Unfair

I recently mentioned my friend Katie in a post. We met at prenatal yoga and really bonded because we were both pregnant with twins. I have a subtle way and trying to determine if someone's multiples were conceived with fertility treatments or not. I ask them when they found out. If someone found out at 6 weeks it was likely fertility treatments due to the close monitoring. If someone found out at more like 8 weeks likely they spontaneously conceived their multiples. The first time I met Katie I asked her when she found out. She told me at around 8 weeks and also mentioned in passing that she had twin nieces. I assumed her twins were spontaneous. 

Katie and I chatted before and after yoga quite a few times and added each other on Facebook and exchanged a few messages. We made plans to go for dinner sometime with our hubbies, but she got placed on bed rest at 24 weeks so it never happened.

Katie was in and out of the hospital due to placenta previa and concerns with baby B. One afternoon while I was pumping in the NICU I received a message from her that she was back in the hospital and that baby B wasn't going to survive. Unfortunately, they lost him at 27 weeks.

The surviving twin was born 2 weeks ago at almost 34 weeks. It's funny that we were 8 weeks apart in our pregnancies and now our babies are 8 weeks apart. Not how either of us planned things, that's for sure. 

I visited Katie last Wednesday at the hospital. I met her little boy who has his twin brother's first name as his middle name. We chatted about a lot of different things because I was there a few hours. Somehow the 6 week pp ob appointment and birth control came up. She said something along the lines of them having a hard time getting pregnant. I added that my ob asked and I said we weren't going to use any birth control since it took us 5 rounds of IVF to get pregnant. She asked if we used CNY (Dr. K) which is the clinic I did 3 ivf's at without success. I told her we started there but didn't have success and found a dr in NYC. I asked if she went there and she proceeded to say, "I'm so mad at Dr.K!" 

she told me they conceived with IUI. She used injectables and it worked the first time. She told me they had 13 mature follicles at trigger! She told me she was originally pregnant with 6 babies. She told me she had to travel to NYC for a fetal reduction.

Could her pregnancy have been more difficult and emotional? I think one of the hardest things to have to do would be to reduce after wanting and trying so hard to get pregnant. Her pregnancy started emotional, continued to be that way with bed rest, hospitalizations, and the loss of one of her twins, and ended that way with her surviving twin spending 13 days in the NICU. I hate that people have to go through anything like that. Infertility is tough enough.  

Outings

Last week was W's first full week at his new job. Monday was a rough day. Clara cried for a vast majority of it and I was counting on my mom to come over much earlier than she did. That night I explained through tears to W that there are going to be days where I don't accomplish much other than basic survival. I also decided my dairy days were over.

On Tuesday things were much better. I was planning to get out of the house with the girls. My mom showed up that afternoon as I was getting ready to leave. It wasn't much but I went to a hallmark store to buy a card for my nephew's birthday, the post office to mail his present, I browsed briefly at Marshall's, and then went to a deli and got a sandwich. All of these places were in one plaza, but I felt super accomplished. Clara did some screaming and my mom had to free her from her carseat, but all in all it went well.

Wednesday I wanted to get out again. It was sunny and fairly warm for upstate NY in November. That afternoon when my mom came over we headed to a nearby park with the dogs and babies for a walk. We walked for about an hour as both girls snoozed away. After, I went to the ATM at the bank to deposit some checks.

Wednesday night was not a good night for sleep. Lucy pretty much refused to sleep until about 3:30 AM. She grunted, whined, and fussed in bed next to us for hours.

Thursday morning I woke up and decided I was going to get super adventurous. The instructor for the prenatal yoga class I went to also offers a post natal mama baby yoga class. I was super curious about it and had asked my mom if she'd join me the previous day. I got up a little after 8, fed the girls, pumped quickly, and busted my butt to get out the door by 9:10.

The class was from 10:15-11:30 about 50 minutes away. When I arrived I knew the girls would be ready to eat shortly. I ran in while my mom waited in the car and asked the instructor about feeding the girls. She told me that mamas were encouraged to feed their babies during class as needed.

The class was so great. I didn't exactly do a ton of yoga, but it was such a great environment. I recognized a bunch of people from prenatal yoga and got to meet their babies. Most of the babies were under 6 months and there were about 20 mamas there. It was so nice to be in a room where it was okay if my babies cried or needed to be fed. The class is only offered twice a month, but I definitely plan to return.

