11 Months Old

The girls turned 11 months old on the day I turned 31. We celebrated by attending a picnic for families with multiples. We had such a great day. Every other month if I didn't take monthly pictures or write my post on the exact day it wasn't a big deal. Well, Lucy broke her leg the following morning. So, despite her not actually being in a cast on her 11 month birthday the pictures will have it in them. Also, life has been turned totally upside down. It's as if Lucy was turned back into an infant overnight. She lost all independence she had gained so it makes it hard to write about how she was before. I will do my best to remember because I know I will regret if I miss a month of these updates.

Celebrating my 31st birthday with my girls

Play date with friends

Mmmm...blueberry muffins!

Good morning mama!

First morning in Maine

Hanging on the porch in Maine

Out for a morning walk

First lobster dinner

Trying out our new twin pool float

Such cuties

Checking out the elephant at the zoo

Playing with baby Everett. We're big girls now!

Rocking on our elephant

Big girls sitting in chairs

Tandem nursing in the backseat of the car in party dresses

Pool party with Jack

Lavender Festival

This month we took a vacation to Maine. We swam in the freezing Atlantic Ocean, tried out our new twin pool float, ate lobster for the first time, and tried ice cream. We attended a lavender festival, got together with lots of friends for play dates, attended two first birthday parties, learned how to crawl backwards and pivot while sitting, visited the zoo, learned "if you're happy and you know it", and met our friends new baby and suddenly became the big kids. You visited New Jersey and met some family and then briefly also visited the states of Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, and Massachusetts. You also met your great grandma Karolyn in Maine. 

Lucy- you're so little yet so, so strong. You love standing up and will do it for long stretches. Your sleeping took another turn for the worse this month as mommy and daddy went to a concert and left you with grandma. I guess you woke up and cried for about a half hour that night and then for about 10 days after you were up like a newborn again. You needed the reassurance that mama was there, and boy was it exhausting. You even went through a phase where you wouldn't let daddy comfort you at night. By the end of the month, gratefully, things had definitely improved. You still love sleeping in our bed and cuddling with mama, but we're trying to get you back in your crib ASAP after night time feedings. You really took off with your sign language this month. You started with "please" when we introduced you to lobster. My eyes teared up with pride as you signed please and then devoured your lobster. As you will find out, lobster is your mama's favorite food. You wave consistently and are showing me you understand more words. You also love dancing to music. You love peek a boo and think putting your hands on your head counts as playing. Any time I pulled out my camera this month your hands went straight to your head. You love your doggy pepper and think it's great if he lets you pet him. You are so smart, cute, and wonderful and I love you so much.

Ride em cowboy

Look out, I'm driving!

Snoozing with daddy

Clara- This month you got your first tooth and your mama was so excited! It was right after our vacation which helped explained some of your unhappiness at times. You are moving and changing positions like crazy. You pull to stand independently and also crawl backwards only. You get so frustrated when we try to get you to work on crawling. You love splashing in the tub or pools and can get crazy sometimes with it. You wave consistently and are just starting to dance to music. You haven't really started using any sign language but we're working on it with you. You are still such a great sleeper. Your pack and play kept getting slanted on vacation, but that didn't seem to bother you. You've decided you need to voice your unhappiness whenever you don't think things are equal. If your sis gets something you're not shy about demanding equality. You started making a squinty nosed smile for pictures this month and thought you were hilarious. At the beach or in the sun you refuse to keep your hats on. You continue to be a great eater and love trying new things. You don't always like them, but I'm glad you're willing to try. You are such a strong and beautiful little girl miss Clara.

Trying out baby Everett's quilt that mama made

squinty nosed smile

Nursing with a view

Adjusting

Monday was one of the hardest days for me as a mom. W slipped and fell while going down the stairs and holding Lucy around 8 am. We weren't sure whether she was actually really hurt or not because she napped with me shortly after. She was upset and crying but also able to calm down and sleep. We called the pediatrician first because we didn't think it was necessary to rush her to the ER. We also have a super high deductible for ER visits so we were hoping to avoid that. The ped was able to get her in around 11 so I called my mom and she came over to watch Clara. W really wanted to go so he called his work and told them he'd be in late. 

