I Had No Idea

I had no idea how much I could love and worry about something so little. The past few weeks have been busy. They have brought huge milestones to our house but also tons of worry. It's nothing huge, but as their mommy I worry about them often.

Lucy and Clara are no longer that close in size. When they were born there was a 12 ounce difference between them with Lucy being the smaller baby. I jokingly refer to her as the "little big sister". The first few weeks at home they gained at about the same rate of 7-10 oz per week. Then Lucy stopped eating as well and for as long as her sister and the weight gap started to widen. Lucy is definitely noticeably lighter and smaller than her sister.

Unfortunately the dreaded thrush returned. I'm pretty sure we never fully got rid of it, but within the past 2 weeks it's been back full force. The pediatrician made me bring the girls in to be seen on a Friday and again questioned whether it was thrush. Every time they try to tell me it's milk residue. First off, I've never seen babies with such white tongues, and secondly, I had all the symptoms once again(burning nipples, shooting pain in my breasts, and shiny and red nipples.) Attractive, I know. Well, after 2 co-pays and $60.00 I convinced them to prescribe Nystatin again and we headed out. By Wednesday I was getting concerned about Lucy's feedings or lack there of. Their tongues didn't look any better and she would latch but then quickly pull away and cry out as if she was in pain. I couldn't get her to eat for 10 minutes with any feeding. She was getting upset and so was I. Finally I called and explained what was going on and the Dr called in a stronger medicine.

Their tongues started to look much better but this behavior continued. The past few days I have been beyond stressed out. I have a plugged duct from the girls not eating well that I'm trying to get rid of. Lucy and I have both shed quite a few tears over this feeding fiasco. 2 days ago she skipped 3 feedings in a row and cried and cried as I tried to get her to eat. It wasn't any better with a bottle, the behavior was exactly the same as soon as the milk was in her mouth.

Today we went to the pediatrician for their 3 month (!!!) appointment. Lucy had only gained 2 ounces since her last appointment 11 days prior. Clara had gained 6 oz. I asked the pediatrician if he was concerned and he said her gain wasn't ideal. There is now a 2 pound difference between the girls. I explained what had been going on and his best guess was that she also has reflux. We decided to try the same medication as Clara and started it tonight. I really hope this helps and she starts to gain weight like her piggy sister. 

I'm just so tired of worrying so much about her. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for better feedings and better weight gain.