The Difference Betweeen Moms and Dads

I've been fortunate enough to have generally good health since my children were born. Sure, there were some days during my pregnancy with Stella that I was so sick and nauseous that we didn't do much, but I always felt physically able to care for my children when needed. 

On Wednesday we met a friend and her kids at the playground. Since Lucy had some weird rash on her chest for weeks without going away, I also made a drs appointment for after. We had fun playing and I had packed lunches for the girls that they ate while we waited to see the Dr. I started to feel a little jittery and off while we sat and waited so I quick ate a larabar.

As more time went on I started to feel worse and worse. My stomach started getting cramps and I felt super nauseous. At one point I pictured myself puking in the parking lot with my three kids. I felt awful.

I somehow got everyone in the car and forced myself to eat a big portion of my lunch as I drove home. I figured that would help me feel better. I really didn't feel much better the rest of the night. When W came home I was able to lie down some, but I couldn't figure out why I felt so terrible all of a sudden. I still helped with baths and bedtime. 

On Thursday morning I woke up feeling even worse. I was still super nauseous and still had the stomach cramps. By 9 am I was greeted by my period. I have to believe the Whole 30 had a lot to do with me getting my cycle back, but holy moly it was bad! Pop-Pop came with us rasberry picking and I felt ok. I napped with Stella that afternoon and that helped a little. By that evening the flow had gotten really heavy and things took a turn for the worse. I had a horrible headache, awful cramps, still felt nauseous, had the stomach cramps, and now was bleeding really heavy!

Friday morning I woke up feeling so awful. Like, I've never felt so awful and had to take care of my kids. W ran to the pharmacy and got me Midol while I sat on the floor curled in a ball and watched the girls to the best of my ability. I reached out for help from my in laws and mom and no one was available. My MiL was willing to meet me at a book sale so I decided I would go. Not sure how I got everyone dressed and out the door, but I did. I cried a lot of the way to meet my MiL. I felt awful and had to take care of my three kids regardless. It was a horrible feeling.

My MiL really wasn't all the helpful, even when I told her I felt awful. She just said, "Well that's unexpected." I basically had to beg her to come along for the other errand I had to do (buying a bday present for a party we had on Sunday).

I dropped her off after and had to pick up lunch for everyone because there was no way I was going to be able to make it with the way I felt. As I brought my kids into a restaurant and waited for our food I wanted to cry again. I felt seriously terrible, yet had no choice but to carry on. I felt like I could hardly stand up my cramps were so bad. 

I got the girls down for a nap and again laid down with Stella. We had a birthday dinner for my SiL that night so I was hoping it would help me feel better. When W got home we got ready and headed over to my in laws. I still felt awful, but didn't feel like we could cancel. 

Dinner was fine and that night I fell asleep early on the couch. The following morning when I got up W didn't budge when the girls were crying. I asked him what was going on and he said he had been up at 3 am vomiting. Having no other choice, I dragged myself out of bed and brought the girls downstairs for breakfast. I would be lying if I said I wasn't super disappointed and a little pissed that not only was I not getting a badly needed break, I wasn't even getting any help. I texted my mom and she was willing to come with us to the lavender festival as I had planned later. 

The day didn't go as I had hoped and I was honestly so upset with the sequence of events. I felt so incredibly horrible on Friday, yet had little help taking care of our three kids. I really had three days where I felt pretty awful, yet still got up and did what I had to. It felt so unfair that W spent the entire next day in bed. I would have given anything to curl up in a ball and sleep by myself on Friday. Of course I didn't want everyone to get sick so I gave him space, but it was just incredibly frustrating and unfair. I guess that's the difference between being a mom and dad. Moms don't get sick days. 

2016 Spring Vacation

The past few years we've gone to vacation in Mexico sometime in March or April. With my mom having seizures last year, adding another child to our family, and customs being so difficult we decided to not go back this year. It was a sad fact that we also couldn't afford it now that we needed to pay for seats for L & C on the plane.

Last summer my step-dad's mother Mary passed away. All of the time I knew her she lived in Naples, Florida and we visited her almost every Christmas. We loved going in the winter and escaping the grey of central NY to experience beautiful beaches and sunshine. When Mary passed away my mom and step dad decided to use the money they inherited from her towards a condo in Florida. They spent a few weeks last summer looking at places and ultimately purchased a condo in Sarasota.

