Stuck

Well, the good news is I'm done testing my blood sugar levels four times a day. This is a huge relief to me and I finally feel like I can eat when I'm hungry again. My heartburn has already been better because I'm not trying to stuff myself full for two hours. 

My fasting levels had started to creep up (no idea why) but the Dr was still okay with my levels. She said she'd like to see me test a little here and there before my next appointment in two weeks. 

Since the in-laws and my parents are all out of town I had to bring the girls with me to my appointment. They have two offices and it was my first time going to this new office. Well, it was insanely small and had like one seat in the back corner available for me and my giant double stroller. When a woman came into the waiting room from the office with her walker and I got called back at the same time, it was a joke. There was literally NO room to pass by or go anywhere. I felt like such a spectacle. As if I don't hear "you have your hands full" enough times every day already!

The reason I scheduled with this office is because when I asked which Dr I was seeing (over the phone during a conversation with a nurse about insurance coverage), I was told it was a NP. Seriously?! Why the heck would they have someone see me who doesn't stand a chance of delivering my baby when I've only met 2/5 Drs in the practice?! I wanted to see the same Dr because we had discussed me testing for two weeks and then being done as long as everything looked good. If I saw someone else and they told me otherwise, I think I would have lost it. I never saw NP's at my old office. I'm fine with it for my general healthcare, but not when it comes to delivering a baby and when I haven't met so many of the Drs still. 

The Dr almost seemed annoyed that I asked to see her again. She made it very clear to me that she documents things well and that I didn't need to meet with her. Any other Dr could read her notes and know what was going on. Well, thanks lady. Nice to see you too.

I'm really struggling. I feel like I've done a lot of complaining this pregnancy about my providers, but I'm just not happy. I thought changing to this practice was the best thing for me. I felt lucky when I was able to get in despite them not accepting new patients. The thing is, I love them on paper. Their statistics are amazing! The problem? I've now met two providers and I'm not impressed with the level and quality of care I'm receiving. 

So, yesterday I called my old Dr's office. Since I've complained to so many people they keep saying, "Why don't you just go back to your old Dr?" So, I called. I spoke with a nurse who transferred me to the nurse manager. The nurse manager was very matter of fact and said that because I transferred my care, I can no longer go back. I asked if I could even go back after this baby and they said we'll see. They said they inform their patients of this because they are so strict about it. 

The problem is, no one ever even spoke to me about transferring. Originally, I just wanted to meet with the new practice and see if I wanted to transfer. Since the nurse manager at the new office got me in she handled everything with the old office. She cancelled all of my appointments (when I honestly wasn't comfortable with it) and "transferred my care". My old office said it's too late in my pregnancy to switch and it's not a possibility. They also told me I was going to have a hard time finding anyone else to take me at this point in my pregnancy.  

I'm not going to lie. I got off the phone and cried. I know the only thing I can do moving forward is make the best of the situation I got myself into. It's just hard to feel so unhappy with my new Drs. I'm 99% sure this is my last pregnancy and I think that's a big part of it. I really wanted everything to be perfect, despite knowing that's not really being possible. I wanted to have a great provider that not only had great statistics, but also knew me and had a personal relationship with me. Since it is such a big practice and I switched so late I realize those are unrealistic expectations. It doesn't change the way I feel though. My old office also had 5 Dr's but all of them knew me and my history. I didn't have to bring my twins with me to remind them that they are a huge part of my life (and make some things more complicated, like testing blood sugar levels four times a day). I'm feeling like they're so conservative and impersonal, and it sucks. 

I've debated calling the old office back and really explaining things to the nurse, but I don't think that will make a difference. I know I need to make the best of things, but it doesn't change my feelings at the moment. Sorry for the negativity, I'm just really struggling.