Stuck

Well, the good news is I'm done testing my blood sugar levels four times a day. This is a huge relief to me and I finally feel like I can eat when I'm hungry again. My heartburn has already been better because I'm not trying to stuff myself full for two hours. 

My fasting levels had started to creep up (no idea why) but the Dr was still okay with my levels. She said she'd like to see me test a little here and there before my next appointment in two weeks. 

Since the in-laws and my parents are all out of town I had to bring the girls with me to my appointment. They have two offices and it was my first time going to this new office. Well, it was insanely small and had like one seat in the back corner available for me and my giant double stroller. When a woman came into the waiting room from the office with her walker and I got called back at the same time, it was a joke. There was literally NO room to pass by or go anywhere. I felt like such a spectacle. As if I don't hear "you have your hands full" enough times every day already!

The reason I scheduled with this office is because when I asked which Dr I was seeing (over the phone during a conversation with a nurse about insurance coverage), I was told it was a NP. Seriously?! Why the heck would they have someone see me who doesn't stand a chance of delivering my baby when I've only met 2/5 Drs in the practice?! I wanted to see the same Dr because we had discussed me testing for two weeks and then being done as long as everything looked good. If I saw someone else and they told me otherwise, I think I would have lost it. I never saw NP's at my old office. I'm fine with it for my general healthcare, but not when it comes to delivering a baby and when I haven't met so many of the Drs still. 

The Dr almost seemed annoyed that I asked to see her again. She made it very clear to me that she documents things well and that I didn't need to meet with her. Any other Dr could read her notes and know what was going on. Well, thanks lady. Nice to see you too.

I'm really struggling. I feel like I've done a lot of complaining this pregnancy about my providers, but I'm just not happy. I thought changing to this practice was the best thing for me. I felt lucky when I was able to get in despite them not accepting new patients. The thing is, I love them on paper. Their statistics are amazing! The problem? I've now met two providers and I'm not impressed with the level and quality of care I'm receiving. 

So, yesterday I called my old Dr's office. Since I've complained to so many people they keep saying, "Why don't you just go back to your old Dr?" So, I called. I spoke with a nurse who transferred me to the nurse manager. The nurse manager was very matter of fact and said that because I transferred my care, I can no longer go back. I asked if I could even go back after this baby and they said we'll see. They said they inform their patients of this because they are so strict about it. 

The problem is, no one ever even spoke to me about transferring. Originally, I just wanted to meet with the new practice and see if I wanted to transfer. Since the nurse manager at the new office got me in she handled everything with the old office. She cancelled all of my appointments (when I honestly wasn't comfortable with it) and "transferred my care". My old office said it's too late in my pregnancy to switch and it's not a possibility. They also told me I was going to have a hard time finding anyone else to take me at this point in my pregnancy.  

I'm not going to lie. I got off the phone and cried. I know the only thing I can do moving forward is make the best of the situation I got myself into. It's just hard to feel so unhappy with my new Drs. I'm 99% sure this is my last pregnancy and I think that's a big part of it. I really wanted everything to be perfect, despite knowing that's not really being possible. I wanted to have a great provider that not only had great statistics, but also knew me and had a personal relationship with me. Since it is such a big practice and I switched so late I realize those are unrealistic expectations. It doesn't change the way I feel though. My old office also had 5 Dr's but all of them knew me and my history. I didn't have to bring my twins with me to remind them that they are a huge part of my life (and make some things more complicated, like testing blood sugar levels four times a day). I'm feeling like they're so conservative and impersonal, and it sucks. 

I've debated calling the old office back and really explaining things to the nurse, but I don't think that will make a difference. I know I need to make the best of things, but it doesn't change my feelings at the moment. Sorry for the negativity, I'm just really struggling. 

Two Weeks

I realized that I never updated about my last OB appointment. Overall, it went very well. The new Dr that I met listened well, addressed my concerns, and compromised with me about things. The only negative was that she didn't introduce herself when she came in the room. It was just a woman in scrubs without a name tag and I was left wondering who it was for the first few minutes. I eventually assumed it was her, but the conversation probably would have gone a lot smoother had she introduced herself to me. 