Since we had access to the condo and the offer for my mom to spend the week with us there, we decided to go for it. We purchased the tickets, rented a van for the week, and spent the first week of April in Sarasota.

We were supposed to leave on Monday morning at 5:45 am. Somehow we missed our first flight out of Syracuse. The security was so inefficient that it took over 45 mintutes to get through. It rarely takes more than 10. Not to mention, it was super early in the morning. Well, when we finally arrived at our gate we found out we had missed our flight. They were able to bump us to another flight, but it meant adding an extra flight and taking three flights instead of two. The girls were pretty good on the planes. We could tell Lucy wasn't feeling great and felt warm to the touch, but she handled it all so well. The only exception was when we were getting off our second flight and both girls were melting down. W was trying to run through the airport with Clara in his arms throwing a tantrum. I finally made him stop, hoisted her into my ring sling, and she calmed right down. W ran ahead with the stroller as we only had about 40 minutes to change terminals and make our flight. In that moment I so wished we were at our destination then rather than having to take another flight. Apart from that, the traveling went really well.

My favorite pic from the trip. 

When we arrived in Sarastoa, a few hours later than anticipated, Lucy was running a 103.5 fever. We gave her some meds while we waited for the rental car stuff. An airport employee who was super nice helped us with our bags on a cart and then took them to the rental car and entertained the baby while we installed carseats. Since the address my mom gave me was a little confusing we did some extra driving, but it wasn't a huge deal. We arrived in the early afternoon and went to the pool for a swim at the condo before ordering some takeout for dinner. We had a great dinner on the lanai. My mom and I ran to the supermarket that evening to stock up on some stuff after the girls went down.  

The spot we set up in the airport.  

We got the glider board for our stroller so everyone could use it comfortably. It was great!

On Tuesday we headed to Siesta Key beach after breakfast at the condo. We packed some lunches and drove the 20 or so minutes to the beach. When we got there we decided to leave the stroller and carry our stuff. We used my mom's umbrella on the beach but forgot chairs. This made nursing the baby a little more difficult and uncomfortable. The beach was so huge and such a far walk to the water that we didn't go all the way. We found a good spot and set up our stuff. When it came to lunch time it was a bit of a struggle since the sand blew into the lunch boxes we brought for the girls. Everything was so incredibly sandy so we abandoned ship and found a restaurant nearby selling food with picnic tables. We left around 12:30 and headed back to the condo for naps. When the girls woke up from their naps we headed to the pool for some afternoon swimming. That night we had some amazing take out fish tacos.

Siesta Key beach from the restaurant area. 

Stella and her blue eyes. 

First time checking out the ocean. 

With my mom, Grandma Dukes.  

Wednesday morning we headed to a playground near a big cat sanctuary since it didn't open until noon. It had some really nice equipment and we had our picnic lunch there on a blanket. The girls had a great time playing and Stella loved watching them on the swings. Lucy was again feeling hot so we gave her some Tylenol and that seemed to bring the fever down. Around noon we headed to see the big cats. Since Barnum and Bailey started in Sarasota, they have some of the animal there were once in the circus. There were bears, lions, monkeys, tigers, and lots of other animals. The girls had a great time watching the animals and they were very impressed by a parrot doing gymnatsics. We again went home for naps and then headed to the pool after. That evening we had takeout from a latin restaurant that was amazing. Lucy loved the empanadas and everything was delicious. We realized that evening that the Starbucks we went to earlier near the playground gave me change for a 10 rather than the $50 I paid with. Once the girls were down W, Stella and I drove to get our change and then went to Target for some things.

Ready to go!

Stella loved watching her sisters on the swings at the playground. 

Grandma Dukes and Clara. 

Checking out a bear. 

