancy. She took a complete history and we chatted for a bit. To be honest, I didn't love the way she presented some information. She's also a nutritionist. She didn't think the prenatal vitamin I took was any good, she though I was on a lot of medications, she didn't like Tums for heartburn, etc. She made a comment at one point about how easily and quickly she and her husband got pregnant. I just don't think she understood infertility and the things we will do to have a baby when it's not easy. Despite the not so great presentation of some information, I felt amazing after. I have felt really minimal round ligament pain since the adjustment. It's so much better than the constant pain I was getting. I'm going back again tomorrow and hoping there will be less talking and more adjusting this time. It's all worth it to get rid of that constant pain I was having. It helped a lot. 

Otherwise, things are great. W did a lot of yard work this weekend while I kept him company (aka watched). Things are looking really great outside the house.

I've also been crafting mobiles for the cribs out of felt. I will definitely post a picture when they are done. We picked our theme/bedding for the nursery and they go with that. I found one like it on Etsy for $130 and got the idea that way. It's a lot of work but I enjoy doing it. 

We went to Ithaca Sunday for a little bit and found the newborn diapers we have been buying used. I haven't seen them used anywhere yet so it was pretty exciting. I'm fine with buying used ones, especially when they look brand new. All our babies are going to do is poop in them anyway. We got 5 diapers for $75. It sure beats the $18.95 we have been paying for each one. We also brought the dogs to the dog park and went for a walk. It was a wonderful day. 

I love how happy we are. It really feels amazing to be in this place after all the sadness we experienced leading up to this point. W looks at me all the time and just smiles. We are just so grateful to finally be here. 

IVF #4 CD 12- The Final Stretch

Today W joined me for my appointment. The NP measured my right side first and I thought for sure we would trigger tonight. Then she went over to my underachieving left side and the follicles were a bit smaller. On the left side I had 2x13 mm, 2x14 mm, 3x15 mm, and 2x16 mm. On the right there were: 1x11 mm, 1x13 mm, 1x14 mm, 3x16 mm, 2x17 mm, and 2x19 mm. Obviously not all of these are going to be mature at retrieval, but I'm happy with how things are progressing.

Since my clinic was only going to be open for a half day today the NP said it was important I call her ASAP to let her know if we would trigger tonight or not. She gave me her cell phone number and told me to call when I knew. I asked her if she would trigger me tonight and she said she would probably hold off another day, especially since we are planning to freeze everything. She also said it was important to find out from Dr. Br.averman on what day he wants the embryos frozen. I assumed it would be day 5, but she said sometimes the preference is on day 1. I will put in an email to Dr. B to see what he has to say. 

Once I got in the car I emailed the nurse at Dr. B's office and told her I needed to know about triggering ASAP although I was pretty sure I knew the answer. She got back to me fairly quickly and said we were going to hold off another day. I called my clinic and scheduled another appointment for tomorrow.

Based on how I felt this weekend I knew there was going to be a big jump in my estradiol levels. My sense of smell became out of control and I started feeling much more uncomfortable. I'm officially to the walking super slow phase of this cycle. Today my estradiol was 4537, up from 1094 on Friday. We are definitely planning a Lupron trigger and freeze all based on my levels today. They kept my Gonal-F the same and reduced my Menopur to 1 vial.

I finished my crap-tastic book for book club over the weekend. I can't believe people like to read stuff like that, but oh well. It's just not for me. Promptly upon completion I shopped in the Kindle store for a new read. I came across a book called The Light Between Oceans. So far it is amazing. It was so refreshing to start reading a book with good writing! Our book club meets tomorrow and I don't think I'm going to have a whole lot of input. 

We (and by we I mostly mean W) crafted some Halloween decorations for our porch. We made some ghosts and a spider web and put out orange lights for the porch lights. Today we went to the pumpkin patch and got a bunch of pumpkins. I have a thing about white pumpkins since I had them for decoration at our wedding. They didn't have any good big white ones but I got a few small ones. 

We have a freeze warning for tonight and so we covered our raised flower bed full of dahlias with some old sheets, and boy is it attractive! I'm going to be so sad to see my flowers go, they have been so beautiful for months. 

In other news I heard that one of the girls I went to graduate school with is really sick. She is on a ventilator in the hospital in very critical condition. Some friends started a page on Facebook for updates about her. It sounds like last night was really bad. She is in my thoughts and I'm asking that anyone else keep her in your thoughts too. They think she may have an extremely rare neurological condition that has no known cure. I really hope she pulls through. Something like that really puts things in perspective.

