A Mom of Multiples

Even from my pregnancies I can tell you that having twins and having a singleton is very different. I didn't get really big really fast this time. I went into labor naturally (without a car accident) and delivered my baby a day before her due date. 

I know I've said it before, but life with one baby is just so different from life with two. 

As proud of I am of exclusively breastfeeding my twins, I wasn't able to do this from the start with Stella. On our third day in the hospital she cried and cried and acted so hungry. I tried pumping, hand expressing, and nursing her as much as she wanted, but she was still screaming and acting hungry. In addition, she lost 9% of her body weight and the nurses said things get concerning at 10%. I know this is totally normal, but something had to give. My baby was hungry and my milk hadn't come in yet. After talking to my favorite lactation consultant from the NICU I made the decision to supplement a little with formula. I used a syringe and squirted little amounts into her mouth as she was latched. I don't think she got more than 20 ml's total, but it was so different from the girls. I really struggled with this at the time. How could I exclusively breastfeed twins but not a single baby? I think them being preemies gave me a little buffer as they didn't get any milk for a few days. This allowed me time for my milk to come in and to build up a little stash before they started eating. Luckily, my milk came in the night I supplemented Stella with formula, and I haven't given any formula since. It was hard for me to accept at the time, but I look back and don't regret any of it. 

When the girls were in the NICU everything I read and heard said to keep them on the NICU schedule once they came home. I took this advice to heart and we kept them on the same schedule. From day one at home they were on a schedule. I rarely fed them more often than every two hours and when one woke to eat I'd wake the other. I remember when Lucy wasn't gaining weight well I was told to feed her on demand. The person who told me that didn't understand life with twins. I couldn't feed one baby on demand and keep the other on a schedule or feed one baby while the other just cried. Well, I guess I could have but it would mean feeding babies all day long. I wasn't up for that. 

When Stella was born I thought I'd approach parenting differently. There was only one baby and I wanted to be more relaxed about having her on a schedule. 

The thing I'm realizing is, I'm still a mom of multiples. I learned to be a parent to twins as I didn't know anything else. Being their mom molded me into the type of mom I needed to be to best take care of them. 

On Monday I went to a tea time circle of moms and their babies hosted by the yoga instructor I loved and took prenatal and mama baby yoga with. I noticed all these other moms just feeding their babies whenever they cried. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that looked at my watch first. 

When the girls were little we used the Babywise book to guide our daytime routine. We did an eat, play, sleep routine. It made life predictable to both them and me and it worked well for us. Even though Stella is only a month old, we've been thinking about this routine and trying to keep her awake some after feedings. I try to be sure when she eats that she gets a full feeding rather than snacking, since I can't be available to feed her all the time. I have two year old twins to take care of. Even though Stella is a singleton, I'm still a mom to multiples. 

As time goes on sometimes I feel guilty that I'm not able to be the kind of parent to her that I envisioned. The thing is, with her reflux I can't feed her all the time. Feeding her more just makes her more uncomfortable. Also, there are times in the day when it's just not feasible. 

I shared at the tea time my feelings about this and the overwhelming response was, just do what works for you and your family. It doesn't matter what kind of parenting you decide to do as long as it works for you. This made me feel so much better. 

I guess even though I only have one baby now I'll always be a mom of multiples. I learned to be a mama with my twins and that's the only kind I know how to be. And you know what? I realize that a mom who needs schedules and structure is just as great as a mom who doesn't.

We all approach parenting differently and I'm learning there's no right or wrong way to do it. It's all about what works. 

A Day in the Life: 18 Months Old

I did this once before, but wanted to do an updated version. This is just a sample of a day on my life as a stay at home mom with 18 month old twin girls. 

7:15- The girls are stirring so W goes in to say hi. Clara always wants to get in Lucy's crib and they hang out for a bit in there together. W gives them their Prevacid.

7:30- I jump in the shower while W changes diapers and brings the girls downstairs for breakfast. 

7:45- I finish getting myself ready, put my pj's back on (one of the perks to being a SAHM) while W feeds the girls oats and oranges for breakfast. 

8:00- I come downstairs and take over with breakfast. 

8:10- The girls are done eating so I clean them up and bring them into the living room to play. 

8:15- Daddy leaves for work so there are lots of hugs before the girls go back to playing. 

8:35- We start a butterfly sun catcher project I got from the dollar store. 

9:10- We head upstairs to get the girls dressed. 

9:25- Lucy sees the iPad and requests to watch Elmo. I turn it on for them in our bed while I get dressed. She's not happy she has to share with her sister. Lucky for her, Clara loses interest quickly and goes to find toys to play with. 

9:40- back downstairs for a quick snack before we leave. The snack gives me a chance to gather everything up to go while they're occupied. 

