2015 Year in Review

2015 really was the year of Stella. It's crazy to think she wasn't even conceived at this point last year and now she's already three months old. I spend the majority of 2015 pregnant and then the rest of it with a new squishy little baby. 

In January we found out we were expecting another little baby. It's was truly terrifying given my history of miscarriages and the age of Lucy and Clara.  I still laugh that I told Dr. B that I was pregnant before I told my husband. I came across the video of me telling W the other day and laughed at the shock on his face. I was still nursing and had to stop in order to start medications to sustain the pregnancy. 

We started doing PiYo and not eating any processed foods. 

I took this picture on the day I found out I was pregnant. 

In February we had our first ultrasound and trip to NYC/Long Island with the girls. We saw baby Stella as a teeny tiny embryo and were reassured everything was going well. 

The girls got to play in the snow for the first time. 

My friend nicknamed the baby "Quincy" since my husband is the fourth generation of his name and this is a nickname for the fifth. This nickname stuck for the entire pregnancy. 

In March the girls dropped at nap and started napping only once a day. They also started walking by themselves to the car which made my life so much easier. 

I took another trip to NYC by myself for an ultrasound with Dr. B and the NT scan with my OB. 

We traveled to spend time with my sister and dad for Easter. 

I remember the beginning of April being tough. Between sickness and teething, the girls were super difficult. 

We took a trip to Mexico with my mom and she landed herself in the ICU at the hospital with seizures for most of the trip. Needless to say, it wasn't the relaxing vacation we had hoped for. 

I announced my pregnancy on Facebook. 

I started interviewing other OB's and looking around to switch providers as I really wanted a VBAC. 

A good friend and her twins moved. 

In May we found out we were adding another little girl to our family. 

I took a week-long course to become a certified lactation consultant and we introduced potty training to the girls. I remember feeling a bit disappointed and isolated about the lack of play dates and fun things to do with friends. 

Mothers Day

Our announcement

Memorial Day

In June we started working on the nursery, had our first night away from the girls, and I reached viability. I also hired our doula Jen. 

July brought the failure of my 1 hour glucose test and all the drama that came with it. I was super upset during this time about failing and refused the three hour. Instead I had to test myself four times a day for two weeks. In the end I totally avoided the label, but it was really stressful to me. My "little sister" from the moms of multiples delivered her babies at 34 weeks and we spend a lot of time using her pool while she was in the hospital. Finding out the baby monitor reached to the pool was one of the best things ever. I spent many days lounging in the pool while the girls napped. It was amazing!
More good friends moved. 

One of my favorite pictures of all time

4th of July

I spent most of August planning L & C's Sesame Street themed birthday party. I celebrated my 32nd birthday and decided I wanted to switch back to my old OB. Unfortunately they wouldn't take me back so I was stuck with the new practice. 

In September we celebrated Lucy and Clara's second birthday with a Sesame Street party. Like always I invited way too many people, but luckily the weather was nice so we were able to all be outside.
 We ditched the pacifiers and seriously struggled with sleep issues for quite a few weeks until we finally let the girls cry it out. The sleep issues were seriously stressful with another baby so close to arriving. We missed W's cousin's wedding as the people we were supposed to stay with were sick and instead got sick by going to the state fair.
We went apple picking with friends.
I switched off of Lovenox and packed my hospital bag. 

Chocolate milk at the state fair

On their birthday

Apple picking

Opening presents on their actual birthday

Early October brought Stella into our lives. Her birth was a huge event of the year. I spent a few weeks feeling down and fighting off PPD, but started to feel a little more like myself by the end of the month. The girls were donuts for Halloween and Stella was a little munchkin. I reflected on how grateful I felt to have my three children, despite how crazy life felt.
We had family photos taken by my friend Stacy for the second year in a row and went pumpkin picking as our first big outing as a family of five. 

My favorite from our family photos. 

Mama and Stella

Our first official family photo. 

So little

Carving our pumpkins. 

