A Mom of Multiples

Even from my pregnancies I can tell you that having twins and having a singleton is very different. I didn't get really big really fast this time. I went into labor naturally (without a car accident) and delivered my baby a day before her due date. 

I know I've said it before, but life with one baby is just so different from life with two. 

As proud of I am of exclusively breastfeeding my twins, I wasn't able to do this from the start with Stella. On our third day in the hospital she cried and cried and acted so hungry. I tried pumping, hand expressing, and nursing her as much as she wanted, but she was still screaming and acting hungry. In addition, she lost 9% of her body weight and the nurses said things get concerning at 10%. I know this is totally normal, but something had to give. My baby was hungry and my milk hadn't come in yet. After talking to my favorite lactation consultant from the NICU I made the decision to supplement a little with formula. I used a syringe and squirted little amounts into her mouth as she was latched. I don't think she got more than 20 ml's total, but it was so different from the girls. I really struggled with this at the time. How could I exclusively breastfeed twins but not a single baby? I think them being preemies gave me a little buffer as they didn't get any milk for a few days. This allowed me time for my milk to come in and to build up a little stash before they started eating. Luckily, my milk came in the night I supplemented Stella with formula, and I haven't given any formula since. It was hard for me to accept at the time, but I look back and don't regret any of it. 

When the girls were in the NICU everything I read and heard said to keep them on the NICU schedule once they came home. I took this advice to heart and we kept them on the same schedule. From day one at home they were on a schedule. I rarely fed them more often than every two hours and when one woke to eat I'd wake the other. I remember when Lucy wasn't gaining weight well I was told to feed her on demand. The person who told me that didn't understand life with twins. I couldn't feed one baby on demand and keep the other on a schedule or feed one baby while the other just cried. Well, I guess I could have but it would mean feeding babies all day long. I wasn't up for that. 

When Stella was born I thought I'd approach parenting differently. There was only one baby and I wanted to be more relaxed about having her on a schedule. 

The thing I'm realizing is, I'm still a mom of multiples. I learned to be a parent to twins as I didn't know anything else. Being their mom molded me into the type of mom I needed to be to best take care of them. 

On Monday I went to a tea time circle of moms and their babies hosted by the yoga instructor I loved and took prenatal and mama baby yoga with. I noticed all these other moms just feeding their babies whenever they cried. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that looked at my watch first. 

When the girls were little we used the Babywise book to guide our daytime routine. We did an eat, play, sleep routine. It made life predictable to both them and me and it worked well for us. Even though Stella is only a month old, we've been thinking about this routine and trying to keep her awake some after feedings. I try to be sure when she eats that she gets a full feeding rather than snacking, since I can't be available to feed her all the time. I have two year old twins to take care of. Even though Stella is a singleton, I'm still a mom to multiples. 

As time goes on sometimes I feel guilty that I'm not able to be the kind of parent to her that I envisioned. The thing is, with her reflux I can't feed her all the time. Feeding her more just makes her more uncomfortable. Also, there are times in the day when it's just not feasible. 

I shared at the tea time my feelings about this and the overwhelming response was, just do what works for you and your family. It doesn't matter what kind of parenting you decide to do as long as it works for you. This made me feel so much better. 

I guess even though I only have one baby now I'll always be a mom of multiples. I learned to be a mama with my twins and that's the only kind I know how to be. And you know what? I realize that a mom who needs schedules and structure is just as great as a mom who doesn't.

We all approach parenting differently and I'm learning there's no right or wrong way to do it. It's all about what works. 

11 Months Old

The girls turned 11 months old on the day I turned 31. We celebrated by attending a picnic for families with multiples. We had such a great day. Every other month if I didn't take monthly pictures or write my post on the exact day it wasn't a big deal. Well, Lucy broke her leg the following morning. So, despite her not actually being in a cast on her 11 month birthday the pictures will have it in them. Also, life has been turned totally upside down. It's as if Lucy was turned back into an infant overnight. She lost all independence she had gained so it makes it hard to write about how she was before. I will do my best to remember because I know I will regret if I miss a month of these updates.

Celebrating my 31st birthday with my girls

Play date with friends

Mmmm...blueberry muffins!

Good morning mama!

First morning in Maine

Hanging on the porch in Maine

Out for a morning walk

First lobster dinner

Trying out our new twin pool float

Such cuties

Checking out the elephant at the zoo

Playing with baby Everett. We're big girls now!

Rocking on our elephant

Big girls sitting in chairs

Tandem nursing in the backseat of the car in party dresses

Pool party with Jack

Lavender Festival

This month we took a vacation to Maine. We swam in the freezing Atlantic Ocean, tried out our new twin pool float, ate lobster for the first time, and tried ice cream. We attended a lavender festival, got together with lots of friends for play dates, attended two first birthday parties, learned how to crawl backwards and pivot while sitting, visited the zoo, learned "if you're happy and you know it", and met our friends new baby and suddenly became the big kids. You visited New Jersey and met some family and then briefly also visited the states of Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, and Massachusetts. You also met your great grandma Karolyn in Maine. 

