Decisions Moving Forward

After reading and educating myself more, I decided I'm not going to take the 3 hour test. Drinking 100 grams of super processed sugar and sitting around for three hours is not a reflection of my diet or lifestyle. Just because my body can't process sugar like that doesn't mean I have diabetes. I don't ever take in that much sugar at once, especially without anything else.  The problem is, it's not going to just be that easy. 

The nurse I've spoken to about the testing and results has been extremely rude and unpleasant to me. I'm starting to think that switching to this office was a bad idea. I know I'm just going based off of her, but she's the person they have chosen to call people with test results and discuss them. She's representing their office. 

I explained what happened last time with the testing. How I took the 3 hour test twice, failing the first time just barely and by quite a bit the second time. My reasoning for this is the second time I had changed my diet to a diabetic diet. The drink was that much more of a shock to me because I wasn't processing those amounts of highly processed sugar. The nurse, however, told me the reason I failed by so much the second time was "because you had diabetes and it had gotten worse in that timeframe." So why were my blood sugar levels always fine then? Why did my last practice not even ever label me with GD? I honestly felt like I was a teenager arguing with my mom. She thought she knew everything, yet I have a good understanding of my own body and needs. She didn't want to listen to me or hear what I had to say. It didn't matter, she knew everything. 

I called again yesterday to ask about my options if I don't take the 3 hour. Once again, she was pretty rude and condescending. I explained that my levels were fine last time. I told her I'm happy to test my levels for a few weeks, but I don't want to be labeled as GD just because I refused the test. She told me I needed to wait for my next appointment to talk to my provider. She also said based on which provider I saw in the practice, I may or may not automatically get the label for skipping the test. Like I said, I'm okay with testing for a little bit to show my levels are fine, I'm just not okay with pricking myself four times a day for the next 11 weeks. I'm on blood thinners. This means each little prick results in bleeding that's hard to stop at times. I'm not able to just squeeze one drop of blood out and move on. When I mentioned to her that my levels were fine last time she was insistent it was because I was on Metformin. I failed the tests on Metformin, so obviously it wasn't helping me that much. I also was not on it for diabetes. It's not like they started me on the medication to manage the diabetes. She insisted it was this diabetic drug that what made the difference, not the slight alterations I made to my diet. 

Last time I tested twice a day for a few weeks. After that, my dr had decided things looked fine and I just tested periodically. They were so much more relaxed about things. 

I honestly feel like I'm being bullied by this nurse. She think she knows everything and is giving me a really bad feeling about moving forward with this practice. I don't like the way I'm being treated. I like being treated like an active participant in my own healthcare and want to be treated with respect. I'm not an idiot. 

So, I have to wait until next Friday to speak with the Dr. I'm just not willing to accept that label because with it comes an increase in possible interventions and monitoring. I hate that I'm being treated more high risk this time around than last time. 

At my last appointment they also gave me a chart and told me to track the first 10 movements that baby makes every day. I'm supposed to count those movements and then write down the time of the 10th movement. Honestly, this is just stressing me out more. As if I don't have enough on my plate trying to take care of toddler twins, now I'm supposed to count and track movements in the morning? I know that baby is moving around just fine. I'm not worried about any lack of movement and know if I do then I should call. 

It's weird to me that the practice that is so well known for their VBAC success is also extremely conservative about things. I'm hoping I can reason with the Dr next week and we can make a plan we are both happy about moving forward with. 

Cancelled

Due to the most recent storm moving across the entire state of New York, we were forced to cancel our first ultrasound appointment with dr. B. We had even purchased DVD players for the girls in the car and booked a hotel room in preparation. Luckily, we were able to cancel the hotel and reschedule the appointment.

This means waiting until Friday. I rescheduled for that day because it was most convenient for W to get the day off. I didn't however realize it's Friday the 13th. Great. 

This Friday I should be 7 weeks. So far I've been feeling tired in the afternoons and nauseous like crazy in the middle of the night and in the early mornings. The past three nights I woke up I got sick. It's not fun at all to feel so awful but it's also somewhat reassuring at the same time. I actually emailed dr. B this morning asking about taking zofran with metformin because I'm not tolerating the metformin well. 

W has been so helpful and great. He's been helping as much with the girls as he is able. Having him feed them breakfast is so nice since looking at food that early in the morning makes me feel sick. He's really been so helpful and I appreciate it. 

Now, to make it to Friday...

Invested and Involved

It feels weird to not want to cross the days off the calendar. In the past 2 1/2 years we have done so many cycles it feels like I should be counting down to something. Counting down to my next lining check, my start day for meds, my transfer date, etc. Watching the days pass is strange. I do have an ultrasound that I am looking forward to this week, but it's just a different type of anticipation. 

My ob's office called today to say my doctor will be out of town for the next week. They scheduled me a different time for the ultrasound this Friday and after I will meet with a different doctor. W isn't going to be able to make it, but I think my MiL is going to come. Undressing in front of her should be interesting, but I had 1 other vaginal ultrasound with her in the room before so I guess it's no big deal. I remember last time she folded my underwear for me : )

Last week work was particularly emotionally draining. When you go into someone's house and see them multiple times a week you get involved and invested in their families. I don't think I would be a good therapist if I wasn't involved, but sometimes it means being involved in things that are not directly related to the child. 

One family I work with fosters children. They currently have 5 children in their care, 4 of which are under 2 1/2 in addition to their own 3 children. I am currently working one of the little ones. The older one in care is around 8 years old and was having some issues. He sees a psychologist and it was recommended he go to a treatment center to address these issues. Well, after quite a few weeks there he finally came home last week.