From yoga we went to my in-laws house to feed the girls and have lunch. I have a friend I met through yoga who was 8 weeks behind me in her twin pregnancy. She started to have complications around 24 weeks related to placenta previa. Around that time her baby b wasn't growing as well as baby a and may have had other complications. Unfortunately she lost her little baby b at 27 weeks. A little over a week ago she delivered baby a at about 33 weeks. We had exchanged quite a few Facebook messages and I reached out to her to try to support her while her baby was in the NICU. I can't imagine the post partum hormones mixed with the NICU experience and the mourning of a baby.

I brought a few things with me that morning in hopes I could stop at the hospital and see her and her baby. The girls ate well and then we headed to the hospital. My mom was planning to walk the girls in the stroller while I went in. Unfortunately my friend wasn't there as she had a doctors appointment. I left the stuff and we headed home. We later corresponded and I planned a different time to visit again. 

On Friday we stayed home and did nothing. There were snow flurries outside all morning and I was exhausted from our busy week.

Cutting out the dairy has made a huge difference with Clara. It stinks and is hard, but honestly, totally worth it to avoid the inconsolable screaming. It was almost like a light switch when I stopped the dairy. 

I'm proud of myself for getting out so much my first full week home, but know it would have been much harder without my moms help.

Yesterday I went back to Syracuse to see my friend's baby in the NICU. I got the girls out of the house by myself and they both slept the entire drive. Usually Lucy does some serious screaming in her carseat so it was nice to have such a quiet back seat. I brought the girls to my in-law's, fed them, and then left to go to the hospital. It was really nice to see my friend Katie and meet her little guy Jack. I also saw my favorite LC and got to catch up with her some. It is so hard to believe my girls were as small as little Jack not very long ago. We don't have any plans for the rest of the week but I think we'll go to a different park today for a walk. 

I'm definitely realizing that I need to get out of the house more. It's tough to not have anyone to socialize with during the day. It's also good to have a little change of scenery from time to time. Now I just need to find places to go/things to do that don't cost money. Any ideas?

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Hanging out during the day. Lucy wasn't too thrilled.

Snuggled in bed the morning.

Lucy is getting so strong!

Trying to Remember

I'm having the hardest time finding the time for my blog. I'm not ready to move on from this space yet. I want to remember the good, bad, and the ugly of parenting infant twins. If I don't write it down somewhere I'm guaranteed to forget. 

Take for example the morning I was snuggling in bed with Clara. She had just eaten and was very calmly looking into my face. As I looked back at her lovingly she spit up out of her nose and into one of my eyes. Yuck!

Last night W was holding Lucy. She was obviously working on something in her diaper so he started to bicycle her legs to help her. As her pushed her legs towards her body her grunting got so intense and loud that we both cracked up laughing.

One afternoon while W was out running errands I decided I needed a shower. The girls were being pretty calm so I decided to go for it. I put them in their rock and plays just outside the bathroom with the door cracked. It was great for about 5 minutes. Then Clara started to whimper. I hurried along and by the time I was out she was crying. She did not appear to be stopping. Not just that, but she got her sister going too. Needless to say, when W arrived home I was naked, with my hair still wet, rocking both girls in the glider under one of their quilts. I guess I'm not ready for solo showers yet.

I like to bring the girls in the tub with me for their baths. It beats leaning over the tub and holding them and I love the skin to skin time. Well, as I was finishing up Lucy the other day she got a very calm look on her face and then pooped! I picked her up and jumped out of the tub so fast. Good thing Clara was already clean. 

Life moves lightening fast and at a snails pace all at once. The girls turned 2 months old this week. They are growing and changing every day. Halloween came and went and now it's November. It's hard to believe. Last time they were weighed Clara was 7.9 and Lucy was 6.6. They are filling out newborn clothes, holding up their heads, and becoming much more alert. 

The past 2 weeks or so have brought about reflux/colic/food allergies/who the heck knows with Clara. There is lot of crying and screaming and there are times when accomplishing anything other than soothing her is impossible. It's a good thing Lucy is so laid back and easy because I don't know what I'd do if they both screamed so much. It's exhausting and super frustrating but sad at the same time because it really does seem like she's in pain. We started Prevacid last week to hopefully help with the reflux. The reflux does seem better but the screaming still persists. Yesterday after hours of screaming I decided I need to cut out dairy. I had had a bunch the night before (including a root beer float) and Clara was just miserable. I will try anything to relieve us both of the crying. Thai food and Indian food have also both resulted in a miserable Clara that night and following day. 

I know it's all temporary and they will be walking and talking before I know it. I want to soak up these infant days because, to be honest, I wasn't positive I'd ever experience these moments. I just have to try to find the time to write it down so I don't forget.