Transitions

It's safe to say my family has gone through a huge transition with the birth of Stella. L & C had only ever spent 3 nights total away from us when they went to stay with my in laws while we were in the hospital. Bringing Stella home is one of the biggest changes we've all gone through. 

Our first few days home as a family of five were challenging to say the least. I think having a c section and being unprepared didn't help. I went from doing almost everything for the girls to being unable to do a lot of simple things. I couldn't lift them, change diapers very easily, help bathe them, or carry them. It was tough for everyone. Top that with post-partum hormones and feeling guilty for turning their lives upside down and it's safe to say there were a lot of tears from everyone. Clara in particular had a really tough first few days. There were a lot of tantrums, time outs, and tears.

W and I are trying to be as consistent as possible with the girls. Now that I'm feeling better and more able to help, they are doing much better. They really do love their baby sister and I often find them bringing her blankets, pacifiers, toys, and giving her kisses and fist bumps. They talk about her all the time and ask about her if they don't immediately see her. They also seem to have a lot more patience for her crying (especially in the car) than I do. When I put her in the car seat they'll come over and say "baby happy" in hopes that she doesn't scream her head off like usual.  

It seems at this point a lot of the issues we're seeing with the girls are just typical two year old things. They fight over things like good sisters and don't have enough language to fully communicate their wants and needs, especially when they get emotional. Sometimes I think life would be easier if we waited a little longer to have another baby, but I'm also excited for my girls to grow up together. I know before long the girls won't even remember a time without Stella in our family. The thing about infertility is you don't really get to plan your family and time things "perfectly". 

Tomorrow W goes back to work and I take back over. I have help lined up a few days a week (my FiL is taking the girls to gymnastics every wednesday and my MiL has agreed to help Tuesdays). My mom has also said she'd help but it really depends so much on her mood how much she's able to do. I'm super nervous about having to care for all three girls mostly alone, but I'm also somewhat looking forward it. Having him home has been amazing and great, but in some ways it makes life more difficult. Getting out the door always seems to take longer with him and I don't feel like he's as firm with the girls. I've noticed a lot more negotiating and whining/crying since he's been home. 

Wish me luck (and a TON of patience) tomorrow as I take over with my three amazing little girls. I can do this!

62 Days

After my last post complaining about how long it had been since I'd had a period, my period finally arrived. It was a 62 day cycle and I wasn't thrilled to see Aunt Flo the morning of my scheduled massage. Poor timing! 

Yesterday I met with my gynecologist. Despite an insanely long wait my actual appointment was brief. I described my symptoms and he did an exam. He ordered blood work and told me he wanted me to have a sono done. Then he said I should schedule an appointment and we'll "figure things out." When I described what had happened with the ovulation tests he said I was likely having overlapping cycles. A LH surge doesn't necessarily mean ovulation. I interpret this as I'm likely making cysts. 

We talked about the different hormone tests he planned to run. When I mentioned I had high testosterone in the past he said that the testosterone is what fuels the LH surge. I'm guessing that means mine is high since I'm having multiple LH surges per cycle. 

I didn't get much of a chance to ask many questions, but I'm hoping next time I talk to him it will be more thorough. I understand he needs the blood work results to make decisions about how to treat me, but I guess I would have liked to have gotten some idea as to what he'll do. I think I was hoping for more resolution because it's not fun feeling like your hormones are crazy and all over the place. 

I left the appointment and immediately went and got my blood work done. I go back on January 7th for the sono and follow-up appointment. Dr. R did say that if I didn't hear from him next week regarding the blood work results to call for them. I also started taking Myo-inositol. I really should add in Vitamin D too. We'll see if it makes a difference.

Hormones

Lately my hormones have been feeling all over the place. I've had 2 periods since the girls were born. I have no idea the length of my first cycle and my second one was 51 days long. I'm currently on day 60 with no period in sight. I feel so irritable and have little patience and I've am having issues with insomnia for the first time in my life. I am still breastfeeding and know that that can affect hormone levels. 

Recently I purchased ovulation tests to try to see what my body was doing. We're not trying to get pregnant, I just wanted to see if I was ovulating, and if so, on what day of my cycle. I never really used them consistently and always heard they aren't reliable with PCOS. I will have to agree. I didn't really take too many but I got 2 clear positives this current cycle. This tells me that my body is having LH surges but likely not ovulating= more ovarian cysts. 

I realized I needed to make an appointment to see some kind of dr, but just wasn't sure what kind. My ob? A regular endocrinologist? A reproductive endocrinologist since it's related to my reproductive health and hormones? I feel like a RE is the most appropriate person, yet most are just focused on fertility treatments and getting women pregnant. That's not my goal right now.

So, I have an appointment scheduled with my ob for next week. I emailed Dr. B last night just to get his input. He suggested taking progesterone every 3 months to get a period. I read more about progesterone to help manage PCOS and that seemed like a popular treatment. 

The thing is, I'm wondering if there are ways to restore regular cycles (ovulation) and minimize the PCOS symptoms without birth control pills. Due to blood clotting issues I was told I shouldn't ever use an estrogen based birth control because it will increase my chances of developing a blood clot. I'm currently taking 1500-2000 mg a day of Metformin, more often the 1500 since I have a hard time tolerating the full dose. I also don't want to go on birth control. We've both talked about it and we'd be fine with a spontaneous pregnancy. In fact, I'd love it if we got pregnant on our own. 

I know I have to do something. Having 50+ day cycles isn't healthy or normal and I feel like my mood and patience aren't in a great place. So, we'll see what my ob says next week and what he suggests. Has anyone else regulated their PCOS without birth control pills? Any suggestions or ideas?