She said it was my choice to not take the 3 hr glucose test. Even though I had been keeping track of my blood sugar levels for the past week, it wasn't the four times a day they were looking for. She wanted me to continue to take them for the following two weeks, four times and day, and two hours after meals instead of the one I had been doing. As long as my levels were fine (as she suspected they would be looking at where they had been for the prior week) I'd be done with it. If 50% or more were elevated, we would have to discuss things further. 

It's been going well overall. My levels have been great but I've also been super strict about what I've been eating. To be perfectly honest, I just want to be done with it. I hate doing it four times a day. I hate forcing myself to eat a bigger meal than I would otherwise because I know I won't be able to eat again for two hours. All of my numbers have been under 105 after meals and I had one high fasting number (102) because I had a milkshake the night before. They like to see you under 130 two hours after meals and under 100 fasting. 

I go back this Friday and hope I'll be done with it then.

Other than that, things have been going well. I'm 32 weeks pregnant already and can't believe how fast time is flying. The nursery is painted and the ceiling fan and light have been installed. I wanted W to paint the crib since we got it used and it didn't match the newly painted white dresser. It's been slow going and I'm so ready to see it all come together. I've been busy buying stuff for the walls and crafting tassels to string below the wall art. To be honest, I'm feeling super impatient but trying not to be a pain.

Instead I've started focusing on planning Lucy and Clara's second birthday party. I can't believe they're turning two. We are celebrating with a Sesame Street themed party and I'm trying to make some decorations and games. I'm hoping to make pom pom characters, a bow wreath, some utensil holders, centerpieces for flowers, a game or two, and some simple favors. I've started working on things but haven't made a ton of progress.  

I've been feeling pretty good overall. I'm not sleeping great because I'm up a lot to pee. I've also found that having a baby head down means a lot more pressure on the bladder. Even though I had two babies in my belly last time I feel like I have to pee more often this time and need is definitely more urgent at times. I get tired easily but still want to play and do things with the girls. It's been hard feeling like I'm not as great of a mom, but I'm doing the best job that I can and I don't hear them complaining, lol. We use the stroller a lot when we're out because I just can't carry them very far anymore. I'm already carrying a baby! 

We went for an elective ultrasound last weekend and the girls loved seeing the baby on the tv screen. Lucy was so excited the whole time while Clara bounced between being excited and eating grapes or playing with the window blinds. It was so fun to see baby girl. She spent a lot of time with her hands in front of her face but also smiled and grimaced a few times. That's another way being pregnant with only one baby is different. They really don't give you many ultrasounds. 

The other biggest difference I've noticed is the amount of movement. I think because the girls were so crammed in there I didn't feel as much. I feel so much crazy movement from this little girl. She kicks with both feet at the same time super hard, rolls all around, and get hiccups often. The movements just feel more exaggerated than last time. I'm also better able to tell what I'm feeling. 

Decisions Moving Forward

After reading and educating myself more, I decided I'm not going to take the 3 hour test. Drinking 100 grams of super processed sugar and sitting around for three hours is not a reflection of my diet or lifestyle. Just because my body can't process sugar like that doesn't mean I have diabetes. I don't ever take in that much sugar at once, especially without anything else.  The problem is, it's not going to just be that easy. 

The nurse I've spoken to about the testing and results has been extremely rude and unpleasant to me. I'm starting to think that switching to this office was a bad idea. I know I'm just going based off of her, but she's the person they have chosen to call people with test results and discuss them. She's representing their office. 

I explained what happened last time with the testing. How I took the 3 hour test twice, failing the first time just barely and by quite a bit the second time. My reasoning for this is the second time I had changed my diet to a diabetic diet. The drink was that much more of a shock to me because I wasn't processing those amounts of highly processed sugar. The nurse, however, told me the reason I failed by so much the second time was "because you had diabetes and it had gotten worse in that timeframe." So why were my blood sugar levels always fine then? Why did my last practice not even ever label me with GD? I honestly felt like I was a teenager arguing with my mom. She thought she knew everything, yet I have a good understanding of my own body and needs. She didn't want to listen to me or hear what I had to say. It didn't matter, she knew everything. 

