Have you ever considered.....

Being your own RE? I joke with my hubby all the time about how I am going to become my own RE. I mean, I've talked to Dr.S enough and have a good enough grasp of this all, right? I mean, I do have a fridge full of all the meds I need. I have an idea of the dosage and at what time I ovulate, I should just go ahead, right? Who needs to pay big bucks for ultrasounds and blood work?

I am honestly just kidding. I have considered this before, but never very seriously. I guess all of our chats about OHSS did their job. This month I am off from cycling. I haven't had an active cycle since July when the transfer was cancelled. I have not had a legitimate chance of getting pregnant since May!! But I had a D&C on October 5th and my body needs time to heal and recover.

If you recall, I ovulated on Lupron during an IVF cycle (last January) and became pregnant. Forget IUI's and Clomid, apparently all I need is a little Lupron. And by a little I mean 1 shot. When we figured out how far along I was in my pregnancy we were able to figure out that I ovulated the day I started Lupron, day 21 of that cycle. Lupron triggered ovulation for me. So.... that makes me think. Would a little Lupron get me to ovulate and give me a shot this month at getting pregnant on my own (*sort of.) I'm not talking about injecting myself with Gonal-F at high doses for a few weeks, we're talking about a single shot of Lupron.

BTW, these were my thoughts last week leading up to day 14 of my cycle.

We came up with a plan at my appointment on Friday. I had been hoping Dr. S would give me the go-ahead to start oral progesterone on day 21 of this cycle so that I could have a 28-ish day cycle and get started of the FET. Well, he wants me to wait 28 days to see if I get AF on my own (yeah, I've never had a 28 day cycle). He wrote me a prescription and told me if I haven't gotten my period my Nov 1 I should start it.

Flash forward to Saturday (CD 17). We had a mellow day and were just hanging out. I decided to take a bath and saw the OPK's sitting on the vanity. I had one left and decided to take it. Well, what do you know, FIRST EVER TRUE POSITIVE on an OPK. I have always found them to be frustrating and difficult to read, but not this time. It was a clear positive. I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face the rest of the day. So the question is... should you call me Dr. Liz?

An unexpected loss

I haven't updated much since there really hasn't been much different or exciting going on. I had an appointment scheduled with Dr. S at 2:30 today. To say I had been looking forward to it is an understatement. I always feel better when we have a plan and are working towards that whole "getting pregnant" thing. 

I was running early so made a stop at an organic supermarket. I thought I left enough time to get to my appointment, but my GPS led me the most frustrating way. I had to stop at so many red lights that I arrived a few minutes late feeling super stressed and anxious. About 5 minutes later an unfamiliar nurse called me back. She told me Dr. S was with a patient but that she was going to get my vitals.

 I asked if my favorite nurse Becky was out. Becky is the main nurse at my clinic. I have gotten to know her very well over the past year + that I have been going there. The unfamiliar nurse then told me that Becky passed away about 2 weeks ago. 

I wrote about how I learned Becky had cancer back in July. I'm not sure if I told the complete story at that time. One morning when one of the nurse practitioners was drawing my blood for my IVF cycle she told me more details. Becky was 38 when she passed away on October 8th. 10 years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She went through chemo and radiation and was in remission. In June of this year she found out her cancer was back. It was in her kidneys, liver, and bones. It didn't sound good. 

To say that Becky was a great nurse in an understatement. She was a vital part of that office and my treatment to this point. She is who I called with questions or concerns and we often just chatted about life. She did one of my IUI's and was at my bedside when I woke up from anesthesia after my retrieval. When she pushed my wheelchair to my car after my retrieval she noticed my pedicure that no one else had. I felt so guilty being the one in the wheelchair since she was the one without any hair. She was there to offer her condolences at the appointment when we found out about the miscarriage. 

When I went in for my sonohysterogram on Sep 19th she looked great. Her color was much better and her hair was growing back. She seemed to have more energy and was positive. 

The unfamiliar nurse told me that she had gone on a cruise with her husband and became disoriented and stopped making any sense. They came home and her husband drove her from Boston to Syracuse where she died the following day. 

I spent the next hour in the waiting room waiting for Dr. S and feeling horribly sad about Becky. I will update about my appointment at another time. 

Susan G. Komen for the cure

Anniversary

10/10/2009 was the best day of my life. I woke up and looked out the window to see this beautiful tree.

 We gathered with 60 closest family members for an outdoor fall wedding. The temperatures were a bit cold but the day was beautiful and perfect in every way.  

Yesterday W and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary. We both ended up working even though it was a pseudo holiday, but W gets out early (3:30) so that is always nice. We went to the spa for a relaxing afternoon filled with relaxation in the steam room, saunas, and outdoor jacuzzi. In addition, we got a 50 minute couples swedish massage. W hadn't ever had one and he talked about how relaxed he was for the rest of the night. We decided it should be a once weekly occurrence, when we win the lotto.

I realized yesterday that I need to be better to myself. I need to be more positive and thankful for all of the great things I have in my life and I need to focus less on what I don't have. There's really only one thing that we don't have, and a billion other great things that we do have. I have an amazing marriage to my best friend, we both have rewarding and well paying jobs, we have a beautiful house with an extra bedroom or two to fill, 3 great pets, a wonderful family, and some great friends. 

 In an effort to be more positive and grateful for everything that I do have, I am going to practice being thankful for something every day. Today what I am thankful for? Another beautiful October day with temperatures well above average. I'm thankful for sunshine and beautiful fall colors. 

We had a good laugh last night as we looked at the flowers W got me for the EDD of miscarriage #1. They were SO sad looking since they were over a week old and we laughed and laughed about the nice flowers W got me for our anniversary. 

Since we all love weddings and photos, I will leave you with some of my favorites from our wedding day 2 years ago. 

Love this picture, we had to get in the tub!

Everyone that was there that day

Polypectomy

Polyp free is the way to be!! Surgery was Wednesday and everything went fine. This time it was at a surgery center instead of the hospital so I was there a much shorter amount of time. My doc said I started to shake and my body temperature dropped during the procedure, but it wasn't a big deal. I guess I will do anything for those heated blankets, conscious or not.

When Dr.S met the resident prior to the surgery and started to give my history he started with... "Elizabeth and I go way back." It seems his opinion about the miscarriage is that it was caused by low progesterone. Even though this is just an idea, it helps me feel more confident in preventing a miscarriage in the future.

I took Wednesday and Thursday off from work to stay home and relax. It was nice to not be working even though I didn't really feel like I needed the time off.

Dr. S removed at least 1 polyp, I can't remember if there are more. He took me off the BCP's and I need to go back for an appointment some time around 2 weeks. He mentioned doing another sonohysterogram before the FET to make sure everything looks good, but we will see.

He said it is unlikely the polyps would come back, but knowing me, this feels so much more likely. He said he is going to talk with his colleagues and do research to see if there is another recommended protocol. I'm nervous about the future but also feel so ready for another cycle.