We weren't able to see our regular ped because he is out of town so we saw a younger woman in the practice who I once saw and really liked (we are at a family practice that is also my primary). I nursed her as we waited to see the dr. As soon as we set Lucy down to get checked out it was obvious there was something wrong with her leg. To be honest, up until that point I had mostly just been holding her. Her leg was swollen and looked like it was at an odd angle. The dr was so nice and sweet about it all but expressed her concern and said she wanted to send us for x rays. She mentioned a pediatric orthopedic in Syracuse if necessary. 

We drove across town to an imaging center. As long as we didn't move Lucy she was fine, even smiling, babbling, and giggling at times. She would move and kick her left leg but held her right leg very still. 

When they brought her in for the x ray they told me I couldn't be in the room because of the radiation. I waited outside and listened to my little girl scream in pain as they moved and adjusted her for the right images. As I waited I realized I could see the screen. I looked up as the picture loaded and immediately saw a big break in the middle of her femur. I was heartbroken. When W came out with her I told him. At that point we both started to cry. We sat in the waiting room again and waited for a disc of images to take with us and to hear from the ped as no one had confirmed the break at that point. The phone rang and W answered it. The ped confirmed that she had a broken femur and told us to head home and get some lunch and that we'd hear from her about a ortho appointment soon. 

We brought Lucy home and started to pack a bag. We grabbed a pack and play and made the decision to also bring Clara. W's parents were willing to meet us in Syracuse to help with Clara as I didn't know how long it would all take. We got a call from the ped and learned we had to go to the ER at the children's hospital rather than an orthopedic. Apparently only they had a special split that Lucy needed. We stopped for food on the way and I was amazed as I had Lucy giggling in the back seat on the drive. She ate a bite or two of my lunch and seemed generally happy. During this time we were sure to keep her dosed with ibuprofin. 

We arrived in Syracuse and parked so I could nurse Clara. Then W dropped me and Lucy at the ER while he took Clara to his parents house. 

The waiting room certainly had its share of interesting characters. Luckily the dr had called ahead so we were taken back to triage fairly quickly. 

When we got back Lucy started to get really upset. They hooked her up to a pulse oximeter and tried to take her vitals. The alarm kept going off because her pulse would get high under distress. It was a horrible memory of our time in the nicu with dinging alarms. 

W arrived after about 45 minutes. We spent a long time in that room. We spoke with so many people and many of them questioned us over and over about the story. They were unable to load the disc with images so the x rays had to be repeated. That was when I snapped this picture of the screen 

After quite a while a team of two doctors came in to splint her leg. This was so much better than worrying about moving and handling her with a broken leg. She wanted to be held and comforted and I tried to support her leg the best that I could. 

Around 5:00 W's parents brought Clara to nurse and to see Lucy. Not much after that the drs came and told us she was going to have to get a spica cast under anesthesia and that we'd be spending the night. 

They moved us to the children's hospital on the surgery floor. A new set of doctors/surgeons came to talk with us. They said because she had the few bites of my lunch we were going to have to wait 8 hrs for anesthesia. They discussed waiting until the following day for the cast. We really voiced our preference to have it done that night. They came back and said the surgery team would go home and then return at 9 pm for them to do the procedure. Unfortunately the nurse on this floor was not very pleasant. Whenever we asked her for anything she acted very put out. W's parents hung around and then went and got dinner. While they were gone I pumped since they wouldn't let me feed Lucy. We ate and then I fed Clara before his parents took her to their house for the night. 

We then hung out with Lucy. We had the iPad with us so were able to put on some baby Einstein for her. She was such a trooper despite it being about 9 hours since she had last really eaten and it being an hour past her bedtime. She showed me a few times that day that she knew the sign for milk by requesting spontaneously. I felt horrible that I couldn't feed her. Lucy picked purple for her cast when they brought us the colors to see. They didn't think she would want to or be able to pick, but giving them choices is something I do regularly. 