10:00- We are loaded in the car and off to destination #1: Panera for a chai

10:25- We arrive at our actual destination: the library 

10:25-11:10- we play at the library. We read books, play with puzzles, color, etc. 

11:30- We arrive home and I start to work on lunch. The girls are whining and clinging to my feet and legs so I put on a Signing Time DVD we just checked out from the library while I finish getting lunch ready.

11:50- We lunch! Matzo ball soup and carrots followed up by some applesauce. 

12:10- I clean up kids and highchairs, give plates to the dogs to lick, and put the girls down in hopes they'll play nicely together.

12:45- I cut some fabric for a quilt while they "help". This lasts about 20 minutes before I give up. 

1:05- Quick snack of banana with peanut butter before nap. I rethink how "quick" a snack is when peanut butter is involved and begrudgingly clean up peanut butter from everywhere. 

1:20- We head upstairs for a nap. We read a few stories and clean up their room. 

1:35- Girls are down for their afternoon nap. I go downstairs and heat up some lunch since I didn't get enough when the girls were eating. 

2:30- I lie down on the couch and fall asleep.

3:45- I wake up to the door closing and a baby over the monitor a few moments later. It's my FiL who had arrived and he offers to grab the baby. I slowly wake up while my FiL entertains Lucy. 

3:55- Clara starts making noise over the monitor so my FiL grabs her too. The girls are happy to see and play with pop-pop

4:10- W arrives home. 

4:20- the girls get an afternoon snack and then we all hang out together. My FiL is outside working on W's head light for his Prius. 

5:00- The head light project is complete and my FiL leaves. 

5:45- W works on dinner while I play with the girls. They're pretty grumpy at this time and require lots of attention. 

6:25-6:45- Dinner.

6:45- It's clean up time in the living room before bedtime. 

7:05- We all head upstairs. I start the tub and the girls play with W. 

7:15- The girls join me in the tub. I wash Clara and then get out. W finishes bath time while I get dressed. I get PJ's ready and wait for the girls to help get them dressed. 

7:30- bedtime story with daddy. 

7:40- Girls are in bed. 

7:45- We go downstairs and pick up some before we decide we're too tired and want to relax. I'm pretty sure I was asleep by 8:30 on the couch. 

Aaaaamazing!!

Our hard work paid off last night. We stuck with our nighttime routine but added in some baby Vicks vaporub for good measure. I bought it over a week ago but hadn't used it because my MiL insisted it didn't do anything. 

The girls went down at 7:30. Around 10 Lucy was stirring and fussing. We gave her some time and she was able to do her own paci replacement and fall back asleep. 

We heard absolutely nothing from their room until 4:45 when Lucy woke up to eat. She nursed and went right back down in her crib. At that point I had 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep under my belt and felt ready to take on the day. Luckily I got to go back to sleep and sleep for another 2 1/2 hours. 

Around 5 Clara started to fuss. We gave her some time and it started to escalate. At that point W gave her her paci and she fell right back asleep. 

They both woke up this morning around 7:30 in a great mood! 

I hope future nights are this good. We are supposed to have dinner with my friend Sara on Saturday. Sara did 5 IVF cycles here locally at the same clinic as me. We met at yoga for fertility and have kept in contact mainly over text. After her 5th IVF cycle she was told she needed donor eggs and got on 2 waiting lists. At the same time she booked a consult appointment with Dr. Braverman. Both times her turn came up with the egg donors, she had an appointment or was scheduled to start a cycle with Dr.B. She declined the donors and did 1 IVF cycle in NYC. Her son just turned a month old. I'm debating if we should change dinner to lunch so we can keep on our routine. What do you do about early bedtimes when you have evening plans?

Stuffy

We are still fighting the war on sleep. We seem to be winning the war on night time feedings for now. 

Our biggest problem is the lack of crib sleeping. 

The past 2 nights we've put the girls down much earlier. Rather than doing a dream feed we are keeping them up after their 4:30ish feeding and then I'm nursing them right before bed around 7:30. They are going down like champs and W and I are really enjoying having more time to ourselves at night. 

The past 2 nights both babies have woken up about 3 hours after we put the down with super stuffy noses. I think if they didn't have stuffy noses that they might continue sleeping without interruption. We are running the humidifier in their room and using suction as needed, but I don't think there's much else we can do. 

They've had the stuffy noses for almost 2 weeks now. When I brought Lucy to the ped he prescribed amoxicillin and said he didn't want us to give it to her unless her fever spiked or she didn't improve within a week. She's definitely improved, but the stuffiness remains. I really would rather not give them antibiotics, but the ped had said it could be a sinus infection.