Summer Fun

Life is pretty great. This past week was amazing. The weather was beautiful all week and we were at the in-law's lake house almost every day swimming and waterskiing. 

On Wednesday we had our friends J&C over to the lake for dinner. They brought their little girl E who will be 2 this month. She is so darn cute and her speech blows me away compared to the kids I am used to. I was counting her 8 word phrases in amazement. She said that we went "waterskating" and called the boat the "peeda boat" instead of a speech boat. It was very amusing. She's such a trooper as she stayed up until 10 without any problem. Having relaxed parents really helps to create a relaxed kid. 

Friday night we hung out at home and took it easy. At 11:30 we picked up my mom, stepdad and brother from the airport. They were in Costa Rica for 2 weeks and it was great to hear about their trip. 

Saturday morning we got up early to go to the Mackenzie Childs barn sale. We had a list of things we wanted to get and were pretty successful. My mother-in-law joined us for the trip. The most known pattern they make is courtly check. In that we got a paper towel holder, utensil container for the counter, a new light for the kitchen, a small colander, a tissue box cover, and a trash can. In other patterns we got a few knobs for the entertainment center and a set of 8 enamelware floral plates. It's amazing how much some people buy and it was really fun. Here are some of the pictures I took from the sale. 

 Saturday night we went over to the lake again for dinner and swimming. We hung out pretty late and had a beach fire with a small group of people around. I had my first s'more of the summer and it was delicious. 

Sunday I went to a lavender festival with my MIL and a neighbor. It had a lot of local vendors and I bought a few little lavender items. 

Last night we went and saw Dave Matthews with Tim Reynolds. I have always wanted to see them together and the show was so much fun. We haven't gone to see live music in a long time and it was a good reminder that we should do it more often. Now I'm really looking forward to Mumford and Sons in August. 

The venue with the view of the lake to the left.

Some people at the concert in crazy outfits. 

The garden is doing really well. We have been picking sugar snap peas and lettuce so far. The zucchini and yellow squash are starting to grow and we have a bunch of peppers and tomatoes in the works. I saw a green bean or two out there the other day so those are probably close too. In the flower garden the beebalm is huge and we have a bunch of calla lillies. 

Things Are Looking Up

I'm feeling so much better and so glad for it. The headaches continue to linger here and there, but nothing like earlier this week. AF decided to halt her game and peace out, but I'm OK with that. I still feel like my sense of smell is really heightened and I've been feeling nauseous here and there. 

We had a super productive weekend. My dad came out and helped W build a raised annual bed for my dahlias. It is 8x4 so should be pretty amazing once I get things planted in there. We also pretty much completed planting the veggie garden. This year we put in green beans, lettuce, spinach, sugar snap peas, zucchini, yellow squash, a ton of tomatoes, corn, a bunch of peppers, cucumbers, herbs (cilantro, parsley, lavender, oregano, basil, rosemary, thyme, sage), and okra. There is half a bed left that we are planning to put broccoli in. We tried to buy it today but they were sold out. 

The bathroom is also making great progress. The vanity finally came in and we got the top tiled and tomorrow W will grout it. Most of the trim is back up but some of it still needs to be stained. The storage cabinet that my step-dad built got painted, and the lighting fixtures are in. We are so close!! This week we will get the sink and fixtures for the vanity in, the storage cabinet up in the bathroom, and the shelf in the back of the tub tiled. It really looks like a completely different room and I am so happy for that. 

I have to go back tomorrow to see what my HCG levels are. I think it will be negative, but only time will tell. I have my consult Friday with my RE and I'm really looking forward to what he has to say. I hope he has a good plan for the future because I know we need some changes. We can't continue to do the same thing and expect different results. Isn't that the definition of stupidity? 

I've been talking with the mom of one of the kids I work with who went through numerous rounds of IVF. She is so good about talking me down from any ledge I find myself on. I'm so glad to have someone who understands it all. I'll be sad when I no longer see her son for therapy even though he's a little nut. 

I am feeling so much better. Having my physical health back really helps. Things are really looking up!

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

I bought some FRER tests on Thursday. When I got home I used one of those and a wondfo test. Both had faint lines. I waited 24 hours and then did the same thing. The FRER no longer had a faint line and the wondfo was a little lighter. This showed me my levels were not climbing but instead likely falling. I made the executive decision to stop my meds. 

I know a lot of people commented that I should stay on them, but it didn't seem to make any sense. My HCG levels were obviously not increasing and my butt has enough lumps from the PIO already. 