Thursday was the only predicted day of rain so after breakfast we headed to the aquarium. It was really busy and didn't start off the greatest. As soon as we finally got in the girls both melted down. I think the noise, darkness, business, and their hunger got to them. After the first room they were fine. My mom wore Stella all day and she was just so happy. She didn't complain once and just loved looking at everything. We saw sharks, stingrays, jellyfish, sea otters, manatees, and sea turtles. The girls seemed to really like looking at the animals and both picked a little gift from the gift shop. After the aquarium we went back to the condo for naps before an afternoon swim at the pool. That night W and I went out for a nice dinner. We brought Stella with us and splurged on some amazing seafood. Our waitress wasn't the greatest and the other diners seemed to glare at us for bringing Stella, but the food was delicious. Stella was so well behaved the whole time, but you'd think she was awful by the way the other diners looked at us. At one point I was holding her and smiled and the lady at the table next to us. In return she glared back. Geeze!

Lucy and a Shark

My mom wore Stella the whole time. We got a new carrier so she could face out more comfortably. 

Friday was our last full day of vacation so we went back to the beach. Since this was our second trip to Siesta Key beach, we had things more figured out. We knew this time we could wheel the stroller so brought that. We also had chairs and a better system for eating our packed lunches. We stayed at the beach for a really long time and left around nap time. It was such a great trip. The girls loved playing in the sand and building things and Stella took a nice nap on the beach in her carseat. The only exception to the fun was all of the potty breaks. It seemed as soon as we got settled all the way out on the beach someone had to go potty. I got a lot of exercise that day walking back and forth to the bathrooms. I so wished our travel potty made the cut when we were packing that day. After naps we went swimming at the pool by the condo. That evening we again got take out and enjoyed our dinner at together on the Lanai. We ended the evening with packing and another trip to Target to get some last minute things.

Ready to go to the beach.

Beach days are exhausting.

The flights home went much better than the trip there with the flights, but of course it couldn't be too easy. When we arrived home in Syracuse we found out that our suitcases made it but not our carseats. Since the rental companies wouldn't let us rent carseats without a car we ended up having to rent a car to get everyone home. They actually gave us a van for the same price as a car so W took L & C home in the van and I brought Stella in my car and picked up Thai on the way home.

The lanai looking out towards the pool. 

L & C sleeping on Daddy's lap. 

In the airport. 

The trip was so much fun. We went to the beach, spent lots of time by the pool, went to an aquarium and saw a big cat sanctuary, and W and I had some nice time by ourselves or just with Stella at the pool and out for dinner. My mom was (mostly) helpful and the girls had so much fun doing new or different things every day. I'm so glad we went and I can't wait to return.

A Mom of Multiples

Even from my pregnancies I can tell you that having twins and having a singleton is very different. I didn't get really big really fast this time. I went into labor naturally (without a car accident) and delivered my baby a day before her due date. 

I know I've said it before, but life with one baby is just so different from life with two. 

As proud of I am of exclusively breastfeeding my twins, I wasn't able to do this from the start with Stella. On our third day in the hospital she cried and cried and acted so hungry. I tried pumping, hand expressing, and nursing her as much as she wanted, but she was still screaming and acting hungry. In addition, she lost 9% of her body weight and the nurses said things get concerning at 10%. I know this is totally normal, but something had to give. My baby was hungry and my milk hadn't come in yet. After talking to my favorite lactation consultant from the NICU I made the decision to supplement a little with formula. I used a syringe and squirted little amounts into her mouth as she was latched. I don't think she got more than 20 ml's total, but it was so different from the girls. I really struggled with this at the time. How could I exclusively breastfeed twins but not a single baby? I think them being preemies gave me a little buffer as they didn't get any milk for a few days. This allowed me time for my milk to come in and to build up a little stash before they started eating. Luckily, my milk came in the night I supplemented Stella with formula, and I haven't given any formula since. It was hard for me to accept at the time, but I look back and don't regret any of it. 

When the girls were in the NICU everything I read and heard said to keep them on the NICU schedule once they came home. I took this advice to heart and we kept them on the same schedule. From day one at home they were on a schedule. I rarely fed them more often than every two hours and when one woke to eat I'd wake the other. I remember when Lucy wasn't gaining weight well I was told to feed her on demand. The person who told me that didn't understand life with twins. I couldn't feed one baby on demand and keep the other on a schedule or feed one baby while the other just cried. Well, I guess I could have but it would mean feeding babies all day long. I wasn't up for that. 

When Stella was born I thought I'd approach parenting differently. There was only one baby and I wanted to be more relaxed about having her on a schedule. 

The thing I'm realizing is, I'm still a mom of multiples. I learned to be a parent to twins as I didn't know anything else. Being their mom molded me into the type of mom I needed to be to best take care of them. 

