Night and freakin day

Wow, I'm still digesting everything from my two appointments today. I couldn't possibly have two more different experiences.

First things first, my lining increased to 11 and everything looks great. No fluid, no cysts, great lining, no bleeding or spotting for a few days now. When I texted W after the appointment the adjective he actually used was "amazing". Can you tell we haven't had things look this good in a while?

Oh, by the way, music is my current anxiety cure for the clinic. OK, maybe not a cure, but it sure helped to have some good tunes to sing along to on the way there. I even brought my headphones and listened between the walk from the parking garage to the waiting room. 

The appointment was fast and I headed off to work in a fantastic mood. The day went by fairly quickly and before I knew it I was headed off to my second appointment. W met me there and immediately things were different. I have been in this clinic once before for a support group so the waiting room was no big surprise in how it looked. What did surprise me was how many people were there. Holy crap!!! 

They took us back fairly quickly and into a fancy room. We sat on a comfortable couch and waited a few minutes for the nurse to come in. When she did she didn't have much to say since she figured I knew most of her usual spiel about infertility and treatment options. Dr. Gere came in shortly after. He gave me a warm greeting and sat down to talk to us. His questions were flying at me so fast I had a hard time. I felt like he wanted an answer in 5 seconds or less and I crumbled under this pressure. W interjected and answered a few questions for me. This is not what I am used to. I never feel rushed with Dr. S and at times I am the one who gets impatient. Ha, what a difference.

Dr. Gere asked me quickly about my history and then basically asked why I was there. I told him we were interested in his package deals (amazing deals) and that I felt like I would like to be a bit more aggressive about things.

He first said I was going to get pregnant this cycle and that we weren't going to need him. I didn't get the impression he would have done things differently from Dr. S with the exception of the fluid. He said he would have used a transfer catheter to drain the fluid and then would have continued with the transfer back in July. He quickly asked about IUI's and got it that we weren't interested. He said our best option to get pregnant would be IVF and that he would probably use an antagonist protocol with Follistim, Ganirelix, and Menopur. We would take the pill for a month (with some possible overlap of Lupron) and then once I got my period I'd start stims. That all sounded good to me. 

On to the ultrasound room we went. Even with wandy he was fast. My pulse and blood pressure were both higher than normal and it was good to know that I don't discriminate when it comes to fertility clinic anxiety. He said my lining was beautiful and that I was going to get pregnant. My ovaries were polycystic but I don't there was anything enlightening about the ultrasound. He said to me that he was more aggressive than most doctors, so I know I would be getting what I asked for. 

To make it all clear in my head I decided to summarize. Which doctor:

Is the best deal financially: Dr. Gere has package deals unlike my current clinic. Not sure about donated meds. They even have a money back package which is very appealing to me currently. The biggest thing is that Dr. S works for the University and has zero personal financial investment. Dr. Gere owns this clinic and two others in addition to a healing arts center that provides yoga, acupuncture, and many other services. 

Gives you his time and makes you not feel rushed: Dr. S In fact, when he called me to give me further directions this evening and gave me more of his time over the phone than Dr. G gave me in person today. He allows me to ask questions without me feeling pressured. Dr. Gere was rushing around that place like crazy. Dr. Gere's office had a revolving door feel. Granted the door is super nice, but man it feel like a factory in there. So many receptionists and patients in the room. Tons of nurses. We had to wait for a free room in order to do the ultrasound. There was actually a sign on the door in the ultrasound room that said if you have been waiting more than 15 minutes to remind them. They are so busy they forget about people?

Most optimistic: Dr. Gere and I loved it. I drove home convinced that we are going to get pregnant this cycle. 

Nicest office: Dr. Gere. Keurig machine in the waiting room, comfy couches, nice music, tons of reading material. A much better vibe than my current, somewhat ghetto office. 

Most aggressive in treatment: Dr. Gere and I feel like we may need this. At the same time, had we done the transfer with the fluid/polyps like Dr. Gere would have done, it would likely not work. I guess being aggressive isn't always the best. 

Most thorough: Dr. S. He fully informs me of everything and allows me to have a say in the decision making process. He often thinks out loud though which can be interesting. I know Dr. S has consulted the literature/research about me multiple times to guide his decisions. 

Treats each case individually: Dr. S. Dr. Gere didn't really seem to consider much about me specifically. He recommended the antagonist protocol since that is "what they have been doing a lot and what has been successful for many." 

I hope to not have to make any future decisions about who I will be using for my next round of IVF. There is a lot to process and digest, but it is good to know I have options. I feel great knowing that I could call either clinic and start another round of IVF if necessary. Let's hope I won't be doing any more and that this FET is the one. I really should take a page from Dr. G and keep convincing myself that this cycle is going to work. 

Out transfer has been pushed back one day to Tuesday. I started my IM progesterone tonight and the dosage is higher than last time. We did 2 ml and I know I will be feeling it tomorrow. I am starting to get really excited about everything. I should get a call tomorrow telling me what time the transfer is scheduled for and whether we will be doing assisted hatching or not.

8 more days!

