IUI #2 CD 26 (11 DPIUI)

So I broke down and POAS this morning. I had been planning to at 10 DPIUI, by my hubby and another blogger convinced me to wait. Well, I was able to wait an extra day. After waking up to a dream about getting a BFP I went for it. Well, no second line appeared, not even a hint of one. W and I were both super bummed, but realized that with IUI's the chances are really against you for it to work (about 20% chance for success). I am planning on testing the next two days to see if anything changes, but I am pretty convinced it didn't work. This afternoon I was much more moody (PMS style).  

I have still been getting up in the middle of the night to pee, maybe now it has just become a habit. I am thinking about stopping the progesterone after tomorrow if I don't get a BFP. I don't want it to delay AF from coming if I am not pregnant. When I had the miscarriage I kept taking the progesterone leading up to my D&C to precent bleeding. I'm not sure if AF will still come on time if I continue the progesterone. 

It is crazy to think about everything we put ourselves through for just a chance to get pregnant. Appointments, blood draws, ultrasounds, injections, progesterone, side effects, and missed time at work just for a shot at success.  I don't understand how I was able to get pregnant on Lupron but can't get pregnant with injectables and IUI. I know it's not over until the red lady shows, but I can't help but feel defeated. 

Maybe my luck will change, but until then I am trying to focus on other things. We put in 13 new plants in our yard today and are busy planning for our grad/housewarming party that is in just a few short weeks. Some of the seeds we planted in our veggie garden have sprouted and the weather has been great (see, I'm trying to be positive!)

Welcome ICLW

I would like to welcome anyone stopping by for the first time. I have done ICLW a few times now and always enjoy this time of the month (much more than another time of the month.) My name is Liz and I am 27 years old. I am a speech pathologist and work with children aged birth to five. My hubby (W) is 29 and is graduating tomorrow(!!) with his doctorate in physical therapy. We starting TTC last June and were seeing a RE by August due to me requesting a hormone level check at my annual GYN appointment. I was diagnosed right away with PCOS and have gone through two laparoscopic surgeries (Oct and Feb). The second one is where I ended up losing my left tube. I had a miscarriage in Feb at 8 weeks. We haven't been on this train all that long, but the ride has been bumpy. You can read more at our journey to learn more exciting and fun facts about me.  

I am currently 8 DPIUI #2. IUI #1 was with Clomid and ended up being a bust due to dominant follicles on the left side (for me think right is right.) This cycle we tried injectables and although I was slow to respond at first (due to a low dose) we ended up with at least 2 good follicles by the time of the trigger. For this cycle we tried back to back IUI's and I am taking progesterone (good times!) I tried testing out the trigger shot on Wednesday (one week past trigger) and got a faint positive. I haven't tested since and am trying to hold out until at least 10 DPIUI. 

I am hoping this cycle works and have had a few symptoms (perhaps progesterone related or due to over thinking), and my attitude changes from day-to-day and hour-to-hour about whether it worked or not. My boobs are huge (prob progesterone related), I have had some cramping on and off (possibly progesterone related), have felt super moody (who knows maybe that's just me), have been bloated, had some lower back pain, and my face has broken out a little bit (common for me leading up to AF). I had been getting up in the middle of the night to pee but that has subsided (since the trigger is wearing off ) and last night was the first time it didn't happen. Our plan is to likely move on to IVF if this cycle is unsuccessful. 

To better get to know each other here are some questions for you to answer:

What is your most embarrassing moment related to IF? For mine read this post

If you had the chance to go back in time for 24 hours, where and when would you go? I would go back to Jackson Hole, WY to one of the best powder days during one of my ski-bum winters. 

Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap? I always shampoo first

What is the number one song played on your ipod? Mine is Long December by Counting Crows

IUI #2 CD 14 and 15 (back-to-back IUI's)

This month we did 2 IUI's rather than just one. The actual IUI's were Thursday and Friday. I'm not sure how much of a difference doing back to back IUI's makes, but it makes me feel like we really covered our bases. The first day when I picked up the sample from the andrology lab I asked about the count. don't remember the count but do know it had 95% motility. The guy actually said to me "I don't know what you are feeding him, but he is full of sperm." All I could do was laugh in response. 

The second day the nurse talked to me for quite a while after. It was a little awkward to have a conversation without pants on and lying on your back, but I'm sure she is used to it. I was able to ask a lot of questions, none all that important, but it was nice that she took the time. The procedures went fine and I had my ipod so I was able to relax and listen to music after. A nurse and the receptionist wished me good luck when I left yesterday. 

Yesterday I had lots of cramping most of the afternoon. I am amazed by how much EWCM there has been, I have been swimming in it! I will start progesterone tonight and do it 2 x's/day. Like the good 'ole days with my friend Endometrin. 

I am feeling really optimist about this cycle (who isn't at 1 DPO?) Now we are on to the 2WW. I am trying to convince my hubby that we should paint our bedroom, but so far have not been successful. We will see. We have to get our veggie garden planted, but it is raining today. It helps to have things to do and distractions to make the time pass more quickly. Any good ideas? What do you do to keep busy during your 2WW? 

CD 11 (Increasing meds)

Here are the updates from this mornings appointment:
I am now up to 12 follicles. On the right the largest are 17x11 and 10x6. On the left the largest are 13x8, 10x8 and 10x6. My estradiol level has risen to 172.5, but is still considered low. My RE upped my dose of Gonal-F to 112.5 and I go back on Wednesday.

I actually asked the ultrasound tech today how she is able to keep track of all of the follicles and she said that they all look different to her. I joked as she then measured another and said, "I think you already measured that one."

I headed off to work and went to a preschool to see some kids. In one of the classes they were working on something and the little girl I see wanted to stay to finish before I pulled her out. She was making a "numbers book" and on each page it had a number and the child had to recognize the number and then draw that many cycles. As she was drawing her circles all I could think was how much it looked like my ovaries. All different sizes and shapes, but all circles.

I really thought we were going to trigger tonight and was a little disappointed that wasn't the case. On to Wednesday to see how things are progressing. Does the waiting ever end??

IUI #2 CD 8 (double digits)

I'm updating a day late, but here were the results of my appointment on Friday. I arrived for blood work at 7:45 and was then ushered down to the ultrasound room. The tech actually said to me "you know the drill" rather than giving me any instructions. 

We hit the double digits on Friday in terms on number of ultrasounds to date and follicles. 

The nurse was out sick so I got a call from "the man himself" (my RE). I have to say, I am much happier about the amount of support and guidance I am receiving this cycle compared to last. Also, instead of dreading appointments, I actually am starting to look forward to them. 

Here is what my RE said: 

The good: We have 10 follicles, but many under 1 cm at this point. The largest is at 1.4 and the next closest is .9 x .9. We are continuing to see good consistent growth.

The bad: My estradiol levels are not rising as quickly as would be expected. On tuesday (after 2 days of stims) they were at 60.1. On Friday (after 5 days of stims) they were at 74.2. I have to admit, I am concerned about this. He said that sometimes people are slow initially and then they pick up. I am hoping that is going to be me. I think he said something about my ovaries still "recruiting" more follicles rather than maturing. He did not think it would be a good idea to up the dosage (from 75 IU's) since I would then be a high risk for OHSS and we are trying to avoid that. 

I'm not sure what to think. I was feeling really great and positive until I consulted Dr. Google last night and read the levels really should increase about 50% over 2 days. This is not a good sign. I am hoping this weekend the levels rise and everything looks good on Monday. The good news is that the dominant follicle is definitely on the right side this month and we have a much better shot than last month. I am trying to be hopeful and not worry, but it's not always that easy. 

My RE said we would ideally have 2 follicles between 1.7 and 1.9 and would be able to trigger. I just hope my estradiol levels pick it up a little bit. I don't understand how I can have so many follicles yet such a low E2 number. 