In November we struggled with Stella's reflux and learned she likely had a hearing loss by repeated failures on hearing screenings. I spent a little time feeling bad about wanting to put my baby on a schedule, but then realized it's important to do what works for each person and family.
We celebrated Thanksgiving at home with my dad and then went to my mom's for another Thanksgiving meal that evening.
 I took Stella's to Albany to have her upper lip tie and posterior tongue ties revised. 

I tell the girls to put toys at her feet because otherwise they'll put them on her head.

Sweaters knitted by Grandma. 

In December we started to get into more of a groove. Stella failed another hearing test and we saw an ENT. We celebrated Christmas at home and the girls got new Cozy Coupe Cars, a ton of clothes, some fun flashlight books, puzzles, baby doll accessories, and a trampoline.
 I felt a bit disappointed by the professionals I hired to help me in my post partum time, but have since changed my expectations.
We went down and cut down our Christmas tree with W's cousin and family.
We were super bummed to miss another family member's wedding on New Year's Eve in NYC, but happy to have three beautiful little girls to snuggle instead.
Stella's reflux was a little more under control and she started to be a more content and happy baby.
We went to a fun Christmas party and my friend who moved in April came for a visit. 

At the Christmas tree farm. 

The past few years I answered the following questions and always enjoy reading back. I'm going to keep the tradition going. 

What did you do in 2015 that you'd never done before? 

Experienced labor and contractions

Let my children cry it out after struggling with sleep issues for weeks 

Left the girls overnight 

Learned to knit

Attended our first music concert since having the girls

Did you keep your resolutions and will you make more for this year?

Last year I wanted to be healthier by cutting out sugar and processed foods. We did great at the start and then I got pregnant and the morning sickness kicked in. I spent most of my pregnancy feeling awful and sick, so eating was a real challenge. I'd like to get back to doing this again in order to feel healthier. 

Did anyone close to you give birth?

My neighbor and little sister had her twins at the end of July. 
My fertility buddy Holly finally gave birth to a little girl after seeing Dr. B and way too many loses for anyone.
 My friend Michelle was due after Christmas but didn't have her baby until 2016. 

Did anyone close to you die?

Luckily, no. 

What countries did you visit?

Mexico. We went to the Riviera Maya in April with my mom. She ended up having seizures the first night and spending most of the trip in an ICU. It didn't turn out to be the vacation we felt we so badly needed. 

What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?

I would like to have more patience with the girls. I would also like to have a little time for self care as it's nothing something that's easy to find these days, yet so badly needed. 

What dates will be etched upon your memory, and why?

Feb 13- our first ultrasound for Stella with Dr B in Long Island. We booked appointments on Friday the 13th two months in a row.  

September 3- Lucy and Clara's second birthday 

October 1- the day I went into labor

October 3- the day Stella was born 

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Growing and birthing another perfect little girl. Stella is definitely my biggest achievement of the year. I also took a week long course to become a certified lactation consultant. 

What was your biggest failure?

Stella's birth felt a bit like a failure as it didn't go as I had hoped/intended.
When she was first born I also felt like a bit of a failure for wanting to have her on a schedule and not being as flexible as I hoped I would be. In the end I realized that's just the way I parent and it's not necessarily a bad thing. 

Did you suffer illness or injury?

I was pretty sick my entire pregnancy. I was on medications at first to help manage it, but eventually was able to come off of them because they gave me horrible headaches.
I struggled some with feeling down at different times during the year, but nothing too severe. 

What was the best thing you bought?

I can't honestly think of any big purchases we made this year. I think the best thing we bought were the expensive meds that helped me sustain my pregnancy with Stella. During my pregnancy with L& C my insurance covered these same meds. This time not so much. 

Where did most of your money go?

Mortgage, bills, food, car, endless amounts of cute kid things. The only thing I changed about the last sentence from last year is I changed baby to kid. 

What did you get really excited about? 

Getting pregnant spontaneously with Stella and the first time the girls got to meet her. 

What songs will always remind you of 2015?