Both nights we tried to soothe and rock them around 11 pm, but it just didn't seem to be working. After repeated attempts to put them down and them waking up 2 minutes later, we brought them in the bed with us. 

I've been feeding Lucy once around 1 am and one night I fed Clara around 5 am as she was crying like she was hungry and W couldn't get her to calm down. 

All in all, the night time feeding frenzy has improved. Now we need to figure out how to get them to either not wake up around 11 or to go back down in their cribs.

We are taking baby steps here...

Super-Daddy

I don't know how single parents do it. I think if I was raising the girls by myself I'd be a complete wreck. I'm always so happy to see W come home in the afternoon as he gives me relief. 

Yesterday was a rough day. Due to our awful night the girls didn't start their day by eating. Then Lucy skipped another meal despite my best attempts to get her to eat. She was miserable and her misery rubbed off on those around her. 

When W got home we made a plan. We decided I would feed Lucy once at night, but that Clara needed to go all night without eating. He would do most of the soothing because otherwise the girls would smell me and want to eat. We were going to let them fuss some before running in to soothe them, and try rocking before bringing them in our bed. We were also going to put the girls down earlier for the night and skip the dream feed. 

He did so well. Due to the timing of everything with feedings yesterday we didn't get them down as early as we liked, but it was a great start. The girls ate around 6:00 and then played for a bit. Around 7:00 they had some sweet potato and then hung out while we worked on dinner. Around 8:00 we headed upstairs for baths. They had baths, read some stories with daddy, nursed around 8:30 and were both asleep by 8:45. 

No one woke up until 1 am and it was Lucy. She had a stuffy nose so W tried soothing her. He even ran a hot steamy shower and sat in the bathroom in the steam with her for a bit. By 1:45 I could still hear her fussing/crying and she sounded hungry. I decided then to feed her. She ate and went back down in her crib. We didn't hear from her again until around 5:30. At that time she fussed and went back to sleep but then started to fuss again 5 minutes later. I tried her paci twice after giving her some time, but she kept waking up. At that point I brought her in bed where she snuggled up and fell right back asleep until 7:30. 

We didn't hear anything from Clara at all until around 5 am. W said she fussed one other time earlier but fell back asleep on her own. He said he tried soothing her but ultimately ended up bringing her in bed. The huge success is that she didn't eat at that time as that's what's been the routine lately. She fell asleep with W and slept until 7:30. 

So, all in all, last night was a success. I don't expect everything to be great overnight, but I think talking about things and making a plan really helped. I also appreciate the input from others. Hopefully soon we'll all be back to getting more consecutive hours of sleep. I know today started off much better than yesterday!

Sleep

I'm pretty sure sleep is a huge issue with most babies. Before the girls came W and I both read parts of the book Babywise. We had some idea going into it how we wanted to do things. 

Night time sleep has always been fairly good. The girls nurse before bed around 10:30. We swaddle them and put them down drowsy yet awake in order to let them fall asleep. Lucy needs her pacifier most nights to fall asleep, but Clara generally falls asleep quickly and without any help. After their first stretch of 6-7 hours they wake up, nurse, and then go back to sleep for another 3-4 hours. I have zero complaints about our nighttime routine. It's SO much better than the early days where we got about 2 hours of sleep at a time. 

My issue unfortunately has to do with daytime napping. The girls don't really sleep well during the day. They catnap here and there somewhere downstairs (in the swing, in a rock and play, on a boppy, etc.). These little naps last about a half hour max and rarely occur at the same time. They are unpredictable and short. I was starting to lose my sanity.  

This past week I decided I needed to do something about our daytime routine. I needed to put my foot down so I picked back up my book and started to read. I laughed when I saw I had left off on a chapter about napping. No wonder I had no plan or idea of what I was doing. So I read and decided the next day I would enact our new routine. It wasn't rocket science, but it consisted of a pattern of eating, playing, and then sleeping. 

The first day for our first nap I tried to put the girls down in their cribs. That was a total no go since they are still sleeping in our room at night (Clara in a cradle at the foot of our bed and Lucy in a rock and play next to the bed). For the next nap I tried to mimic our nighttime routine as closely as possible. I swaddled the girls and then put them down where they sleep at night. To my surprise, they slept. At the same time. For more than a half hour. 

I started this routine on Tuesday and have continued it since. So far it is going pretty well. There are times when one girl refuses to sleep or times when I have to go back upstairs to put their pacifiers back in their mouths, but things are so hugely improved. I have some time to myself. I am able to eat and sit down without a baby attached to me. 

We shall see how things progress, but so far I would consider my first week of operation napping to be a success. Our next mission will be operation sleep in the crib, but I'm not sure I'm quite ready for that yet. They are probably more ready than me. For now though I'll just take it one step at a time.