I called again yesterday to ask about my options if I don't take the 3 hour. Once again, she was pretty rude and condescending. I explained that my levels were fine last time. I told her I'm happy to test my levels for a few weeks, but I don't want to be labeled as GD just because I refused the test. She told me I needed to wait for my next appointment to talk to my provider. She also said based on which provider I saw in the practice, I may or may not automatically get the label for skipping the test. Like I said, I'm okay with testing for a little bit to show my levels are fine, I'm just not okay with pricking myself four times a day for the next 11 weeks. I'm on blood thinners. This means each little prick results in bleeding that's hard to stop at times. I'm not able to just squeeze one drop of blood out and move on. When I mentioned to her that my levels were fine last time she was insistent it was because I was on Metformin. I failed the tests on Metformin, so obviously it wasn't helping me that much. I also was not on it for diabetes. It's not like they started me on the medication to manage the diabetes. She insisted it was this diabetic drug that what made the difference, not the slight alterations I made to my diet. 

Last time I tested twice a day for a few weeks. After that, my dr had decided things looked fine and I just tested periodically. They were so much more relaxed about things. 

I honestly feel like I'm being bullied by this nurse. She think she knows everything and is giving me a really bad feeling about moving forward with this practice. I don't like the way I'm being treated. I like being treated like an active participant in my own healthcare and want to be treated with respect. I'm not an idiot. 

So, I have to wait until next Friday to speak with the Dr. I'm just not willing to accept that label because with it comes an increase in possible interventions and monitoring. I hate that I'm being treated more high risk this time around than last time. 

At my last appointment they also gave me a chart and told me to track the first 10 movements that baby makes every day. I'm supposed to count those movements and then write down the time of the 10th movement. Honestly, this is just stressing me out more. As if I don't have enough on my plate trying to take care of toddler twins, now I'm supposed to count and track movements in the morning? I know that baby is moving around just fine. I'm not worried about any lack of movement and know if I do then I should call. 

It's weird to me that the practice that is so well known for their VBAC success is also extremely conservative about things. I'm hoping I can reason with the Dr next week and we can make a plan we are both happy about moving forward with. 

Failed

Early Friday morning I got the call I was dreading. I was a nurse at my drs office calling to "discuss some lab results". I knew it didn't mean good things.  

She first told me the "good news". My platelets continue to remain low, but they haven't changed. The fact that they're staying stable is good. Apparently being below 100,000 may mean I can't have an epidural if I so decide. Mine have been staying around 125,000 and hopefully will continue to. Being on blood thinners is not helping to improve this. 

The "bad news" was that I failed my 1 hour glucose test. I wasn't surprised, just super disappointed. 

The cutoff at my old drs office was 140. My new office has a much lower cutoff of 130. I got a 145 on the test. 

The nurse gave me two options: take the three hour test, or start testing my blood sugar levels four times a day. 

I had gestational diabetes with my last pregnancy so I wouldn't be surprised if I failed the three hour test. In all fairness though, I think I had a false positive on the test. My blood sugar levels were a never high when I was eating a somewhat altered diet. I don't think they were ever above 130 and that's after a pasta dinner. 

As of right now I'm scheduled to take the test on Thursday. I'm planning to take it locally where I know I can at least walk between the hours. It's just so unrealistic and feels like it's setting me up for failure. Who really wakes up and drinks 100 grams of super processed sugar and then sits around for three hours? I know I pretty much never get the chance to sit for three hours. 

I still haven't completely decided, but all of it is stressing me out big time. I'm debating cleaning up my diet and asking to retake the 1 hour test. That was what my chiropractor/nutritionist recommended. My diet really isn't too bad but I need to be better about more protein and less sugar. Either way, I obviously need to make those changes. Wish me luck!