I go back on Monday for repeat blood work and ultrasound. 

IUI #2 CD 5 (ultrasound)

I had my appointment this morning. I dragged my sick butt out of bed early and got on the road. Well, about 5 minutes into my drive I got pulled over... boo! He asked for my license and registration as they usually do and a minute later he held up a card and said, "Is this your license?" Apparently I handed him my bank card. That shows how clearly I was thinking. He then asked where I was going and I told him an appointment. He was quick in looking up my info and came back and told me to slow down and let me go without a ticket. I was amazed he didn't give me a ticket because I was going 46 in a 30 MPH zone. I think I assumed it was 40. This was definitely a sign my day was going to improve.

I arrived early and was taken in for blood work. The nurse who did my IUI and answers all of my questions drew my blood. I looked at her and said "wow, you do it all don't you?" I then had an ultrasound and waited for the phone call this afternoon with further info.

The call occurred earlier than normal but the news was fantastic. I have 3 follicles on each side and the lead follies were on the right...yay!!! I had one that measured 9x6 and one at 7x6 on the right side. My estradiol level was 60.1. She said to continue the meds at 75 IU's/night and to come in Friday for another appointment. Things are looking much better for this cycle so far.

IUI #2 CD 1 (a new plan)

This morning when my period still hadn't arrived I started to get nervous (since I made an appointment with my RE to talk about our next cycle) and a little excited. I got out my HPT and went for it. When I wiped, there was a little bit of blood on the toilet paper. My response? Someone is laughing and it's not me! Oh well, I knew this cycle didn't work so I was ready to get AF and move on to the next cycle. I was just bummed I wasted the test because I didn't even have to look at the result to know it was negative. 

We had our appointment this afternoon and I left feeling so much better about things. It seems like when  I ask I tend to get what I want. I never complain about getting what I want, that's for sure (just ask my hubby). We talked about the next cycle and my RE gave me a few options and leaned a certain way with his opinion. He said that we could up the dose of Clomid and try that again (although he didn't think it was that great of an idea to try it again), we could do injectables and another IUI, or we could do IVF. We talked the most about doing another IUI using injectables this time. He said it would include more monitoring (blood work and more ultrasounds) and I felt most comfortable trying another IUI given different circumstances. 

 So, we will start Gonal-F on Sunday (CD 3) at 75 IU's/day. I will go in on Tuesday for a baseline ultrasound and to check my hormone levels. I am really happy with our new plan and hoping for some good follies this time. I'm pretty sure if we aren't successful this cycle we will move on to IVF. IUI's are completely covered by my insurance, but IVF isn't at all. I had been thinking I just wanted to move on to IVF, but I felt more comfortable making the decision to do the IUI again given the new plan. 

We also discussed progesterone and Metformin. I asked about the progesterone and he agreed for this cycle I will start a few days after the trigger. He also agreed that it was a good idea to up my dosage of Metformin to 1000 mg/day from 500. I will see how that goes. 

So we have a new plan and I am feeling much more optimistic and excited this month. The only thing is, I didn't find out what time I am supposed to take the Gonal-F. Any ideas?

Mind over matter

My hubby and I have been talking a lot the past few days about my mood and attitude towards this cycle. This week I was feeling SO down and couldn't figure out why. It was worse than after the miscarriage; I was feeling so depressed. I know it sucks to have follicles on the wrong side, but really Liz? I was tired all the time, struggling to make it through each work day, feeling somewhat anxious and unable to focus on anything, and crying a lot. Each day as the week went on all I wanted to do was come home and curl up on the couch or in bed and cry. It was bad. Well, last night we were talking and it all started to come together. I started feeling my mood change as soon as I started the Clomid. My hubby agreed that I haven't been myself since starting it (the past 2 or so weeks). It started as moodiness and feeling short tempered and evolved into depression. It is hard to think that something so small could affect you so much, but I'm pretty sure that is the culprit. I'm not prone to getting depressed and have dealt pretty well with all of this infertility crap. I try to keep a positive mind frame and not dwell on the things I cannot control. This was definitely the worst I have felt during the past 9 months in dealing with everything. I was starting to wonder whether it had all built up to this point, but now I'm starting to doubt that. I blame it on the Clomid. 