I've had some bad moments and I've also still been able to laugh with W. I have a friend I met through the yoga for fertility class last summer who has also had a few chemical pregnancies and we've been talking. It's nice to have someone else who has been through the same thing. She recently had a follow-up talk with the same RE so I can get an idea of what he is going to say and build my list of questions. 

On Thursday night we were asked to pick up my brother from his after school program. My brother is 10 and was adopted from China 5 years ago. W had gotten us lobster to lift our moods since it is my favorite food. We got one for Sean and W coached him the entire time on how to eat it and do most of it himself. It was really sweet to watch him being so patient and encouraging. 

A few hours later after Sean left W came to me and said that he knows it doesn't matter how we get our kids. Sean is pretty awesome and he loves him the same.

Obviously we are going to use our frozen embryos and the last IVF cycle that we have before talking about our next steps. From there I'm not sure where we are going to go. 

This weekend we are planning on finishing planting our garden and continuing to work on our bathroom. We picked out a paint color and ordered light fixtures so we are getting close. We are still waiting for our vanity to come in. I'm looking forward to being able to use a toilet upstairs again.  

Will it Make a Difference?

I got my newest batch of meds in the mail today. More Lovenox and the intralipids. My next appointment is Wednesday to check my lining and to administer the intralipids. I did Lovenox with my last cycle but it was for OHSS. I guess with the risk of OHSS being so high, the risk of blood clots was also high. It was preventative, but I stayed on it until I got the bad news. The intralipids are new to me. It was something that was recommended to me by my clinic and I figured it might help. Does anyone have any pearls of wisdom regarding intralipids?

I'm not sure how I feel about this cycle. I don't want to get my hopes up too high and then be disappointed. I've been there before. I also know that frozen transfers are less successful. 

I'm having a hard time remembering to take my second estrogen pill of the day. I finally asked Siri to remind me to take it so that I am a little more consistent. Let's hope it helps. 

The weather has been beautiful and unseasonably warm. I know 60 degrees may not sound too warm to you, but it sure as heck is around here. On Sunday we spent quite a few hours outside gardening. We have daffodils, irises, hyacinth, and some unknown bulbs (maybe Crocus) littered around the yard. We decided to dig them all up in order to put them in one place. 

Trip #1:Hyacinth and Daffodils

Trip #2: Irises and mystery bulbs

I also had purchased some tulips from the local drugstore when I went to pick up some prescription. They were super cheap ($1.50 for each box), and I figured I didn't have much to lose. We also planted these in the same area. 

All I know is that my legs and back are incredibly sore today from all of the digging and squatting. You should have seen me plop down on the floor for the first time today, it was pretty amusing.

Flowers Galore

Since I don't have much to post about fertility related, I thought I would share some photos of my flower garden. My favorite flowers are dahlias. My dad always grew them so I had them in my wedding bouquet and as centerpieces at my rehearsal dinner. I decided this year I was going to plant my own since we have flower gardens. Needless to say, I am obsessed and have to check on their progress daily. We did have a ton of japanese beetles who thought they were delicious so the first few ones that flowered got chomped. We since got a beetle trap and my dad told me a trick to keep them away. 

The dahlias are located on the end of our 50 foot flower garden. Here is the area before we started:

Tons of weeds

And here is the progress of the same area

Mostly planted, early sprouts

Things are getting bigger and starting to flower

beebalm transplanted from my Dad's garden

calla lilly

echinacea

Stargazer lillies

We also have hydrangea outside of the garden, but located close by. The white ones appear to have been there a while since they are so big and tall:

 The pink ones were a housewarming gift form our neighbors

And since I talked so much about the dahlias, here they are:

Veggie garden

So I am finally posting garden pictures. We have a veggie garden that is 20 feet x 20 feet, and a flower garden which is 50 feet long. Let's focus on the veggie garden for this post. Here it was when we first tilled and fenced it on May 1st:

Here it was when we first put the plants/seeds in. We planted the herbs, peppers, tomatoes, and eggplant from plants and all the rest was seeds. This was June 1st:

Here is the garden most recently:

carrots and marigolds

lettuce

broccoli and cauliflower

onion and cucumber

more cucumber and chives

peas

red, orange and green peppers

baby peppers growing

oregano, rosemary, and basil

cilantro and parsley

tomatoes

Zucchini and squash

more zucchini and squash

Eggplant and sunflowers

Beans

Whole garden

I am pretty proud of my garden since this is the first one we have done. I guess the flowers have to wait for another day!