Today's Appointment

I really need a cure for fertility clinic anxiety. The mix of Metformin, Estradiol and stress/anxiety is not working out so well for me. The estrogen leads to nausea which leads to Liz not eating a whole lot these days. The plus is that this also leads to my pants being a little looser, leaving a little extra room for our Thanksgiving feast. 

Any tips or hints to combat fertility clinic anxiety?

The clinic was empty today and I was the only person there. They had me undress from the waist down, gave me a real sheet to cover myself with, and I waited for Dr. S. He didn't take too long and immediately asked about the bleeding when he entered the room. I told him it's still going on and is heavy like a period. 

He then did the scan. My lining measured 6.5 and had a trilaminar stripe. He said this didn't correspond with me having a period. We talked about the dates I had spotting, how I had a positive OPK in October, and the plan for the future. He was confused that I was bleeding despite what my endometrium looked like. I never cease to have unexpected problems. 

We came up with a plan. The plan is for me to continue on the estradiol (vaginally rather than orally to help reduce nausea) and rescan on Monday. He sent me for blood work to measure progesterone, estrogen, and Vitamin D (per my request). If I am still bleeding or my lining has decreased on Monday we will cancel the cycle and look to do the FET with the Lupron protocol probably some time in January. If the bleeding has stopped and my lining is thicker, we will continue as planned and consider this bleeding "breakthrough bleeding" which apparently sometimes occurs on estrogen. I really don't know what the plan is if my lining stays the same, I guess that isn't very likely. 

So, my Monday will be spend at two different fertility clinics, getting two different ultrasounds. Doesn't that sound like a ton of fun? At least they aren't back-to-back. One appointment is at 8:30 and the other is at 2:00. Hopefully I can get some work done in between those times.

Until then I will be cooking, entertaining, black friday shopping (eek), spending time with family, relaxing, and trying to step away from thinking about this whole thing. I will instead focus on all the positive and great things I have going on in my life. I fully appreciate these things and am incredibly thankful. I got the sweetest card from a family of a little boy I work with today. It literally brought tears to my eyes (maybe hormones played a part) and made my day. A card like that beats any present any day. I hope everyone has a GREAT Thanksgiving!!

I'm losing it

No changes. I'm still waiting on AF to show. Okay, maybe there are some changes. My mental status has gone from slightly insane to entirely off the deep end. I'm more anxious and stressed than when I last posted. This probably isn't helping to make AF show. I'm stressed that I'm stressing too much. Ahhh...  get the idea yet?

I've been having cramping on and off and it feels like AF is going to start. My boobs still are unchanged and don't feel sore, but my skin is still breaking out. I've been short on patience and snapped a few times at the hubby. I'm confused, frustrated, anxious, and pissed. 

I went back and my blog entries about my previous experiences with Provera/Prometrium. The first time I took Provera and got AF while still on it. The second time I took Prometrium and got AF the day after stopping. This time we are 5 days later and it's not looking good. 

The worst part?? I got anxious on Friday and called my clinic. I was told Dr. S was in emergency surgery and was put through to a nurse so I left a message. I planned to ask at what point I should get concerned about not getting AF after taking the Prometrium and ask questions about my concerns. In the time I waited for a return call I used the bathroom and saw some spotting. The first and only spotting I have had.

 I was so overly excited to see any blood I assumed it was the start of my period. Usually my period starts that way and within a few hours it is full flow. The nurse called me back and I changed my plan and told her instead that it was CD 1. 

I then asked her which protcol Dr. S decided to use for my upcoming FET. She told me she couldn't reveal that information. She also couldn't tell me whether to start the estrogen or not and could only leave a message for Dr. S to call me Monday afternoon.  

I have another number for Dr.S so used it and planned to leave a message. To my surprise he answered the phone and I talked quickly to him. He wasn't able to tell me which protocol he decided since he didn't have my chart in front of him. So basically the conversation didn't go anywhere except that he was leaning towards using a Lupron protcol. He said he would call me on Monday afternoon and let me know.

The spotting didn't turn into bleeding and I haven't seen anything since. I'm going crazy. My anxiety is sky high and it's not helping anything. Today is CD 38, 5 days after my last Prometrium pill, and 1 day after I lied to my RE and said I was on CD 1. Oh man, everything feels so out of control right now!

I'm thinking seriously about an acupuncture or massage session tomorrow so I don't end up in the loony bin by next week.

Oh yeah, negative HPT today so definitely not pregnant. 

Aunt Flo is a no-show

I popped my last prometrium pill on Monday. So here I am, waiting very impatiently for her to make her grand appearance. I know sometimes it takes a few days, but I am anxious to get started. I guess I thought the positive OPK would mean my period would come 2 weeks later. Well, 2 weeks and 4 days later I'm still waiting. 

I don't feel totally like I'm going to get my period. My boobs aren't sore at all which usually happens. My skin is breaking out on my chin which is generally an AF sign. I took a HPT yesterday and it was definitely negative. 

The main reason I am anxious is because we don't even have a tentative date for transfer at this point. At my last RE appointment he left it up in the air which protocol we would be following, perhaps one involving Lupron which means MORE TIME. I don't want to take the Lupron and I want to be able to avoid Thanksgiving and do the transfer this month.

I left it with Dr.S that I would give him a call with AF shows. Hopefully she will soon and I can convince him that we should do the FET this month.