Having said that I am able to feel much better. I consulted Google last night and found SO MANY entries on forums and boards where people said that Clomid made them depressed. My mind and body were telling me not to repeat the IUI and give up because I was subconsciously aware that it was the Clomid and I didn't want to repeat the process. I found faults with every avenue of my treatment this cycle and was ready to switch RE's. I have had great experiences with my clinic up until this month where my judgment was clouded, and therefore, so were my feelings about everything. 

Having said all of that I plan to make a call to my RE and raise some questions and concerns about this cycle and future ones. I'm not sure what his opinion will be about repeating Clomid, especially given the fact that it made me super depressed. In all fairness, my ovaries responded well, just not my brain. I would love to try something that will give me more than one dominant follicle, even if that means risking more than one baby. 

I am feeling SO MUCH better after realizing that my mood has been affected by Clomid. I was starting to wonder what was wrong with me and why I was feeling so terrible about everything. Starting last night I adopted the attitude of mind over matter and I know that I can control my mood and be more positive. 

My hubby smiled at me this morning and said it was good to have me back. 

getting (hopefully) knocked up at 50 mph

My hubby had his appointment at the andrology lab in the hospital today at 8. I was waiting on a call from him to hear when his sample be ready. He called as I was headed to see my first client and said it would take about 45 minutes, so instead of going to Pre-K to hang with Jonathan, I headed into Syracuse. The drive is about 45 minutes so it would work out.

We were talking on the phone (as I was on my way into Syracuse and he was on his way back) about how I have been feeling and how everything went when we passed each other at 50 mph. We joked that that was one way to get pregnant. I was like wow, your sperm really does rock, you made your deposit going the opposite direction at 50. 

I parked in the drop off/pick up spot at the hospital and put my flashers on. I was picking something up so it seemed appropriate to park there. I had to check in at two different desks and at the second the woman asked me if I was meeting someone there. It was a little awkward to tell her instead I was picking something up.  

It was a little difficult to find the place, but a nice male nurse with short hair in the front and a long ponytail in the back showed me the way. When I got to the desk the guy got me the sample and gave it to me in a mini styrofoam cooler and proceeded to tell me how great it was. He said he hadn't seen the motility that high post-wash in a long time. He gave me a print-out of the info and here it is:

                                     Pre Wash                   Post Wash

Count:                      489.6 million                 320.1

Motility:                       74%                            97%

I got to the office and it was the busiest I have ever seen it. There I was sitting with my mini cooler and everyone else was there to see their GYN. They called me in and took the sample while I emptied my bladder. They then led me into a room and had me undress from the waist down and wait. I was a little surprised to see that the nurse was going to do the procedure, but my RE had warned me that he wouldn't likely be doing it. Both nurses who entered the room commented on how great the count was and said it was rare to see the motility so high. Hardest compliment to respond to ever. 

I had a little bit of cramping initially, but nothing too bad. They then slid a little platform out from the table and had me put my feet up there. They left the room and said "see you in a half hour." My phone was within view, but not reach so I just laid there and tried to meditate and relax.

During the day I called my MIL to tell her how everything evolved for this cycle. My hubby had told her about the dominant follicle being on the left previously, but she didn't know the latest. I told her about her son's count and she didn't really know how to respond. Her best reply was, "that's not something you can put on your resume." This was a fitting reply since W is in the process of finding a job and she recently helped him to edit his resume. We joked that that one only impresses the right crowd.