On Monday I went to a tea time circle of moms and their babies hosted by the yoga instructor I loved and took prenatal and mama baby yoga with. I noticed all these other moms just feeding their babies whenever they cried. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that looked at my watch first. 

When the girls were little we used the Babywise book to guide our daytime routine. We did an eat, play, sleep routine. It made life predictable to both them and me and it worked well for us. Even though Stella is only a month old, we've been thinking about this routine and trying to keep her awake some after feedings. I try to be sure when she eats that she gets a full feeding rather than snacking, since I can't be available to feed her all the time. I have two year old twins to take care of. Even though Stella is a singleton, I'm still a mom to multiples. 

As time goes on sometimes I feel guilty that I'm not able to be the kind of parent to her that I envisioned. The thing is, with her reflux I can't feed her all the time. Feeding her more just makes her more uncomfortable. Also, there are times in the day when it's just not feasible. 

I shared at the tea time my feelings about this and the overwhelming response was, just do what works for you and your family. It doesn't matter what kind of parenting you decide to do as long as it works for you. This made me feel so much better. 

I guess even though I only have one baby now I'll always be a mom of multiples. I learned to be a mama with my twins and that's the only kind I know how to be. And you know what? I realize that a mom who needs schedules and structure is just as great as a mom who doesn't.

We all approach parenting differently and I'm learning there's no right or wrong way to do it. It's all about what works. 

Transitions

It's safe to say my family has gone through a huge transition with the birth of Stella. L & C had only ever spent 3 nights total away from us when they went to stay with my in laws while we were in the hospital. Bringing Stella home is one of the biggest changes we've all gone through. 

Our first few days home as a family of five were challenging to say the least. I think having a c section and being unprepared didn't help. I went from doing almost everything for the girls to being unable to do a lot of simple things. I couldn't lift them, change diapers very easily, help bathe them, or carry them. It was tough for everyone. Top that with post-partum hormones and feeling guilty for turning their lives upside down and it's safe to say there were a lot of tears from everyone. Clara in particular had a really tough first few days. There were a lot of tantrums, time outs, and tears.

W and I are trying to be as consistent as possible with the girls. Now that I'm feeling better and more able to help, they are doing much better. They really do love their baby sister and I often find them bringing her blankets, pacifiers, toys, and giving her kisses and fist bumps. They talk about her all the time and ask about her if they don't immediately see her. They also seem to have a lot more patience for her crying (especially in the car) than I do. When I put her in the car seat they'll come over and say "baby happy" in hopes that she doesn't scream her head off like usual.  

It seems at this point a lot of the issues we're seeing with the girls are just typical two year old things. They fight over things like good sisters and don't have enough language to fully communicate their wants and needs, especially when they get emotional. Sometimes I think life would be easier if we waited a little longer to have another baby, but I'm also excited for my girls to grow up together. I know before long the girls won't even remember a time without Stella in our family. The thing about infertility is you don't really get to plan your family and time things "perfectly". 

Tomorrow W goes back to work and I take back over. I have help lined up a few days a week (my FiL is taking the girls to gymnastics every wednesday and my MiL has agreed to help Tuesdays). My mom has also said she'd help but it really depends so much on her mood how much she's able to do. I'm super nervous about having to care for all three girls mostly alone, but I'm also somewhat looking forward it. Having him home has been amazing and great, but in some ways it makes life more difficult. Getting out the door always seems to take longer with him and I don't feel like he's as firm with the girls. I've noticed a lot more negotiating and whining/crying since he's been home. 

Wish me luck (and a TON of patience) tomorrow as I take over with my three amazing little girls. I can do this!

Mexico: A Trip Full of Ups and Downs

I had to laugh when I saw my last post. I was reminded by how stressed out I was the week before we left for vacation. I was really hoping vacation was going to change that. 

We left on Sunday the 12th very early in the morning. The first flight was great. Our second flight was 4 hours long and on a very large jet. Since the time lined up well with nap time the girls took a nice long nap (with the assistance of a little Benadryl...guilty mommy confession). Upon descent, Lucy's ears started to bother her and she began to cry. We tried the paci, a lollipop, a drink, and she refused everything. The cry escalated to a full scream as we descended through horrible turbulence. I reached a point where I knew if I kept the screaming baby on my lap I would puke. I was sweating and feeling super nauseous. I knew W was also feeling nauseous, but out of necessity I passed her off. Shortly after W was searching madly for a bag to be sick in. Poor guy. I made that point that at least no one around us knew he was sick. Had it been me, the whole plane probably would have known. 