Lucy- you're so little yet so, so strong. You love standing up and will do it for long stretches. Your sleeping took another turn for the worse this month as mommy and daddy went to a concert and left you with grandma. I guess you woke up and cried for about a half hour that night and then for about 10 days after you were up like a newborn again. You needed the reassurance that mama was there, and boy was it exhausting. You even went through a phase where you wouldn't let daddy comfort you at night. By the end of the month, gratefully, things had definitely improved. You still love sleeping in our bed and cuddling with mama, but we're trying to get you back in your crib ASAP after night time feedings. You really took off with your sign language this month. You started with "please" when we introduced you to lobster. My eyes teared up with pride as you signed please and then devoured your lobster. As you will find out, lobster is your mama's favorite food. You wave consistently and are showing me you understand more words. You also love dancing to music. You love peek a boo and think putting your hands on your head counts as playing. Any time I pulled out my camera this month your hands went straight to your head. You love your doggy pepper and think it's great if he lets you pet him. You are so smart, cute, and wonderful and I love you so much.

Ride em cowboy

Look out, I'm driving!

Snoozing with daddy

Clara- This month you got your first tooth and your mama was so excited! It was right after our vacation which helped explained some of your unhappiness at times. You are moving and changing positions like crazy. You pull to stand independently and also crawl backwards only. You get so frustrated when we try to get you to work on crawling. You love splashing in the tub or pools and can get crazy sometimes with it. You wave consistently and are just starting to dance to music. You haven't really started using any sign language but we're working on it with you. You are still such a great sleeper. Your pack and play kept getting slanted on vacation, but that didn't seem to bother you. You've decided you need to voice your unhappiness whenever you don't think things are equal. If your sis gets something you're not shy about demanding equality. You started making a squinty nosed smile for pictures this month and thought you were hilarious. At the beach or in the sun you refuse to keep your hats on. You continue to be a great eater and love trying new things. You don't always like them, but I'm glad you're willing to try. You are such a strong and beautiful little girl miss Clara.

Trying out baby Everett's quilt that mama made

squinty nosed smile

Nursing with a view

Fail

I can't help but feel like a giant failure when it comes to Lucy and sleep. 

As I've said before, Clara goes to sleep on her own every night and sleeps 11-12 hours. Maybe 1 in 5 nights she'll need her paci, but she rolls right over and falls back to sleep. 

Lucy, on the other hand, is turning into a night time nightmare. Last night she went down fine around 7. Around 10 she woke up crying so I nursed her. She nursed well but then refused to let me put her down in her crib without screaming. W tried rocking her and putting her down and that didn't work either. She was screaming as if she was in pain so I tried to lay down with her. This didn't help either. I tried Morrin, I tried nursing again and she ate. With a full tummy she again refused to go to sleep. Eventually she fell asleep in our bed, but that is so far from idea. 

She woke at 5:30 am and nursed but has refused to nurse since. It's 3:30 in the afternoon. 

At the pediatrician yesterday she only weighed 12.8. This was an 11 ounce gain in 6 weeks. Although the ped didn't say much, I know this is not a great gain. When I asked him about the sleeping he said she should be sleeping through the night. He said I shouldn't feed her at night and should let her cry. That she'll figure out real soon that waking up and crying at night doesn't get her anything. He said she'd make up for those feedings during the day. 

I think I'd be fine with letting her cry except for the weight gain issues. The night feedings are often when she eats best because she's the most relaxed. She's 10 months old and only weighs 12 and a half pounds! 

So basically I'm feeling like a giant failure. I tried to problem solve and make changes but it hasn't solved our issues. I don't know what to do or who to ask for help in figuring out where to go from here. Feeling super defeated...

Sleep Routines

For a few months we've been on the same routine/schedule. The girls typically get up and then eat somewhere around 7 am. From there we were doing an eat, play, sleep schedule with them eating every 3 hours. This meant they were also napping 3 times a day for about an hour each time.  Around 7 pm we would start our bedtime routine that included a bath, book, and a feeding before going down. It had been going well until about a week and a half ago when Lucy decided she was going to fight instead of going to bed. 

Some nights for the last feeding she'd nurse well, and other nights she'd refuse altogether. We tried bottles and that seemed to work some, but she was only taking a little bit and then falling asleep. Some nights she wouldn't go to sleep at all. We tried letting her cry but that quickly escalated. I'm just not the CIO type, so that wasn't going to work for us. It seemed she just wasn't tired. This made me reevaluate our schedule and make some necessary tweaks. 

They girls still get up around 7 and eat. They still get solids around 8 and go down for their morning nap around 9:00. They still eat around 10:30. This is where things have changed. After they get up from their morning nap I keep them up 3 hours, feed them, and then put them down for their only afternoon nap that I pray is decent in length. Yesterday they napped an hour and a half and were up around 2:45. From that point on the idea is to keep them up until bedtime. 

With this new routine Lucy is now going to bed at the regular time. There was one day they fell asleep early and didn't nap long so I put them down for a short afternoon nap. This resulted in Lucy not going to bed until around 9 pm. 

So, to sum things up the biggest change is the middle of the day. From when they first wake up they're up 2 hours before their first nap. When they wake up from their morning nap they are up for 3 hours until their next nap. After their afternoon nap we try to keep them up for 4 hours before bedtime. So far it's working much better, although there's definitely been more crankiness with the increased awake time.