Around 8:30 the surgery team came to get her. They sent us to a waiting room and told us it would take between a hour and an hour and a half. Since it was a children's hospital there were games and toys in the waiting room. I found a game of memory and made W play with me as we waited. 

Eventually the dr came to tell us they were done. The dr said everything went well and discussed about a month as a timeframe for the cast. She talked about diapering while in the cast and looked at me with doubt when I said I still planned to nurse. She left the room and told us they would call on the phone when we could go down and see her. It took what felt like a long time, but they called after a few minutes and we headed down. When we saw her I found that same bitchy nurse giving her a bottle. When I said I wanted to try to nurse she rolled her eyes and walked away. To me nursing was what we all needed. I know it relaxes and comforts her and I felt like we needed that time together. 

Pretty quickly they moved us upstairs to where we would be staying the night. We got to our room around 10. The nurse gave me a tour of the floor that included a sensory room, a play room, a lactation room with pumps, a Tim Horton's down the hallway, and the kitchenette area. The hospital was so amazing and nice. No one should ever have to be there but it's so amazing for those who have to. We had a large private room with a bathroom and pull out couch for us. 

I nursed Lucy awkwardly with the help of a pillow or two and she fell asleep in her hospital crib. 

When the nurse came in around 1 to check her vitals she woke up. She nursed in our bed but then wouldn't go back down in her crib. At that point we did what we do most nights at home. We put her between us in bed and went to sleep. I was a little nervous about co sleeping at the hospital, but everyone was great. They came around 4 am and tried to take her vitals without waking us up. 

The next day was filled with drs coming to check, physical therapy and occupational therapy coming to talk about caring for her in her cast and the possibility of an adapted car seat. We were able to squeeze her into her own car seat and left around noon. 

We are all adjusting at home. We bought a bean bag chair and cut a bumbo seat to fit her. She's been so tough and I think her sister is having the hardest time with it all. 

Diapering is a challenge. The cast is open  in the crotch and basically you stuff a smaller diaper within and then put a large one on the outside. I'm trying to figure out some kind of cloth alternative for the outer cover rather than a huge disposable one. 

We've had a ton of help and support. Thank god for friends and family! 

Broken

Unfortunately little Lucy has a broken femur. After our X-rays we were sent to the children's hospital. We spent quite a bit of time waiting and had to get more X-rays taken. The surgeons talked with us and other people questioned us over and over again about what happened. They put her in a temporary split and didn't let her eat. 

They just took her into the operating room. She needs to go under anesthesia to get her cast on. It's called a spica cast and will cover about half of her body. 

I can't believe that a little slip on the stairs  caused so much damage. I feel so terrible. 

Whirlwind

Life has been crazy. Yesterday the girls turned 11 months old and we celebrated my 31st birthday! 

I've been getting together lots with friends and especially women I've met in our local moms of multiples group. We went to the zoo one day last week with triplets and twins, attended a birthday party of my close friend with twins that are 2 weeks older, and went to the annual picnic for the Mom's of Multiples group yesterday. There were about 50 family there with twins or triplets. 

I attended the calling hours on Friday for my bosses 24 year old daughter who died from a drug overdose. It was incredibly sad and seeing my boss acting like nothing had happened was upsetting. It was clear she hasn't processed it. It really was so sad. 

Then this morning W slipped on the stairs while holding Lucy. She was very upset but due to our high deductible we called the pediatrician rather than rushing her to urgent care or the ER. Well, the ped looked at her and sent us for x rays. She mentioned a pediatric orthopedic dr and said she was concerned it was broken. We are now waiting and hoping that her thigh is okay.

Chompers

We have a tooth! It's only taken 11 1/2 months, but yesterday Clara's bottom left tooth popped through her gums. 

I feel like I'm been on tooth watch for weeks and I even joked I had "baby tooth envy" to my friends. 

I'm sure it's not that exciting to anyone else, but it made my day! 