 It was so upsetting to see how heavily medicated he was. He sat across from me at the table, totally out of it, slurring his speech, trying to talk to me. He could barely function. I know this child and know that he is highly functional normally. I was so upset with the way he was acting and the foster family agreed. We spoke about it in depth and they were glad to have validation of their feelings.

Another story involves a different family. Many grandparents care for their grandchildren, so I do therapy at their houses. I have one little boy I have been seeing for almost a year and I do at least 1 therapy session a week at grandma's house. We have developed a really great relationship and I really like her. Unfortunately, her husband was diagnosed with colon cancer this past fall after a routine colonoscopy. Then about a month ago I got a text from mom that they needed to cancel the session at home due to a "family emergency". When I went to grandma's house the next day I asked if everything was okay. She told me that the mom of the little guy I see had a miscarriage the previous day. Most recently, grandma went for a routine mammogram and it was discovered that she has breast cancer. Last Friday she had a lumpectomy and she will do radiation and chemotherapy. 

In one day I was at the house with the foster care child that was too heavily medicated, and then went to see the grandmother for the first time since her diagnosis (2 days before her surgery). I left both homes with a heavy heart. When W called me on his lunch break I broke down in tears. I know I'm extra emotional lately, but it was a really rough day. 

Since then, the child in foster care has been seen to a different treatment center to ween him off of a lot of the meds he was on. I spoke with the family and was so glad to hear this. The grandmother had her surgery on Friday and I probably won't see her for a while. I will see her grandson and his mom tomorrow and will be sure to ask about her and send her my best. 

Even though my job can be tough, it's also incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. I really wouldn't change it, despite the way it makes me feel on certain days. Even though there are bad days from time to time, the majority of my days are great. 

On another note, the kids I work with love the fact that I'm always snacking lately. I often share some of my snacks and they think it's the greatest thing ever. I really do enjoy building relationships with these children and their families. 

First OB Appointment

Yesterday afternoon was our first OB appointment. They called me back and had my hubby wait in the exam room while a nurse took my blood pressure, pulse, weight, and a list of my medications. She was definitely frazzled with all of my medications, but what can I do? I'm sure it's not everyday that the list includes so many. My blood pressure was, amazingly, really good. My pulse was a bit elevated.

I then waited with W in the exam room. The same nurse came in, frazzled again, and started to talk about labs and cultures and my insurance. She asked me to look something up about my insurance so I started as we waited. Another nurse then came in and explained that we didn't need to worry about anything and that they had it figured out. She asked whether it was our first pregnancy and we told her "sort of." We told her we had 3 previous losses and she was super sympathetic and understanding. She reassured us that if we had any questions or concerns at any time that we should feel free to call.

When Dr. Hi.ll came in she had her laptop and asked about our complete history. We gave her the run-down and joked about how she was writing a novel. It was hard to re-hash it all and I was practically in tears by the time I got to the end of it. It's a long story that contains a lot more downs than ups. It's not too often that I go through the entire history with someone, so it was hard. 

She was so happy and excited for us that things finally worked out. We told her about how we are still working with Dr. Br.averman, and she was more than happy to coordinate care with him. She seemed happy to take a back seat in the decision making until it was her turn. We told her we will meet with him again at 12 weeks and he will make a plan for the rest of the pregnancy. She said with those recommendations we can move forward. She said she could probably learn a thing or two from reading his notes in the files that were sent over. I was so pleased with how open she was to working with him and following his recommendations. It was such a breath of fresh air from working with my local fertility clinic.

She then explained that she would do a pap smear, pelvic exam, and some cultures so left the room while I undressed and got ready. It was weird to have W in the room while a pap smear was done, but we joked about things so he was fine with it. He's been in the room for at lot at this point so he's not easily phased. The doctor warned me that I was going to have quite a bit of bleeding from the pap. Her gloves in the garbage were covered in blood, as was the table when I got up. The nurse gave me a pad and the doctor repeatedly reassured me that the bleeding was from my cervix, not my uterus.

I gave a urine sample and then we headed down to the ultrasound room. I was so happy we were getting an ultrasound, but disappointed when they referred to the machine as a "dinosaur". The machine did not provide crisp images of our little ones, but we saw them and it was great. They measured on target but the machine did not allow us to hear their heartbeats. Dr. H promised that for our next appointment we would get an ultrasound with the better machine.

She asked us about genetic testing and we said we wanted to do the NT scan (mainly for an extra ultrasound). I told her that Dr. B wanted me to be seen weekly and she gladly agreed, saying we had been through so much and was happy to do that. I asked some other questions and she was honest and straightforward with her answers.

By the time we left the office we had been there almost an hour and a half. We were long past the time that the office normally closes, but I was so happy the doctor spent so much time with us and never made us feel rushed. The other office staff did not look as happy as W and I were. We made an appointment for next week for an ultrasound and to meet with the doctor again.

Overall, it was a fantastic appointment. We felt like the doctor was compassionate and bright, as well as open to working with Dr. B, which is very important to us.

In other news, I got my doppler this week and have used it quite a bit. The first 4 or so times I tried it the first day I didn't have any success. Finally, on my 5th attempt I found a heartbeat. It was amazing! The next morning I tried it again and am pretty sure I found 2 different heartbeats. They were in different spots, but it is impossible to know for sure. Since then, I can easily find the first one within seconds of trying. The other one is more difficult, but I can find it with some persistence. The doppler has been amazing and I love listening to the sound of my little babies. It was such a great purchase!