I left and headed to work. I saw 5 kids today instead of my usual 8, but didn't feel like working late into the afternoon so still ended my day early. I can't exactly explain why, but I am feeling really down. I guess part of it is that over the past 10 months I have gone through a lot. There has been a diagnosis of PCOS, a large cyst that required two surgeries and months of waiting for it to shrink, the news of blocked tubes, the pursuit of an IVF cycle and all of the testing involved followed by an surprise pregnant and then an early miscarriage, a D&C and removal of one tube, and now our first IUI cycle with a dominant follicle on, of course, the left side. Rather than feeling hopeful and optimistic about this cycle (which I know I should), this afternoon I felt super depressed. There have only been two others times during this process where I have felt this down: 1. When we decided to start trying and I found out I had PCOS and a large cyst meaning we weren't going to be able to try for a while (ended up being 4 months) 2. When I had the surgery to drain the cyst and the HSG revealed both of my tubes were blocked. Both of these times occurred when I was feeling optimistic to start (start trying for a family, start trying after surgery to remove the cyst), and was disappointed by news that meant waiting longer.  I came home and cried while my hubby tried to comfort me. I told him how I feel like things keeping getting worse and worse. We have had 2 weeks of happiness in terms of TTC (when I knew I was pregnant before the ultrasound showing the slow heart rate) in 10 months. I have had moments of excitement and optimism here and there, but can't muster feeling that way about IUI's in the future. If I didn't want a baby so badly I would quit.  

I am disappointed in this cycle and the treatment I received from my clinic for the following reasons: no blood work at any time to check hormone levels, a single ultrasound with a trigger given 3 days after the follicle was at 17 mm, no return calls from the nurse until late in the day when previously I have gotten calls from my RE or the nurse within a much shorter timeframe, the nurse performing the IUI, no progesterone support following the IUI (my progesterone levels were in the low average range with my last pregnancy despite support), and no beta scheduled (I will call 2 weeks from tomorrow if I still haven't gotten my period). I am trying my best to be optimistic and hopeful and I would love for the IUI to work, but I am having a hard time convincing myself. I am hoping today was my pity party and I can move on from here and try to be more optimistic.

Time to focus on something else for 2 weeks. We have my brother staying with us all weekend. He is 9 and will be the first one to stay in our newly painted and upgraded guest room. We also have our office paint project still going (I want to paint stripes and we have painted a first coat and taped 1/2 the room).

 Also, we are dog-sitting for a week starting Sunday. We will have 3 dogs in our house all week...aahhh!!! The dog we are watching is less than a year and crazy. I just realized yesterday was our dog's 4th birthday. Maybe we will have to celebrate this weekend. Bring on the fun!

I take it back

Ok, I guess I kinda overreacted yesterday to the bad news of having a dominant follicle on the wrong side. I was super disappointed and apologize that you had to listen to me complain. 

I talked with the nurse this afternoon and she said we are going to go ahead and trigger tonight and go in for the IUI tomorrow. Rather than doing 2 IUI's as planned this cycle, we will do one tomorrow and then it is up to us to have "relations" the following day. 

My RE is hoping for the phenomenon of transmigration in which my other fallopian tube will hopefully pick up the egg. I am not counting on this, but who knows. 

I am starting to think we should just move on to IVF. The hard part is that we were there 4 months ago. On Jan 5th I started Lupron for our first IVF cycle. I ended up pregnant naturally that cycle so we never continued. It is hard to want to try something less successful, even if it is less invasive and cheaper. I am starting to think IUI's are a waste of time and energy and that I would rather focus on something that is more likely to work. The more blogs I read, the fewer positives I see as a result of IUI's. 

I work so hard all day at being patient (patient while children give me a run for my money, patient when I ask them to do something and they take their sweet time, patient with children who are not as competent as others, etc.), but I am finding I am not feeling as patient in other facets of my life. 

On the plus side I realized after giving the trigger shot that 2 weeks after my first shot in January we got the results that I was pregnant. let's hope we are that lucky again in two weeks!