Stitches by Shawn Mendes

Compared to this time last year are you:

Happier or Sadder? I wouldn't necessarily say sadder, but it's been a challenging and hugely life changing year. I went from having two sweet babies last year to now having two challenging toddlers and a newborn. 

Thinner or Fatter? Fatter : ( being three months post partum doesn't help that. 

Richer or Poorer? Poorer since I didn't work too much.

What do you wish you'd done more of?

Enjoying my pregnancy.

What do you wish you'd done less of? 

Worring about how Stella's birth would go and about little things during my pregnancy. I wish I hadn't put so much energy into switching providers and stressed so much about the gestational diabetes. 

How did you spend Christmas?

We had a lobster dinner with just us on Christmas Eve at home. We spent Christmas morning at home and I made cinnamon buns from scratch for breakfast. W's parents came over to celebrate a little later and we opened presents with them. We went to W's Aunt's house for dinner with about 15 family members. 
We celebrated Christmas with my mom, step dad, and brother a few days earlier with dinner at my mom's house. 
We went to Albany the weekend of New Year's and got a hotel. We celebrated there with my dad, sister, step mom, BiL, and nephew. 

What was your favorite TV program?

Honesty? No idea. I watched The Office for the 100th+ time.

What was your favorite book of the year?

Wish I had gotten to read more. My friends just started up our book club again but I haven't even cracked the ginormous book that I'm supposed to have read in a few weeks.

What were your favorite films of the year?

I finally saw Inside Out and loved it. We saw The Hunger Games in the theatre but didn't love it. 

What's one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A successful VBAC. 

What kept you sane?

W and my friends. It seems I relate best to other moms who have twins since they seem to understand best the craziness that is life with twins. My in laws have really helped a ton since Stella arrived and are here a few days every week to help out. Without them things would be really difficult as a SAHM to three kids two and under. 

Tell us valuable lessons you learned in 2015:
Just because you plan things and want things to go a certain way doesn't mean they will. Birth is unpredictable. 
Toddlers are tough! Even though words make life with toddlers easier, it can also make it more difficult when they ask for things they can have or demand things.
The post-partum period is tough even without babies in the NICU.

2015 really was a crazy year. Lucy and Clara changed so much during that time. They started really talking and learned to use the potty. The huge surprise that was Stella entered our family and turned things upside down. I'm so grateful for this life that I have and feel so blessed and lucky to have my three beautiful little girls. I'm so amazed by how much life changes every year and I can't wait to look back on this next year to see how different everything is. 

Hearing Loss

This past monday we went back to have Stella's hearing tests repeated to try to get more accurate results and see if anything has changed. The first time we went she wasn't very cooperative for the test that she was supposed to be asleep for (ABR=Auditory Brainstem Response testing).  

This time she did sleep so we obtained more information, especially regarding her left ear. After the testing the audiologist shared the results with me. 

Once again, Stella had an absent response for the OAE. She had a flat tympanogram and high thresholds for the ABR, meaning things need to be fairly loud for her to hear them. Stella's hearing loss is currently classified as a mild-moderate conductive loss consistent with middle ear fluid. The audiologist referred us to see an ENT. 

One of the Drs he recommended had great availability and we were able to see him on Wednesday. He may have been one of the cutest Drs ever (bonus!) and our appointment was fairly quick and easy. He again repeated the tympanogram and said it's likely fluid that Stella has affecting her hearing. He said she will not likely need hearing aids once the fluid resolves, but time will tell. He wanted to wait 6 weeks before seeing Stella again. If she still has the failed tympanogram he wants to put her under anesthesia and bring her into an OR. At that time they will likely place tubes. He said they would also do a complete ABR as well to get specific results about her hearing abilities in both ears since she will be asleep. 

When I asked about the congestion and gagging he seemed to think a lot of it was related to reflux. He thought we should see a pediatric GI Dr as her reflux is a an "underlying issue" likely impacting the fluid in her ears. 