Operation Dump the Pump

For the first 8 weeks of Lucy and Clara's lives I pumped after every.single.feeding. It was time consuming and exhausting to say the least, but with them being preemies I wanted to be sure I had an ample supply for them. W was nice enough to take on the task of washing the pieces since I pumped the milk. For a few weeks we were sanitizing after every use due to thrush. We bought a chest freezer for storage as in the early days we were freezing about 25 ounces per day. 

When W went back to work I just couldn't pump during the day. It was too hard for me to take care of the girls, pump, wash pieces, and sanitize. So, I started pumping after the feedings when he was around or if I had an extra set if hands to help. The freezer got fuller and fuller as the girls completely refused bottles. I donated a couple hundred ounces, yet still space was limited. 

For the past few months I've been pumping only in the mornings after the girls ate. Although I appreciated the alone time (W entertains them at this time), I still hated doing it. I would consistently get about 6 ounces from both breasts. 

Recently I decided I wanted to stop. We very rarely use the frozen milk and our chest freezer in the basement has zero space. I've half filled my in-laws freezer and ours as well. 

So, a few days ago I decided it was time. Today marks the 4th day without pumping and it's going great. It's so freeing to not be hooked up to that pump and to get an extra 20-30 mins in the morning. I'm so grateful to have been able to build such a huge freezer stash with the help of my trusty madela pump in style, but so glad to not have to worry about freezing milk, finding space, or washing pieces. 

As the girls get closer and closer to turning 1 I know we aren't ready to start weaning. I think I'd like to cut back on their daytime feedings at that time, but I want to continue to nurse them. I'm so grateful to have succeeded in my goal of breastfeeding twins without supplementing. It really helped me regain confidence in the body that felt like it failed me so many times before. 

IVF Revisited

We did 5 fresh IVF cycles and 7 transfers to get Lucy and Clara here. During the process I researched and read about it as much as possible. I tracked hormone levels, medications, my response, and the results all on my blog. I found other bloggers going through the same thing as well as friends in real life through yoga for fertility to connect with. 

For a while there it felt like my life revolved around the IVF process. In the end it was totally worth it, but I can't say any of the details are still super clear at this point. Time has served it purpose in helping me to forget some of it. 

A few months ago my step-sister Liz started the preliminary processes to begin an IVF cycle. Her husband was married previously and he has two teenaged children. After the birth of his second child he had a vasectomy. This meant he would have to undergo a sperm aspiration surgery, but they knew that going into it. 

Through the initial blood work of hormone levels Liz learned she had DOR or Diminished Ovarian Reserve. Her FSH levels were very high and the drs didn't expect a great response from the meds. 

Despite what they learned they decided they still wanted to go through with the IVF. Abnormal TSH levels and a referral to an endocrinologist created another small bump in the road, but finally at the end of June she was cleared to start stims. 

Once her cycle started we began texting pretty much every day. I helped clarify things for her, explained the purpose of some medications, tried to calm her down when necessary, and cheered her on when her body had a great response. Her egg rerrieval was last Wednesday and they got 17 eggs!! Unfortunately the following day she learned that only 2 fertilized initially and that once fertilized many others degenerated. That day 3 others also fertilized. 

Liz transferred a 7 celled embryo on Saturday (they opted for a single embryo transfer-perhaps because my twins scare her, haha). She's currently in the two week wait. 

During this process I revisited some old blog posts in order to share with her. It immediately put me right back in that place and was such a reminder of the fact that I am a "success story" with infertility. I'm living life as a mommy to beautiful twin girls. That are ours. From our genetics. Grown in my body. 

These facts are amazing and not lost on me. My girls are so perfect and I feel so lucky to have them despite everything we went through to get them here. 

Reliving the process through my step sister reminded me how strong every woman is to go through that. Our babies may not realize it or appreciate it, but we put ourselves through a lot just for the chance to have them. 

So, if you get a second, please send positive and implanting embryo vibes to my step-sister Liz. We all know she could use them! 

Here's hoping I'll have a new little niece or nephew next April to snuggle.