During the plane ride W was sitting next to my mom. He said she was acting a little strange and almost acting paranoid. There was a lot of turbulence and it was a rough flight. I think the main reason it didn't bother me that much is because I was distracted by the crying/screaming baby on my lap. 

Lucy continued to cry as we waited to go through customs. Eventually W got her calmed down and we got on our shuttle to the resort. 

The resort was beautiful and we spent some time just hanging out Sunday afternoon. We went for dinner, but no one was hungry so we went back to our rooms to put the girls down. 

My mom's room was right next to ours so we went to hang out in her room once the girls were down. 

It became apparent then that she was acting unusual. She was very scattered and confused. We ordered room service and she said her stomach hurt and that she didn't feel well. She then started vomiting as we took our dinner out onto the balcony to eat. Good times! 

My mom isn't one to get sick. For probably the next 45 minutes she spent getting sick. As time progressed, she started to make less sense. She was slurring her speech, and talking about things completely unrelated and not making sense at times. W stepped out into the hallway and I stayed in the room with her. I knew I couldn't leave her in that state. My gut said something was wrong. If nothing else W and I made the plan for me to stay in her room with her that night. 

The whole time she'd been sitting on the bathroom floor with the door open and I was standing in the next room over. All of a sudden, she shrieked, threw her arms up in the air, and fell back on the floor, hitting her head on the marble floor. Then she started to have a seizure. I poked my head out into the hallway, screamed for W, and he came running in. He immediately went to her side and told me to call for help. I picked up the phone and called the emergency extension. As I was doing this I heard W saying, "Breathe Anne, I need you to breathe." Those were some of the scariest words I've ever heard! I decided then to run down to the lobby for help since we were close and I wasn't really getting anywhere on the phone.

I found help in the lobby and they followed me back up to the room. At that point the seizure had stopped and my mom was doing this crazy snoring thing. She was in and out of consciousness. 

I can't say how long it took, but we called for a dr to come to the room. It was almost humorous how they kept informing us that the dr wasn't included in our "all inclusive" trip. We didn't care, we knew she needed to be seen by a dr. They actually wouldn't call the paramedics until a dr saw her. 

The dr that came to the room was amazing. He spoke excellent English and was calm and helpful. He determined that she needed to go to the hospital based on her behavior and the paramedics were called. 

The whole time W was by her side. He was talking to her, trying to keep her awake and calm. I would periodically talk to her to help keep her awake. I could tell she recognized me but everyone else in the room was a stranger to her (there were at least 5 other people). 

When the paramedics arrived they decided to put an IV in. That process was difficult and eventually led to her just pulling it out anyway. They got her on the stretcher and W decided to go with her to the hospital while I stayed at the resort with the girls. I was so grateful for him in those moments. He stayed so calm and was so helpful. 

I was able to get ahold of my FiL but not my step-dad. At $4.00 a minute from the room phone, I asked my FiL to keep calling my step-dad until he reached him. I spoke with Scott (my step-dad) shortly after and he asked if he needed to come. I told him yes, he needed to come. Unfortunately my brother's passport wasn't valid so he had to make arrangements for him as well. 

W called me from the hospital a few hours later. He told me my mom had had another seizure in the ambulance and one when she arrived at the hospital. He said the care was excellent at the hospital and there were very quick to get her sedated (to prevent more seizures) and on all sorts of tubes and wires. She was in the ICU. At that point they told him she would likely be sedated all of the following day. They shared with him the ICU visiting hours which was for 15 minutes 4 times a day. He then took a taxi back to the hotel. 

When he arrived back at the hotel I was trying to sleep but woke up quickly. He said his taxi driver got pulled over by the police and that took an extra 20 minutes to get home. When the taxi pulled over a van also did and he joked he thought he was going to get kidnapped. 

My step-dad got on the first plane possible and was in Cancun by 3 pm the following day. He rented a car and went straight to the hospital. Since my mom's room was there and paid for he planned to stay there and visit her as much as possible. 