So, we have the next 6 weeks to try to get the reflux more under control. We tried switching to Prevacid which works differently and is supposed to be stronger, but it went horribly. It was like it didn't work at all and she went back to screaming most of the day. Currently she's on Zantac twice a day and while I feel like it takes the edge off (she's not screaming in pain all day) she still has quite a few reflux symptoms. We went through a few days last week where she didn't want to eat (likely from the pain of reflux) and was going 4-5 hrs between daytime feedings. She wakes up so congested most mornings I have to suction her, and she has the most sensitive gag reflex I've ever seen. Even though it's a ways off, I'm concerned it will affect her eating of solid foods if we don't get it under control. I'm reluctant to switch meds as it went so poorly last time, but don't feel like what's she's on is doing the trick. I did some reading yesterday and found that reflux is very common in these kiddos with fluid in their ears and that some of the fluid was found to be stomach acid when studied. 

If anyone has any experience with tubes in infants, feel free to share your experience. I'd love to hear more as I don't feel like this is hugely common. 

Updates and Stella at 2 Months

Life is crazy with three kids aged two and under. Since I lasted posted it's has been a whirlwind. L & C are currently potty training. They go completely bottomless at home and just wear loose fitting pants  when we go places. We had been giving them peanut m&m's every time they went on the potty but quickly had to switch to mini m&m's. Good thing they like all things "baby" and get even more excited about their tiny treat. I have to laugh because that wouldn't be my reaction to the situation, haha. Both girls are taking a lot more. Lucy, or "You You You" as she refers to herself, is stringing two and three word sentences together regularly. She talks a lot and is pretty clear and easy to understand most times. Clara, or "Claka" as she calls herself is also using more words. Unfortunately, she still relies on whining quite a bit. W and are constantly reminding her to use her words, but she's a very emotional little girl. The girls copy each other constantly and if one does something the other has to as well. That's part of why the potty training is going so well. That are always encouraging each other and both want the reward of course. Lucy continues to process auditory information at an amazing speed and W and I joke that she's already smarter than us. It's tough for Clara because if you ask them both a question Lucy usually answers before Clara has time to fully process it. Clara is more like a typical two year old in that regard. She's usually happy to let Lucy take charge though. Lucy loves playing with her babies and is very helpful with Stella. We're always reminding her that some jobs are only for mommy and daddy. I swear she thinks she's the grown up in charge half the time. Clara continues to love her books. She'll sit and let pretty much anyone read her a book. She has her favorites, and she's also super into monkeys lately. We've been getting a lot of books from the library about monkeys and she loves any monkey stuffed animal. Clara also loves baby Stella and is always trying to talk to her and get her to smile or coo to her. Both girls love when Stella blows bubbles with her mouth and they get so excited about it. It's so cute. They are such good big sisters who are rarely jealous.

Stella turned 2 months old on the third

All my girls in matching outfits that my friend bought them. 

Helping daddy give Stella her first bottle.

Showing off their sweaters their Grandma knit for them. 

Getting their nails painted by Pop Pop.

Three across. 

Reading books with Grandpa Scott on Thanksgiving. 

Snuggles for baby Stella. 

That's an interesting use for breast pump pieces!

As for Stella, she's now 9 pounds 11 ounces and quickly growing out of clothes that L & C didn't fit in to for what feels like forever. The combination of being a full term baby and likely my last makes it feel like it's going by that much faster. Stella, or "Stella-Lella", and "Lellie" as I often call her sleeps about 6 hours at night. She's not a super easy or relaxed baby and I think her reflux has a lot to do with that. We tried increasing her Zantac and have just switched to Prevacid to see if it works better. Her crying and discomfort have definitely decreased, but she still sounds congested a lot. 

