Freeze Report

I was so nervous to call. I dreaded it. When my friend texted me to get the report and I told her I was too scared, she encouraged me strongly to call. 

I feel more invested in this cycle than previous ones. That's part of why I was so nervous. 

I finally called around 12:30 and spoke with a nurse. She was able to tell me that we have a lucky 7 embryos frozen. I asked for their report cards and she said she would have to get an embryologist to call me back. 

A little while later my phone rang. This is what I found out.

On day five they froze three embryos. Of those we had a 5AC, 4BC, and a 3BC. 

On day six they froze four embryos. They were a 4AC, 4BC, 4BC, and 4CC.

She also said they were watching four more to see if they would be able to freeze them on day seven. I didn't realize that was a possibility. 

When AF showed up on Tuesday I emailed Dr. Br.averman. He suggested I schedule a baseline appointment and we didn't talk a whole lot about instructions beyond that. He wanted to know how many embryos we had before we talked next steps. That's one thing I've figured out about him. He likes to take things one step at a time. I'm always trying to look to the next step, so find this somewhat frustrating. It's forcing me to live more in the moment than plan ahead. We had exchanged a few emails about different protocols but he didn't specifically say what to do for me. 

My baseline appointment was this morning. My ovaries were still pretty big and "angry" as the NP put it, but my lining was thin. Both ovaries had some left over cysts but she didn't seem too concerned about it. She asked what the plan was, and not knowing, I just went with the flow. She came back with instructions and my next appointment scheduled. 

When I asked her to fax the results from today's appointment she stopped and stared at me for a second or two before saying, "If that's what you want." Seriously?

I emailed the nurse at Dr. B's office and asked if Dr. B was going to give me a calendar. Well, come to find out he wants me to do something entirely different. The theme of this IVF cycle all along? Different is better!! I guess I'll have to contact the NP and tell her of the change of plans. 

To those of you who have done FET's, what was your protocol? 

All I know right now is this one involves 2 weeks of birth control pills before anything else. I'm pretty sure it also adds Lupron, Progesterone, and Estrace at some point. It's amazing how many months I have spent on the pill while we have been trying to get pregnant. My clinic was happy to have me take Estrace 3x's/day until I started progesterone. Pretty simple. Things are going to get complicated again. 

I forgot to tell this story sooner. The day before my retrieval I had to go for blood work to be sure the lupron trigger worked. I made the appointment for a bit later in the day and ended up having some cancellations for the time after. I called a friend and my MIL to see if either of them wanted to have lunch with me, but was unsuccessful. So then I called my FIL and he gladly agreed. He was so patient and a fantastic listener as I jabbered on about the newest news with us TTC wise. When I told him I had a procedure the next day he asked me, "Are things coming out or going in?" That's one way to put it!

IVF #2 CD 22 3dp5dt Crazy Town

How am I feeling? Honestly? I'm terrified this isn't going to work. Once you've experienced failure repeatedly it's hard to keep optimistic. After my FET I was convinced it worked. I kept track of my "symptoms" and just felt pregnant. I was so shocked and upset when I was wrong. 

 I just can't do that to myself again. I hate the thought of not being as positive as possible, but I have to keep my guard up to protect myself. 

I feel like I'm walking the crazy line. I want to be positive, but I'm also so worried it won't work. Next Wednesday is so soon and I don't really want to know. I want to relish in being PUPO as long as possible. I also hate that Valentine's day is the day before my beta, so of course I'll be tempted to POAS. 

I am so scared that our perfect embryos won't implant and that I will feel like a giant failure. Last time the embryos weren't great so I was able to blame the failure on that. This time, the only thing I will be able to blame failure on is myself. 

I want intense cramps and implantation spotting, but no such luck. Maybe I've had some cramping, but I also have giant swollen ovaries and I've been constipated. Who knows what the heck I'm feeling "down there." I learned the hard way last time that all of the meds I'm taking help to create pregnancy symptoms. 

I found out yesterday that we have 4 frozen totsicles. I'm not sure of the grades although I know that 2 were 4BB. I'm pretty happy about having a backup plan, but I also know that the "best of the best" embryos are in me doing their thing. Hopefully that thing is implanting. Please send me some sanity if you have any extra. 

I had a dream last night where I had to have polyps removed again. I was conscious for the surgery and watched the entire thing on a screen. They thought there was only 1, but there ended up being 4. There was 1 that was really big and the rest were smaller. After the surgery they asked me if I wanted to see them. I looked and it was 4 black cats, 3 of which were tiny and adorable. They were stretching their little paws out to me. What the heck?! 

Surviving the ice age

Today my clinic will thaw and culture my embryos. I am scared and nervous, but hopeful and excited as well. Our transfer is tomorrow at 9:30 and we don't know yet how many embryos we will be putting back. 

I have been on progesterone for almost a week now. My butt is sore but it is getting better and more tolerable. Placing the vial of progesterone in hot water for about 5 minutes prior to the shot helps the progesterone to move more quickly. No big lumps or knots yet so I am thankful for that. 

If you could please send warm multiplying and dividing thoughts to my embryos today, we would all appreciate it. Thanks!!

And now, introducing, our beautiful embryos. I'm sure they'll look a bit different after the thaw but this was them in July. They were frozen on day 3.

Thought Vomit... Monday??!!

Upon completion of this post I realized it was more of  Thought Vomit Thursday (TVT) kind of post, but hey, it's only Monday so I'll leave off the bullets.

Wednesday's ultrasound appointment is looming. I'm trying to stay relaxed and calm about everything and some days I completely forget that we are currently in a "cycle." It doesn't seem real when all you do is pop a little pill at night (estradiol) and then forget about it. 

Speaking of those little pills... holy side effects. Who would think something so small could pack so much feisty?? My mornings are rough and I try not to lose it each day. Little things frustrate me to no end and I have ZERO patience. It goes well with working with 2 year olds, ha yeah right! The mornings are the worse and by the end of the day I feel much less feisty. 

My appointment with Dr. Gere is in less than a week and I really need to get my file sent over. I am hoping to tackle that tomorrow. I was super impressed that when they called to confirm my appointment that they had also called my insurance to see what was covered. Although the information was nothing new, it really was nice that they had taken the time. 

Last weekend I went to the spa with my friend Caitlin. She had a gift certificate for a massage and I had a guest pass so spent the time she was getting a massage running. Totally equivalent experiences. The steam room, sauna and hot tub were thoroughly enjoyed by both of us. 

Caitlin has a 15 month old little girl who W and I adore. We have been spending a lot of time with Caitlin, her husband J, and their little girl E. Most weekends we get together with them. There are times when it is hard to watch them love and kiss their little girl, but E lets W and I love and kiss her too, so it's not all that bad. 

I got a really nice complement at work today which made my day. It's nice to hear positive things about your work performance. Speaking of work, I'm going to try to branch out again and work with another child who had feeding issues. I will have more support this time and I feeling positive about trying again. 

We are hosting Thanksgiving on Thursday. We won't have too many people (9), but my sister is coming out and I am really looking forward to that. We have been in our house 13 months and she has visited 1 time. She is the type who likes to be in her own comfort zone. Even though it is only 3 hours away you would think it was 30. I'm anxiously awaiting her pregnancy announcement, but hopefully it won't be during Thanksgiving. She started trying in August and it's only a matter of time. As long as I'm not far behind her that's fine. 

I had some spotting this evening but it has gone away. I'm hoping it's nothing since it's brownish, so hopefully my lining is getting nice and cozy for our little totsicles.