The first day there were a few different theories from the drs about what happened. My mom suffers from bi-polar disorder and is on a lot of medications. When the dr and paramedics arrived to the room I started to pull her meds out and put them on the counter. Their eyes opened wider and wider as I pulled out more and more medications. I don't know exactly what she takes and how much, but I know she has a dr that prescribes way too many medications. Many are controlled substances and dangerous (I guess we all didn't realize how dangerous). The first theory was that it was a lithium overdose. 

I was able to see my mom on Tuesday morning. She seemed to be doing okay but was confused and very slow to process. At that point she was still in the ICU and on some form of sedation. It was interesting to me that the day she went to the hospital she had proudly stated how she'd never been in a hospital. She also commented multiple times about how the resort was very americanized. I guess she got to experience true Mexico and the hospital all in one shot. 

They ran all sorts of tests and scans. The CT scan was clear but the EEG showed inflammation of her brain. 

When my step-dad arrived my anxiety eased some. I knew that he was there to be with her and that she'd also be okay. It was then that W and I decided we needed to try to make the best of our trip.

Despite everything going on with my mom, we tried to stay positive and upbeat for the girls. They had no idea what happened and honestly didn't seem to notice my mom wasn't there. We played in the sand on the beach, swam in the pool, ate lots of great food, and went for walks around and outside of the resort in the stroller. 

Tuesday was a little rough because the stress had mounted and the girls were definitely feeding off of our feelings. Once we recognized it we tried our best to stay super positive. Through tears I told W I still felt like I needed a little break. He let me have time to myself as the girls napped. 

My mom was discharged on Wednesday afternoon. She and my step-dad came back to the resort. On Thursday my mom tried to make the best of her one and only day in the sunshine. We sunned ourselves as the girls napped with W. 

W and I were able to make reservations and go to dinner on Wednesday night at one of the restaurants. It was nice to sit down by ourselves for a meal, but tough to relax knowing my mom who was just released from the hospital was supposed to be in charge on the girls. 

In the end, the drs figured out that Ambien caused her seizure. I guess in the days leading up to our trip she was having difficulty sleeping (she also takes speed for her bi-polar so needs to Ambien to counteract it). In her attempts to get sleep before the trip she took 3 Ambien one night over the course of a few hours and 2 another night. This lead to 5 pills in a 24 hour time period. This was enough that the next night she exhibited withdrawal symptoms: stomach pain, vomiting, confusion, and seizures. I don't think any of us had any idea how dangerous this drug was. 

We tried to have the best trip we could despite the circumstances. The girls loved swimming in the pool, exploring the resort on foot, eating gelato and "treats", playing with their sand toys, and drinking mama's non-alcoholic pina coladas. 

So, it didn't go exactly as we planned, but we were so grateful my mom was okay and that we all came home in one piece. We all flew home together on Friday. There were moments when we were all sitting down for a meal as a family where it was really nice. I could forgot that my mom could have died and my step-dad was there only out of necessity. Instead it felt like a nice family vacation. It was nice that the girls spent more time with my step-dad than they ever had. 

Clara was our little ambassador that would wave and say hi to everyone. The girls were known on the resort by name by much of the staff. They were "the twins with the two different colored eyes". It seems they gain instant celebrity status wherever they go!

W enjoying the sunrise with the girls on our balcony on Monday morning. He had a rough day/night before!

Breakfast with my favorite people. Trying to make the best of things the morning after the craziness. 

Clara exploring after breakfast. 

Sister love

An early morning swim in the pool. 

Playing in the sand with Daddy. 

Big girl!

Daddy carrying the girls back to our room. 

Clara refusing to leave Daddy's side. 

Mama and her girls hanging in the pool. 

Headed to the trampoline with Daddy. 

Lucy checking out her shadow. 

Beautiful beach

Out for a walk.  

Such cuties! 

Love these two!

We used our sun tent...once.

Their new favorite, ring around the rosie. . I love how they hold each others hands. 

The building we stayed in. Every room had a balcony with ocean views. No complaints there.  

Taking a little nap pool-side.  

Vacation is exhausting!

 

Big girls helping to push their stroller. 

View from the resort looking down the beach. So beautiful!