Relating to the congestion likely is her hearing abilities. Stella failed her newborn screening twice in the hospital and then again a week later when we followed up. This meant we got a referral to an audiologist for more involved testing. Initially I really didn't feel like she was hearing us or startling to sounds. She's improved there and will turn when she hears our voices, but she once again failed the same test (absent responses on the OAE and a flat tympanogram). The ABR testing showed that she is hearing and the nerve and cochlea are likely intact and functioning well. They weren't able to get a full reading of her hearing abilities on that test because she was supposed to sleep and really wouldn't for long. I even wore her for part of it but she kept rubbing off the electrodes or waking up during testing. The audiologist was very patient and we were there for over two hours. Her results on that test were consistent with fluid in her ears. The audiologist said he was able to visualize her eardrums and there were no signs of infection.  It's likely just fluid that hasn't resolved from her birth. That paired with the congestion from reflux encouraged me to increase her dose of the reflux medication. The tube that drains your ears is in the back of your throat and much flatter in children (making it harder to drain). It makes sense if she refluxing all the time it's either causing her ears to have a hard time draining or adding to the congestion in her ears. We go back in another month to retest and if the results are the same we will get a referral to an ENT. 

Prior to increasing her reflux meds I hired a lactation consultant. This person said her grassiness and fussiness was likely from an upper lip tie and her difficulty latching well because of it. She said she was likely swallowing a lot of air and not eating very efficiently. I knew the lip tie was there and was something we'd have to deal with at some point, but decided to take her to have it lasered since it was the end of the year and we've met our deductibles. Apparently, she was also a little tongue tied so that was also lasered. The dentist quickly did the procedures and I nursed immediately after. I was given stretches to do with her and sent on my way. Unfortunately, there wasn't a ton of follow up from the lactation consultant after that apart from telling me I needed to be patient with her and to try and relax. Unfortunately those things didn't help any and she's still clicking her tongue/smacking her lips a lot when she eats. This is discouraging and frustrating to me because it's uncomfortable. I guess breastfeeding will never be "easy" for me. I think I figured by this point we'd have that stuff ironed out. It makes me think if I can't help myself with nursing problems, how could I ever help others?

Apart from the reflux Stella really is a sweet baby. She started smiling and cooing shortly after we had her lip tie lasered. I think it did help some with her mood, but just not as much as I had hoped. I feel like the reflux is really one of our main underlying issues. She loves watching her sisters and when they talk to her she smiles at them frequently. She loves the ring sling I bought and almost immediately falls asleep in it every time. She's so snuggly and sweet in there and I absolutely love wearing her. It's something I feel like I missed out on a bit with the girls. You just can't wear twins like you can a single baby. She's so strong and stands up on her feet. This is one of our best burping techniques currently. She still likes her pacifier but has a crazy strong and unpredictable gag reflex. Sometimes she takes the pacifier like it's the best thing ever and other times she gags, wretches, and acts like it's poison. She found her hands and often has them in her mouth all covered with drool. Her eyes are really blue and she still has quite a bit of dark brown hair. I think he eyes will stay blue.

I tell the girls to put things at her feet (rather than on her face). Guess they got a little carried away. 

Stella's Thanksgiving outfit. 

Always with the tongue. 

Such a sweet and snuggly baby. 

As for me, life is crazy. We celebrated Thanksgiving at home with my dad and then went to my moms for a second meal for dinner. My c section incision became infected a few weeks after Stella's birth and I had to go back to my OB multiple times and take antibiotics. I had a tooth that needed a crown and then a root canal. I haven't had much time for myself and W is working on being able to take care of all three girls alone. I'm going out for the first night tonight and leaving him with all three. It's tough to feel like I always have someone with me or attached to me. I'm definitely in high demand. I love it and wouldn't change it for the world, but it can be exhausting at times. I'm hoping to find some time for yoga or some exercise for myself soon. Even though I've lost most of the weight I gained with Stella things really don't sit and look the same. The "shelf" above my c section incision looks worse having had two surgeries but I try not to focus on that. My body also gave birth to three children in two years. We get out of the house most days and L & C are currently doing soccer and gymnastics. We also go to story time at the library most weeks. We've signed up for music classes again starting in January and I'm really looking forward to that.

Life certainly is crazy and I'd love to make more time for writing and this blog. I do love that I have this space that I can come to and write whenever I want or need to though. It's nice to know it'll always be here waiting for me. Whether the people will still be waiting here to read is another story. I remind myself that I write for me and to document these days that would otherwise be forgotten in detail.